


Thunderous

by StormButt



Category: We Bare Bears (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Gay, M/M, Romance, Sweet, brother, sfw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2018-05-14 22:43:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 111,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5761723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormButt/pseuds/StormButt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During a particularly slow, stormy night, Grizz finds himself bored. He decides to check up on his brothers, and finds Panda in his room unable to sleep due to the storm. In the process of trying to comfort his anxious little brother, events unfold that force him to feel rather... strange. The feelings are particularly... Thunderous.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

To say it was a dark and stormy night may have possibly been a bit of a cliche, but it was true. There was a large emphasis on the dark part for the brown bear known as Grizz as he laid awake late into the night watching rain splash against his window and lightning occasionally flicker and strike through the night. To say he was afraid of the noises wouldn't be entirely truthful, but to say they made him uncomfortable would be. He was thinking to himself that somehow all at once it was both hot and cold and he let his mind race through these thoughts as he bit gently into the inside of his cheek.

He wasn't paying attention to the music flowing into his ears from his headphones despite the fact that he had been wearing them for at least an hour. He was curled up on his side in his bed occasionally tapping the next button on the CD player that he had drug up and grumbling under his breath. He felt something that night, more specifically the past few hours, that usually didn't cross his mind. He was bored. And on top of being bored, there was no possible way he was going to sleep. Today had been a boring day, something rare for both him and his two brothers who both hadn't made a peep in hours.

He wanted to make loud angry noises that sounded closer to grunts than roaring, but he knew it was far too late to be complaining. He hadn't had a chance to exhaust neither his mind nor his body, so he lay in bed with his paw awkwardly twitching with impatience and his mind thinking of what he could possibly convince himself that he was tired. That was going to be a difficult task considering he had spent the past twenty minutes wondering what would happen if he threw a giant party and crowdsurfed.

"Stupid storm," Grizz quietly grumbled to himself and jammed his paw on the skip button of the CD player. And then, in that moment, all the lights went out in sync with both his claw and a smash of thunder. It was so sudden and loud that he actually jumped and yelped, forcing himself to slap his paws over his mouth. For a moment he laid in the darkness with eyes wide and nothing but the occasional flash of lightening to pour ugly, dark shadows into his room.

When he removed his paws from his mouth he stared up at the ceiling as best he could. He waited for his eyes to adjust to the newfound darkness and then felt a frown cross his lips. He removed the headphones from over his ears and sat up slowly in his rather loud, springy mattress.

"Lame," He mumbled under his breath, and then looked down to his blanket.

If there were anybody watching him, he might have let out a sigh. It was a duty that nobody asked him to undertake but he took upon himself regardless as the oldest bear of the house to check up on his brothers after a power outage. The sigh would have been for show, but in reality he nearly giggled with glee at the reality that he could actually DO something without the fear of waking his brothers up and lacking reason.

Grizz opened his door slowly after he tip-toed to it. It was the creakiest one in the house. He used the small LED screen to vaguely light his path down the hall of his cave as he mumbled some words under his breath. In a window down the hall lightening flashed and it reminded him of a movie he suddenly very much regretted watching about a killer who only attacked in a storm because it washed away evidence.

He shook his head. That thought was just silly. That guy obviously wouldn't attack three bears. He only liked HUMAN skin, after all.

He found himself digging his claws into his CD player when he approached the kitchen. It felt strange and alien to actually try and be quiet. If he wasn't entirely with every passing moment trying to convince himself he was trying to be a good older brother and nothing more he would have barged in like usual and asked the bear in the freezer if he was alright. But truth be told he was thick, not stupid, and he didn't want to eat a meatless breakfast by annoying the polar bear.

"Heeey, buddy," Grizz whispered in a quiet sort of hiss under his breath when he encircled his claw around the handle of the fridge door. He opened it slowly and quietly, feeling a chill but a distinct lack of the general hum of a running appliance. He found the polar bear asleep with his eyes shut, cuddling an ax as though it were a teddy bear. "Power's out, just checkin' that you're alright,"

As he whispered the words he reached in his paw hesitantly to the sheath just above the bear and found a bag of frozen peas as well as another bag of frozen red meat pieces. He placed both onto the polar bear's body to ensure that he might stretch out the cool feeling that he felt on his brother's fur.

"Nice and snug lil' bro," Grizz mumbled. He patted the polar bear's shoulder and watched him shift slightly and dig his claws uncomfortably into the ax. When he shut the door he was left in the darkness again, though now with a distinct lack of company.

Grizz rubbed his paws together while he walked and kept the CD player firmly lodged under his armpit. The thunder hit again, though less intense this time. Nevertheless he found himself flinching and then quietly feeling a blush creep onto his cheeks. In the middle of the hallway he made silent growly-bear facial features and motions in an attempt to feel strong and confident once more. In reality it looked much sillier than he intended.

When he was approaching the room opposite his own where his other brother was more than likely resting he hesitated for just a moment before touching the doorknob. Sure, checking up on the two was likely the best thing to do (Not the best time, but he let that thought slide) and it made him feel like he was doing something other than laying in bed restlessly, but Panda was always a light sleeper.

He pressed his ear to the door and hoped that it wouldn't whine too much against his weight. Now that his eyes had finally adjusted to the darkness and occasional flashing from the lightning he was able to make out every marking and scratch on the door. He didn't hear anything, and for a moment he almost was content with going back to his room and hoping he would manage to fall asleep on his own. But just as another bout of thunder hit, a close one at that, he heard a strange noise.

"G-Gah!"

It was a yelp, but a whisper of one.

"Pan Pan?" Grizz asked, not meaning for it to be out loud, when he instinctively reached for the doorknob. He turned it without much caution and opened the door swiftly and poked his head in.

"You alright buddy?" He questioned forcefully without any of the tact and grace he had used on his other brother. He had expected… well… Grizz wasn't positive what he expected. Maybe to find Panda laying in bed curled up having a bit of a nightmare or something along those lines, but what he saw was Panda sitting up in the middle of his bed with his blanket over his head and a phone in his hands, the screen facing him and lighting up his face. He was hunched over in a stiff looking position on top of everything with heavy, deep bags under his already black eyes.

"Grizz!" Panda didn't ask the question, but shouted as he dropped his phone in surprise. It was loud, more than he anticipated. He must have been shocked by the way he sat up and buried the phone in his belly. In his moment of panic he managed to both get tangled up in his blanket trying to come out from it and also fall flat on his face into his mattress. "What the heck are you doi-"

But Panda couldn't finish his question before another slam of thunder that sounded right above shattered right through his voice and cut and shock or fear the bear had right in half and seemed to slap him with it as well by the way he suddenly flinched and slapped both paws over either of his ears. He made this frustrated kind of scrunched up face and shook his head and summoned a growl that Grizz barely recognized as one in his brother's high pitched soft voice.

"Gaaaah! W-What the heck it's like two A.M, man! N-Not cool to pull pranks!" Panda yelled in the kind of pure anger that could only come from a sudden fright and adrenaline. It hurt Grizz, but the bear found himself standing in the doorway biting his tongue not entirely sure what his plan was when he opened the door.

"No no no no no," He repeated the word a total of five times as he closed the door behind him. He was shaking his paw in front of him in a "no" sort of motion as well. "Not trying to spook you, I promise Pan Pan!"

Delicate was not something Grizz was very good with. He was loud and anxious to get the bad feelings cast away and was probably doing more harm than good. If he was trying to explain himself any louder he might as well kiss himself a proper breakfast goodbye with the way his brother back in the fridge would be upset at him.

"C-C'mon man, what do you w-"

Again, Panda was interrupted by thunder. He was somewhere between untangling himself from the blanket and trying to shield his face from Grizz as though he was seeing something vulgar when it happened. He let out another yelp, this time high pitched and fearful and angry and upset all at once.

Grizz flinched at it, but it wasn't the kind of flinch that Panda gave. Panda once again slapped both paws over his ears and growled angrily and shook his head. His cheeks which were normally white were tinted light pink with a flush barely visible in the darkness. Grizz took several steps forward and saw that he was squeezing his eyes shut.

The light from Panda's phone was just about to die out from inactivity when he finally got a good look at the brother's face. He didn't just look tired, but exhausted. He looked like he had been forcibly kept up and at some point before Grizz entered had just given up trying to sleep all together. His eyes were wet, too. Not crying kind of wet, but might be if he was irritated or driven to being upset any further.

"I-I don't wanna do anything, it's too late, Grizz. J-Just go to bed on your own if you can't sleep," Panda mumbled quietly. His cell phone light faded and Grizz could no longer make out his face well enough to see the features all that clearly.

"Hey, no, c'mon man," Grizz approached the Panda bear slowly and reached out his paw. "I was just checking up on my lil' bros, I promise. Power went out really fast and I wanted to make sure you both were fine. You ain't scared of a storm like this, are you?"

Panda was silent, and he was actually hugging himself under his blanket-hood that he had fashioned for himself. When Panda touched his shoulder he didn't brush it off, but when he let the claws glide up to his cheek he saw Panda's face scrunch as though it pained him. He turned away, but Grizz only got closer.

"I don't need to be babied, Grizz, you're not that much older than me," Panda insisted in this whiny sort of insistent tone that Grizz found hard to take seriously. He decided to keep that detail private so not to upset the bear.

"Hey man, I love you, you know that, I'm not gonna tease you. I'd just look at that gorgeous face and forget what I was gonna say, right?" Grizz chuckled. Panda seemed to curl up a little closer into himself, so the brown bear took it as saying he was free to slide himself onto the mattress of the bed.

Panda did something he didn't expect, and that was to reach out and touch his paw. He opened his mouth as if starting to say something before more thunder interrupted him. It was starting to become a cliche at this point. His claws dug into Grizz's paw and the older bear had to bite his tongue to keep from yelping and flinching right along with his brother.

"Sorry," Panda mumbled in a quiet, defeated kind of tone. It actually in a strange way made Grizz's belly turn just to hear it. Instinctively when Panda withdrew his paw he grabbed either end of the bed covers and tightened them around his brother and pulled him a little closer.

"Hey, I'm scared of snakes and our little bro is scared of uh… S-Stuff… He's pretty private about that stuff, actually," Grizz mumbled and then shook his head. He scooted closer to Panda and crossed his legs in a similar manner as his brother so they sat parallel to each other. "You used to cuddle up next to me in our box, remember? Whenever it rained. You made me lay on you cause you didn't want to get wet."

"Heh," Panda chuckled a single time, but it didn't sound disingenuous. "Y-Yeah, and… You never teased me when I cried about it."

"Do you wanna cry now?" Grizz asked suddenly, not bothering to keep his voice quiet. The thought stuck him with such worry and concern that he had to lean forward.

"W-What, N...No…" Panda said in a tone that did actually sound not entirely truthful this go around. Grizz swallowed a lump in his throat and stared at his brother for a bit before extending both of his arms and straightening his back to look bigger than he actually looked. Big enough to sit at least four inches above Panda's hunched height.

"C'mon, gimmie a hug just in case," Grizz said and tapped one of his paws to his chest.

"Huh? No way, tha-"

"I promise I'm all fluffy and cuddly like a teddy bear," Grizz said in a tone that might have been confused for teasing if he didn't instantly grab ahold of Panda and pull him close. He forced his brother forward with his strength and nearly pulled the panda bear into his lap and hug him. At first, he squirmed, but then he settled and managed to half-lay half sit in Grizz's arms. He buried his muzzle into Grizz's shoulders, and after a few moments of quiet protesting eventually lifted his own arms to cuddle Grizz back. Grizz squeezed him tighter in a genuine bear-hug and squirmed a little.

Thunder hit, and Panda flinched again. Grizz rubbed his back and felt warm breath tickle his shoulder. Panda squeezed tighter and then made a strange grumbling sound as if he were berating himself.

"I-It's not always like this," Panda insisted just as Grizz gave him a bit of breathing room, but still kept his arms around his brother. "The… being scared, I mean. I-I'm not scared too, just nervous… and I don't like the power being out. The Wi-Fi's out, y'know."

"Wi-Fi?" Grizz asked.

"Yeah… I usually fall asleep to something on my phone… like a video or radio station or something. It's been off and on all night even before the power went out… I just like to hear somebody talking when I sleep." Panda gripped at Grizz's body and dug his claws through the bear's fur.

The lightning flashed again, and Panda gripped Grizz tight instinctively as if waiting for thunder. When it hit it wasn't loud or even threatening, but he still let out a tiny almost whimper-level sound.

"You coulda kept sleeping in the same bed as me, Pan Pan," Grizz whispered reassuringly. Panda looked away from Grizz's gaze and shook his head slowly. "I'm a little sprawly but I could make room."

"That's just embarrassing these days," Panda mumbled softly under his breath. "You already cuddle me for no reason all the time and it's weird and I blush and everybody stares… I'm too old for this kind of thing."

Panda shifted his body so he was more laying than leaning onto Grizz's body. He buried his ear into Grizz's chest and listened to the brown bear's heartbeat thump again and again. He placed his paw onto the chest and rubbed his fluffy fur. He seemed hesitant to really loosen up and enjoy the fact that Grizz was there for him, and the was his toes curled and his arms were tight showed that.

"You want me to go?" Grizz asked. He placed the palm of his paw on top of Panda's head and brushed aside a bit of his fur. "I don't have to stay here if you feel weird. I just want my little Pan Pan to feel safe and not looking like he'll cry."

"I wasn't gonna…" Panda stopped, and then briefly bit at his lip. He pulled away from Grizz's body and met his eyes, but the second they connected he paused. He looked away, lightning flashed behind him, and thunder boomed once more. As expected, he flinched.

"Stay…" He whispered.

"I promise I won't tease you," Grizz said quickly and placed both paws on either side of Panda's face. "We can lay here and just chill. I can talk a lot if you think that'd help. We don't even have to hug if you want. Gonna be hard not to tell you how cute you are and wanna keep you all bundled up and tight, tho-"

"Grizz!" Panda snapped.

Grizz put both paws over his mouth and shook his head. He had a feeling that Panda might start counting strikes against him before deciding it was better to lay alone and afraid than with company and a little sheepish.

"Just…" Panda lowered both paws onto his lap and tightened them into fists. "Lay down, okay?" He then lifted his paws and grabbed both of Grizz's own and pulled them from his mouth. "I don't wanna think about the thunder, so just talk, alright? I hate having to hear it…"

Grizz paused, and was just about to nod before an idea struck him so suddenly that a bolt of lightning may have actually hit him just to illuminate above his head. He broke out into a giant, goofy grin and started clapping his paws in an even more excited manner.

"Oh, Oh oh oh oh, wait here!" Grizz shouted. He was getting pumped up, and fast. He took his CD player and pushed it roughly against Panda's chest before hopping off the bed. "Hold this!"

When he left the room and ran into his own he stumbled through the dark until he found both his headphones and a CD that he had stashed under his mattress still in the plastic. It was dark, so it took a while to find exactly where he had hidden it, but when he did find it he couldn't stop giggling like he had just lost his mind.

When he rushed back to Panda's room he didn't even bother to close his own door. Thunder stuck in the process and when he came back into the younger bear's room he saw him holding both paws against his ears.

"W-What are you doing?" Panda whined. "I don't wanna play a board game or anything, it's too late."

"No, I got your birthday gift!" Grizz held out the CD. He saw Panda squint in the darkness before realizing he himself could barely make out the cover art much less the name of the artist. "I know it's not for like three weeks but I bought this a month ago and I'm super excited and it's perfect for right now and oh my gosh tell me you love it!"

"Uh…" Panda took the CD when Grizz forcefully shoved it into his paws and blinked at him before staring back at the case. "Bubblegum Dream… The K-Pop group?" He asked. Suddenly his eyes widened, and something very akin to a blush spread across his face. "G-Grizz, you shouldn't…"

"Of course I should have, you're my little bro and you're nuts about these guy- er… gals… I hear you sing them all the time in the shower. Can't understand anything you say but it's adorable!" Grizz giggled and felt almost like he had enough energy to start dancing on the spot. He hopped back onto the bed and felt all the contents shift with the weight of his jump. He grabbed Panda's paw. "So, tell me tell me! Do you love it?"

"I mean you really shouldn't have… I already… own it…" Panda said in a quiet near mumble tone of voice. He was sheepish, almost ashamed at the fact that he had just spilled this. He looked to Grizz's eyes and then away suddenly. "I downloaded it on release day three months ago… It's all on my laptop, Grizz."

"O-Oh… Well g-good thing I know in advance," Grizz chuckled and scratched at his cheek gingerly before glancing away. "You can still listen to it tonight. I'll let you borrow my CD player so you can block out the thunder, alright? I'll just lay here and try not to bother you, here, see?"

Grizz took the headphones and put them onto Panda's head right over his ears and then gave him a goofy grin. He tried to look as cheery and happy as he could muster and then squirmed a bit in place to show that he was just holding back all his excitement. The more he looked at Panda, though, the more he realized his brother really was exhausted beyond reason.

"Let's both listen to it, okay?" Panda asked and . "I'll turn up the volume and we can just lay near the headphones. I wanna… I wanna hear you talk. I'm really tired so just promise not to squirm or bounce or anything. You look kinda hyper, y'know?"

"Cross my heart hope to die, yada yada bedtime," Grizz shot out both his arms as though he was preparing for another hug when he climbed onto the bed and gave a big, happy grin to the panda.

Panda changed CD's and then did as he said he would, positioning the headphones just as the end of the bed. He grabbed both his pillows and split them between the two and then they laid them at the wrong end of the bed near the baseboard. When he was finished, he raised the volume and cheery, upbeat music in a language Grizz simply didn't recognize came out a bit distorted and muffled through the headphones.

Thunder struck again, and Panda once again flinched.

"You sure you don't wanna wear those things, buddy?" Grizz placed his hand onto Panda's back and rubbed gently. "No judging."

"I'm sure," Panda nodded.

Grizz smiled a bit, and felt it soon overtake his face so much he had to cover it with a paw.

"Hey, Grizz?" Panda asked just as he was hunched over his own pillow and fluffing it. Grizz was on his knees on the bed and just about to flop down onto his own pillow when he looked to Panda.

"Yeah, Pan Pan?" He replied and smiled at his brother. "Is it about the gift? Don't worry, I'll get you something better that you don't already have before time runs out."

"N-No, the gift was fine… It's just…" He turned to Grizz, his exhaustion apparent in his eyes. He raised both paws, looked to them, hesitated, and then put them on Grizz's face. "Thanks… I didn't think you'd want me to bother you… So I'm glad you came in."

"Hey, where's all this comin' fro-"

Thunder wasn't what interrupted their conversation this time, but the fact that Panda extended his neck and very lightly kissed Grizz on his nose. It was wet and a bit sloppy and in all honesty inexperienced for even the tiny peck it was meant to be. It was made worse by the fact that Grizz was suddenly very very self conscious by how wet his little black nose was to begin with. But even still, Grizz's heart sped up just a bit. When Panda pulled away it was only momentarily to reposition himself for a proper hug. He was soft and loose and melted into Grizz.

"Let's lay down," Panda requested quietly. "I'm really tired, bro."

"Y-Yeah," Grizz held Panda back. He felt their chests mesh together and he was unwilling to accept just how fast his heart seemed to beat. He rubbed Panda's back slowly, and then looped his paw from under Panda's arm to touch his nose. "I'm here, Pan Pan… Oh Geez…"

"What?" Panda asked. There was slight concern in his tone.

"Nothing," Grizz shook his head. Heart pounding hard he was suddenly fearful that Panda might be able to actually feel it or even possibly hear it as they parted for just a moment so they could each lay down. Panda's eyes were closed before he even hit the pillow, and he had a small smile on his face. Grizz however, couldn't even keep his eyes from being anything but wide like a deer in headlights.

The korean girl sung about something cheerful and sappy that Grizz couldn't understand, and he felt Panda reach out his paw and grab Grizz's own. He hugged it to his chest as though it were his own personal teddy bear and rubbed his face against it.

"Night, Grizz," Panda mumbled, and snuggled his face into his pillow. His feet wiggled and shifted the blanket to the tune of the singer and he hummed quietly and half heartedly as though he were already drifting away, and fast.

Grizz placed his paw to his chest. His heartbeat hadn't slowed down. In fact it might have only gotten faster now that he could feel Panda's own slower heart beat. In that moment where he struggled to think of a subject to talk about like he promised he could only think of two words.

"Oh geez…"


	2. XOXO Is A Bit Cliche

Panda awoke to a cold bed. He would have never called himself a particularly heavy sleeper, but that night he had slept like a log. He had been stirred but not ripped from the heavy thickness of exhaustion that clouded his mind very briefly in the early hours of the morning when Grizz shifted. He didn't remember Grizz leaving, but when he had properly awoken the brown bear was gone. He laid in a strange position on his messy bed staring at the empty half with dust particles in the stream of sunlight. He was tucked under a blanket by means not of his own, and in the middle of trying to work up the effort to do much more than keep his eyes open he could vaguely recall a large paw rubbing soothingly up and down his back sometime earlier in the morning.

It had stopped raining. It was obvious to Panda because when he turned over his body sunlight slapped over his eyes and momentarily blinded him until he pulled up his blanket so fast that his feet stuck out the end. He whined, and was glad nobody heard his mildly childish protest to the upcoming day.

"Yummy Yummy bubble gum! Yummy yummy dangsin-eun hangsang salang."

"Hangsang~" Panda wiggled his feet a bit when he let himself listen to the music player rattle off in Korean. He hummed along to the tune that continued to play in a muffled sound from the headphones and CD player that Grizz had left behind. He rolled over onto his belly and wrapped himself in his blanket like a cocoon over to the imprint that Grizz left with his body. There were still traces of brown fur that Grizz left behind from his thick coat that tickled his nose when he buried his face in Grizz's pillow.

Panda realized that he could actually still smell the scent Grizz had left. He was in the middle of wondering why this didn't make him feel grossed out or anything, despite the fact that to him 'imprinting scent' sounded disgusting, but was instead comforting. It was like the previous night when he had instinctively grabbed Grizz's paw and cuddled it to his chest. It was… familiar and felt right. Needless to say the more he indulged in these thoughts the more embarrassed he became, lifting his body and shaking his head in a grouchy kind of way that ruffled up his already untamed coat.

"Ugh," Panda whined just as he was rubbing at his temple. His head still felt slow and thick.

Panda got out of bed and stumbled awkwardly to his door. The morning walks that he undertook were always unsteady and uncertain due to the fact that he kept his contacts in the bathroom down the hall. His own room was usually safe to navigate through, though he had to keep the fact in the back of his mind that Grizz could have very well been bumbling in his many back and forth trips and bumped something aside.

"Grizz?" He called out when he opened his door. Grizz's own bedroom door was wide open, but no bear was to be seen.

Morning rituals were quiet. Neither of his brothers were to be seen when he put in his contacts nor when he brushed his teeth. When he had finally splashed cold water onto his face and gotten a shock into his senses he began to find this odd. The cave was normally bustling in a loud noisy parade marched single pawed by Grizz himself. Panda couldn't recall a day when he had been given time to sleep in for the past several months. He got the feeling that Grizz just enjoyed eating together, and truthfully Panda did as well. It felt like a family, as it should be. But today he woke up alone.

"Grizz?" Panda called out again when he entered the kitchen. "Bro?"

He called out to both his brothers and neither answered. It was only when he walked by a clock and glanced at it did he realize he had slept until almost noon. That was about three hours past what Grizz would call acceptable to sleep in till.

He found a note on the table. What struck him odd about it was the fact that it was clearly Grizz's unnaturally quick written chicken-scratch paw-writing and the fact that there were at least three large cartoonish hearts in a different color of pen on the page.

"Let you sleep in, Pan Pan. Our little Bro wanted to dump your breakfast but I made him keep it in the fridge for you. We'll be back in a bit so don't get too lonely. XOXO. ~Grizz."

"Geez," Panda grumbled to himself with the hints of sheepishness entering his tone. Grizz actually wrote out 'XOXO' as if the cliche of getting a note wasn't already embarrassing enough. Initially he thought to crumple the note and ditch it to avoid blushing when he saw the little doodles of hearts that Grizz had crudely drawn in asymmetrical format. But when he started to he couldn't bring himself to fully close his paw. When he couldn't do this simple action he was forced to recall what he had done the night before.

Letting himself be seen like that made his cheeks flush, and he was suddenly glad that he was alone to get red in the face in peace. The best he could manage to do with the corny note was to fold it and set it back on the table for… what, later? He didn't really want to throw it away… it felt dorkish in a way to keep it and he blushed more at that thought. Maybe he should just leave it.

When he got his late breakfast from the fridge just above where his brother normally slept he was humming the back end of the song he had woken up too and still thinking about the fact that he had fallen asleep basically cuddling Grizz. He couldn't push the thought out of his head, not easily anyway. Grizz was normally pushy and protective of his family, but last night was…

"Cold," Panda mumbled as he chewed on his breakfast. It was indeed cold. He suddenly wished Grizz hadn't been nice and woken him up for a nice hot meal.

He was going to have a hard time thinking straight. Even when he finished his breakfast he decided it would be best to simply bring his laptop and charger to the living room and sit on the couch with both. He passed the note at least three times during this process and three times he wondered again what to do with it. Obsessing over it like he was seemed like the silliest option, yet it was the one he was stuck on.

Panda was busy browsing the same three websites in rapid succession, too stubborn to realize that he would get little entertainment without actually settling on anything, when he thought about his dating profile.

When he loaded up the site called "Matchmaking Maniac" He only felt a little silly typing in the name. It sounded more like a gameshow than a dating website, if he had to be honest. He loaded up his profile, and sadly like usual there were no notifications. He frowned as he looked over the closest thing he could call a legitimate conversation with a girl where she said she thought he was a koala bear, which he tried to politely tell her was a bit speciesist. She blocked him after he sent two dozen messages.

"Stupid website," Panda grumbled. He looked through his pictures on the thing and found several that suddenly he felt looked a bit silly. He thought of his camera, not the one him and his brothers shared, but his own personal one. He took dozens of photos on that that were more personal than anything, something that he had learned from experience nobody but him really desired to see.

Panda glumly looked through possible matches, which hadn't renewed in the past week, and saw still that the closest one he would call a girl he could actually see himself with lived two countries and an ocean away. He had messaged her once, and he could vaguely recall her saying something similar to "Panda? Do you go by a nickname? Like Pan Pan?"

Without really realizing until he had finished the memory, he heard that last part in Grizz's voice. At the time he thought he was too embarrassed to say that only his brother called him that, so he simply said no. But the more he thought about it, he didn't really want anybody else to call him that. It felt… exclusive. That was the best way he could describe it. He wasn't sure how to think of that, and his mind was once again drawn to the thought of the note.

He browsed websites mindlessly for a while, his mind mixed between being annoyed by the dating site and the note. When at least an hour had passed and he somehow ended up on a video of a cat chasing it's own tail he heard the sudden turn of a doorknob. He barely had time to look over his own shoulder to the door before the once quiet cave was suddenly bustling with the life it usually held when a certain bear was home.

"PAN PAN!" Grizz shouted. It was such a sudden and violent entrance, even for Grizz, that Panda actually jumped and yelped out in shock when he saw his brother standing in the doorway with his arms above his head as though he were trying to look gigantic and intimidating.

"G-Grizz what the heck are yo-" Panda barely had time to put aside his laptop before Grizz shouted again.

"Don't look don't look!" Grizz ran forward to the back of the couch in a motion that Panda would only describe as what a bull attacking a man in a headbutt might look like. What little protection Panda foolishly thought he had by the back of the couch was quickly shattered by the reality that was Grizz's over excitement and determination to a cause. His brother actually jumped over the back of the couch and tackled into him, forcing both of them back and Panda onto the hard floor with Grizz's weight crushed upon him. He might have seriously hurt himself and hit his head if Grizz hadn't hugged it in his arms in the process of the fall and pulled Panda's face to his chest.

"G-Grizz, stop it what the heck?" Panda shouted and tried with the wind partially knocked out of him to speak above a muffle with his face pressed into Grizz's fluffy chest. He flailed his arms but Grizz being older and bigger was able to overpower him and keep him pinned to the floor.

"Get off of me!" He shouted and tried to kick at Grizz, but once again Grizz's weight was covering too much of him to do more than squirm.

"Spoilers, Panda, major major spoilers coming in! It's for your own good!" Grizz yelled in a half panicked half amused tone that only he could pull off in such perfect harmony. Panda was a little too busy struggling to see anything but thick brown fur and breathe anything but Grizz's vaguely sweaty scent that actually was beginning to smell unpleasant now that he was buried in it.

"Ice Bear wishes he was one to give brutal force." The third brother's voice entered the scene, but Panda was too busy whining loudly and making half-growl but mostly pitiful cries of protest for Grizz pinning him down in such a way.

"If somebody was gonna take Pan Pan down it was gonna be me, okay! Just put the gift in my room and close the door!" Grizz yelled in a fake-crying kind of a tone as though he had actually been forced to kill Panda in order to move forward with whatever plan he had.

"Ice Bear will honor brother's nobel decision." Ice Bear responded.

"G-Grizz, c'mon, I can barely breathe!" Panda whined. But Grizz was unusually stiff and didn't seem like he was about to budge. "I-I think you gave me a bruise when you knocked me down, not cool! I'm gonna have to ice it and if it's on my white fur it'll leave a weird marking an-"

"Clear!" Grizz shouted and lifted himself off of Panda's body in a push-up position. "Real champ, lil' bro. Took one for the team."

At first Panda felt a spark of panic hit his system when he realized his vision was blurry. He thought that somehow he was about to begin crying without fully understanding why and tears were sitting at the brim of his vision. But after a few moments when tears didn't fall he realized that no, he wasn't about to cry.

"Y-You knocked out my contacts," Panda mumbled, and then squinted his eyes. He could barely make out Grizz's tiny little black pupils suddenly grow huge with realization. He tried to lift his head but then realize it was stinging from the awkward was he had fallen. It didn't help that Grizz was still laying on his lower legs and practically crushing them over his brutish grizzly weight.

"Oh, crud, was it really that rough?" Grizz asked. A sudden shift in facial expression that Panda could only make out as puppy-dog like concern and realization filled Grizz's look. "Oh shoot, I'm sorry buddy. I got excited and nervous and I got you your new gift and… are you okay, Pan Pan?"

It made Panda annoyed to hear Grizz nervously ramble on like that and then touch both sides of his head like he knew for a fact Grizz only did because he saw it on a medical drama they watched together on TV one time. It made him annoyed because he was buying it, that he was so willing to not be angry at Grizz because of this.

"I'll help you find your contacts. Where'd you get hurt? I'll kiss it and make it better if you want."

"My butt." Panda responded with little humor in the most stone-faced expression he could muster.

"Oh… Uh… Y-Yeah skip that last part." Grizz looked to the side and then before rolled off of Panda. "But oh man, you're gonna flip when you see what I got you!"

"An ice pack?" Panda responded bitterly when Grizz finally rolled off of him. He was stuck laying on his back and out of the corner of his blurry vision saw their third brother reappear from the hallway and go straight to the kitchen without even bothering to glance at the scene that unfolded.

"Shhh, no telling!" Grizz hissed out the whisper and continued to rub his paws against the floor in order to try and scout out the contact. Panda sat up slowly and had to close his eyes from feeling a bit woozy at just how blurry and incomprehensible the world had become.

"Couldn't you have just put it in another bag or something so I didn't see it?" Panda asked. "Geez."

"Found them!" Grizz called out as though he hadn't even heard Panda's complaints and held out the contacts excitedly in cradled paws. "Okay c'mon c'mon c'mon, guess what your gift is."

"I thought you didn't want me to know," Panda mumbled as he slowly got to his feet and took the contacts. He was in the middle of walking past the kitchen to the bathroom to wash them out when Grizz was close at his heels.

"C'mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon!" Grizz droned on so long that Panda actually physically flinched at just how obnoxious the brown bear could be. He was already running water in the sink when Grizz had to stop and catch his breath.

"Okay uh… towels." Panda said the very first thing he saw in the bathroom. "I dunno, I'm not a good guesser."

"Pff, lame! Only a total lame big bro would get you that!" Grizz shot up both his arms as if to affirm that he in fact, was much bigger and better than a 'lame big bro'. Panda had no doubt he was willing to prove this matter so he held his tongue and simply put in both of his contacts. "Guess again."

"More K-Pop CD's?" Panda asked. Grizz shook his head and then excitedly hugged Panda from the back and pounded up and down with child-like glee at whatever he was clearly dying to say.

"Oh c'mon you're killing me heeeeeeeerrrrre!" Grizz giggled and shot hot breath with just a hint of meat ran down the side of his face in that laugh. He shook his body side to side and brought Panda along with him in momentarily man-handle induced cuddling.

Grizz was… really warm. Panda for probably the first time in his life realized that he didn't entirely mind the strength his brother was sub-consciously showing off in the middle of his enthusiasm. He actually found himself giggling a little, Grizz being contagious in his positivity. The warmth reminded him of the night before, of the storm. The feeling of Grizz hugging him was different now. It wasn't caring and concern, but excitement and joy that brought him into the grasp. But it was still Grizz, traces of his undying blind need to give out affection.

Panda thought of the note when Grizz released him at last and told him that he was going to hide the gift better. He was drying off his paws with a towel when he thought of the signature.

XOXO

It was a bit childish and sappy and he wasn't entirely sure that Grizz knew it meant hugs and kisses, particularly that ladder made him think strange thoughts. And then, in the middle of it all, he remembered he had willingly kissed Grizz on the nose the night before.

"Ice Bear was sworn under blood oath not to tell. But if bribed, Ice Bear will betray even blood."

His brother's words were what pulled him out of the sudden daze he had fallen into. He passed the sound of shuffling in Grizz's room and was now standing in the kitchen with his paw overtop the note.

"Huh?" Panda asked and looked to his brother, who had put on his apron and seemed to be in the process of cooking up lunch. "I don't… have anything to bribe you with."

"Ice Bear feels this is a shame." Ice Bear shrugged and turned. "Ice Bear knows many secrets. About both his brothers. And others. But mostly brothers."

Panda frowned, and struggled to guess if his brother was joking or being entirely serious. As usual when the polar bear said strange things he brushed them off and kept going. He wondered if the night before counted as a secret or not, and the thought made him a little uneasy.

He took up the note and unfolded it to read it again. It was the hearts that made him feel caught up in what was actually written. It seemed very girlish and cliche, akin to what he had seen in many romance centric animes. Usually the comic relief guy who had no shot with the cold tsundere-esque girl would send notes filled with comedic over the top love. He never stood a shot.

For a second, just a second, Panda tried to picture himself as cold and hard. He made him feel cool and a little bigger. And then he remembered three days ago he sneezed and Grizz squealed because "Pan Pan's such a cutie patootie."

He didn't feel so cold and hard after that.

Panda resettled himself back on the couch and was happy to find that his laptop hadn't been hurt in the tornado of destruction that Grizz had caused. He was reminded, bitterly at that, by the open tab that he still had no new notifications on the dating website. He closed the browser and stared at his screen for a few moments before sighing audibly.

He closed the laptop and crossed his arms before he turned to stare at the blank television. He slunk down onto the couch to lay on his back and stare up at the ceiling of the cave. The note was still between his paws, so he slipped it into the laptop between the screen and keyboard and put it out of his mind for the time being.

"Okay, that's all settled!"

Like usual, Grizz was able to echo his voice throughout the entire cave. He emerged into the living room and was in the middle of stretching before he went to the far end of the couch and sat down. In one motion he snatched up the remoted and also lifted both of Panda's ankles so that he had room. Panda pulled his legs back and sat up so he was sitting forward with his back pressed to the armrest and he stared at Grizz.

"Oh, Storage!" Grizz giggled excitedly at the TV. He looked to Panda and flashed this happy looking grin. He was about to start watching some mind-rotting reality show that Panda hated, and he was looking for some kind of approval. Panda nodded his head and Grizz clapped his paws together and shouted "Sweet!" Before throwing his arms behind his head and kicking up his legs to the coffee table.

A little while passed like that. The house returned to a normal but unusually quiet state where Panda stared at Grizz instead of the TV and their brother cooked lunch in the background. He had his knees pulled to his chest and he was hunched over a bit so his back was beginning to ache.

"H-Hey, Grizz?" He started without really knowing where he was going to end up. He unraveled himself a bit and lowered his legs a few inches, but whatever he exposed he took back double by crossing his arms over his chest.

"Yeah, what's up?" Grizz asked in a voice that clearly said he was half paying attention. He didn't even look to Panda when he said it.

Panda for a brief moment considered dropping the thought, but that didn't seem right. It wasn't really a thought, more of a piece of one that he was still working out how to fit it all together.

"You didn't… Say anything to our brother, did you?" Panda asked and looked away from Grizz almost as soon as he said it. "About y'know… last night?"

"Huh?" Grizz looked to Panda suddenly. He was now giving his full attention. There was something on his face that made Panda's stomach turn just a bit when he saw it. It was like he was asking 'do you really think I'd do that?'. But that wasn't what he said. What he actually said was, "Course not, Pan Pan."

Panda felt his ears shift a bit and press just a tiny bit to his head like a dog who is nervous. He squeezed the grip on his own body and glanced behind him over his shoulder. The polar bear wasn't looking at them.

"It's just… embarrassing, y'know?" Panda said a tad sheepishly and scratched behind his head. "You were really sweet and nice. I felt really safe after you came but it was silly to feel like that in the first place, right?"

"C'mon Panda," Grizz said with a smile on his lips but a frown hiding in his eyes. "I'm your big brother, I'm here for you no matter what. I'm not gonna gossip with you to him or anything, you know that. Besides, you kissed right here!" Grizz giggled and tapped at the end of his nose. "You NEVER kiss me! If I didn't brag about that you know I'm good on my word."

"U-Uh…" Panda was at a momentary loss for words. Something something XOXO came to his head and he felt a mild blush hit his cheeks that he couldn't rely on the cover of darkness to hide like the night before had. Instead he lifted his paws and covered his face and heard Grizz giggle.

"You're really cute when you're shy."

"You're being a bully," Panda was half truthful with that confession, but at the same time he was trying really hard to pass off his embarrassment as a joke. "I was tired and your nose was all wet. I thought I was biting you, alright."

"Pretty tender bite," Grizz chuckled. He leaned up and over Panda's body and pulled away one of his paws before wiggling his eyebrows. "C'mon, just admit you finally get why I hug you all the time! It's totally awesome, isn't it?"

In that moment, Panda was stuck looking up at Grizz. A thought occurred to him that hadn't crossed his mind in any other point in his life. Grizz's smile made his chest feel tight. Really tight. About as tight as the time a girl had called him cute over a chat room. His breath was warm when it breathed down upon him but it smelled like Grizz. A scent that… he felt the tiniest bit of shame in saying he took pleasure in enjoying. It made him feel funny with Grizz being so close he could feel his warmth.

He did something he didn't really think about. He lifted both his arms and grabbed Grizz's sides and pulled his brother into a hug. Grizz stumbled a bit over his body and his weight fell on Panda momentarily, but he didn't mind. He squeezed Grizz and giggled out of a nervous habit as if trying to play it off as something friendly and joking. But he couldn't deny the fact that he was exposing himself here. Exposing himself to the fact his heart pressed firmly to Grizz's chest and beat faster and faster. It made him scared, but at the same time Grizz being here drove away that fear so he was left with a mixture of the two.

Something something XOXO, Love Grizz.

He decided in that hug that he wanted to keep the note. He liked the cartoon hearts.

"Gee, y-ya didn't have to prove it," Grizz chuckled when he pulled himself away from Panda's hug. Panda, too nervous to say anything, simply nodded his head. Grizz hesitated briefly just as he was pulling away, and then lowered himself for another five seconds to continue hugging Panda. It was a nice five seconds.

"Okay okay I teased you enough," Grizz laughed, but he looked as though he was just as embarrassed as Panda was. When he pulled himself off of Panda and sat up straight his paw traveled down Panda's shoulder and to his own paw. He squeezed it and then let go, fully separating the two.

Panda did something he didn't really think about, and it was to snatch back Grizz's paw. It was a knee-jerk reaction and something that by any means he should have regretted doing by the way his face suddenly lit up. Why oh why was his head filling with the fantasies he had of holding a girl's hand just to see what it felt like? This wasn't the same at all, he told himself. Grizz's paw was big and awkward and stiff and furry and… it made his nerves feel both calm and terrified all at once.

Grizz didn't say anything, and just looked at the link that connected them. He smiled, and it was nervous. It wasn't dishonest though, just nervous.

It was just Grizz, though. His big brother who he trusted and cared about. It was normal for this to make him feel safe and calm and… a little happy…

As long as it was Grizz.


	3. GAME OVER

Grizz groaned as he sprawled out on the couch in the dark of the living room. His groan was more like an angry bear roar of loss and a true understanding of what it meant to lose something you loved. That was to say the fact that the words ‘GAME OVER’ were in capital letters on the screen and flashing at him. In the process of his over dramatic sprawl he managed to knock over a popcorn bowl that by now had nothing but little kernels left at the bottom. They toppled to the floor and spread out with the mess Grizz had already made.

“Stupid game,” Grizz grumbled as he tossed the controller to the floor. It landed with an unsettlingly loud clank that he flinched at and then turned over in a minorly childish way to face the back of the couch and crossed his arms. His eyes were hurting, stinging from the fact he had spent the past two hours in total darkness aside from the glow of the television screen.

When he managed to work up the courage to sit up he saw the glow of the mess he had managed to slowly acclimate throughout the day. Cords and pillows tangled up awkwardly and bits of food and napkins were spread out. Even his fur had bits of cheesy dust clinging to it from when he had accidently managed to eat an entire bag of cheese puffs. It was a bit of a wake up call to finally lose in and be pulled from the hypnosis that the video game created.

He was never any good at that level. It had too many pits and jumps that he awkwardly fumbled his paws with on all the platforms and he always managed to fall. Panda usually handled those levels while he handled the boss battles and fighting. They made a good team, but tonight he was nowhere to be found. He had tried knocking on his brother’s door earlier but he got no response despite it still being daylight at the time. He thought momentarily to ask his other brother before he crawled in the fridge to get some shut eye if he wanted to play, but he knew it would probably result in an argument when the polar bear inevitably wasted every life. He didn’t need to strain any relationships tonight.

When Grizz flicked on a table light it felt like needles in his eyes. He yelped and shut them tight, giving himself time to adjust to the new bright lights. He stood up slowly, a bit light headed and disoriented from what he was now realizing was a gaming session that lasted far too long. He stepped over the cords of the multiple systems he had pulled out and thought to himself that he would put them away before he went to bed despite the fact that it might have been the single biggest lie in the world.

He got a glass of water from the kitchen and stared out the window and admired the moon. It was full, and bright enough that he didn’t need a light to navigate easily around the area. He found it hard to believe that such an awful storm had hit only a few days prior by how clear the sky looked. He thought briefly of the days when he could just look up from what little he was able to call a home and see the stars with ease. When his brothers were always close and within grasp. He supposed that they were still close, just within walking distance and not grasp this time. As he thought of this he tapped his paw on the front of the fridge in a kind of pat.

“Night lil bro,” He said with a giggle in his tone. He listened for his younger brother to shift but he didn’t, so Grizz wandered away with the glass of water still in his paw.

He made a growling kind of hissy-fit noise when he passed the GAME OVER screen still flashing at him from the television, and then decided this wasn’t immature at all and continued on his path. He saw the light still peeking out from under Panda’s door and paused at it briefly. It wasn’t too late, at least not for Panda who liked to stay up late on his laptop regardless. Grizz wondered if he was willing to join him for a game so the bitter taste of defeat would wash out of his mouth.

“Pan Pan?” Grizz asked as he knocked on the door. And much to his surprise, the door pushed itself in. He blinked and with little hesitation poked his head into the bedroom to see that it was empty. Panda’s bed was missing both its blanket and its pillow, and most importantly it was missing Panda.

“Brooooo?” Grizz dragged out the ‘o’ sound as he wandered into the room and spun around slowly to look at every corner as he did so. He stopped in the middle just at the end of Panda’s bed and frowned. He frowned and set down his glass of water on Panda’s bedside table and found his stomach twisting a bit. It was a bit too early to start worrying, he admitted, but at the same time it was Panda he was talking about.

Grizz was just about to turn and see if Panda was in the bathroom when his paw hooked itself under a cord on the floor. He would have tripped if he wasn’t able to quickly regain his balance by hitting his paws into the wall and balancing himself on one foot momentarily. He let out a shocked sound somewhere between a ‘woah’ and a yelp. But when he followed the cord he saw that it led to another one, this one a lighter color plugged into the end. It was an extension cord, and it was leading right out a crack in the window.

“The heck?” Grizz mumbled to himself and grabbed the cord in both paws. He crouched and scooted on his knees over to the window until his paws hit the wooden frame. He frowned, stared at his own reflection in the glass, and then pulled roughly on cord.

“ACK!” He heard a sudden nervous scream of panic erupted from outside the window and what sounded like could have possibly come from above his head. He heard sudden thumping on the roof as though somebody was scrambling on top of it, and then he heard Panda’s voice cry out “No no no no no!” in rapid succession.

“Pan Pa- ARGH!” Grizz was about to question the whereabouts of his brother when suddenly something came crashing down in front of the window. Thankfully it wasn’t his little brother, but a long slender pillow with a girl in a japanese school uniform upside down. It slapped against the window and the face was less than two inches from Grizz’s own, separated only by glass.

“MIKI-CHAN!” Grizz cried out and fell right back onto his rump and let out a yell of fear as he covered his eyes. For a moment he was utterly convinced that Panda’s pillow was possessed and that he was about to die, but after a few moments he uncovered his eyes just in time to see the bottom half of Miki-Chan’s body slip out of view as it fell down the window. At the very top of the frame Grizz saw a paw reach for it with desperate swinging claws.

“C-C’mon!” Panda’s voice whined. He was on the roof. 

Grizz silently got to his feet and exited the room as soon as the paw disappeared. He raced down the hall and through the living room until he was able to fling open the door and jump into the forest night. The breeze hit his fur as he shut the door behind him and raced to where Panda’s window would be from the outside. He found Miki-Chan laying face down in the grass, and he got to his knees to pick the pillow up bridal style as though she were a fallen comrade.

“I’m sorry I thought you were going to kill me, Miki-Chan,” Grizz frowned and touched the smiling face of the animated girl.

“Grizz what the heck?” Panda’s voice snapped. Grizz finally looked up to the roof of the cave to see Panda staring down at him. He was illuminated by the glow of the moon which was coincidentally directly behind him, and had a very annoyed look on his face. He looked disheveled and like he had just had a scare even greater than Grizz. “You almost broke the laptop! A-And you got Miki-Chan all dirty!”

“Why are you on the roof?” Grizz asked suddenly. Sure, the roof of their cave was really just an extension of the forest. It was fully covered in grass and dirt and just ten or so feet up on a small cliff, but the fact that Panda had taken the effort to drag a cord up there just for a laptop that sat beside him made a few questions arise.

“None of your business!” Panda snapped back. “Just give me Miki-Chan and go back in, I’m fine!”

“Dude, c’mon,” Grizz watched Panda hold out both his hands and must have expected Grizz to throw the pillow. He instead found a small spot with a few places of steady footing that he assumed Panda climbed up with and got onto the roof as well. When he got up there he saw that Panda didn’t just have his laptop and Miki-Chan, but several blankets and pillows as well. “You uh… making a new nest?”

“I just… wanted to be comfy,” Panda took back the pillow and hugged it tightly when he looked away from Grizz. Most of his body was now lit up by the white screen of the laptop, and Grizz stood on the tips of his toes and leaned over in an attempt to get a look at the screen. Panda turned it away and then stared at Grizz’s mid-section. “It’s warm tonight. I just needed some air.”

“Dude, you alright?” Grizz asked. He sat himself down in the nest that Panda had made without asking and ignored the fact that Panda made a highly uncomfortable noise in response. His brother was too shy to outwardly tell him to buzz off, which Grizz for once appreciated.

“Did you need something?” Panda asked. He was ignoring Grizz’s question. Grizz felt his lips twist in response to this, but he decided it would be best not to bring up for the time being.

“I just… wanted to see if you were up for a game of Blitz Blam. I died on level thirty without you, buddy.” Grizz nudged his paw into Panda’s shoulder and Panda looked to him briefly before shrugging.

“You suck,” He mumbled. “That level’s a cakewalk.”

“Oh, not cool bro,” Grizz laughed and shook his head. “You die every time on level eight without me! You panic when the boss starts to taunt you!”

He saw Panda tighten his hug on Miki-Chan and actually crack a smile. He had his head buried underneath the blanket and was able to hide most of his body and even the look of his eyes from Grizz, but he wanted to believe that smile was genuine.

“Hey, c’mon buddy,” Grizz reached out his paw and grabbed Panda’s own. He held it in both of his own and squeezed it. Panda, much to Grizz’s sudden thumping heartbeat, squeezed back and even tugged it a little towards him so he could bury the paw in his side and hug it. He took that as an excuse to get closer to the bear until they were basically leaning on each other with only the blanket separating them. “If you don’t tell me I’ll just have to start singing really bad Korean. Thanks to you I got one of those songs stuck in my head.”

“You’re basically holding me at gunpoint, Grizz,” Panda giggled at that, but it might have been due to the fact that Grizz was now rubbing his paw up and down Panda’s chest. He looked to Grizz from under the blanket and let out a little smile, but this time Grizz saw his eyes. They didn’t look happy, just tired. Tired and restless all at once. He looked away and to the laptop and then the emotions took a toll on his grin. He touched the screen and suddenly his face was shined onto with white light.

Grizz looked down onto the laptop. It looked like Panda was on some kind of social media site. Judging by the fact that there were two large pink hearts interlocked on the header he had a feeling it was one of his dating websites. He saw nothing but walls of texts, but after scanning for a few moments he spotted a picture of a girl with blonde hair and thick pointed glasses that reminded him of something a librarian would wear.

“W-What’s this?” Grizz asked. He didn’t realize his voice was stuttering. He suddenly felt very wrong for rubbing Panda’s chest comfortably in the way he was doing. He tried to take his paw away, but Panda reached up his own and gripped it as though needing him to lean on. The fact that he was now actually physically leaning on him didn’t help the situation.

“Her name is Juliet.” Panda gave another one of those sad smiles when he looked to Grizz. “She signed up last week… I’m sure she’s already hoarded with a bunch of matches. She’s pretty, isn’t she?”

“I uh… I guess…” Grizz responded. Something in his chest tightened. His heart was beating fast, and not in an comfortable light hearted kind of way that it did when he hugged Panda. He thought of when Panda had hugged him as he had a few days prior, and that memory suddenly tasted bitter on his tongue. “You got matched with this girl?”

“Yeah…” Panda giggled with a blush forming on his cheeks. “She actually messaged me… I don’t know what the heck she thought she was gonna get.”

“Hey, don’t you dare talk like that,” Grizz said a bit more forcefully than he intended. He got up on his knees so he was sitting above Panda and looking down at him. “You’re Pan Pan, you’re the cutest little bear I’ve ever known! You’re sweet and funny and cute an-”

“O-Okay I get it, Grizz,” Panda giggled and shook his head, but his lips still held that disingenuous smile. “Don’t gotta oversell me.”

‘I’m not’ is what Grizz wanted to say. He sat there holding his tongue debating if he should say it, but in the end was forced to clench his teeth tighter. He wanted to tell Panda very suddenly that he really meant all of that, and that he could more than likely go on if he wanted. He wanted this very badly but… he just couldn’t bring himself to actually say it.

“Grizz?” Panda suddenly asked after a long silence had passed. “Do you think I’m… immature?”

“Huh?” Grizz responded blankly. He ended up staring at Panda and found the gears in his head grind to a sudden hault.

“On her profile she said she just got out of kind of a serious relationship… she hated how the guy was super immature and childish and couldn’t really hold down a job. I don’t even have a job! A-And ever since that stupid storm all I can think about i-”

“Wait, hold up,” Grizz suddenly held up both of his paws for a signal for Panda to stop talking. Panda compiled and bit at his lip and stared at the screen, not Grizz. “You can’t be hung up on that storm still. You’re joking!”

“D-Don’t make fun of me!” Panda whined and looked to Grizz with a deadly glare. If looks could kill Grizz might have been planning for his funeral arrangements. Panda actually looked upset at that comment. He tried to sound strong and forceful, but that stutter gave away the breaking emotion in his tone.

“I’m not making fun of you!” Grizz defensively cried out and held out his paws again. He got to his feet and stared down at Panda. His brother suddenly looked nervous, as though he were shrinking in place. He brought the blanket further over his head until only the end of his nose was visible. “C’mon, Pan Pan, so you get a little nervous during thunder. I still love you the same! In fact I love you more since then!”

“But…” Panda paused and bit at his lip further before bringing up his paws and slapping them to either side of his head over the blanket. “Arugh, it’s so embarrassing! I shouldn’t have been like that until my stupid big brother came into my stupid bed and stupidly cuddled with me!”

“Abusing that S word a little bit, Bro,” Grizz frowned after he said then and then bit his tongue when Panda glared to him. He cleared his throat and got down on his knees again until he was beside Panda. he pulled at the blanket, but Panda fought against him. “C’mon buddy, don’t hide from your big bro.”

After that, Panda hesitated, and then loosened his grip on the blanket. Grizz took it away until Panda was sitting exposed and lifted both his arms to hug his body and bite the inside of his cheek. He looked smaller somehow, as if he were distressed and might start crying.

“Pan Pan?”

“What?” Panda said in a kind of tone that sounded like he might snap at Grizz again. Grizz reached out his paw, hesitated, and then settled it on Panda’s shoulder.

“I don’t think you should be embarrassed ‘bout that.”

Panda gave a sarcastic laugh and then scrunched up his body further as if to physically show his growing irritation and thinning patience.

“No, I mean it,” Grizz got closer and put one paw on either of Panda’s shoulders and forced Panda’s side to his chest. “I need you for stuff all the time and I don’t think it’s something I should feel cruddy about.”

“You don’t need me for anything,” Panda responded with a shake of his head and a shrug that might have been a half-hearted attempt to get Grizz to get off of his body.

“Sure I do,” Grizz insisted. He shook Panda’s body a little to make sure he was paying attention. “I need you to… to fix the computer when I download a virus or something like a dingle. I need you to scratch that one spot on my back that I can’t reach.”

“That’s not the same,” Panda responded and scrunched up his paws into fists and gave something that made Grizz’s heart pound in fear when he realized it might have very well been a sniffle.

“T-There’s other stuff!” Grizz nodded his head as if to affirm this. “When I’m sick you’re always the one who makes me go lay in bed. You’re the one who calms me down when we watch a sappy movie and I start crying like a baby over it… A-And you’re the only one who can beat level thirty for me.”

Panda snorted in laughter at that one. It seemed genuine by the way he had to cover his mouth with his paw to keep quiet.

“There’s my Pan Pan’s laugh,” Grizz smiled at Panda and squeezed at his paw. He pulled it from Panda’s mouth so he was forced to show his smile. His cheeks were blushing again, and he looked happy. Grizz felt his own cheeks grow warm. Panda was… really…

“You look great,” Grizz said in a tone that sounded almost dreamy. Panda looked to him and their faces were… awfully close. Grizz opened his mouth and then shut it. He blinked his eyes and stared into Panda’s own two.

“T-Thanks?” Panda replied in a mildly confused tone. “I mean thanks… for s-saying all of that. But I don’t feel like I look good. I’ve been in my room all day… I didn’t even shower.”

“You look like the same gorgeous bear you always do,” Grizz felt his blush grow more intense. He pushed himself away a few inches from Panda to keep the sudden strange thoughts from entering his head and let himself grin. “And I mean it, if you start feeling down about that night I’m gonna come right back to this and make you smile. And I KNOW you know what’ll happen if you don’t.”

“C’mon Grizz, don’t joke about that this is seri-”

“Oooooh, you’re gonna make me do it!” Grizz shouted in a tone that sounded like he was acting as though he were in pain. It was like an uncontrollable pain came over him when he fell back and gripped at his head. He got to his feet shakily and saw Panda’s mildly worried eyes stare up at him. “You brought this upon yourself, Pan Pan!”

“W-Wait, what?” Panda’s eyes widened with sudden panic as he grabbed at a pillow and scooted backwards. “Grizz no, I have a pillow!”

“A pillow isn’t enough to stop me!” Grizz yelled and threw up his hands in a mighty roar. “Prepare!”

“Oh, gosh! Grizz don’t!” Panda threw the pillow as hard as it could, and as it turned out his aim was deadly. It hit Grizz right in the face just as he stepped forward and right as he took a brief loss of balance in a backward step he heard Panda scramble to his own feet. When the pillow fell Grizz saw Panda grabbing for another one. “Stay back, I don’t wanna hurt you!”

“It’ll take more than that to take me down!” Grizz yelled and jumped for Panda. Panda stepped aside and tried to throw the pillow, but he missed and it went right off the roof of the cave. Grizz took this opportunity to tackle right into Panda’s mid section and knock the both of them to the ground right on top of Miki-Chan. He let out a mighty growl of accomplishment just as he dug his claws into Panda’s belly. “NOW SMILE!”

“G-Grizz n-no stop it y-yo- A-AHAAHAHA!” Panda cried out as his belly was tickled by bigger and stronger Grizzly bear. He managed to grab a pillow and began beating it into Grizz’s face between every cry of painful sounding laughter. “STOP STOP ST-HOHOHOP!” He begged.

Even when Grizz stopped Panda kept swinging the pillow. He even laughed still when Grizz removed his claws, though it was much less forceful and as though he were having actual fun. It reminded Grizz in that moment of when they were young and wrestled. He recalled at one time that Panda had actually been able to beat him in that before he grew bigger and stronger. Now every fight ended in the same conclusion.

“You’re a ticklish mess in front of Miki-Chan,” Grizz teased and grabbed Panda’s pillow just to yank it away from him and squirm teasingly on Panda’s legs. “See, you smiled!”

“N-Not fair!” Panda whined. Grizz for the first time got a good look at him in the position, and then he felt his body momentarily freeze. Panda was on his back with his paws covering his eyes and a smile on his lips. His chest was heaving and he looked like he was blushing. He looked… really cute. Cuter than Grizz could remember him looking ever before.

“I… I uh…”

“Get off of me!” Panda whined and pushed Grizz aside so suddenly that Grizz actually lost balance and fell to his side just to roll onto his back. He looked up at the stars and felt his eyes grow wide and his cheeks burn hot. The image of Panda looking so… cute… it was burned into his mind.

“You’re a jerk,” Panda complained with a sigh in his tone when he looked over Grizz’s body. He was smiling still despite his words, and he eventually wrapped his arms around Grizz’s body to pull him close and give him a strong hug. Grizz sat up only when Panda pulled away, hoping to somehow give more life to the dying grasp and warmth that Panda gave him.

“You feeling better, Pan Pan?” Grizz asked and stared at Panda’s back as he drew himself closer to the laptop. He sat on the grass and couldn’t help but press a paw over his chest and feel his heartbeat.

“Y-Yeah, a little,” Panda replied and nodded his head. “I think… I think I might reply to her. Thanks… I needed that push, Grizz.”

He turned his head just a bit and Grizz got half a look at his brother’s flushed face. Even in the light of the moon he looked to Grizz almost like he was glowing. The pounding of his own chest made him feel uneasy and unnatural staring at him like that. He was so cute, from his ears to his toes Grizz couldn’t look at one bit of him without it somehow making his heart beat erratically.

“Message her, y-yeah,” Grizz responded and nodded his head despite the fact that Panda wasn’t looking at him any longer. “She’ll love you… Anybody's gotta be crazy not to give you a shot.”

“Thanks,” Panda giggled, but he was already typing quickly a long winded response to the girl. Grizz could honestly barely remember the name that Panda had told her, and the thought of him actually going through replying to her made him suddenly think a very nasty, mean thought. He wished he had told Panda that he didn’t like the way she looked. That she looked too nasty or like she’d be a buzz-kill. It was untruthful… she was pretty, like Panda said.

Now that silence had fallen, when Grizz listened carefully to the night he heard ever so quietly the Television from the living room. It was still playing the game over music, and he realized he had forgot to at least mute the annoying sound.

When he looked to Panda and listened to the music, he couldn’t help but see GAME OVER written in the area between them. The more he typed the more bold and visible it felt to him. He opened his mouth, as if to say something, and then shut it.

“Good luck, Panda,” Grizz mumbled.


	4. Selfish

“The reception here’s really bad…” Panda mumbled, mostly to himself but that didn’t mean that Grizz heard it loud and clear. The was stuck in traffic and hadn’t moved anywhere for the past three minutes. Grizz had been staring out the window at what might have been a nice view if they were on the Golden Gate Bridge or even a nice part of town. But no, they were in a jammed little section of the city that looked like all the rest of it.

Grizz couldn’t help but observe that Panda had stolen the window seat, yet was making very little use of it the longer time passed. His face was less than ten inches away from his phone, and Grizz struggled to think of a time that he had actually looked at him.

“Hey Grizz, are we gonna be in town long? I wanna talk to Juliet some more,” Panda asked in this quiet kind of tone that seemed just a bit sheepish. He whispered it into Grizz’s ear, but out of the corner of his eye Grizz saw his other brother’s ear twitch in response. He was eavesdropping again. 

“Ice Bear wants to get back to cave soon as well. Ice Bear has shows recorded.”

“C-C’mon bros, we’ve been locked up in that ratty old cave for days,” Grizz responded and pointed out the window. “I mean, doesn’t the air of the city smell a lot… cleaner than the forest?”

Panda blinked at him, frowned, and then looked back to his phone. Grizz supposed he was lucky just to only get off with that and no further questioning. Ice Bear didn’t respond and simply went back to staring down the aisle of the bus. It moved forward five feet, and then stopped again.

Grizz buried his knuckles into his cheek and fought the urge to stare at Panda. had gotten his least favorite seat, the middle one. There was no room to squirm or sprawl himself out, and the longer he was close to Panda the ancier he became. It started out as a twitch in his knee, and then his entire leg, but now he was having to to drumroll his claws on his lap as well as shake his left leg just to keep himself from groaning loudly every two seconds. Of course, with what he was about to hear it only made his impatience spike even greater.

“Ooh, Oh oh!” Panda lifted his phone up above his head as though it were some magical object. “Juliet’s text got through! She says she got stuck in traffic on her way to work too!”

“Sounds great,” Grizz mumbled, finding his claws digging gently into the fur of his legs. “Have a lot in common with her. She drives.”

“I know!” Panda nearly squealed in response and bounced a little in his seat out of excitement.

Bitter. It was an unusual taste to be sticking to Grizz’s tongue. He didn’t like it. He had tried to put on his happy face, too. The happy face that just three nights prior Panda so desperately needed and he had been able to summon without problem as he held Panda’s paw and told him how much he needed him around. But he had been smiling a lot. Panda had grown distant, not just from him verbally but physically. Yesterday he had seen him twice, once at breakfast and once at dinner. Both he scarfed down greedily before leaving and the only things he had talked about were Juliet this and Juliet that.

Grizz felt the bus begin to move and for a split second dared to feel a bit of relief in his chest. He thought deep down that if they could just keep moving he could get a break and also spend time with his brothers. It didn’t even matter if it was just him and Panda or his second brother along for the ride he just wanted to spend time with them without the subject of romance popping up.

Clickity Clackity Click. That was the sound that Panda’s phone was making as he rapidly texted out what must have been long paragraphs to this Juliet girl. Quite possibly the only solace that Grizz had been able to take in the past few days had been the fact that this girl in fact lived nowhere near San Francisco, but in Florida.

Panda giggled. It was cute, Grizz thought. Cute and happy… he liked it when Panda was happy. He took it as an excuse to turn to look at his brother and see that smile that he tried so hard not to let show on his face but it always won when he was truly happy. He wished in that moment that Panda wasn’t shy of his smile and was tempted to tell him as much. But instead he asked, “What’s so funny?”

“O-Oh, nothing,” Panda closed his eyes and still tried to withhold his giggling. “Juliet just said she yelled at a guy who cut her off and he got pulled over for speeding less than a minute later.”

Everything was about Juliet now.

“Oh… haha…” Grizz tried to feign interest and laugh along, but truth be told it just wasn’t that funny for him. This new emotion that sprouted up within him was so uncommon and bitter that he didn’t like it. He wanted to be giggly and supportive and be there for his brother, but when he tried to summon the energy it took he came out with a fakeness that he knew would have been obvious is Panda actually listened to him.

“Ice Bear found it very funny.”

Grizz tried to keep silent the rest of the bus ride. It was long and tedious and he was about ninety percent positive he was going to explode near the end of it if he heard Panda giggle once more. He didn’t like this feeling, and he couldn’t explain why. He was just happy when they finally got to the mall. It wasn’t exactly his ideal place to be right now. Normally when he and his brothers went out he had some kind of plan or idea for what he actually wanted to do. But he had the feeling if he dragged his brothers into the woods or anything of the same degree that Panda might stay on his phone even longer than usual. Of course, looking at him now, covering his mouth with his paw to keep from giggling in that tone that made Grizz’s chest feel so strange… that might still happen.

“Ice Bear wants to know what we’re doing here.” His brother said when he frowned and stared at the entrance to the mall. A question that Grizz thought must have been a jab. Some way to tell him that he knew he was up to something, that he really had no idea what he wanted to gain from today other than selfishly get Panda to talk to him… Or maybe he was just paranoid.

“Movie night, my brothers!” Grizz raised both his paws and stood on his tip-toes to raise himself higher. He came prepared with an answer. The crowd around them stared just to look at him for a moment before continuing on about their own tasks. “Gonna have a good ol’ fashioned movie night after we rent one. Snuggle up under the covers chow down on some popcorn and stay up till we can’t keep our eyes open! Just a family thing, alright?”

“Ah, what?” Panda snapped in a tone that sounded annoyed. It made Grizz feel… strange to know what finally made Panda look away from his phone and to him was to annoy him past the edge. “Grizz what the heck? We can just stream all those movies on our laptop! We didn’t need to come out here all the way fo-”

“Shhhh,” Grizz placed his paw over Panda’s mouth. Panda made a disgusted kind of sputtering noise and stumbled back so quickly that he nearly fell right onto his rump. “Quiet lil’ bro, I got this. We’re getting all the arguing out of the way early so we aren’t up till morning trying to pick out a movie. See I got this. I got this.”

“Ice Bear thinks you have nothing.” The other brother stated.

Assuming their normal stacking position of travel with Grizz on top and Ice Bear on bottom the three bears moved along to the mall. The stack felt a bit more wobbly than usual, probably because Panda kept constantly checking his phone. Even when they entered the unusually busy mall and Grizz heard nothing but the voices of people both talking to each other and yelling across the place he was still able to hear Panda’s occasionally giggling and him rapidly pressing the buttons on his phone with one finger to text back.

The video store was in the back of the mall. Past all the excravigence of the middle section of the mall where a giant fountain lay and sput our great bursts of water and even further behind the cute novelty hobby stores it sat. It always made Grizz a little sad to see these days, as he could remember when it was closer to the middle of the mall and was filled with customers so often that it took maybe weeks to see a movie he wanted. Usually of course that movie was a silly action movie he had seen five times but was too stubborn to actually buy.

 

“This place stinks,” Panda grumbled. Obviously he was not wearing his nostalgia glasses nearly as tight as Grizz was when they entered the store. He brought up his phone and flashed a picture when the old man with a big white moustache behind the counter wasn’t looking. “I’m gonna ask Juliet if she can see the cobwebs near the horror section… hehe…”

“Hey guys, c’mon, this place has a lot of memories!” Grizz complained when he jumped down from his brother’s back and tried to outstretch his arms as if to encompass the entire place. Which it turns out, was actually not that difficult considering he accidentally smashed his paw into a DVD titled ‘Groovy Vegas.’

“Whoops,” Grizz chuckled and readjusted what he had knocked over. He looked to his brothers and put on his best wicked smile. “Okay we’re going all out. Everybody find a movie and meet up here and we’ll decide. All in all in!” He shouted and put his paw into the middle of the three of them. Ice Bear stared at it and Panda didn’t even seem to realize that Grizz had called an all in he was so distracted by his phone. “1, 2, 3 movie night!” He whispered half heartedly and felt a little betrayed.

Ice Bear shrugged and wandered off. At least he was actually seeming to look at the films on shelf. Grizz on the other hand only pretended to walk away and look at the movies on the shelves. There were only seven rows of shelves, the selection obvious very limited and ever shrinking. It made him a little sad to look at, and even sadder to realize that Panda was not in the slightest joking when he said that the DVD’s were covered in cobwebs. He was starting to feel surprised that the old man hadn’t thrown them a party just for walking in the door.

“Ugh, totally lame,” Panda’s voice grumbled the next row over. Grizz had been following his brother’s movements in a way that when he thought about it made him feel a little shady. He didn’t like that feeling either. From the way his face was lit by his phone in the badly lit store Grizz had the suspicion that he wasn’t even concerned with looking for a movie. In fact when he saw that Panda was in the Science Fiction section of the store he knew for a fact that he wasn’t searching for one.

Grizz went around the corner and peaked at Panda over the cover of an animated movie that looked like a knock-off with poor animation. He blinked, and found himself wondering why on earth the way Panda suddenly giggled made his chest tighten. However what he didn’t expect was for Panda to finally look up from his phone and to Grizz. As it turns out, the brown bear was not nearly as well hidden as he would have hoped. 

“What are you doing?” Panda asked and raised his brow in confusion to the bear.

“O-Oh, just looking at… Pongo!” Grizz snatched up the animated knock-off movie and showed it to Panda. “Classic. Let me tell you… great movie from uh… last year.” He looked at the back of the box and then bit his tongue.

“I guess,” Panda shrugged. Panda wasn’t defending an animated film being a knock off. He really was lost in whatever conversation he was having. For some reason this made Grizz bit on his tongue even harder as he approached his brother. He went right back to typing out something as quickly as he could. He wondered if Panda was complaining to Juliet how his old fashioned older brother dragged him to an ancient video store. He wondered if he was complaining how un-cool Grizz was and how he couldn’t wait to get away from him. These thoughts were… negative, and very unlike something his brother would mock him for.

Grizz crossed his arms and stared at Panda, wanting to say something. But it didn’t help that all he wanted to ask felt selfish and cruel and very unlike how he should be acting. How he normally acted, that was. He wanted to ask what made this girl so special to stick around for more than a few lines of text like usual. He tried to remember how he should act. How he actually acted the last time Panda was interested in a girl who showed the faintest interest in him. He was supportive and happy and encouraging… why couldn’t he be like that now, he wondered.

“H-Hey, Pan Pan I…” He wasn’t sure where he was going with this 

“Sorry,” Panda quickly said so fast that it interrupted Grizz. For the first time in what felt like an eternity he pressed the screen button on his phone and it made a clicking sound. The screen went black and Panda rubbed his eyes a little as though they hurt all of a sudden by not looking at the bright screen. “I know I know, you’re gonna chew me out about not looking for a movie.”

“No I wasn’t,” Grizz shook his head. He chuckled, but it sounded hollow and empty. He knew he was forcing it and the way his chest tightened it bothered him that he couldn’t pinpoint why. He heard a voice in his head tell him to be happy for Panda. He hadn’t seen his brother smile or laugh this much in weeks, much less the past few days when he had been self conscious about the storm.

“Juliet was just venting a little to me,” Panda ran his fingers along the sides of his phone as he stared down at the blank screen. Grizz frowned, and struggled to hide it in that moment. He didn’t want to hide it. He wanted Panda to know he was becoming irritated with hearing that name every other sentence. “She just got off work and her boss gives her a hard time. She’s really funny when she’s mad. She cracks all these jokes an-”

“Sounds like a… complainer!” Grizz clapped his paws together, almost ecstatic that he had managed to find something close to resembling a flaw in this girl. It made him feel a bit guilty when Panda looked to him with a mildly irritated expression in his eyes.

“Y-Yeah, a little,” Panda mumbled and then shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t really mind. She said I was cute… She liked all my anime figures and shows that I’ve bought and stuff like that. We stayed up last night arguing about the plot to this one show.”

“So she doesn’t think that stuff’s… y’know… kinda immature?” Grizz tried to put on a smile but again it stretched in a way that felt uncomfortable and alien on his face. “I mean she said she wanted a mature guy. Cartoons like that just seems like somebody would uh… somebody stupid would… y-yeah!”

Grizz thought what he said was somewhat coherent. 

“Anime isn’t a cartoon,” Panda grumbled in a tone that suggested he had this conversation a million times before. He sounded stubborn and a little bit irritated with even the thought of ranting about this, so he decided not too. “She doesn’t think that stuff’s weird… she likes how I’m passionate about it. At least that’s what she said. She called me cute during it too and… I got kind of hung up on that part.”

Panda was blushing. 

“I like how you’re passionate!” Grizz jumped a bit and felt himself land back on his toes with a spark of sudden excitement. He felt like he was on a gameshow all of a sudden and had just said the correct answer to a million dollar question. His reward, however, was a bit underwhelming. It was nothing but Panda giving him another strange look. He didn’t want that. He wanted the Panda from three nights ago. The one who he cuddled and held paws with and tickled and felt like he was inseparable from. He wanted that back right now more than anything.

“Okay?” Panda raised his eyebrow.

“I-I think you’re really cute too!” Grizz insisted.

“I know…” Panda trailed off and looked away. He was blushing still, but this time it looked more like he was silently trying to tell Grizz to stop embarrassing him. It wasn’t the kind of embarrassment when Juliet told him he was cute, he already knew that. All he needed to hear was ‘Knock it off, Dad’ and it would probably be some awful cliche.

Things were silent when Panda’s phone lit up again. He flashed a smile to Grizz as though he were proud and showing something off. His teeth were shiny and white and he looked like he couldn’t possibly be happier. He giggled and turned his body to shield the text when he read over it. Grizz crossed his arms and crowned. Panda was really hanging off of every word this girl had to say. He thought of cracking a joke about how they should rename Romeo and Juliet to Panda and Juliet, but that would put him at risk for another glare. He was still sane enough and self aware enough to know that that would be a bad idea. He wasn’t sure if he could take Panda looking at him like that anymore anyway.  
Panda slinked away slowly with his face buried back in his phone. Grizz had a feeling in the back of his head that he had wasted whatever opportunity he had. What he wanted to do with the time he had just thrown away he still struggled to think of. He rubbed his paws together and then looked at them. He heard Panda giggle in the next row, and again felt guilt strike him when his first feeling was annoyance. He wasn’t himself, this much was obvious.

He felt a tap on his shoulder and felt himself jump. When he turned around he saw the face of his other brother stare straight at him. The Polar Bear held out a DVD to Grizz and showed him the cover. It was a Kung Fu movie that Grizz didn’t recognize.

“O-Oh, you picked something out?” He asked and took the DVD in his paws. “That’s cool bro… I dunno if I’m really in the mood to see Action Man 2 again or anything.” Grizz shrugged an in uncharismatic kind of manner and kept his eyes locked on Panda’s shape shifting through the bars in the display cases. He sighed audibly and felt another tap on his shoulder. He looked to the polar bear again, and he was holding another DVD.

“Love Light?” Grizz stuck out his tongue to make a sort of disgusted kind of face. He knew this movie well, because he had been forced to see it several dozen times. He was never a fan of romantic comedies, and he thought that this was obvious due to the fact that he always left the room when Panda put them on. In fact, this name looked familiar… it was one that Panda watched the most.

“Ice Bear knows Panda cries every time he watches this.” Ice Bear stated flatly. “Panda gets sappy in airport scene. Usually needs to pause and hide in bathroom till he calms down.”

“Uh… alright?” Grizz asked. All he could think of looking at the cover was the fact that the only joke he caught during this before he scurried out of the room involved a character sending a rose accidentally to an old woman instead of his crush. It was cheesy and over dramatic and most of all sappy.

“Ice Bear thinks you should watch it with him. Ice Bear will step out of room during sad scene if you want.”

“W-Wait, why would I want that?” Grizz asked and looked from the DVD cover to his brother. “I don’t wanna make Pan Pan cry, that’s mean! Even if it’s just over a movie that’s kinda mean.”

“Ice Bear thinks you want Panda to notice you.” Ice Bear blinked and pushed the case forward until it was pressing against Grizz’s chest. “Present Kung Fu movie to him as well. Good cover up. Won’t raise suspicion.”

“Why would I want him too… I mean I don’t…” Grizz bit his lip very briefly and then looked away from his brother. “Do you think he’ll like that? I don’t know if he’d want me to comfort him anymore… He gets all weird when I do it.”

“Ice Bear is going away now.” The polar bear stated and made a solid one-eighty on his feet and began walking away.

“H-Hey, wait up bro!” Grizz started to call out but after taking two steps stopped following his brother. He stopped in the aisle and looked down at the movie. It felt… dirty to even think of doing something like this. It was selfish and mean to desire Panda seeing him like that again. Somebody to lean on. Somebody to trust. He wanted it right now more than anything in the world. He wanted a night like three nights ago, like the night of the storm even. He gripped the case in both paws and stared at the faces on the cover. It was generic and cliche, a man and a woman in each other’s embrace in the middle of New York City.

He placed his paw against his chest and felt his heartbeat. He looked through the cracks in the shelves and saw Panda’s figure move three aisles down. He wanted that. He had to admit it to himself before he allowed himself to go through with it. He wasn’t sure why it annoyed him so much for Panda to be on the phone for hours on end or why he wished more than anything he could hear him giggle for the words he said for a change. It made him feel… selfish.

And in that moment he decided. He wanted to be selfish.


	5. Confession

PanMan1253: hes been acting weird all day

PanMan1253: maybe all week… I dunno, i haven’t been paying much attention :(

JuliGal: Reminds me of this loser from work. :3 He’d act all weird around me for hours until I finally asked what his beeswax was and he finally left me alone. Gah! I hate jerks like that >:(

PanMan1253: This isn’t about you it’s…

\----------------

Panda’s paws stopped moving over the keyboard. He looked down to the illumination of his paws due to the white of his screen. He hadn’t realized how fast it had gotten dark, or how his eyes had begun to ache from how heavy they hung. His conversation had been long winded, but now as he had so many unsent responses before he moved his claw to the backspace button and held it down, staring at the blinking line at the beginning of the chat box.

He sighed, and pushed out his chair. Behind every emoticon he had typed out to lessen the impact of his words he found himself frowning. He felt… wrong in a way, sitting in his room alone. Ever since he had talked to Grizz in the video store earlier that day his thoughts had been strange. Grizz seemed happier, but it was this insistence behind it that was like a little kid showing his mother how well behaved he could be. He kept expecting Grizz to ask for a pat on the head as much as he cuddled his arm on the bus ride home and giggled and called him cute and didn’t once care that Panda might have been the least bit embarrassed by this behavior.

Grizz was acting weird, and because of that Panda felt a sour taste on his tongue when he spoke to Juliet. The girl who had been the first in months to pay attention to a single word he had to say, and who gave him the time of day. It had been around this time yesterday that he had been silly enough to consider asking to be her boyfriend, but ever since the video store that thought had dropped. He felt like he had been ripped from whatever daze he had been in for the past week and now the screen separating them felt blatantly apparent to the point where the words on the screen irritated him more than anything.

He covered both his eyes and rubbed at them. It was late, and he was almost positive he had missed the time Grizz asked him to come out for the movie. Maybe he would have felt guilty if he wasn’t still trying to figure out if Grizz was annoying him or not. It wasn’t uncommon for Grizz to irritate him a little bit, at least he didn’t think so. But now the notion of the thought filled him with strange guilt that a few weeks prior it might have not.

Panda’s stomach rumbled, and it was only then that he realized he had missed dinner. He typed out a kick “brb” message to Juliet and didn’t bother waiting for a reply. He was all too aware that earlier he would have stared at the scream until she replied, even if it was just something as simple as “k”.

The cave was dark, so he kept it that way when he slipped out from his door. Walking through the place at night alone hadn’t bothered him in years, and it wasn’t going to now. Unless it was storming again… which thankfully, the night had been clear.

Panda intended to go directly to the kitchen, thinking he could at the very least snatch something from the cupboard without awaking his brother in the fridge, but something caught his attention just when he got to the end of the hallway. It was a sound. A voice that was familiar. A woman’s voice.

“Well sir, if you think you can beat me I’d like to see you try.”

“First one to the end of the block wins.”

The second voice was a man. When Panda approached the sound of the noise from the living room he saw that it was dark all but for the illumination of the television that seemed to all but center directly on the furry mass of Grizz, who was curled up and turned away from the screen. His chest rose and sunk with every breath he took, one of his paws up at the end of the couch twitching as a snore rumbled throughout his body.

“Grizz?” Panda asked. He looked to the screen, and saw the repeating menu of the DVD that Grizz had picked out earlier. It was pink and had a large “PLAY MOVIE” button highlighted. It was repeating clips and snippets that Panda held little shame in admitting that he knew by heart. It had an awkward, disjointed loop that cut off the end of the final word Jack Torching, the romantic interest of the leading lady was saying about the beauty of her eyes.

When he approached Grizz, he considered very briefly just leaving him like that. However, seeing him there made something rise in his chest… it was similar to guilt, but closer to an obligation. He balled his paw into a fist and held it over his chest to feel the thumping of his heart. It was getting faster staring down at Grizz like this, his mouth slightly ajar and his claws gripping the DVD box tightly. If he slept like this all night he was going to wake up sore.

“Grizzzzzz?” Panda stretched out the “z” so he sounded similar to a buzzing bee when he extended his paw and touched Grizz’s chest. That single touch seemed to awaken the bear suddenly, and with a spark of fear and panic in his eyes that made the two of them jump.

“GAH!” Grizz shouted, the sudden alertness and panic in his eyes fading faster than a blink once the initial fear had subsided. “P-Pan Pan?”

He looked exhausted, and weary at that. After Panda felt his heart give a few hard thumps he nervously began running his paws together.

“Grizz?” He asked, a little hesitant on reaching out to the bear once again. “Uh, bro I think you passed out on the couch.”

“O-Oh crap, did you come to watch the…” Grizz was in the middle of sitting up when his sentence trailed off. It was as though he had suddenly realized how dark it was, and the spark was fading quickly from his eyes. He frowned, and the sight of it made Panda feel something twist in his chest. “Movie…”

“Grizz, dude, it’s like one in the morning,” Panda sighed sat down at the end of the couch next to Grizz, one of his legs folded under the other. “I forgot to come out, I’m sorry.”

He meant it, he really did. He had brushed off the thought of Grizz wanting to see this movie with him as at best a way to be nice to him and at worst a way to get under his skin. From his experience Grizz hated romantic comedies with a passion, and usually couldn’t keep his mouth shut for how boring they were whenever Panda forced the three of them to watch one together. But the look in Grizz’s eyes now made him feel guilty. Genuine guilt that he couldn’t brush off. It was tired and defeated, as though he had somehow been the one to mess up.

“I’m sorry, buddy,” Grizz shook his head and rubbed at one of his eyes to wipe away the exhaustion that was crashing down quickly on his body.

“No, Grizz, c’mon don’t be,” Panda whined and reached out his paw to grab Grizz’s own. “C’mon, let’s get you to bed. I don’t want you to break anything. You stumble like an oaf when you’re tired, bro.”

“N-No, I’m wide awake,” Grizz shook his head and pulled Panda’s paw with little effort despite the fact Panda was trying to pull with both of his. “I just wanted to… cuddle…” He mumbled, and shook again. His head moved slower this time.

Panda felt his cheeks grow a bit pink at that. If it weren’t for the fact that his brother was so exhausted he could barely keep his eyes open he would have been more than positive Grizz was just teasing him. But something about the way he was actually making motions with one of his paws made him seem like he was telling the truth.

“You were gonna… cry and… I’d make you stop cause I’d let you hug me,” Grizz giggled and touched one of his cheeks. He pulled at his fur in an attempt to make himself a bit more alert and active, though judging by the way he half yawned-half roared he was relatively still out of it. He slouched to the side by putting his head on his left shoulder, and somehow this resulted in him leaning down onto Panda’s leg.

“G-Geez…” Panda groaned when Grizz laid his head in his lap. Grizz rolled onto his back and stared up at Panda, his eyes half closed though fighting to stay awake. He pulled at Panda’s paw until Panda let it rest against Grizz’s cheek, and Grizz smiled. He was awkwardly twisted and a bit out of it due to how tired he was, but he really did look happy. He had a desire to squirm out of being Grizz’s personal pillow, but something in him that was still wrestling not to feel guilty kept him in place.

“Are… are you mad at me?” Panda asked suddenly. “I didn’t know you’d still be out here. I thought you’d watch it by yourself.”

“What, mad?”

That sparked Grizz’s attention just enough to make him sit up from Panda’s lap. “No no no no, I’m not mad at you Pan Pan. I just feel asleep, I only waited like thirty minutes I promise. You still came out eventually, right? I-I just skipped the boring stuff.”

It was just like Grizz to look on the bright side of things. Panda didn’t have the heart to tell him that he didn’t come out to watch the movie in the slightest, so he just nodded his head and let Grizz squeeze his paw. He tried to laugh, but it was awkward and forced in a way that seemed desperate to reassure.

Panda looked away, and bit on the inside of his cheek. He hugged himself with his free arm and waited until Grizz spoke again simply because he was struggling to actually come up with anything meaningful to say. 

“Were you talking to Juliet?” Grizz asked.

It was the most lucid thing he had said thus far. He was clearly waking up enough to form coherent thoughts by this point. Panda only nodded his head and Grizz’s smile faltered just a bit.

“I’m sorry,” Panda mumbled, feeling as though it was the only right thing to say.

“No bro, I didn’t…” Grizz placed his paw to his temple and grumbled, though Panda didn’t feel as though it was entirely directed towards him. “Do you like her, I mean?” Grizz asked. He grabbed Panda’s paw with both his own and held it to his cheek. It was a grip that he didn’t expect but couldn’t quite explain. Fearful came close, and Grizz tugged it closer to him as though it were a toy he was unwilling to give away. “I mean, like-like kinda like.”

“That’s a lot of likes,” Panda mumbled and stared down at the small space between them. Grizz crossed his own legs so they were parallel and then reached out to place his paw on Panda’s knee. “I mean… I guess? W-Where’s this coming from?”

“You’re talking to her a lot, is all,” Grizz shrugged and for the first time looked away. If Panda didn’t know any better, he would have said that he was acting sheepish. But Grizz never got embarrassed, especially when it came to asking about Panda’s crushes.

“I-I dunno,” Panda responded with a bit of whiny annoyance creeping into his tone. “She talks to me. Girls don’t do that a lot… Where’s all this coming from?”

“I talk to you,” Grizz mumbled and took his paw off of Panda’s in order to wrap both arms around himself. “Not much, lately… I mean… Not since…”

“Grizz?” Panda asked, and reached out his paw to touch Grizz’s again, but hesitated before setting it down. He drew it back and put it against his own chest and kept a frown on his lips. “You okay, man?”

“You’re just… not like you usually are,” Grizz scratched at his head in a nervous tick kind of a way that made it clear after a few moments he was actually pulling on his fur more than scratching it. “When I see you you’re on your phone talking to her or you’re in your room unless I drag you out. I-I dunno, your things with girls don’t usually last thing long and I miss just having my buddy around…”

Grizz’s tone had a more nervous tone than usual. Panda wasn’t positive if it was due to how tired he was or that he had been piling up these feelings for a while. He was back to rubbing his front paws together and biting clearly on his lip to avoid Panda’s gaze.

“I’m sorry,” Grizz mumbled.

And it was for the first time that Panda thought he saw something in Grizz. He was tired. He had been tired in the video store, and by extension the entire week. His smile was gone, and replaced with a frown. He opened his mouth to speak again and nothing came out but air before he quickly shut it once more. It was like the happy face he had been struggling to keep on was lost, and he couldn’t find it again.

“Grizz… why didn’t you just tell me that you…” Panda trailed off and bit on his tongue. He reached out both paws and took one of Grizz’s own and pulled it to his chest. “I still wanna talk to you, I promise.”

“I feel weird seeing you text her,” Grizz grumbled. “I wanna be happy for you and be your cheerleader for the two of you or something but it makes me feel weird and I don’t like it. Y-You don’t even really tell me how it’s going with her or anything.”

Panda kept his mouth shut and watched Grizz close both his eyes. He bit very visibly on his lip, and Panda watched his chest stop moving as though he suddenly had begun to hold his breath. There was a weakness that Grizz didn’t let be seen so easily, something he was ashamed of and wanted for Panda to look away from. Panda didn’t want to look away, though, so instead he got to his knees and sat above Grizz. Grizz cracked open his eyes a bit and looked to Panda. His mouth started to move, as though he were about to say something. However, he was cut short when Panda hugged him.

Grizz jumped, probably due to the fact that Panda had put most of his weight on Grizz’s body. He rested his muzzle into Grizz’s shoulder and squeezed at him. It took less than three seconds for Grizz to grab him back and hold him close in a tight hug that clearly was using more strength than needed as if he were afraid to lose control.

“P-Pan…” Grizz stopped, clearly feared by his own shaking breath.

“I dunno what to do about how you’re feeling,” Panda admitted, just an inkling of defeat in his tone. “But you’re still my big brother, okay? It’s just a girl, I don’t know her as much as you.”

“Are… Are you still gonna come to me first if things go wrong?” Grizz asked, and buried his face into Panda’s neck in such a way that his words became muffled and Panda strained to hear them properly. “I wanna be the one to try and fix them. I know how to do it, I-I promise.”

“Course,” Panda reassured and chuckled. “You’re the only one who won’t tease me about being scared of thunder… Grizz you’re not getting replaced or anything, you know that?””

Grizz shook his head as if to confirm this and squeezed Panda tighter if it were somehow possible. He was letting out emotions that he was clearly ashamed of enough to want to outwardly deny. He didn’t cry, but he did sniffle.

“You’re not gonna talk to her about problems instead of me, right?” Grizz asked between a sniffle. “Y-You still trust me over somebody you barely know, right?”

“Grizz you’re over reacting,” Panda assured and rubbed his paw up and down Grizz’s back despite the fact Grizz had dragged him forward so much that he was basically the one being held by Grizz, sitting in the bear’s lap. “I’ll stop talking to her as much if you’ll stop freaking out like this. Okay? If it’s making you this freaked out… She talks a lot about herself anyway, I guess…”

Panda didn’t bother to let Grizz know that he didn’t really mind if she talked like that. He didn’t mind because at least she was talking to him about it. But admitting that now might crush Grizz, and he felt as though they were on the right track and was fearful of accidentally derailing it.

“I… I wanna be happy for you,” Grizz admitted and pulled his face away from Panda’s neck. “I don’t know why it feels so weird. You shouldn’t stop talking to her just because I feel like I… I want to…”

It wasn’t that Grizz was shy about what he was trying to say, Panda had the feeling he genuinely didn’t know. Not knowing was what was making him so frustrated, so upset, and so… irritated.

“It’s… fine, Grizz… You’re just tired… I’m here talking to you now, aren’t I?”

“I… I love you, Panda,” Grizz nodded his head. “Even if I’m being a jerk about all of this I do, okay? W-We’ve stuck together through all of this and I just… I don’t wanna lose being that bear for you.”

Panda stared into Grizz’s eyes, and realized they were growing wet. His exhaustion was making his feelings spill a bit more freely than usual, he was sure of it. He sniffled, and the smallest hints of a blush were under both their fur. Normally when Grizz hugged him like this Panda felt sheepish, small, and worst of all babied. But right now he felt… safe.

“I still love you too, Grizz.”

Panda kissed Grizz’s nose. It was as he did on the night of the storm, and similar to what happened then his heart beat faster. Only now due to the hug Grizz was still holding him in it was obvious by their chest pressed together.

He pulled away, and they once again stared in each others eyes. Panda felt Grizz’s paws move to his sides and then he received a kiss on his own nose. It was gingerly and quick, like a peck from a bird.

Grizz giggled with a sudden rush of energy as though his belly were being poked and prodded, and Panda suddenly felt his heart thump in a near cartoonish sort of way. His laugh was different. It was happy, not forced, and certainly not… what he expected to make him feel like this. But what was so strange was that he was fighting a smile. He giggled too, both due to nerves and the genuine excitement that came from hearing Grizz laugh as he did.

Grizz pushed his neck forward again, and Panda expected another peck on his nose. But something was different, Grizz squeezed his sides as though preparing for something. And then he felt lips press against his own. Grizz’s soft, fuzzy lips that had so often stolen small pecks on his cheeks were not pecking, but actually kissing him. His arms raised, and he grabbed Panda by the back of the head. Panda did something that felt out of his control, and mimicked Grizz’s movements and hugged the back of Grizz’s head as well so that they both pulled together, Grizz’s head turning ever so slightly to get a better angle. 

And then a moan… was it from him? He felt it slide out of his throat but it was involuntary and blind with whatever Grizz was forcing him to feel.

“Pan Pan…”

Whatever was in Panda head was short circuiting, and fast, a pull of lustful desire that he truly had not expected simply ten seconds prior was rippling through his system. Panda realized what he was doing, who he was kissing, why he was kissing him. This was his first kiss. This was his only kiss. This was… with Grizz.

“S-STOP!” Panda yelled, and shoved his paws against Grizz’s chest.


	6. Under Wraps

Grizz’s head no longer hurt. When Panda had pushed him off the couch, the only feeling he could muster for a good ten seconds was the sudden pain of his head slamming down against the floor of their cave when he fell off the couch. It hurt the morning after and most of the day, and the morning of the next day when he touched it, but now the pain had entirely faded. It was a distant memory, and the damage had healed… physically.

His breakfast tasted like… well, nothing. It was bloody meat which he normally enjoyed, but ever since Panda had shoved him away so forcefully most of his senses had dulled. He couldn’t tell if it was due to how distracted he was, or the fact that whenever he so much caught a glance at Panda his chest expanded and was filled by a hollow pit that ached and whined for him to fix it.

Panda wasn’t looking at him. Grizz couldn’t gauge if he was angry or sad or flustered or embarrassed or… anything. He couldn’t read anything off the bear but this nervous look whenever their eyes met. His eyes had been glued to his phone all breakfast, but judging by the way he had touched the screen once every minute he most likely wasn’t actually using the device. 

His other brother was standing at the sink washing dishes, as he was always the fastest eater. He was wearing an apron and had a blank look on his face. It was this sort of distant non-involved look that Grizz envied. It was a weird feeling, envy, one that he had come to learn about. He missed being able to smile without thinking about it, and the panic that had consumed him so easily about the fact that Panda was basically ignoring him made it much harder to fake his happiness.

“What the heck are you… are we… what the heck are we doing, Grizz?”

Those were Panda’s words from two nights prior. He shouted in panic, and had pushed Grizz away again when he tried to calm his brother down. He was breathing fast when it happened, almost as if he were going through a panic attack. His paws were switching between clenching his chest and clamping his ears when Grizz had tried to talk to him and calm him down before he had finally run off. Grizz wasn’t sure how long he had sat outside of his brother’s door that night, but by morning the Panda had barely acknowledged that he had a second brother, much less the fact that there was another bear in the room.

He wanted to kiss Panda again… wanted to feel those lips against his and have those arms wrap around his head to pull him tighter as Panda had done. He was calm in that kiss.

But still, whenever their eyes met, however brief it was, Grizz would try to smile. He hoped more than anything that it looked like the way he smiled when Panda still willingly hugged him, like when he wasn’t faking it and praying he looked convincing. But Panda always bit his lip and looked away. 

“Ice Bear wants you to eat,” The polar bear stated, doing a sudden one-eighty and locking his eyes onto Panda. It broke Grizz’s train of thought and forced Panda to look up from his phone. Panda stared at him, and Grizz looked to his brother’s food. It really hadn’t been touched at all. The opposite of Grizz, actually, who had been eating his food so fast just trying to distract himself with some kind of flavor that his bowl was basically licked clean.

“C’mon man, I’m not hungry right now,” Panda shook his head and looked down to the floor where his toes just barely touched the ground. “It looks good, r-really… I just…”

Ice Bear pushed the bowl closer and put his other paw on Panda’s shoulder. He blinked several times, and a light pink flush appeared on Panda’s cheeks.

“C-C’mon Pan Pan, don’t you wanna keep that cute lil’ round belly up?”

Grizz regretted his words the moment they came out of his mouth, and if Panda or Ice Bear were to look under the table in the moment they would see him dig his own claws harshly into his own leg. That was if they weren’t already distracted by the fact that he was probably very clearly grinding his teeth. He regretted this because Panda actually had his first real sign of emotion in the past twenty four hours, and it was anger.

“Just shut up, Grizz!” Panda yelled suddenly. If his voice didn’t crack when he exploded Grizz might have actually been fearful, instead it pierced his chest and went right through his heart.

Panda stared at Grizz for a moment… he looked almost scared at what he had done, for his eyes melted from anger into what looked like he was about to cry in about three seconds. Panda then covered his eyes with his paw before pushing back his chair and leaving the room with little resistance from the polar bear, who let his paw slip from Panda’s shoulder and fall to his side.

Grizz heard Panda’s door close, not slam. He felt frozen for a moment, but his own body suddenly felt weak. He put both his arms on the table and buries his face somewhere between them and felt his shoulders begin to tremble. He wasn’t crying yet, but his eyes were stinging. The room was so quiet in a deathly kind of way that he felt almost like doing so just so the sudden pushing pain inside his head would leave him alone. But deep down, he was reminded again and again of one thing.

Panda hated him… Panda really really hated him.

He felt something hit the left side of his face. It was wet. It made him jump and give out a sudden startled “Gah!” noise and jump up from where he had buried his face. Water was dripping down the side of his face when he felt it hit him again. He saw that his other brother was standing beside him, staring with blank, expressionless eyes and a small frown on his lips. He was holding a bottle of soapy water with a spritzer on top that he had been hitting Grizz with.

“D-Dude, what the heck are you doing?” Grizz asked, trying his best to keep the stutter in his tone to a minimum.

“Ice Bear would like to know what that was about.” The polar bear blinked and then looked to where Panda was previously sitting.

“Not something that’s really any of your buisness, Ice,” Grizz mumbled and looked to his empty bowl just as Ice Bear took it from before him. He frowned and crossed his arms, feeling that same hollow pit twist and turn within him. “Sorry bro, private matters. Panda’s just… I mean I just…”

Grizz trailed off, and the taste in his mouth was suddenly bitter.

He felt water hit the side of his face again, and this time Grizz felt his frustration flare.

“C-Can you knock that off?” Grizz snapped.

“Ice Bear thinks you should return this,” Ice Bear stated, and held out a small pink and black rectangle. Grizz blinked, and realized that it was Panda’s phone. The polar bear pushed to Grizz’s chest and Grizz grabbed it with both paws and held it there.

“When did you… I mean… when did he even put this down?” Grizz asked.

“Ice Bear has nimble fingers.”

Grizz blinked, and smiled a little, but that smile soon faltered and it turned to a frown. He shook his head and tried to hand it back to his brother, who took a step backwards and looked at it as though it might hurt him if he touched the device.

“C’mon dude, he’s not gonna talk to me, even for his phone.” Grizz shook his head. He drummed his claws against the surface of the table. “Don’t take things from him, he’s already freaked out enough as it is.”

The polar bear stared at him.

Grizz felt his teeth grind together momentarily, not in frustration, but worry. He looked to the screen of the phone and pressed the center button to light it up. He had no clue what the password actually was. He was sure Panda had told him at some point when he had used the device, but he really couldn’t remember.

“Fine,” Grizz sighed, and got up from his seat before holding the phone delicately in both of his paws. He was suddenly very fearful of dropping it and made sure to press it to his chest to assure that it wouldn’t happen. He thought about what to say, if Panda would let him say anything at all, and approached the door to Panda’s room. He didn’t knock, but placed his paw on the wood of the door and let it slide down.

“Pan…” His voice was too quiet, not confident enough. Grizz felt something that he didn’t like to feel, and that was fear. It wasn’t just nerves, but actual fear in his system. He drummed his claws lightly on the door, and only when he held his breath so long that he needed to gasp for air did he actually pound his fist on the door.

There was a long silence, and then Grizz heard shuffling on the other side of the door that might have been Panda pressing his ear to the door. Grizz caught himself holding his breath again, and then realized that he wasn’t going to get anywhere with that, so he said the first thing that came to his head.

“P-Phone…” He said quickly. “I have… Phone…”

Another long silence.

“Pan Pan?” He asked, and pressed his paw to the door. 

Much to his surprise, the door actually cracked open. The room was dark on the inside, the curtains drawn. He saw Panda’s claws slip to the other end of the door and the very end of one of his ears, but he was pressing his cheek to the other end of the door.

“C-Can you give it back?” Panda asked, and then after a long silence from both of them where Grizz felt a bit too fearful to move he added a single, quiet, “Please.”

“Sure, buddy,” Grizz nodded and held out the phone before letting Panda taken it. He gripped it tightly, and then the door swayed back and forth a bit as though Panda were moving his body with it.

“Are you gonna… close the door?” Grizz asked, and placed the tips of his claws against it, not to push, but just to hold. “It’s fine if you do… If that’s what you want. O-Or you could let me in, y’know?”

Panda’s claws gripped the door and dug into the wood.

“We could play a videogame or something… You’re my platformer, y’know?” Grizz tried to laugh, and it almost worked if he didn’t feel his eyes sting. “I wanna know what I can do, okay? If asking is making you hate me more, you gotta let me know, man.”

Another long silence. When Panda finally spoke again, it was the first positive thing that Grizz had heard in days.

“I don’t hate you…”

Grizz pushed a little harder on the door, and Panda in response seemed to give way a little. He caught a glimpse of his brother’s eye and saw that it was red, and even in the dark of his room it was apparent that his cheek was wet. He had been crying, and that thought alone made Grizz bit the inside of his mouth, and hard. He reached out to touch Panda’s paw that was still on the door but the younger bear withdrew it and held it to his chest.

But still… Panda opened the door a little more. He seemed to withdraw into himself and wrap his arms around his midsection in a hug and look away from Grizz, but he actually let the bear in. He was biting his lip and fighting back whatever emotions he had been experiencing moments prior but… it was an improvement.

“It’s pretty dark in here,” Grizz mumbled. He heard the door be shut behind him, and glanced over his shoulder to see Panda with his forehead pressed against the door. Grizz frowned, and looked around the room. He turned to the curtain and touched the blinds, pulling them up slightly so that the room was at least well enough lit that he could walk around without fear of stumbling.

“G-Grizz, what are you doing?” Panda asked and finally looked to the bear. He was rubbing at one of his eyes.

“Letting some light in,” Grizz mumbled, a bit distracted as he looked around the room. Random comics were laid about at seemingly random, some open, some with makeshift bookmarks, some with folded pages, but most were covering the bed in a way that must have made it hard to lay down. “You’ve been sleeping, right?”

“Grizz…”

“I-If I go out for a little will you leave your room, at least? I don’t want you to be cooped up in here all day just beca-”

“Grizz!” Panda snapped, the first confident thing he had said. Grizz stopped with his mouth open and then looked to Panda, and blinked a few times.

“Just s-stop acting like that!” Panda whined and let out a heavy gasp before clutching his chest.

“Acting like wh-”

“Like my brother!” Panda snapped again, this time actually meeting Grizz’s eyes. “I-It’s really confusing, alright? Y-You… you…” Panda paused, looked behind him to the door as if fearful that somebody might be listening. “Kissed me.”

“You kissed me too,” Grizz said the first thing that came to his mind. But then he shook his head when Panda flinched at the accusation. 

“I don’t wanna… I don’t know,” Panda shook his head. 

Grizz took a few steps forward, and then held out his paw. Panda looked at it, frowned, and then reached out his own. When he took it his grip was loose and not at all like it normally was. He pulled at Panda, and drug him over to the bed where he removed all of the forgotten comics and manga by pulling the blanket off the bed entirely. He sat down, and Panda did as well by sitting on the opposite end and pulling his legs close to his chest and letting go of Grizz’s paw.

“That was my first kiss,” Panda mumbled. He looked away from Grizz, and sniffled quietly. “I don’t wanna keep thinking about it… b-but I do.”

“So do I,” Grizz responded, though he bit his cheek when he thought that might have been the wrong thing to say. Panda didn’t react either way.

“I wanted it to be with some girl… a pretty girl, I mean. One who was nice and smart and liked anime or something… I thought it’d happen after a really nice date.” Panda was rubbing his paws together, one of his feet on top of the other as he tried to curl up further than he already had. “But you…”

“Do you wanna forget about it?” Grizz interrupted. Panda looked to him, his eyes wide and a bit surprised. “If it’ll make you feel better we can pretend it’ll never happen. O-Or we can talk about it more. I just wanna know how to make things go back to normal.”

“They won’t,” Panda mumbled, bitterly at that. “We can’t just forget that it happened… And if I… if we try…”

Panda kept pausing, and his eyes looked like they might spill over in tears again. He gripped either side of his head suddenly and made a frustrated kind of groan. It was as though his head was suddenly hit by a splitting headache, but the way he pulled at his fur made Grizz feel as though it was something worse, closer to panic or anxiety taking hold of him.

Grizz rubbed his paws together, and closed his eyes before digging his claws into the pads.

“I don’t know what you want me to do, Pan Pan,” Grizz admitted. For as close as he felt to his emotions taking him over his voice was surprisingly steady. He wasn’t even sure if Panda was listening to him by the way he sat frozen with his paws pulling at his fur. “I just want to make things better no matter what we do…”  
“What do you want?” Panda asked between a sniffle and a quiet, choking sound that might have been the start of a sob. “Y-You won’t tell me, you just keep… Keep trying to be nice. W-What the heck do you even want from this?”

Panda was beginning to sound frustrated. The sound was like Grizz feeling a dozen needles on his flesh in one, concentrated area. Grizz opened his mouth, closed it, and then bit on the inside of his cheek. He had to think if wanted to be truthful, mostly due to the fact that he was almost positive Panda wouldn’t want to hear it.

But still, he found himself saying it.

“I wanna keep doing whatever made me wanna kiss you,” Grizz ran his paw up and down his arm. “I wanna play video games with you and watch movies and go out with Ice and you to town and just do everything we normally do. I wanna cuddle you when you’re scared of thunderstorms without it being weird, too.”

Panda blinked, and then looked from Grizz to his own paws.

“What if what you keep doing makes one of us upset and we don’t wanna do it anymore?” Panda asked, and tilted his head slightly.

“We?” Grizz asked, but then slapped both paws over his own mouth when Panda gave him a brief glare. It was a little more like the usual Panda, and that made Grizz’s chest loosen a teeny bit.

“What if… We hate each other and can’t get past it because of it? I’ve been with you my whole life… I barely remember what it was like before I met you and Ice. But I just… feel really safe with you.”

“Pan Pan, I ain’t ever gonna hate you,” Grizz promised and nodded his head. “And if you hate me I’ll just bug you till you forgive me, okay? I’ll do whatever you want if you just… go back to being Pan Pan and not scared all the time.”

Panda hugged his legs, look away from Grizz, and sighed loudly.

“M...Maybe… Maybe I kissed you back a little…?”

“Wait are you saying that you liked it?” Grizz asked, with more excitement than he intended in his tone. He got up to his knees on the bed and started squirming. He didn’t intend for it to happen, but suddenly a huge smile split on his face. “That’s what you’re saying, right?”

“I… I guess…” Panda nodded. He seemed a bit nervous of Grizz’s smile, but the way Grizz jumped forward and grabbed both of his paws and started bouncing on the bed out of excitement made him widen his eyes and swallow a lump in his throat. “G-Grizz calm down.”

“R-Really? Even though I’m not some chick? Even though I’m a bear? Y-You really liked it?” Grizz was smiling so wide that he was positive he was going to damage himself somehow by the way it was hurting.

“B-But if we do this…”

“You wanna do this?” Grizz nearly squealed at the idea.

“IF,” Panda snapped, and pushed back on Grizz’s paws with his own. Grizz began nodding like an obedient dog after every word Panda said. “We’re not gonna tell anybody, right? N-Not until we figure out if it’s just a fluke or whatever. We can do what we normally do and… M-Maybe add a few more things? O-Oh geeze I think I’m going nuts.”

“You liked me kissing you?” Grizz asked.

“Is that all you heard?” Panda sighed. He looked into Grizz’s eyes, and Grizz looked back. “I mean… it felt right until I started flipping out.”

“Can we do it again?” Grizz asked, his teeth still showing in his smile as he fought back a torrent of giggles coming up his throat. “I mean, if you’re cool with it. Just to make sure you still like it! A-Am I being too pushy? I’m just really excited I’m not freaking you out am I? I-I’ll stop talking if y-”

Panda then kissed Grizz. 

It was sudden, and fast, and rough, and not nearly as tender as a few nights prior. But oh, it made his heart soar. It made his eyes widen and his words freeze and his smile halt and for just the few seconds Panda indulged in what he didn’t realize he wanted more than anything… He settled, and fast. He pressed his lips to Panda’s own and pushed his muzzle, Panda retreated only slightly before touching Grizz’s cheeks and pulling him closer.

And then they split, Panda frozen with his cheeks pink and flushed. His eyes were wide when he opened them, and a shaky paw rose to touch his lips.

“I like it…” He mumbled so quietly that Grizz almost didn’t hear it.

“WOO-HOO!” Grizz shouted approximately five hundred times louder than Panda spoke. Without thinking he grabbed Panda, not just to hug him but rip him from the bed as he jumped off.

“G-Grizz what are you d- AHHH!” Panda shouted as he suddenly gripped to Grizz for dear life as Grizz hugged Panda and spun around, jumping in excitement and laughing as loud as he could. Eventually he got so worked up that his foot hit one of the comics he had knocked off and he found himself falling, and fast. He landed on his back and somehow Panda ended up kneeing his belly in the fall, and despite the fact that he was soon gasping for air and Panda was squirming in his tight, literal bear hugging arms, he was still smiling.

“Are you ever gonna be calm?” Panda asked as he sat up on Grizz’s chest. “You’re acting like a little kid… I think Ice must have heard you… Are you sure you can keep quiet about this till we’re ready?”

“Totally!” Grizz nodded his head. “Totally totally totally yes!”

Panda frowned, but when Grizz covered his mouth with both paws to show just how quiet he could be he smiled a little. He touched his own lips, and began giggling as well. Panda looked happy, and the redness of his eyes from the crying he had once done was already fading. Grizz felt… happy… so happy that he was positive his chest might burst from how filled it must be. The pit that had been haunting him for days was filled, and fast, by the way Panda laid on Grizz’s body and nervously kissed the back of one of his paws. Grizz removed them, and Panda was able to give him a much briefer peck this time.

“You kissed me,” Grizz whispered, trying to prove how quietly excited he could be.

Panda smiled, blushed, and then nodded before burying his face in Grizz’s chest.

“I did…” He whispered back.


	7. Normal

It had been a long two weeks. Panda felt as though his brain was somewhere in the awkward middle of his thought process learning to go against anything he had ever learned. For years he had fantasized about his first kiss and how it would go. He had imagined the lips of a young, beautiful woman pressed to his own. He had found himself for long nights on end wondering if it would ever come as he scrolled through his multiple dating profiles on multiple dating sites to empty notifications, letting the thought cross his mind if something was wrong with him time and time again. He had lost sleep over those matches with fate pairing him with nothing but a profile image and some words on a screen. But things were different now. He had… something.

Panda tried multiple times even now to put what this was into words. Grizz’s arm slid to his side and pulled him closer and he found himself blushing in a way that he had never thought he would feel. His heart pounded, his mind whirled, and his tongue went dry. He felt submissive. Grizz’s eyes even from how close they sat in front of each other, their noses practically bumping into one another, had this child-like excitement like he was ready to pounce on Panda and was only just able to restrain his desires.

Grizz began giggling and let their lips meet for a brief pec before Panda turned his head and stared at the windows that had been draped shut. He found himself squirming closer to Grizz not to the desires that Grizz craved, but for the desire in him to feel another layer of protection. Their chests pressed together and judging by the way his neck was kissed Grizz must have felt his pounding heart.

Something. This was definitely something. Panda touched his paw to Grizz’s own and buried his face in Grizz’s shoulder to hide the fact that he was frowning from his brother. Still when the thought crossed his mind in just what Grizz had become to him the emotions that swirled inside of him refused to come to a satisfying answer. Right now he craved Grizz’s touch both for the comfort to relieve his growing anxiety and the fact that he truly did want to feel Grizz’s lips against his own.

“You sure Ice isn’t gonna be home soon?” Panda asked and found himself glancing to the door. The living room was dark despite the fact that it was midday due to the fact that every drape was pulled shut.

“Mmmm,” Grizz responded. His nose was buried so deeply into Panda’s neck that he might not be surprised if the brown bear wasn’t paying attention.

“C-C’mon Grizz, this is serious!” Panda snapped and pushed back on Grizz’s body and held his brother at arm’s length. The couch creaked when Grizz sat back, his eyes suddenly widening when Panda realized his breath was growing faster.

“Dude, he said he was getting stuff for dinner. I’m sure he’ll be back in like an hour,” Grizz extended his paw and touched Panda’s cheek.

“He didn’t say when?” Panda felt his voice go up a pitch. It was involuntary and certainly not what he wanted to come across as. He snatched Grizz’s paw from his cheek and held it in both of his own. “D-Dude, that’s kinda vital!”

“Chill out, Pan Pan,” Grizz put on a smile that was very clear didn’t reach his eyes. There was some sort of unspoken concern that made Panda’s belly twist inside of him.

It had been a long two weeks indeed. Panda for the longest time had felt both a rush of excitement every time Grizz held his paw under the table or snuck a kiss just as Ice Bear left the bathroom during morning routines. It felt sneaky and deceptive in a sense, and every time it happened he became more and more aware that he was never the one to initiate anything. He wasn’t just starting to become nervous around Grizz, but paranoid. His own bed was beginning to lose his own scent from the countless hours Grizz had spent cuddling him in the dead of the night when he would sneak in. The way Grizz would tug him closer by wrapping his arms around his body when their lips met was beginning to feel natural.

They hadn’t decided on what to call this. Whatever this was, anyway. In fact they had barely discussed it. There seemed to be some sort of unspoken rule that Panda had not objected to thus far that as long as they were alone Grizz was allowed to cuddle him and let their lips meet. It had been five days since he had stopped asking permission for the former, and two for the ladder. Even now Grizz broke the awkward silence by letting a smile split on his face that just three weeks ago wouldn’t have made Panda’s heart skip the way it did. He got up on his knees and slunk forward in an almost threatening kind of manner.

“You shouldn’t be nervous of him, you know,” Grizz teased, and Panda found his smile actually forcing itself back onto his lips. He let Grizz touch his sides and then wrap around his back as somehow it ended up that Grizz was lying on top of him, the couch creaking under their combined weight. “Cause I just remembered that you squealed when I nibbled your neck last night.”

“Y-You better not!” Panda cried out with a sudden giggle in his tone almost before Grizz licked his lips to somehow look the least bit like a hungry bear. Panda found himself grabbing Grizz to both try and hold him still in a hug and squirm whenever Grizz playfully licked at his neck and nibbled. Panda giggled, and felt a certain warmth expand in his chest like a balloon when he squeezed Grizz. In moments like this he could truly say he was enjoying himself. Where Grizz’s actions prolonged enough for him to enjoy the touch of Grizz’s warmth and take in his scent.

“Hehehehe,” Panda found himself giggling as Grizz kissed the side of his nose and then his lips. He had let himself become submissive to Grizz’s actions once more.

“You’re so cute,” Grizz said in a quiet, almost whimpering kind of tone.

TAP TAP TAP

“Gah!” Panda cried out and turned so suddenly that Grizz ended up falling from him and onto the floor. Grizz landed with a thud and Panda found himself staring at the ceiling frozen in sudden fear that gripped him from the stomach and seized his body all the way to his throat so he could no longer breathe. He sat up suddenly and clamped his paw over his heart. He was positive he had heard a noise.

“I’M OKAY!” Grizz lifted a hand and waved it, sitting up almost instantly. Grizz sat up and rubbed the side of his head. “Geeze, just tell me if it tickles too much next time.”

“I heard something!” Panda hissed, extending his upper paw to Grizz’s face and pushing it away before lifting a finger to his lips. He lowered his voice to a whisper. “On the window over there!”

“Dude, I did-”

TAP TAP TAP

Grizz frowned, and turned his head. It was the window right next to the television, and there was a flash of something in his eyes that looked like concern that made Panda feel it pound in his heart and bleed through his system. He pulled his legs to his chest and hugged them and stared at the drapes.

“W-What if it’s Charlie or something?” Panda questioned and pulled at the fur on top of his head. “Dude he’s gonna blab it to everybody he knows!”

“So just us and our bro?”

Grizz might have been trying to make a joke, but Panda pushed him by the shoulder and glared at him nonetheless. Their eyes met and Panda realized his were stinging, the fear beginning to truly get to him by now.

“I’m on it, Pan Pan,” Grizz nodded and got to his feet. He touched Panda’s shoulder, and for a moment there was an awkward pause where Panda involuntarily flinched at the touch. Grizz frowned, but turned away his face before Panda could see more of his expression. 

Panda got up and backed away from the couch and felt reminded all too easily that he reeked of Grizz’s scent. He had let Grizz get all over him. Grizz’s fur was mixed with his own, his taste still on Panda’s tongue, his saliva damp on Panda’s neck from where he had been licked. He felt as though he were coated in evidence.

Grizz opened the drape slowly and looked around, both left and right and then even up before settling down. He turned to Panda, a relieved looking smile on his face.

“Just a bird, Bro!” He laughed.

“Y-You sure?” Panda asked and hesitantly stepped forward. Sure enough, there was a small robin sitting on the sill of the cave window pecking at the glass. Panda didn’t smile, but he did sigh. Grizz gave him another look that was close to concern but also reassurance. He had grown to see that look a lot recently, now that he thought about it.

Panda stepped to the windowsill and gave it a look for himself. The bird flew away once it properly saw him and he too looked at the forest surrounding their home and bit the inside of his cheek. He saw nobody, but it didn’t stop him from staring for at least a solid minute until Grizz’s paw rested on his shoulder.

“Nobody saw us, bro,” Grizz tried to smile, but it was clear when their eyes met that it had gotten to him as well.

“Okay,” Panda nodded. The response sounded so generic and devoid of emotion that he felt his face grow warmer. He lifted his paw and closed the blinds, making positive that they were shut properly. Grizz touched his arm, and then hugged it, and then extended his neck to kiss Panda’s cheek. Panda’s muscles involuntarily seized up tightly.

“You wanna knock off the kissing stuff for a little?” Grizz asked. Panda hesitated very briefly, and then nodded. There was the slightest look in Grizz’s eye that seemed as though he wished to say something but didn’t. He released Panda’s arm, holding onto his paw a second longer than the rest of him, and then broke the chain entirely.

“Oh oh oh, I know!” Grizz shouted suddenly. Panda couldn’t help but wonder just how on earth the bear managed to snap his emotions back to happy in the blink of an eye. “I’ll whip up some snacks and we can watch a movie or play some video games. I’ll let you pick out anything you want, alright?”

“Grizz I-”

“No arguing! I’m gonna cheer you up!” Grizz tried his best to suddenly look assertive by crossing his arms and shaking his head. “Best bros make awesome snacks and get kissed when they make their lil bro feel better. Oh wait that’s just me!”

Grizz pulled back his cheeks with his paws to reveal as much of his smile as possible. Panda struggled to do much more than feel his chest tighten. When he tried to smile, knowing it was what Grizz wanted from him, he thought it felt forced and painfully so. Grizz giggled and turned away. If he had any hesitations about his sudden one-eighty in attitude Panda couldn’t read through it.

Once Grizz was in the kitchen and throwing open cupboards Panda let himself sigh. If Grizz wasn’t going to let him get away with sulking by himself he might as well go for the option that would let him browse his phone. He moved to the television cabinet and opened it up and began scanning through the movies they owned. Most of what Grizz had were action movies, and their other brother had a strange fascination with documentaries and workout video tapes. Panda looked to his shelf, the middle one, and saw about two dozen movies which were either romantic comedies or romance based in general. He kept most of his anime either in his room or on the laptop largely because Grizz had a tendency to break his stuff due to clumsiness if he left it out too long.

Panda blindly pulled out a few romantic comedy movies and stared at the humans on the covers. He found himself glancing from the cover of one movie with a man being pulled along by a leash with a dog staring at a girl behind him. The movie was called “I stole a Dog to impress my neighbor.”

A bit blunt, Panda thought.

He found himself looking to Grizz in the kitchen, who was now humming and swinging his hips back and forth as something sizzled from the stove top. He looked back to the DVD cover, and more in particular the girl on the front. He had always thought she looked beautiful, and often thought that the main character was justified for stealing a dog just to try and win her over. There were times in the climax of the movie when they kissed that Panda wondered what it would be like to kiss her. To kiss anybody, really.

“I want to be, a nacho man~” Grizz sung from the kitchen. He looked back to Panda and smiled. It wasn’t just a glance, he knew Grizz was checking up on him. To make sure he wasn’t moping or not doing as he was told to do. Grizz had done this before quite a bit. Try and make Panda distracted by anything other than what was making him nervous or sad. It usually never worked, but Grizz always tried.

He looked at another DVD, a more generic romantic comedy he bought only because he liked the actress. He could barely even remember the plot other than that it wasn’t funny at all and had put him to sleep the only time he had watched it. But still, the couple looked happy on the front.

“Hey, Pan Pan, made my famous four cheese nacho bomb!” Grizz was walking back into the kitchen with two bowls, one filled to the brim with cheese and chips, the other with beef separated for Grizz. Panda stared at him, and then back to the dvd covers. “You wanna watch a movie? That’s cool. What’d you pick?”

“I dunno,” Panda shrugged, and bit the inside of his cheek. He opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again. Suddenly a thought was pricking inside of his mind like a thorn that he needed to free. “Grizz, what are we doing?”

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhh,” Grizz drew out the sound for a long time. He blinked and glanced to the food in his paws with his mouth slightly ajar. “Nacho bomb movie marathon?”

“No, not that!” Panda snapped and got to his feet. He clutched the dvd and showed the cover to Grizz, holding it out in front of him. “I mean, look at this!”

“Dude is that the actor from Action Buddies 2?” Grizz let a goofy smile split across his lips.

“Grizz!”

“G-Gah, sorry, sorry!” Grizz shook his head and set down the two bowls quickly before holding up his paws in a surrender stance. “Uh it’s uh, one of your romance movies, right? Uh, they’re kissing and hugging and… I-I dunno Pan Pan, you feeling okay?”

“No, just… I used to watch stuff like this all the time.” Panda frowned and planted one of his paws over his face on the left side. “I thought this was what normal relationships were like. Y’know, cute and happy and with a lot of kissing and cuddling. Like the kinda stuff in anime that I… I mean other people… wrote fanfiction about. None of them ever have drapes closed or bears or two guys or… brothers…”

Grizz frowned. For a moment he extended his paw and then withdrew it. It was clear that his mind was rattling with what to say, but for the moment he was drawing a long blank.

“We’re not… normal… Normal couples don’t hide from everybody like this.”

“Are we a couple?” Grizz suddenly asked. There was a trace of something in his tone that resembled hopefulness that Panda bit his tongue at. It was eagerness and excitement that Grizz was very badly trying to contain. 

Panda brought the DVD to his chest. After a long silence he finally shrugged his shoulders and stared down to the ground between them. Grizz frowned and Panda closed his eyes momentarily.

“Kissing feels good,” Panda mumbled just when he re-opened them.

“Totally,” Grizz agreed and let on a smile. “Especially when you squirm and cuddle me back when you do it…. S-Sorry, that just popped in my head.”

Panda giggled, much to Grizz’s relief by the way he sighed and turned his head away in a bad attempt to hide it. There it was again, just a little spark of that reassurance that made everything not seem so weird.

“Do you think that this isn’t just feeling good?” Panda asked, and met Grizz’s eyes. “I mean… I’ve wanted a girlfriend my whole life. You make me feel like I want you to do stuff to me that I wanted to do to a girl and it’s just… really weird?”

Panda touched both his cheeks, the DVD case now covering most of his face.

“It’s all just really weird, Grizz. Hiding and kissing and you acting like my big brother still and me wanting to let you do all of it is just… I don’t know,” Panda grumbled and crossed his arms again. “I wanted to post stuff about my first relationship all over and brag about it but now I’m scared of anybody seeing. I was gonna tag them in everything and send cute messages back and forth and be like those annoying couples online! I hate those people, Grizz!”

“Dude I think you’re flipping.” Grizz opened his mouth and began to speak, but then closed it. He sighed and shrugged his shoulders before extending his paws and grabbing one of Panda’s own. “Calm down, alright? I just wanna… I don’t wanna freak you out, okay?”

Panda swallowed a lump in his throat and let Grizz squeeze his paw.

“I just like what we’re doing,” Grizz smiled. “I freaked out when I thought it was somebody at the window, too.”

Panda didn’t say anything and simply looked to the floor.

“I’m not what you wanted, am I? To kiss and do the stuff we do, I mean.” Grizz asked and tilted his head.

“Grizz,” Panda mumbled. He opened his mouth, and then closed it.

“I mean, I didn’t think I wanted to date you or anything till a while ago… Didn’t think about it much at all. I still can’t believe you let me kiss you,” Grizz giggled and swayed a bit back and forth. “Again and again and again and aga-”

“O-Okay, I get it,” Panda giggled just when Grizz was starting to pull on his paw and hold it to the center of his chest. “But I ju-”

“And again,” Grizz insisted.

“Griz-”

“And again!” Grizz said a little louder.

Panda felt a smile fight at his lips. Grizz had this gleeful almost puppydog look in his eyes. His teeth were glimmering even in the darkness of the room. He looked cute, he really did. 

“If I kiss you will you stop saying it?” Panda asked.

Grizz nodded. Panda felt his cheeks flush but he giggled as well. Once again the spark came, and he felt like he was right. He kissed Grizz’s cheek and then his lips, holding for a few seconds before parting. Grizz giggled halfway through it and grabbed Panda to hug him. Though the nerves inside Panda momentarily flickered he let his muscles loosen until he felt comfortable hugging Grizz back. Even when they parted their kiss they simply stood there.

“So do you think we’re a couple, Pan Pan?” Grizz mumbled into Panda’s neck. He squeezed Panda’s sides and buried his muzzle deeper as if trying to muffle the words that already escaped. “I’d be totally stoked if you were my cute little boyfriend.”

“I dunno,” Panda shrugged. “B-Boyfriend sounds… Oh geeze… I like this right now, though? Does that count?”

Panda could feel the outline of a smile in his shoulder before Grizz parted.

“Yeah,” Grizz nodded his head. “Totally.”


	8. Birthday

"Happy Birthday to yooooou!" Grizz sung, quite loudly at that, to his brother whose face was buried against the surface of the table with his paws covering either side of his head so nothing was visible past the very edges of a deep rooted blush much deeper than Grizz had ever seen.

 

"Please stop," Panda whined. His words seeped with embarrassment and shame that only made Grizz sing a few pitches louder. He was tone deaf, and horribly so. 

 

Grizz grabbed Panda by his shoulders, forcibly swaying his brother side to side. If the brown bear was aware of the fact that at least two thirds of the diner were staring at their little booth in the corner he didn’t let it get to him. If anything, he seemed to relish in the fact. A young boy no more than four years old had begun singing in two tables away as well, his parents trying to hush him up.

 

"Happppppy Birthday to Pan Pan!" Grizz sung and found himself wiggling in his seat. "Happy birthday to you!"

 

As soon as Grizz finished singing there was a loud, unexpected pop followed by a sudden stream of colors being fired at his face.

 

"Gah!" Panda was the one to pop up first, fear in his eyes at the explosion sound just as an array of red and yellow landed on his face and got tangled up in his ears.

 

"Ice Bear is happy for you," The polar bear spoke, his claws gripping a small confetti cannon that Grizz couldn’t remember seeing him sneak in.

 

"Hey knock it off with the racket or I’ll kick you bears out!" A waitress yelled from across the diner. 

 

Any shred of confidence or courage that Panda might have built up due to Grizz ceasing his loud, attention-drawing singing, was instantly dashed and ruined due to this. He buried his face in his paws and whimpered, loudly. The bear was mumbling again and again something along the lines of; "I hate you guys I hate you guys I hate you guys."

 

Grizz scooted closer to Panda, wrapping an arm around his little brother's back and one over his arm to pull it down past his face so Grizz could see his eyes dart away and flushed cheeks continue to burn red. Grizz leaned in and gave that cheek a quick peck. In that moment he felt Panda's muscles tense, but Grizz kept it short enough to where it didn't seem too off and too unnatural. Something that he had been growing good at, and luckily for him it fit into the joke of embarrassing his poor, shaken up brother.

 

"But me and Ice love you, which is why we're totally not gonna judge you if you have chocolate cake for breakfast lunch and dinner," Grizz giggled. His lips were so close to Panda's ear that he felt his hot breath bounce back against his face.

 

"Ice Bear does not recommend poor dietary choices."

 

"Why I'M totally not gonna judge you," Grizz had to correct himself, throwing his other brother a quick look across the booth.

 

"I think I'm gonna throw up," Panda admitted, still reeling down from the embarrassment. Grizz felt a tiny pang of guilt that passed all too quickly when Panda's paw pressed with his own. It was under the table and out of sight, and due to the way Grizz was pressing up against Panda and Panda was leaning away as if it bothered him it wasn't totally obvious. Grizz felt the tip of a claw run against the palm of his paw before those digits locked around his.

 

Grizz brushed the confetti from Panda's face and giggled again. Panda in this time worked up just enough courage to let their eyes meet before looking away, and Grizz looked down to his lips. He felt an urge creep up to the back of his mind to kiss Panda as he had done exactly half a million times this morning, so early that his secret lover was upset to be woken up. But it was worth the annoyance and having to fight for affection over Panda's exhausted annoyance, because it meant that he could taste Panda without interruption. To make Panda feel loved today had kept him up to the point where he had little to no idea how he was still standing.

 

"G-Grizz, you're doing that dopey smile thing," Panda spoke up. Grizz blinked, and for a moment realized that he had almost let himself kiss Panda like that in public. He leaned off his brother and felt Panda squeeze at his paw. A sense of embarrassment all his own rushed to Grizz's veins and he found himself chuckling.

 

Grizz turned his attention to the other side of the table to see that their brother was taking all of their napkins and folding them into origami mindlessly. In fact he barely even seemed to see the so-called ‘dopey' look Panda claimed he had.

 

Out of the corner of his eye Grizz noticed a flutter of movement and saw that their waitress was approaching. She made a quick joke about Grizz's singing talent that Panda grumbled under his breath at and Grizz thanked her for, not seeming to fully take in the meaning of sarcasm. Grizz had tried to actually make Panda order the chocolate cake and nothing else, but the younger bear was stubborn and insisted on eating something more akin to what he usually liked. When the waitress walked away Panda had already pulled out his phone, slipping his paw away from Grizz's so he could hold it with both hands.

 

"Alright bros, we got a big super long super fun day planned out!" Grizz leaned inward to the table. "Favorite diner with the cute little silly straws in the drinks Panda likes is underway and a big fat check!"

 

"Grizz did you seriously make a checklist for today?" Panda shot Grizz a sideways glance with the beginnings of a frown threatening to overtake the corners of his lips. "That's sort of eccentric, even for you."

 

"I just wanna see my lil' Pan Pan smile like the gorgeous bear he is!" Grizz demonstrated this with a large, toothy smile of his own. "Alright, we have the mall and that little korean novelty shop and the cake slice parlor with the cute little frosting designs you like!"

 

"Aren't you just gonna get bored and whine till we leave like you always do?" Panda asked suspiciously.

 

"Do not!" Grizz defended himself.

 

Panda chuckled, and in less than a few moments the smile that Grizz so desired to see came to his face. Under the table Grizz tried to gingerly slip his paw onto Panda's knee and give it a tiny squeeze, and he was rewarded with the vaguest hints of pink on his new lover's cheeks. Panda may have tried to attempt to hide this expression by turning his attention to his phone. Within moments his eyes lit up, and his smile grew even wider.

 

"Duuuuuude, I have like thirty messages!" Panda's voice grew high pitched and excited sounding. He started giggling and squirming in place, holding his phone close to his chest as if he desired to hug it. "That's twenty more than when I woke up!"

 

"Ice Bear is jealous of your popularity." The polar bear across the table chipped in. By this point he had taken every napkin and had made it into a different design. Grizz briefly tried to recall if he had ever seen his brother do anything like this before but then pushed the thought away when he heard Panda's giggle.

 

A flush of warmth crossed over Grizz's own cheeks. The sound had become so common that he had assumed he would be used to it by now. The rush of butterflies that entered his chest and filled him to the brim whenever Panda made the kind of giggle that sounded as though he tried desperately to hold in but simply couldn't was music to his ears. He found himself smiling in a goofy kind of way that Panda would more than likely have called dopey again if he were paying attention.

 

"Look look!" Panda said excitedly, handing Grizz his phone. Almost without thinking Grizz took it and felt Panda's arms wrapped around his left one. A sound came from Grizz's mouth that was somewhere between surprised and excited. Panda didn't even seem to notice that he instinctively had hugged Grizz and continued to cling to him like that. The younger bear was resting his chin on Grizz's shoulder, and a good thirty seconds had passed before Grizz realized he hadn't so much as looked at the phone.

 

There were at least five messages on screen from people Grizz didn't recognize that were all wishing Panda a happy birthday. Panda had replied to each of them, usually with some kind of emoticon or a heart symbol. Grizz felt his smile stretch, the thought of how cute Panda was running through his head again and again. He scrolled up the page, Panda seeming to have started at the bottom, with the messages seeming to repeat the same wishes.

 

Grizz got to the top of the page to see a header of some kind of animated cast of character that he also didn't recognize and realized he had gotten to the top of the list. He spotted Panda's username, Pan456, along with a few other details. But something stuck out to him that made Grizz's smile freeze, and his eyes gleam a bit less brighter. He frowned, seeing a sort of foreboding-like text under Panda's short bio that he was indeed, single.

 

The phone made a sound similar to a tweeting bird and Panda giggled again, snatching the phone back.

 

"There's another!" Panda said with glee in his tone.

 

"G-Great for you, Pan Pan," Grizz said fast. He was thankful that Panda didn't seem to hear the stutter in his tone, which he quickly covered up with a cough, and instead started staring at his phone once more.

 

A sinking feeling hit Grizz's chest, and fast. A mix of emotions that were dissimilar to quite anything he had felt in a while seemed to come crashing down. The never ending high he had felt all that morning and even the days prior deflated just a bit, and a frown crossed his lips. He asked himself why he cared, and couldn't come up with an answer. Seeing Panda so happy and squirming and giggling should have made him far happier than he was, but it still felt as though a poison lingered on his tongue.

 

"Oh hey, it's from Juliet," Panda said casually, as if it wasn't a big deal and it didn't have an impact in the atmosphere. "She says Happy Birthday too, that's nice."

 

A feeling that Grizz didn't think he would feel again struck him, and fast. Jealousy. Ugly, bitter jealousy that gnawed at him like sharp teeth that made his toes curl and his claws dig into his knees under the table. He found himself looking away from Panda, something he couldn't even conceive of moments earlier, and biting on his tongue.

 

"Y-You still talk with Juliet?"

 

"Hmm?" Panda asked. "Yeah, sometimes? You alright, Grizz?"

 

Grizz didn't answer, and felt his eyes go narrow. He kept his mouth shut and shook his head, trying again to smile and realizing just again how it hurt. He knew that it wouldn't reach his eyes no matter how hard he tried right now. Two gut punchers that by all means he thought wouldn't have affected him had struck him.

 

"Yeah, just hungry is all," Grizz tried to laugh. It was dry sounding. Hollow might be a better word, even.

 

"Alright, here you go boys!"

 

The waitress had returned without Grizz realizing it. It had caused him to jump and stare at her, her bright red lipstick stretched into a grin as she set down three plates before the three bears. Grizz looked down to his own plate to see steak and eggs piled on top of each other and felt his appetite be less prevalent than ever. It smelled delicious, but all it did was make his stomach turn.

 

"Happy Birthday, cutie," The waitress rested her hand briefly on Panda's shoulder and gave him a quick wink. When she turned away Panda blushed, clearly so, and put his paw to his lip to giggle.

 

"Hehehe, she called me cute," Panda whispered in a devious tone.

 

If Grizz were in a better mood with a bit straighter mindset he might have taken this as a chance to think clearly and say something flirtatious, such as "Well you are!" Or "No duh bro."

 

But nothing came to Grizz's mind. He stabbed his steak with a fork and frowned. He thought again of the words he said no less than one week prior and thought of himself as nothing more than a hypocrite. How he had promised if not swore that he was fine without forcing Panda to undergo a label and call Grizz his boyfriend. He thought of how just the night before Panda had let him rest his head on his belly as he wrote in his diary, and now the thought crossed his mind if he had been writing about their day together, and if he referred to Grizz the same as he always did.

 

A voice in Grizz's mind from a place he didn't like, a mean place, spoke in a voice that hurt not because it was threatening, but because it was his own. Like some sort of grim reminder that he didn't want to acknowledge but had come up by force.

 

"He's just using you to test the water, you know," The voice almost sighed, as if it were explaining to Grizz something trivial and treating him like a small, uneducated child. "Doesn't wanna be held down by making it official. You heard him say he always imagined kissing a pretty girl and not a big, dumb bear, right?"

 

"Mmmm…" Grizz found himself audibly growling, as in an attempt to chase the voice away. Instead he felt a paw fall onto his own and he jumped, looking over to a mildly concerned looking Panda.

 

"You alright, Grizz?" Panda asked. Panda's paw didn't feel as warm as it normally did, and it was removed quickly due to being out from under the table. "Did they mess up your order or something? They'll probably spit in your food if you make them take it back."

 

"Ice Bear would spit in your food if you complained at home."

 

"Huh?" Grizz asked, his body taking a few moments to catch up to his thought process. He shook his head, looking back down to his plate. "N-No man, just… can I get out to use the bathroom?"

 

"Uh, sure," Panda nodded his head. He slipped out of the booth quietly and kept both hands together and near his chest when Grizz slipped out next to him. Panda had a concerned look on his face, one that had already begun to worry Grizz. Despite the emotions he was feeling right now that had cropped up from so little he felt the very real fear and possibility of ruining Panda's birthday due to his own emotions acting up.

 

Grizz didn't say anything, but nodded to Panda before sulking off. He kept his head down and didn't look or smile to any of the patrons like he normally would and went to the bathroom which thankfully as at the complete opposite end of the restaurant. Even more thankfully, when he slipped in it was empty. 

 

Grizz walked up to the sink and put his paws on either end as though he feared he might fall if he didn't otherwise. He turned on the water and breathed in a sharp gasp, not realizing until now that he actually hadn't been breathing for at least thirty seconds. He looked at his own reflection in the mirror and realized if he had been faking his emotions, he had been doing it really badly. He looked as though he had just rolled out of bed from having a nightmare and was both disheveled and exhausted. 

 

Grizz brushed down some of the rough fur on the side of his head. Cleanliness was something Panda liked, and it didn't take long for him to make the connection that the better care he kept of himself the more Panda was willing to snuggle up near him and bury his muzzle in his chest. But still, rolling around on the bed after all of that had made his fur not so neat. Kissing Panda on his neck and letting his brother's claws rake desperately through the fur on his sides trying to get him off because it tickled so much didn't help either. He thought of the morning again and again, how that hour had passed so fast yet seemed to drag on forever. How Panda had worked up the courage to nibble on Grizz's neck. Grizz tried to recapture that excitement and lust and even affection that had flowed through him, but came up short.

 

"Of course he still talks to Juliet," Grizz mumbled audibly. It was as though he were giving the voice that taunted him fuel by truly making it his own. The thought made him shudder. They hadn't actually talked about Juliet, and worse yet Grizz failed to recall if he had even mentioned just how much her and Panda talking bothered him in the first place. He felt misguided blame that he wanted to direct at Panda strike himself, and guilt seeped from the wound that it had made.

 

Grizz glanced to the mirror and then away. He had been so happy just moments before, and now that it was gone it seemed impossible to reclaim it. His claws buried as best they could against the sides of the sink and the brown bear felt his eyes water. He had envisioned this day, and planned it out all for the hope that Panda would be happy. 

 

Grizz thought about how Panda had held his paw under the table and out of sight. When placed his paws under the faucet and let the water run over them he bit into his lip. They had done it at home, too. Held paws under the table if for brief periods of time. They had been careful not to seem too clingy, too engrossed, too… lustful of each other.

 

Something wet ran against Grizz’s upper cheek, and with a startled gasp he realized that it was a tear. For just a moment he had let his emotions get the best of him. He shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut. A whimper escaped his lips, and all too fast he felt angry at himself for letting his thoughts drag him this far down.

 

With a quick reach of his paw Grizz snatched several paper towels from a dispenser and placed them against his face. He tried to wipe away the escaped tears and the snot that would make him an unappealing mess if he let it build up too much. Of all the things that made him upset, the realization that he craved Panda’s warmth to make him feel better somehow made him feel worse.

 

"Pull it together," Grizz mumbled and crumpled up the paper towels. He tried not to think of the fact that Panda probably didn’t want it as badly, how it was more than just taking things slow and simply some entertainment before a better offer came along. But these thoughts were toxic and left a stain.

 

Grizz felt his heart sink, and realized that he had a long day ahead of him.


	9. Abandon

Grizz felt a spike of discomfort rumble around in his system for a number large enough where he had begun to lose track of it. It came in waves, that discomfort. Sometimes when he looked at Panda and his mind was distracted for a second he felt it fade away, though it felt like the thought was a vengeful tide that sucked him deeper into the ocean’s pull whenever he caught a glimmer of freedom. He felt out of place and full of emotions that felt like something that belonged to a version of him that he didn’t like to confront. His thoughts had been running faster than his paws that day, which incidentally had been sore on perhaps the most tedious long day of his life.

“Aw, this one has little pink lilies for eyes,” A giggle from Panda was somewhere in another aisle. The sound of it brought a bubbling caldron of feelings that ranged from momentarily happy to hear to annoyed that he was unable to bask in it. “It’s kinda cute.”

“Ice Bear thinks that one is ugly,” Their other brother chimed in with his usual deadpan sort of voice. 

“What? You got no taste, my bro,” Panda made a ‘tut’ sort of sound after he spoke. After a moment he spoke up again as if to reconsider. “Maybe you’re right. I feel like the eyes are following me. Creepy.”

When Grizz looked over his shoulder between the shelves of the next aisle over he could see Panda and his other brother standing together holding up small little charms similar to the one that hung from Panda’s phone now, which he was holding in his other paw. Around his neck was a new light pink scarf and over his eyes were sunglasses with a purple tint. Behind the shades Panda turned to spot Grizz and smiled happily, the kind of smile that Grizz recognized as really enjoying himself.

Grizz smiled back, but the corners of his mouth felt raw as though he had been working a muscle that was foreign to his daily routine. He adverted Panda’s gaze quickly, and found another one of those voices that had been creeping into his thoughts prick his mind like a sharp needle’s edge.

“Does he really not care to see I’ve been feeling like this all day?”

The thought was bitter. Grizz didn’t enjoy bitter. Without thinking Grizz put a paw over his own chest and ran his claw along the shelf of items he had been staring at for quite some time yet hadn’t exactly let sink in what exactly they were. The little korean novelty shop in the back of the mall was one of Panda’s favorite stores for reasons that Grizz never understood. Just being here now reminded Grizz of his brother no matter where he looked in things he wouldn’t have expected. Some novelty chopsticks, some bamboo scented candles, and about a dozen panda-themed trinkets if the message wasn’t enough on the nose already.

For the first time in his entire life Grizz wanted to go home. He didn’t want to be out and about with people to see him. The thought of curling up in his bed where he didn’t have to think and fake the feelings that had been gnawing on him like a maddening flea for an itch he couldn’t quite scratch.

“Oh man Juliet’s gonna love this, I gotta send her a picture!”

Grizz felt a growl rise in his throat involuntarily that faded into a visible flinch as though he had been flicked on his ear. He tried to mask it by beginning to walk to the end of the aisle, though he stared straight down at his paws. When he got to the end he turned the corner and peaked his head to see a bright flashing light on Panda’s phone go off. He giggled again with a big, goofy smile on his face that just yesterday Grizz melted at the sight of. Even now he felt drawn to it in a way that felt like a craving or need.

There was the wave. Little reminders that he couldn’t help but pick out and notice echoed off one another if he paid close enough attention, which always hurt to do so. Even now, the mention of Juliet one of those reminders. Grizz felt a feeling that he had grown sadly used to lately, jealousy, bloom somewhere in his stomach and then expand. He felt a desire to be the one Panda showed whatever made him so excited and happy first and foremost. Not Juliet or the internet or even their other brother, but him. Just earlier in the diner when Panda was grabbing and hugging his arm he was so excited about the attention he received online felt like a memory that Grizz desired to relieve.

“It’s already got one like, sweet.” Panda wiggled his hips a bit before lowering his phone from his face and looking to their polar bear brother, who had been silently holding three bags of Panda’s from various stores they had visited throughout the day. “Hey, what do you think of these two,”

Grizz watched Panda hold up two little trinkets that he couldn’t quite make out, so he turned away and pressed his back to the aisle before crossing his arms. He sighed and closed his eyes.

“Ice Bear holds no strong opinion,” The polar bear responded. “And Ice Bear’s paws are sore. Ice Bear would like to go home soon.”

“Yeah yeah we’re going right after this. No strong opinions my butt,” Panda grumbled in that slightly mocking tone he gave off. “Geez, fine, these are what I want. Just go check them out and I swear we can go back to the cave, alright? Last bus leaves in like half an hour anyway. I’ll try and find Grizz.”

“Ice Bear is not your servant.”

“You’re the one with all the cash so just go! I’ll pay you back when we get home!”  
“Ice Bear doubts that.”

A long silence followed where Grizz kept his eyes shut, his thoughts for once finally settling down to a bearable calm. He let out a long winded sigh and felt his shoulders slouch.

“Grizz!”

“Ah!” Grizz felt his heartbeat jump as well as his body when his eyes snapped open and he felt a strong tug he wasn’t expecting on his paw. Panda had got closer than he realized and was now staring at him with a sense of intent. “P-Pan Pan.”

“Geez you’re jumpy,” Panda rolled his eyes. He was now gripping Grizz’s paw with both of his own and pulling it closer to his chest. “C’mon, our little bro’s getting grumpy and you’re quiet for once so I’m guessing you’re tired too.”

It was true. Grizz felt tired unlike he could remember in quite a long time. He had been keeping up the charade well up until about an hour ago when he felt closer and closer to crashing and letting it be known to Panda that he was beginning to feel how he did. 

Grizz felt Panda give him a tug and without really thinking about it Grizz took three steps down the aisle by Panda’s lead. Ahead he saw their brother at the cash register handing over money to an old man who looked like the weight of the bills might tumble him down. Something came over him for just a second and Grizz stopped and pulled on Panda’s paw roughly.

“G-Gah, what the heck?” Panda whined, his shades slipping down a few inches and his scarf becoming unknotted from around his neck due to the force Grizz used to tug on him.

“Can I talk to you for a sec, Pan Pan?” Grizz asked quietly. The irritation in Panda’s eyes faded and was quickly replaced with a mild worry. Grizz didn’t have room in his already bumbling head to worry much about making Panda worried and simply pulled back on the paws that he had already locked with his own to the end of the aisle once more and then down a few more.

“G-Grizz, what are you doing?” Panda asked while being pulled down various rows of text in a language Grizz didn’t understand and images of dragons and novelty items that he would never have an interest in. Grizz didn’t answer Panda’s question until they were at the very back of the small store where he was sure no customers were. “It’s already late, we don’t have time to screw around.”

Grizz let Panda wriggle his paw free the next time he tried and the two stopped, Grizz crossing his arms with his back turned to Panda for the moment. His mind was buzzing as he himself wondered why he had brought Panda back here in such a knee-jerk reaction kind of a way.

“Are you happy?” Grizz found the words coming to his mouth.

“Huh?” Panda replied. A long silence followed where Grizz found it increasingly difficult to take in a deep breath. He turned to look over his shoulder, watching Panda reach up to his sunglasses to slip them off his face and fold them slowly. “Y-Yeah, I’ve been having a fun day. You’re acting kind of weird bu-”

“No, not that,” Grizz turned slowly and found it hard to look into Panda’s eyes for more than a second. “I mean… this!” He reached out a paw and grabbed Panda’s own and squeezed it with both of his. “Y-You and me, I mean.”

“G-Grizz,” A blush was beginning to form on Panda’s cheeks, but Grizz saw something in his eye that caught him more. That dismissive, shy look that told Grizz he was coming on too strong. A look he had seen a dozen times when they were together in public but only now began to question. “I mean… w-we’re just… You’re being loud...”

“This morning,” Grizz said, lowering his voice. While he felt irritation spike the desire to keep himself from cornering Panda more than he already was came out stronger in him. “When I snuck into your room really early and crawled into bed with you, was that what you like?”

“I-I don’t know,” Panda responded sheepishly. “I-I guess, I mean.”

Panda’s stuttering was becoming more frequent. As each second ticked by antagonizing slowly Grizz felt the words he wanted to express become more jumbled and convoluted. Every time Grizz opened his mouth to speak he closed it because he expected more of a response from Panda, whose cheeks were now flushed nearly entirely.

“I mean just talking and kissing you and being with you made me happy,” Grizz said and found a lump forming in his throat that he needed to force himself to swallow. “A-And I was thinking how I’ve been doing that a lot… and how I’m always the one to go to your room and you never come to mine.”

“Grizz what are you getting at?” Panda mumbled. Grizz felt his brother’s paw squirm from his grasp and felt a sting hit his eyes that he wasn’t expecting. He watched Panda for a bit look left and right and over his shoulder trying to make sure that the two of them were entirely alone. 

“A-And when you talk about all those movies you like with romance and you talk about how pretty the girls are and how you think about dating them,” Grizz began babbling almost the second Panda had stopped talking. “And you always say how girls are pretty and talk about dating them and how you’ve always just wanted your first kiss. And you still talk to Juliet even though you and me started t-”

“Grizz, you’re being really loud,” Panda’s voice was so quiet now that Grizz could barely make out what he was trying to say. He was pressing his paws together and squeezing his claws. He looked smaller somehow despite only an inch or two height difference between them. Panda wouldn’t meet Grizz’s eye no matter how long he was stared at.

And then it happened. Grizz felt all the piling emotions he was feeling break a damn that was never meant to last.

“Do you even want to kiss me?!” Grizz yelled.

Silence fell, and hard. Grizz had shouted that loud enough for the entire store to hear. Grizz didn’t realize it until now but his chest was heaving. He saw Panda look up and saw a gaze that he had hoped to not see, which was his eyes looking wet. Panda had a look that Grizz knew well because he had grown up with it, the kind that he was about two seconds from crying. Panda’s paws were shaking, and when he opened his mouth no sound came out.

“Please, Grizz,” Panda managed to squeak in a way that Grizz knew he was about to break. “I didn’t want…”

“Ice Bear is confused.”

Grizz whipped his head to the right and down the aisle. At the end stood their brother, the polar bear holding one more bag than before. He was staring unblinking with an expression that was impossible for Grizz to read. He took a step closer, and then another. Grizz heard a whimper escape Panda and before his mind could even process what he had done Panda stepped forward.

“N-No, it’s not that, we didn’t… T-That’s insane, right?” Panda laughed, though it came out shaking and almost akin to the start of crying. His words were difficult to come out and Grizz found himself staring at the back of Panda’s head with his own breath caught and unable to escape.

“Right, Grizz?” Panda turned around with desperation in his gaze. He looked scared. He looked like the bear Grizz felt an unshakable need to comfort and be with just a few weeks prior in the midst of a storm. Only now his mind drew a blank, and his thoughts became mush. Whenever he tried to connect a thought in his head the railway broke and he had to start over.

“Grizz!” Panda snapped. “It’s not… it’s nothing weird, right?”

“I…” Grizz trailed off. He took a step to the left, turning away from the two.

“I gotta go,” Grizz said as if it were muscle memory. He began walking, panic setting in and fast. And then when he was at the edge of the store blind to anything but his own movement he began running. He thought he heard Panda call out to him or something similar to that, or maybe it was his other brother.

But right now Grizz was running, and that felt right.


	10. Lightening

"Grizz!" Panda half shouted, half gasped the word when he clutched at his chest. Sometime when he had been running after Grizz, blinded by feelings he couldn't quite put into words, he had lost his new sunglasses. He had heard them smash against the marble floor of the mall but he didn't bother to stop for them. Panda tried to look around at the people leaving the mall, realizing only now that it was growing dark faster than he had anticipated, but Grizz was nowhere to be seen.

There was a pain in Panda's stomach that was physical, something similar to a cramp. He had eaten far too much that day at lunch and running even this short distance was beginning to upset him. His breaths came fast and a voice in the back of his head berating him for not being fast enough began to take footing.

Panda looked up when he took a few steps out of the mall and realized that there was no sight of the moon nor stars despite the darkened life of the city. The sky was dark in the kind of way that Panda only recognized as cloudy like an approaching storm.

"Grizz, come on!" Panda yelled blindly forward, cupping both paws on either side of his mouth. "Come on man, let's just talk!"

"Ice Bear is still confused."

"GAH!"

Panda jumped at the sound of his other brother and spun around. He didn't realize it at first, but Panda was standing defensively as though he were a cornered animal. His brother stared at him without looking like he had even broken a sweat running behind him.

"L-Look it's not important," Panda flinched reluctantly when he felt his own stutter. He turned around and pointed forward into the mass. "Do you see Grizz anywhere? The bus leaves in like twenty minutes and he's just gone, bro!"

"Ice Bear wants answers."

Panda's words were deflected entirely. He found himself holding his breath despite the fact that he was still struggling to catch it. Panda didn't want to have this conversation alone with his other brother, not ever. He wasn't sure if he could handle it alone. The few times Panda had even toyed with the idea of letting probably one of the biggest secrets he had ever had in his life out were when he could imagine Grizz there to fill in for what he struggled to say. He wanted Grizz here now more than ever, for without him the panic was already beginning to take hold.

"I-I…" Panda trailed off. His eyes were stinging. He was scared more than he liked to admit. As if to only taunt him further he took a step backward from the mall and heard thunder crackle in the sky the moment his paw touched down. Panda flinched again, and couldn't help but realize his heart rate had only accelerated since he had stopped running, not slowed down. "G-Grizz is…"

"Ice Bear…"

"I know!" Panda snapped, hitting both paws to either side of his head to cover his ears. "Just drop it for now, okay? I-I can't think and Grizz is gone and if I don't know what to tell you unless he's here!"

Silence fell for a time where Panda was scared to even look to his polar bear brother. He thought of the guilt that he had been pushing aside for weeks now whenever he held Grizz's paw under the table during breakfast or squirmed out of Grizz's extended morning hugs when Ice Bear walked into the bathroom. That guilt was now growing in a way he couldn't ignore due to the confrontation he was presented with. His mind was racing between worrying about Grizz and worrying about what to tell the brother before him.

"W-We always talked about t-telling you together." Panda felt his body tremble. Thunder cracked again. It sounded closer this time, less distant. The air smelled of rain but his nose was beginning to feel clogged by his own snot. "P-Please bro just…"

A paw reached out slowly and touched his own. Panda sniffled and looked down to the white paw gripping at his. The polar bear drew closer and gave Panda a brief, stiff hug. It was short, not enough time for Panda to entirely process, and when it ended Panda got a swift jab to his belly hard enough to force a slightly embarrassing 'Eep!" out of him.

"Don't lie to Ice Bear."

Panda's brother didn't look happy. He didn't look like anything, really. It was harder than normal for Panda to even get the slightest reading from him. But he nodded slowly, rubbing his belly where he had been jabbed, and soon began to wipe at his eyes.

"He's not far, right?" Panda asked hopefully to the bear who could provide no answers. Once again he gave a sweep of the darkened entrance to the mall. No sign of Grizz near the fountain now beaming with artificial lights nor anywhere he could see even if he strained his eyes. "He's never ditched us like that before. He's gotta come back before the bus leaves, right?"

"Ice Bear doesn't know." The polar bear replied.

Panda sniffled, only now beginning to take in the weight of what Grizz had been asking him. That guilt that he had been shifting onto the polar bear was now beginning to reside on Grizz. Panda had been having fun that entire day, and when he tried to think back to a time where he might have set Grizz off to do something like that he struggled. Nevertheless worry came and all he could think of was Grizz's panicked tone and needy words.

"I-I'm gonna look for him," Panda said. "I'm the reason he's upset, so I should go."

"Ice Bear thinks it's a bad time to split up," The polar bear stated quite bluntly. Panda bit the inside of his cheek, looking to his brother over his shoulder.

"Then you should check the bus stop," Panda said, pointing in the general direction. "We saw him run out the door so we know he's somewhere close by, right? Maybe he just went to wait there for us. Even if he won't talk to you we'll know where he is, right? I can be there before the bus leaves if I find him."

Ice Bear stared blankly for a long time, long enough for Panda to feel his stomach twist, and then finally nodded. Wordlessly the two split and Panda began scanning the area. It was late, but it was still a large city in a busy mall. There were people everywhere, but no bear stood out.

"Grizz!" Panda shouted, cupping his paws yet again. There was no response other than a few people looking in his direction. He ignored their stares, despite the fact that a gentle blush grew on his face, and then lifted his paws to call out again.

"Gr-"

BOOM!

Panda jumped and covered his head. A few people around him gasped as well when the roar of thunder died down into crackling embers. Somewhere out of the corner of his eye Panda spotted a bolt of lightening strike somewhere in the distance. Wordlessly a lot of the people around began stuffing their phones into their pockets and standing up from where they were sitting. He saw one mother pull her daughter along quickly past him and an uncomfortable feeling began to reside within him.

"Grizz!" Panda shouted, more urgently this time. He fished his phone out and tried to check the time for the bus, but felt his heart sink when the screen remained dark. Panda had been out the entire day, and it seemed almost mocking to him that his phone choose now of all times to run out of power.

Panda began to jog, ignoring the quickly rising cramp in his gut by gripping his paw over it. He was looking around, when he approached the sidewalk of the mall and had to push his way through a few people just to see the other side of the street.

"E-Excuse me," Panda said quickly, running past the crowd before he had a chance to hear any sort of apology. He stopped dead very suddenly when he felt something wet hit his nose. He clamped his paws over it and then felt another hit the top of that, and then a third hit his shoulder. He looked up just in time to flinch at another crash of thunder, which was becoming increasingly frequent. The universe itself seemed to be against him finding Grizz at this point.

Panda hadn't even begun to asked the why until now, as a few more drops began to splash against his shoulders. Lightning flashed in the distance. He knew Grizz was upset at him, but for why he struggled to understand. He thought now of the times he had pushed Grizz off of him when he thought he had heard their brother walking through the halls or thought too many people were starring. He thought of the way his mind had been during their kisses even that morning, when Grizz had climbed into bed with him and made him feel so warm and comfortable and happy. Panda had been scared of the door opening and the sight of them being seen. More drops hit down when his eyes began to sting.

Grizz had told him to his face that he was fine with it. With the hiding and the sneaking and the not being sure how far this would go between them. Panda had been content with it too and didn't question further up until this very moment. Had he been selfish in that desire, he though. Scared to see where it would go if he told Grizz how he…

"Do you even want to kiss me?" Was what Grizz had asked him. At the time of hearing it all Panda could think of was the fact that everybody in a block's radius must have heard it, most importantly his other brother, but now he began to think about it. The way he had felt upset at Grizz was now beginning to ebb away into blaming himself in a way that ached him.

A few more drops hit his shoulders and now began to stain the sidewalk. Panda looked around helplessly for any sign of Grizz. He couldn't even think of a place where Grizz would go in this part of town, for he only came to the mall for Panda's sake anymore. He was beginning to not only feel helpless, but hopeless as well.

Most of the people had been smart enough to clear away. Panda looked up to the sky and saw lightning flicker. The wind was picking up speed as well, as he saw a scrap of newspaper fly down the roadside.

"Grizz!" He called one last time at the top of his lungs.

…

…

No response.

Panda realized that his fur was starting to become quite wet. The scarf which he had purchased was already sticking to his body and the ground he walked on felt grimy and muddy against his paws. Thunder clapped and Panda yelped, for it was loud enough to make him feel as though he were in the middle of a war zone. The few people still caught up around him were all charging for cover yet he stayed still. For a moment he was too scared to even walk, but then when lightning flashed he began to run.

The water began hitting Panda like hard pellets and was already flooding the sidewalk enough to kick up small puddles when he went. He felt his scarf slip off from his neck but he didn't care because his heart was busy racing in panic at the thought of being caught in the increasingly close lightning strikes. This wasn't his bed and there was no Grizz here this time to calm him down. Panda was in the middle of hell as far as he was concerned.

Panda squinted his eyes and ahead of him he saw the bus stop where they all normally left the mall from, but right now he couldn't see anybody. The streetlights were obscured by the heavy rain and when he drew closer he realized that nobody was in what little cover he managed to find. Not Grizz, not his other brother, and not even a single person. He ducked under it fast, the only relief of the rain he could manage to find, but now the wind was blowing against him. His fur was soaked and when he sat down on the bench he was gasping heavily.

Thunder struck the air, and Panda yelped. His muscles tightened and he covered his ears. He drew his feet up onto the bench with him and curled up the best he could. He closed his eyes, fearful of any lightening. The entire box he sat in felt like it was rattling with how hard the rain was hitting it. Despite the warm day it had been Panda still felt cold as soaked as he was.

His polar bear brother was gone, Grizz was gone, and on top of it all Panda was more than positive after five minutes had passed that he had managed to miss his ride home. His eyes stung, and soon he felt tears come from them. He was trembling and biting his lip and squeezing them shut. He didnt want to cry, not on top of everything. But he felt helpless to do so as though a knife were driving itself into his gut and all he could do was bleed out.

When he breathed his breath came shaking. Panda felt his nose grow stuffy and even when he closed his eyes if he even dared to open them tears fell out and mixed with the rain water.

"G-Grizz…" Panda whimpered. The only name that came to his head.

Lightening, thunder, repeat. Every time Panda felt his emotions slip more and more out of his grasp. Everything in less than thirty minutes had gone down the drain and seemed lost to him.

"Pan Pan?"

Panda opened his eyes. He heard Grizz's voice and looked up slowly. The rain had slowed down just a bit now and he was able to see through his tears Grizz standing in front of him open mouthed, holding out both his paws with the scarf that Panda had dropped in his dash to the bus stop. He was soaked even more than Panda. He looked lost for words as if he was as shocked to find his brother here as Panda was.

"O-Oh geez, you're crying," Grizz said quickly and hugged the scarf to his chest. He took a step into the bus stop and tried to smile, though from the look of his eyes he was only a step behind Panda. "Hey, it's fine now, I'm here P-"

Panda reached out and grabbed Grizz by the midsection, dragging the bear forward in such a way that Grizz cried out in shock and Panda pulled him nearly onto his lap. His body was shaking and even speaking was impossible right now. Grizz was just as cold as he was if now colder but Panda didn't mind at all the way the rainwater soaked into his already wet fur.

"I-I'm sorry!" Panda burst out. He honestly had very little idea what he was apologizing for, only that his chest terribly hurt. "P-Please don't go, p-please, Grizz… I'm sorry..."

"Hey, Panda, I'm here." Grizz said. He slid off of Panda's lap right beside the bear and wrapped his arms around Panda. Now it was Panda's turn to cling to Grizz and scoot closer to him. Thunder echoed and Panda whimpered, Grizz squeezing him tighter. Panda lifted his head slightly from the safety of Grizz's chest and their eyes briefly met. Without thinking Panda kissed Grizz right there just when Grizz looked like he was about to say something.

In a thunderous boom the sky yelled down at them angrily, but Grizz squeezed his embrace over Panda tighter even when their kiss broke. He pressed his lips to Panda's cheek and ran his paw over Panda's shoulder. Panda felt comforted by his touch, and kissed him back once more.

"I'm sorry," Panda repeated. "I-I want to kiss you… I really want to kiss you. I-I'm sorry we didn't… I didn't…"

"I'm sorry I ran, bro." Grizz replied with a frown. "We can talk about it later, alright? Just please stop crying, Pan Pan."

Panda sniffled in reply, and Grizz smiled at him reassuringly in a way that didn't reach his worried eyes. Panda frowned, and Grizz's soon followed. They both stared out into the street pounding with rain. Grizz looked down, as though he had nothing to say, or his mind was drawing a blank.

"Are we gonna be here all night?" Panda asked in a quiet voice. "That was the last bus."

"Where's our bro?" Grizz asked, dodging the question. In a way Panda worried if this was intentional, but he knew Grizz was truly worried by the serious expression in his eyes. Panda shrugged his shoulders sheepishly.

"I-I told him to wait here for us… M-Maybe he took it home already."

"Hopefully," Grizz mumbled. "As long as he's safe and I can keep you safe…"

Panda squeezed Grizz tighter when the lightening struck, and even tighter at that when the thunder hit. A long silence passed, one that Panda almost felt comfortable in because Grizz kept rubbing his shoulder and occasionally burying his lips into his forehead or cheek. Panda sniffled a few times, but even though when the thunder struck and his heart raced he felt his fear slowly dissipate in Grizz's touch.

"I'm sorry I made you upset," Panda mumbled.

"P-Panda, hey, don-" Grizz tried to start, but Panda cut him off.

"And I'm sorry I never kiss you first… A-And that I'm scared of our brother seeing us. I-I don't know what's going to happen if I think this is all more than just kissing or cuddling or something because I… I've never fallen in love like this before."

Grizz looked to Panda, and Panda looked away bashfully.

"You love me?" Grizz asked. Despite the situation and everything that had just hit, Grizz sounded excited. Panda smiled and then giggled because he knew Grizz was just waiting for the chance to jump at acknowledgement. Panda nodded and buried his face in Grizz's chest. It was warm despite the wetness.

"I love you too, Pan Pan."

The rain was beginning to pick up again just as Panda and Grizz let their lips find each other. When Grizz pulled away slightly Panda lifted up his paw and pulled Grizz closer. He wanted the kiss to be long, as if it might somehow prove his words. He wrapped his arms around Grizz's neck and Grizz did the same.

And then Panda heard police sirens. He split from Grizz's kiss slowly, not quickly as he normally did when strange sounds approached. He saw the lights on the road first cut through the darkness of the night. The police car was slowing just in front of the bus stop. Thunder hit but Panda was too distracted to even notice. The lights were blindly bright to the point he had to squint because his head was starting to hurt.

"Hello?" Grizz asked, standing up slowly and slightly nervously. He stood in front of Panda almost protectively. "Officer?"

The window rolled down and a woman in a police uniform stared at the two.

"Hey boys," The woman said. "Heard you needed a lift."

The back door to the vehicle suddenly opened and sitting in the car was a polar bear with an expression that was blank.

"Ice Bear called the cops on you two."

"Bro!" Grizz shouted, grabbing Panda by the paw and dragging him closer to the car. Relief was flooding Grizz's tone faster than Panda could process.

"Get in boys, your brother here already explained everything," The police officer explained and gave a polite smile. "I'll drive you back to your cave myself, you hear?"

"Aw, sweet, you are awesome, lady!" Grizz exclaimed and dragged Panda off the bench. Panda smiled when Grizz nearly forced him into the back of the vehicle first, pressing against their other brother and when Grizz came in it was an even tighter fit. For the first time since it had began to rain Panda felt warm, and a sigh of relief was on his breath.

"Thank you," Panda called both to the officer and Ice Bear. It was all he could think to say, for he was exhausted on every possible level. All he wanted right now was to make sure Grizz was with him.

Almost instinctively Panda wrapped his arms around Grizz's own and buried his head into his brother's shoulder. He leaned on Grizz and soon enough let Grizz lift that arm to wrap around his shoulder to pull him tighter. He knew their brother was looking at them when the car began to move, but he didn't care. He lifted his head to kiss Grizz's cheek, and then looked away when he got a glimpse of the shocked look Grizz gave off.

"Ice Bear saved day. Go Ice Bear." The polar bear said, lifting up both arms.

"Yeah, yeah," Grizz chuckled, a clear blush on his cheeks under his fur. Panda wanted to thank the two of them for not mentioning his overly cuddly body language and just letting his mind rest. He was happy cuddling Grizz like this, even if it was in the sight of their brother and a police officer. He closed his eyes and buried his face into Grizz's chest, happy just to be there.

"You're awesome too, bro," Grizz said.

"Ice Bear knows."


	11. In A Relationship

“Thanks again for doing all of this, officer lady,” Grizz said, his attention already half pulled away from the rolled down window he had been leaning against when Panda slid out of the car slowly.

It had been a short car ride home. There was a time probably less than three days ago when Grizz would have found the opportunity to ride in something as cool as a police car thrilling and, as he would say, totally awesome. Yet somehow his heart had been racing for another reason. His fur was still damp and his mind wasn’t just tired, but exhausted. Panda had leaned on him the entire way home with their paws intertwined in plain sight. They didn’t say anything once they were together like that, and for once Grizz felt like he didn’t have too. Their eyes briefly met when Panda looked back at him, and then his cheeks turned slightly pink before he turned away. He was clutching the pink scarf that Grizz had found to his chest and turned eyes to their other brother, who was holding the various bags Panda had bought throughout the day.

“S-See you inside,” Panda mumbled sheepishly to Grizz. Grizz caught himself staring a little too long with nothing but a nod for reply.

“Hey, no problem,” The officer had spoken up again. Grizz jumped, startled by her voice as he had already forgotten she was here. Grizz nodded fast as if to say he had been paying attention. “Glad your guys called us, wouldn’t want you three ending up dead in a ditch struck by lightening somewhere!”

She laughed, but Grizz didn’t. She seemed to have a particularly dark sense of humor. He just nodded again and turned back to stare at Panda walking into the cave. He had already said his thank you’s and much deservedly looked like he was about to crash out the second his head hit his pillow.

“You take care of your brothers now, you hear?” The officer said. 

Grizz looked at her, and then nodded his head.

“Yeah, you bet.” He responded. She adjusted her hat and then gave Grizz a little wink before flaring up the engine to her car again. Grizz took a few steps back and felt his paws sink into a tiny puddle when he watched her drive away. The thunder still occasionally rumbled the sky and lightning still lit up the now pitch black night, but it was distant and less scary. When a few of the remaining drops in the sky fell against his ear he was reminded again of squeezing Panda along together. It reminded him of hearing Panda cry.

Grizz frowned. He didn’t… think. He didn’t think when he had ran. Even when he came back to find Panda he didn’t think, just acted. The sound of Panda crying and struggling to keep it in lingering in his thoughts even long after his sobbing ceased. When he turned to the cave to see a few lights from the kitchen to Panda’s room flicker on one by one he began to walk back to his home. His chest was tight and his eyes heavy when he opened the door to the cave.

Grizz saw his youngest brother first. The polar bear was standing in the kitchen moving some things around. Flickers of a flame were already on the stovetop and within seconds Grizz could smell sizzling meat and vegetables. It wasn’t what Grizz had expected when he walked in. When he approached the bear didn’t so much as give him a glance until he spent thirty seconds moving things around and throwing in random spices and sprinkles of pepper. And then he sighed and began wiping his paws with a towel hanging off the stove door.

“You alright there, Lil bro?” Grizz asked, his paws together and rubbing slowly.

“Ice Bear is still confused,” The bear admitted a bit quieter than his usual tone. “Ice Bear is unsure what to make of situation. Secrets being kept from Ice Bear.”

“It wasn’t a…” Grizz found his voice trailing off. “Okay it was sort of a secret.”

The polar bear spent the next several moments preparing the food. Meat sizzled and Grizz was almost for a second distracted by the smell alone. His stomach rumbled, but it was also so twisted that he could barely think of eating.

“Can I go and talk to Panda?” Grizz asked, taking a few steps forward and putting his paws on the top of a chair. “Just see if he feels alright? I promise we’re gonna talk about this soon.”

After a few moments the polar bear nodded. He turned to look at Grizz with a sideways glance and then looked away and back to the food.

“Ice Bear thinks dinner will be ready in twenty minutes.”

Grizz said alright and ignored the tight feeling in his gut before turning away, glancing over his shoulder at least twice, but the polar bear wasn’t looking at him. When he approached the hallway and his brother was no longer in sight he came up to Panda’s door. He pressed his ear against it to see if he could hear anything. When he looked down his toes were in the light from under the crack of it. He knocked quietly.

“Pan Pan?”

It took a few moments for a response.

“Come in.”

Grizz opened the door gently. He had a sudden memory of when it was late at night five days prior and he sat outside Panda’s door whispering and trying to get his attention and being snapped at when he opened the door too fast and talked too loud. That night Panda had been on his bed hiding under his covers in a way that Grizz told him at least five hundred times he looked adorable doing. Now it was different, for Grizz didn’t feel his heart race with excitement, but nerves. It felt more like the time he came into Panda’s room after their first kiss when Panda was still not talking to him.

“Hey,” Panda mumbled. He was sitting on the floor at the base of his bed with his knees tucked up to his chest. He was gripping Miki-chan in a hug and burying his face into it, so his words came out slightly muffled. Only his eyes were visible to Grizz and they were wide. Grizz shut the door behind him and approached Panda gingerly, finding it hard not to walk on his toes as if he might startle his lover.

“You alright, buddy?” Grizz asked. He sat down next to Panda slowly, as if waiting for Panda to show some sign of not wanting him there. Panda didn’t react, and even surprised Grizz when he sat down by scooting closer to him until their bodies pressed together.

“I guess,” Panda shrugged and released one of his paws from Miki-chan to run it over to Grizz’s own paw. Grizz gave it a reassuring squeeze and for good measure tried to throw Panda a smile of the same caliber. Panda didn’t return it, and instead squeezed Miki-chan with his one arm so tight she started to fold in half.

“A-Are we really…” Panda paused, a heavy blush coming onto his face. “C-Coming out tonight?”

It sounded like a real question. Panda looked somewhere between flustered, embarrassed, and overall scared. He seemed to fluctuate between those three until he looked to Grizz, and then that looked turned to guilt when he pulled his paw away to hug Miki-Chan again.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Panda said quickly. “N-Not that it’s bad or anything. Or that it’s… you I’m… I-I don’t know what I’m saying, Grizz.”

Grizz put his paw on Panda’s leg and gave a gentle squeeze at the kneecap. He didn’t say anything because his mind drew a blank. Panda’s nerves were apparent by the way he kept squeezing his hug on his pillow and shaking his leg. The two sat like that for a little with Grizz thinking everything he wanted to say sounded dumb or not important, so he waited for Panda.

“Back at the mall,” Panda began. Already Grizz felt his belly twist uncomfortably. “When you said what you said… A-About kissing you. And all that other stuff about not being a good…”

Panda looked down.

“Did I do something wrong?” Panda asked nervously. “I-I mean with us?”

“N-No, no Pan Pan, you didn’t,” Grizz said quickly and snatched up Panda’s paw a bit too roughly. He got on his knees and looked down at Panda, who looked up to him with a bit of shock in his eyes. “I was being a huge dingle and just jealous and upset about not-”

“Jealous?”

The word cut like a hot blade that made Grizz stop and his mind draw to a halt. His muscles relaxed and he released Panda’s paw in favor of pulling on one of his claws and looking straight down. He felt much smaller despite sitting over Panda, and his own cheeks began to feel warm. Panda looked curious now, and Grizz felt like he was under a spotlight.

“Y’know,” Grizz reached up a paw and began to scratch the tufts of fur behind his head. “Sometimes you talk about girls a lot. About dating them and kissing them and how nice it’d be to have a girlfriend. And how you always imagined all your first dates being with girls and how you… wouldn’t… y’know… sneak around and hide it if it was a girl…”

Grizz felt sheepish all of a sudden. Saying it out loud didn’t relieve the pressure like he had thought it might, but only increased it. Panda was frowning now and Grizz’s heart felt like it was leaping into his throat and pounding like crazy. He was starting to sweat on top of his still damp fur and squirming in place.

“Grizz…” Panda began.

“H-Haha, that’s totally nuts, right?” Grizz shrugged both shoulders and began laughing. The smile he had worn all day slipped on like a dirty glove that felt slimy just to wear. “I mean why would I get upset over that? N-Not like I own you or anything or like you aren’t allowed to like girls just cause you’re kissing me, right? O-Or talk to Juliet or… I-I mean…”

Panda reached up a paw, and then got up to his own knees. He was a few inches shorter than Grizz and looked up quietly. When that paw rested on Grizz’s cheek he felt warm and tingly inside like he did when Panda kissed him late at night after he had snuck in and was so tired he could barely keep his eyes open. When Panda held his paw and blushed every time Grizz told him how cute he looked over and over like he had just forgotten he had said it.

“I told Juliet that I found somebody I was interested in after we started trying this,” Panda said. He looked away from Grizz the second he got those words out, a gentle blush growing steadily on those cheeks of his. Grizz found his paws lifting and touching either side of Panda’s face to feel that his muscles hadn’t quite relaxed yet. “She said she was happy for me, but she kept typing stuff to me. She’s just nice, I think. I didn’t mean for you to think that… that I didn’t…”

Panda looked melancholic and a bit distant for a moment. Grizz felt himself absent mindedly run his paw down to Panda’s neck and squeeze at his shoulder. The dark circles around his eyes seemed even darker than usual in a kind of exhaustion that Grizz didn’t realize he had moment prior.

“I think about you like that, too.” Panda blinked and met Grizz’s eyes. “It’s just different, y’know? Us playing video games and cuddling when we take turns. Having you wake me up for breakfast every morning trying to sneak in even though you’re really loud. I think it’s cute when you get really excited over dumb action movies and I feel really happy when you hug me.” He looked away for this next part, swaying a bit in place with a smile falling upon his mouth. “S-Sometimes I stay up waiting for you and pretend to sleep cause I don’t wanna seem weird.”

Grizz touched Panda’s chin, and Panda seemed to tense.

“Panda, I…”

“I kissed Miki-Chan last night pretending it was you!”

Grizz blinked, and then smiled. Something in him erupted and forced him to take his paws off of Panda and cover his mouth. Panda was looking at him funny, and then Grizz began laughing. Really loud and rude laughing, too. Not the kind of reaction Panda was looking for by how he scooted back and sat up before crossing his arms.

“Hahaha, you what!?” Grizz asked. “I was right next to your room!”

“Oh, c’mon don’t laugh!” 

When Grizz didn’t stop Panda whined and picked up Miki-Chan before hitting Grizz mindlessly on the side of the head.

“H-Hey, I don’t wanna kiss her too!” Grizz shouted back playfully while he held up his arm to defend himself from the pillow. This response seemed to only upset Panda more when he let out a whiny, high pitched roar and began advancing on Grizz.

“I’m trying to be serious!” Panda yelled back.

Grizz stood up now and tried to back away but ended up backing into the baseboard of Panda’s bed and tripping over back onto the bed where his chest got a facefull of Miki-Chan and he was left laughing while he tried to bat away the pillow. He grabbed the pillow the next time it hit his head and he tugged it forward so forcefully that Panda let out a startled ‘eep!’ and was yanked onto the bed too. Grizz was now holding Miki-Chan with Panda’s face on the other side buried in it where Grizz’s chest should be. His brother cooled down quickly and looked up sheepishly, Grizz still giggling and now breathing heavy as if he had actually laughed hard enough to run out of breath.

Grizz pushed aside the pillow, and Panda reluctantly settled his head on Grizz’s chest where Grizz was permitted to run his paw down the back of Panda’s head. His brother squeezed him and then looked up into Grizz’s eyes.

“I think about that stuff too, Pan Pan,” Grizz chuckled. “You’re really REALLY cute when you get mad like that.”

“Why do I like you?” Panda whined, burying his face in Grizz’s chest.

“Hehehe, you liiiiikkkeeee me,” Grizz sung. He was hugging Panda’s head and swaying back and forth.

It felt normal. Happy. Safe. Any one of these words made Grizz almost forget how he had been feeling the entire day. How silly he was beginning to feel. Panda scooted into a more comfortable position where he could run his claws steadily against Grizz’s chest and Grizz could hug him more properly. They cuddled silently for a while until Grizz thought of what to say.

“Hey Pan Pan?” Grizz asked. “Is all of this more than kissing and cuddling and feeling happy to you?”

It came out nervously. Grizz didn’t mean for that. And most of all he didn’t mean for a lump to form in his throat when Panda pushed off of him and met his eyes. Panda opened his mouth and then shut it.

“I-It’s just that… I know I said I was fine going slow if you needed it or just keeping it all secret,” Grizz shrugged. He was wondering if he could find the courage to shut up and pretend like it was a joke, but the words just kept flowing. “But I really wanna be that. So I can hold your paw in public and get those cute little photo booth reels of us kissing and stuff and have that little thing on your profiles online say you’re in a relationship…. With me. Y’know, if that’s cool.”

Grizz put both paws on his chest and then laughed. He wondered if he laughed enough he could make it seem like it wasn’t the biggest thing he had ever asked anybody.

“Hold on,” Panda mumbled, sliding off the bed. Grizz’s heart skipped a beat in an unpleasant way when his face twisted into a frown. He felt like hitting the side of his head and berating himself, but that was before he saw Panda pick up a small bag from his desk next to his laptop. It had the same symbol as the one from the little korean shop they had visited earlier. Panda went back to the bed and dug his paw in, pulling it out with two little golden strings between his fingers.

“I uh,” Panda started, getting back onto the bed and sitting opposite Grizz. “Can you hold out your paw, Grizz?”

“Sure,” Grizz nodded, sticking out his paw. Panda placed his on top and then something small and roundish settled in Grizz’s grasp. When Panda pulled his paw away Grizz saw tiny little heads no bigger than Panda’s cell phone charm, one of a brown bear and the other of a panda bear. They were detailed and jagged.

“I-I wanted you to keep the panda one,” Panda giggled, putting his paws together. “And I was gonna keep the grizzly one. I thought that it’d be cute and that you like it but it’s kind of lame, right? B-But I’m trying to say we can do all those things you want, okay? We can go get pictures of us and go on dates and… c-come out together.”

Grizz felt his chest grow tight with a new emotion. It was a mix of what he knew as the love he once had for his brother, always had, but even stronger. Like the feeling was on fire.

“Will you be my boyf-”

“YES!” Grizz shouted. Panda jumped, and then stared wide eyed. Without thinking Grizz got close to Panda and kissed him. He was smiling so wide that he didn’t remember to stick out his lips for the kiss and ended up just rubbing his face against Panda’s own and giggling through gritted teeth. He was happy. Really, REALLY happy.

“Oh this is way cooler than ANY action movie!” Grizz shouted, finding out that his tail was wagging much like a dog when he pushed Panda to the bed and kissed his cheek. Panda whined loudly and started squirming.

“Oh, Gross! Grizz you’re getting all slobbery! Don’t talk when you kiss!”

Panda had to wrestle Grizz off of him and even then Grizz buried his face in Panda’s chest and began making ‘squee’ ing sort of sounds. He knew Panda was blushing because he was as well.

It wasn’t just having a boyfriend, no. It was having Panda as his boyfriend that made him happy. He thought of all the things he could do now, and all the things he had to do. He had to force himself just to sit up and over Panda. His smile was so wide it hurt while Panda stared at him both flustered and a little bit happy as well, though fighting the latter.

Grizz tried the word out. Like it was a new toy he was just dying to try.

“You’re my boyfriend now, right Pan Pan?”

“G-Geez, yeah,” Panda muttered.

It felt right to hear.

“We can totally kiss and and cuddle and talk about how we love to do that, right?”

“Grizz we already do!” Panda snapped back.

“I know!” Grizz shouted. He kissed Panda again so forcefully that it was more like just mindlessly mashing their muzzles together and hoping for the best. Right now any contact was ‘the best’ in Grizz’s book.

It took a while for Grizz to settle down. His and Panda’s bodies rested together on the bed somehow when Grizz was so hopped up he could run around in the rain for at least an hour. His feet wiggled against Panda’s own and he had to resist kicking his knee. Grizz wanted to move and run and bounce and for some strange reason carry around Panda on his back while he did this. He felt so impatient just laying there letting Panda hold his paws like he couldn’t take anymore of it.

“You’re my boyfriend,” Panda mumbled. He put one of Grizz’s paws against his cheek and the other to his lips. “Oh geez I have a boyfriend.”

“I know,” Grizz giggled. He was clutching the trinket of the panda head in his paw and let the golden strand loop around his finger. He lifted his paw to show Panda and was rewarded with a smile. He forgot about anything but that smile. “I swear I’m not gonna get this lost in my room ever.”

“Yes you will,” Panda sighed with a teasing giggle.

“Nuh-uh!” Grizz responded, trying his best to imitate something sassy. He pressed the trinket to his chest. “This is the second most important Panda in this room! Runner up’s are important too! This thing is totally priceless!”

“Grizz it cost like one fifty.”

“Details shmetails!” Grizz waved his paw as if to dismay the matter. “It was a very important gift from my boyfriend, who by the way, LIKE like’s me!”

“Please stop talking like you’re eight,” Panda responded and rolled his eyes. “You’re being a total dork about all of this, bro.”

“A dork you’re dating.”

“Whatever.” Another roll of eyes was a dead giveaway to the smile Panda was trying to hide. “I’m gonna put it on my phone, alright.”

Panda slid off the bed and Grizz began kicking his legs while staring at the little panda head. He promised himself he didn’t care what Panda thought, that he was going to keep it safe no matter what.

Grizz looked over. Panda was scrolling through his phone, which was also on his desk attached to a cord while he pulled off. He smiled, and then put one paw over his chest. Grizz spotted the little brown bear charm dangling.

“Hey, look,” Panda said, turning his phone to Grizz. Grizz stared at it. It was the page he had seen that morning at the diner, only it was Panda’s personal page. On the top right under his username it read;

Status: In a relationship

Grizz felt his chest grow warm. He scooted forward and hugged Panda so tight that Panda cried out a little, but Grizz didn’t soften. Instead he began giggling and rubbing his face to Panda’s cheek.

“G-Grizz, you’re squeezing too ti-”

KNOCK KNOCK

Right on Panda’s door the sound boomed like the thunder so far in the distance that Grizz hadn’t heard it for at least ten minutes. It made the two of them jump and then exchange a look. Grizz released his arms from Panda. Without word the two kissed very briefly for silent reassurance. It was a callback to reality off the little cloud Grizz had been perched upon. The two got off the bed and Grizz squeezed Panda’s paw, telling him it would be okay.

“Are you sure?” Panda asked again. “I mean… what if he thinks it’s weird?”

“I have my good luck charm,” Grizz said, holding up the little panda head charm.

Panda nodded. When they opened the door their little brother wasn’t there, so Grizz walked ahead and scoped out the area. He saw the polar bear at a clear table with nothing but three cups and a teapot in the center. The polar bear was drinking a cup and then turned his attention to Grizz. He had positioned the three chairs so that he was opposite two that were pushed together. Grizz tugged on Panda’s paw and Panda came slowly behind, hiding behind Grizz’s shoulder.

“Hey, bro,” Grizz was the first to talk. “You made tea?”

“Ice Bear does not want small talk,” The polar bear stated while sipping at his tea. “But yes, Ice Bear made tea. Blueberry. Very tasty.”

“That’s… cool,” Grizz said, sitting down slowly in one of the chairs. Panda was now holding his chest with one of his paws and audibly swallowed a lump in his throat. Ice bear poured them both some tea. “Where’s dinner.”

“Ice Bear said no small talk,” The bear responded quickly. Panda ‘eep’d and Grizz would have glared at their youngest brother if he didn’t feel just as nervous himself.

The room was quiet. The polar bear eyed the two now as though he were trying to break them.

“Ice Bear does not enjoy secrets in his cave.” The polar bear said. “Ice Bear wants answers.”

“Hey, bro, it’s…” Grizz began, but trailed off. He didn’t expect this to be so rough. When he pictured telling their brother it was under circumstances where it wasn’t forced out of them and more calm and happy with lots of hugging and acceptance. Right now he wasn’t sure what the polar bear was going to do. He knew he had to choose his words carefully.

“Grizz is my boyfriend!” Panda shouted suddenly.

“Pan Pan!” Grizz snapped back, wide eyed and fearful.

“Oh gosh he broke me!” Panda whined and covered his face with both paws.

The polar bear sipped his tea again. The silence was still there, only now Grizz was reassuringly rubbing Panda’s back. The polar bear said nothing, but reached out his paw and seemed to beckon them forward as if silently demanding they start talking.

Panda wanted to start with their first kiss. His words were shaky and slow, but when Grizz finally realized where he was heading he stopped him, and restarted the story the night of the storm. How it just happened and grew and he didn’t know why. He changed the subject or skipped ahead if Panda made a weird sound or looked embarrassed, and a few times Panda chimed in with “Y-Yeah” or “It made me happy, too.”

Grizz lifted Panda’s paw on top of the table to cover it with his own. He kept his eyes locked on his lover when he explained how he felt, as difficult as it was.

“Just… think of when you saw a really good movie and you’re really pumped. It’s like that but fifty times better,” Grizz chuckled. “O-Oh oh! Or when you get really good fro-yo!”

“Am I just fro-yo now?” Panda mumbled in response.

The polar bear was quiet throughout the whole thing, switching eyes between them. Panda talking was the slowest, as he kept going over details over how he felt or how he didn’t know it was happening until he wanted it. He looked to Grizz when he said that, assuring that he really did want it more than anything. Grizz smiled, and felt his heart skip a little. Their brothers silent listening skills was almost a reassurance, as Grizz was able to hear all of this through Panda’s eyes. He was happy hearing Panda tell his parts.

“And now we’re dating.”

“In a relationship.” Grizz said and winked at the polar bear. Panda frowned at that.

Their youngest brother set down his tea.

“Is Ice Bear caught up now?” He questioned.

“Totally,” Grizz said, leaning over the table. “And I really mean all of it, this isn’t just… us screwing around like idiots, I promise. I really love him, okay?”

The polar bear blinked, and for the first time a flash of something other than vacancy crossed his eyes. It looked like startlement.

“Yeah I… I love Grizz too.” Panda responded and looked to their brother and then to Grizz.

The polar bear stood up. Panda flinched, and Grizz felt his muscles tense. The two pulled their paws away from each other when Ice Bear circled the table and stood behind them. Both bears were too nervous to turn around now, Panda even seeming to whimper quietly.

And then Ice Bear hugged the two of them, pulling their heads together and resting his own in the middle. Grizz let out a sigh and Panda giggled nervously.

“Aww,” Grizz drew out the sound.

“Ice Bear is happy for his brothers.” The polar bear said before standing up. He then pulled both by the ears until both Grizz and Panda cried out, and then he released them at the same time, Panda holding his paws over both of his ears.

“No secrets.” The polar bear stated.

“No way,” Panda said, shaking his head. “No more secrets, bro.”

“No secrets,” Grizz echoed, nodding his head.

A few seconds passed, and the polar bear began to walk away to the other end of the table. Grizz watched him open the stove and begin to pull out a few plates of various foods, but Panda caught his attention by pressing his face to the table, turning his head to the side and staring at Grizz. He looked tired, but he was smiling gently.

They both seemed to say with only their eyes “I cannot believe that went so well.”

But Grizz leaned over and kissed Panda while their brother was still turned. He didn’t pull away, but his muscles were tight before loosening. It was as if he still needed time to adjust to the feeling of being allowed to do that.

Grizz gripped his little panda charm and used his other paw to stroke his… well, his Panda.

He wanted to say he loved Panda. That he would be there for him forever. All this mushy stuff that had never crossed his mind before. But Panda looked tired, and even with food being pushed in front of him when he raised his head he rubbed at his eye sleepily.

Grizz felt his chest. Still warm and fuzzy and happy above all else. He was happier than he had been in a long time, actually.

He decided it would be best to tell him later.


	12. Wind Down

AN: I don't normally put warnings in this story, but about halfway through this chapter I have a sex scene. I thought it right to actually show something like that for the relationship but I didn't want to spring it up out of nowhere for readers who weren't into that. I'll be marked by another one of the ----- below when you should stop reading. Enjoy!

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Grizz was happy. He tried to find some way to say it or express it that felt right, that felt like enough. Even standing in the bathroom clutching Panda close to him, his lover's back pressed to Grizz's belly and muzzle buried deep into Panda's shoulder and neck, he felt like he couldn't get close enough to Panda as he wanted to be. He didn't just want to take in Panda's scent and touch, he wanted to have it all over him until he couldn't take it any longer. He kissed Panda's neck, gently so that he could hear that adorable half-giggle half snort of surprise Panda would do when his neck got touched by Grizz's lips. He had found this out a week ago, but Panda always said he was too loud.

"Grizz, I said I was gonna be right back," Panda mumbled. Beneath the surface layer of irritation Grizz was able to feel paws be placed on top of his own. The grizzly currently had his own arms wrapped around Panda's back and on either side of Panda's belly. He wanted to squeeze Panda tight enough so that he could link his own paws and keep Panda secure, but Grizz knew that it might actually hurt Panda if he squeezed him any tighter for any prolonged period of time.

Grizz looked up slowly to the bathroom mirror, but made sure to keep his nose buried in Panda's shoulder. It was late, and Panda was trying to brush his teeth. It didn't help that Grizz wanted nothing more than to sway back and forth while clutching Panda. His panda. The thought made him smile, calling Panda his own. Before it felt as though Panda was never truly his, but a test run for the both of them. He enjoyed the kissing and cuddling and occasional exchange of verbal affection, but now there was only one word in his head.

"You're my boyfriend," Grizz giggled.

"I know," Panda groaned, as if he had heard Grizz remind him of this at least two dozen times. Which he hadn't. It had been three dozen, and Panda was more patient than usual with Grizz's constant giggling and bubbly attitude about the situation. He knew Panda was happy too by the way just minutes before Panda would hug Grizz and bury his face in his chest, curling up so that he could feel Grizz's warmth envelop him.

"You're being a total dork about all of this!" Panda whined, loudly at that. He was busy washing off his toothbrush when Grizz giggled, his hot breath rolling against Panda's neck. Panda squirmed, but it wasn't actually trying to break free. "You're acting like you're all hopped up on sugar."

"I just wanna kisssssss you," Grizz said in a drawn out kind of annoying way.

"We've been kissing for like, thirty minutes, dude," Panda said, putting his paws on top of Grizz's own.

"You liked it, too," Grizz mumbled, pressing his muzzle to the back of Panda's shoulder.

"Y-Yeah…" Panda admitted with timid approach.

Grizz loosened his iron grip on Panda just enough for Panda to turn around. He bumped his nose against Panda's own, and Panda winced in surprise but then giggled and Grizz nuzzled slowly. When Grizz kissed him he smiled, and when he lifted his paws to touch either side of Panda's face he blushed.

"This is totally the best day of my whole life. Waaaay more than when Action Buddies 2 was announced." Grizz squirmed around in place, as if he was struggling to keep all of his excitement in check. Truth be told he was half tempted to pick up Panda and twirl him around even after they had done nothing but giggle and kiss for so long. Panda had been like him at first, happy and squirming, but Grizz still found a million more hours of that feeling left in his system.

"Glad to know I beat the competition." Panda smiled and took a step back, Grizz reluctantly limiting their interaction to just holding a paw. He picked up his phone from the sink and glanced at it. He flicked around a little and then turned to Grizz, a newfound tint of pink sprouting on his face. "H-Hey, Grizz? W-Wanna like, take a picture for this site I use? Like doing couple stuff like kissing or cuddling or… I-I dunno."

"Of like… us?" Grizz asked, tilting his head. "You for real? A-Are we ready for something like that… A-Are you?"

Grizz didn't mean to frown. He thought that if anything the least he could do was not jump at a chance to push Panda too far. Though it was hard not to admit just how much that idea intrigued him. Keeping a smile off of his face was difficult even at the idea. Panda's eyes avoided his fast, but his smile was still there. Panda was swaying in a similar way to Grizz now, though with less excitement and more nerves. He was silent for a little bit and then nodded, squeezing Grizz's paw.

"It'll be fun," Panda assured, though his voice was a bit quieter than usual. "Just like, c-cuddle me from behind like before, alright? I-I'll take a selfie."

"Rodger!" Grizz said in a mock-military tone of voice. It was ruined by his girlish giggle and tippy-toe way he raced to behind Panda and nearly locked him in his arms again. He closed his eyes just for a second, happy to be close again.

"O-Okay, no filters or anything," Panda mumbled, fooling around with the settings on his phone. He lifted it up and Grizz saw the two of them in the picture, but Panda was frowning. He mumbled something around lighting and turned a bit, Grizz following him. He lifted it up again but this time Grizz buried his nose into the side of Panda's neck and gave him a gentle kiss, and then a bit of a rough nibble. He heard Panda squeak and felt him wince, but also heard the sudden sound of a shutter sound from Panda's camera.

"G-Grizz, you made my paw slip!" Panda whined, scrolling back to the photo. "Geez, I look weird!"

"Sorry," Grizz giggled. He looked over Panda's shoulder and down to the phone Panda was frowning at. The picture was a little bit blurry, and Panda was indeed making a bit of a weird face. It was a smile though, and a really happy one at that. His eyes were closed and from the angle it was really clear Grizz was kissing his neck. "Awww, you look so cute!"

"Hey, don't tease me," Panda grumbled, elbowing Grizz gently in the gut.

"I mean it!" Grizz insisted, jumping a few times impatiently. "You should totally use that one, look how happy you look!"

"R-Really?" Panda asked skeptically. He turned the phone a bit as though that might make it look a little better. He looked to Grizz over his shoulder with a frown still on his lips. "I don't look.. Dopey or anything?"

"No way, bro," Grizz insisted, slipping off of Panda's back and pulling on one of his arms to hug it. "Post it post it! You look totally adorable, trust me!"

"Fine," Panda looked like he wanted to frown, but it came out as a giggle when Grizz showed his enthusiasm. "You win, alright calm down!"

Grizz smiled toothily and began swaying his hips back and forth. If it wasn't for Panda typing out on his phone he would lunge himself back onto his boyfriend and never come off. The thought of them actually being public and being able to kiss and cuddle and call each other cute little nicknames he had been thinking up for WEEKS. He was going to try all of them out tomorrow. All of them.

"Chilling with… bae… he made my paw slip. Meanie…. Alright, it's posted! See?"

"With who?" Grizz asked when he was handed the phone. He read the text a few times, skimming over the few hashtags Panda had added.

"Huh?"

"What's a bae?" Grizz asked, looking up from the phone.

"It's a like… I dunno, a boyfriend girlfriend thing?" Panda shrugged.

"But… like… what does it mean?" Grizz pushed.

"H-How should I know?" Panda asked, crossing his arms defensively. "I-It's just something guys say sometimes, I never looked it up."

A few seconds of silence passed where the two just looked into each other's eyes.

"Are you my bae?" Grizz asked.

"STOP SAYING BAE!" Panda snapped, snatching the phone back quickly. "You're ruining the word! You don't say it offline!"

"W-Why not?" Grizz asked, a stutter entering his tone.

"I can't believe you're my boyfriend," Panda grumbled quietly and looked down to his phone.

"Your… baefriend?" Grizz asked, raising his eyebrows. He expected a response from Panda in terms of a whine of annoyance or glare but instead Panda suddenly looked glued to his screen. Panda's eyes widened and his movement froze in place. Grizz could see his claws tighten on the ends of his phone and he made a weird whimpering noise.

"O-Oh geez there's already a comment!" Panda said, closing his eyes and forcing out his phone to press to Grizz's chest. "Y-You read it I don't wanna."

Grizz took the phone silently and then clicked on the new notification. It was a name he didn't recognize with an icon of some anime he didn't watch.

Panda took a few steps back and sat down on the edge of the tub. He put both paws on either side of his face, which was currently blushing. He looked nervous, grabbing his chest with one paw and covering his eyes with the other. "Oh gosh t-they're gonna tease us, aren't they?"

"No way, bro," Grizz said, approaching Panda slowly. He pressed a few times on the phone and brought up the comment, a smile coming onto his face. "Hey, look, they called us cute, see!"

Panda took the phone hesitantly and then looked at it. He sighed in relief, but still didn't smile. He turned it over in his paws a few times and kept looking down. He didn't look happy or angry or anything really, sort of blank. Grizz frowned after struggling to keep the smile on his face, his own mind going blank as well as he thought of just what to do to help.

"D-Did we go too fast?" Grizz asked. "You can delete it if you want, I promise I won't get mad, Pan Pan."

"N-No," Panda shook his head. "Just… It's weird not hiding… I've never liked a guy or dated anybody. W-What if people think it's weird to post pictures so fast? O-Or what if we act too cuddly or loud and obnoxious?"

"Hey," Grizz assured, sitting down next to Panda on the edge of the tub. "We can just do whatever feels right. I'm just glad we don't gotta hide anymore."

"Well," Panda started, turning the phone over a few times before continuing. "Romantic comedies don't really go after the couples actually get together. A-Also they're never about two guys. A-Aren't you worried about if we do weird stuff or look weird or act weird just because we're a couple?"

"Pssh, no way," Grizz said, grabbing Panda's paw. "I just wanna be happy with you, Pan Pan. All that mushy gushy kissing stuff is fun, don't you think? Dude, that stuff weighs down action movies so much, now I totally get why, it's awesome!"

"Y-Yeah," Panda admitted. "It's pretty great."

"Hey," Grizz said, touching Panda's chest and running his paw down to Panda's belly, which stuck out a little bit. "I know it's late, but how 'bout you take a bath or something. Showers and baths and stuff always relax you, right? I totally won't get mad if you use all my soap for a bubble bath."

"Grizz only you like bubble baths," Panda mumbled.

"Cause they're AWESOME!" Grizz shouted. "C'mooon, just relax, Pan Pan."

Panda pulled Grizz's paw to the center of his body. He brought it to his lips and kissed the back of it and then squeezed it a few times, lost in thought momentarily. Grizz kept rubbing Panda's chest and smiling at him. He looked a little better, but not much. He was still gripping his phone in his lap.

"W-What if… you take a bath with me?" Panda asked, his voice so quiet by the end of that sentence that Grizz had to hold his breath just to make sure he was actually hearing the right thing. It sounded crazy coming from Panda, for one, so he was positive he had mis-heard it. Panda who locked the door when he showered and wouldn't speak to Grizz for hours if Grizz said he could hear his singing though the door would never ask him to do something like that.

"Huh?" Grizz responded in the only way that made sense.

"I mean, if you wanna," Panda started laughing nervously. "I-I mean it's just an idea, I mean, I-In a bubble bath maybe get some candles and flowers a-and stuff and… I-I haven't thought about this a lot, I promise."

Grizz blinked. He felt like he should have had a bigger reaction, maybe hugging Panda or making loud noises, but he found himself so dumbfounded that all he did was nod his head. Panda looked at him, blushing and pushing his paws together.

"Sure," Grizz said.

"Ngnhn…" Panda made a sound Grizz couldn't describe and got up from the edge of the tub. He didn't look back at Grizz when he set his phone on the edge of the sink and let out a loud sort of relieved sighing sound. Even when he found his voice, as small as it was, he didn't look back at Grizz. "I'll get some soap, alright? Run water, okay?"

"Sure, buddy," Grizz said, his voice growing in excitement. He scooted back into the tub and let himself fall into it, not even bothered by the cold against his bottom and back. He started giggling, and wiggling his paws which were up over the edge of the tub. He scooted over to the water faucet and pulled out the handle, which proceeded to pour out water and splash against his knees.

"G-Gahh, cold cold cold cold!" Grizz whispered as he squirmed backward to the back half of the tub. He uncomfortably shifted for the next several moments until the water grew warmer, and then sat there silently occasionally shifting his legs, wondering how Panda would fit.

The tub was big, but not super big. It would more than likely be a tight squeeze. However Grizz couldn't stop thinking of being this close to Panda. So intimate with Panda. He started giggling again, and struggled to keep it down. When the water was hot and risen to the tops of his toes Panda came back into the bathroom with his arms stuffed with soaps and candles and just to top everything off, his laptop.

"W-Water's fine?" Panda asked. Actually he didn't ask; he shouted it. He sounded stressed as he set down each item one by one.

"You alright, Pan Pan?" Grizz asked. Panda just nodded, and with shaky hooves set up various candles everywhere. They didn't have any scent, and Grizz had forgotten they even had them. They were from back before they started keeping flashlights everywhere for power outages. Panda nodded, and started lighting them one by one with a lighter their brother sometimes used to light the stovetop.

"F-Fine!" Panda stuttered. He went over to the tub and seemed to attempt to put the various soaps on the edge, but two slipped off into the water and splashed. Grizz winced but didn't cry out when one landed on his knee.

Panda's last step was to open his laptop and put it on top of the toilet seat. After fiddling with it for a few seconds soft music began to play, and then Grizz realized it was just K-Pop but Panda had made the speakers quiet. Panda was shifting nervously when he stood up, looking to Grizz and around the room. By now the water was up by Grizz's mid-belly, and he was already filling the tub with bubbles. Scents of mangos and lavender drifted to his nose. These were definitely Panda's shampoos.

Panda shut off the lights, but there were enough candles that he was still able to make out his brother. When he got closer Panda was still making weird half giggle half whimper noises. He put his paws on the edge of the tub and let his weight settle there.

"You sure about this, Pan Pan?" Grizz asked. "I can totally just get out and let you relax if you're scared."

"N-No, I wanna do it," Panda said despite his stuttering. "It was my idea, remember?"

Without another word Panda put one of his feet into the tub. His muscles clearly tensed under his fur and when he was half standing in the water he struggled to find a space to sit down. He ended up sitting with his shoulder just under the faucet and his legs forced on top of Grizz's own. The water rose to just under both of their armpits, and Grizz realized he was right. It was cramped, awfully so. But there was just enough room to wiggle and shift around the water a bit.

"Hehehe," Panda started giggling. He was smiling now the more he settled. His paws were up a little and sticking out, pressing to Grizz's chest with his toes just inching out of the water. They wiggled and Grizz saw them covered in bubbles. "Oh gosh, I'm in a tub with you."

"I know, right?" Grizz threw back a smile. He put his paws on the tops of Panda's feet and pressed them closer to his chest. "Dude, how long have you had this super mushy thing in your head?"

"It's not SUPER mushy," Panda mumbled.

Almost as if on queue, the korean girl from Panda's laptop said very clearly in english "I want your heart to beat only for me." Panda sunk a bit into the water until the bubbles covered the bottom half of his face and made a weird noise.

"Oh man, this is awesome!" Grizz started smiling He started pulling bubbles closer to his chest and lifting them from the water to mush against his face. After a few moments of fiddling around he revealed his work to Panda. "Look, it's a bubble-beard!"

"Grizz you're acting like a little kid," Panda laughed. He looked like he was resisting the urge to smile but it was so great he couldn't help it. "Wait wait wait, I got it!" He giggled, and started gathering bubbles from his own side to push to his chest. When he was done it looked like Panda was wearing the top of a bikini, and Grizz on queue started snorting.

"You're acting like one too!" Grizz said. He hugged Panda's paws to his chest just as Panda was lifting water to wash off the bubbles and felt his own heart beat fast. The two were smiling wide, Panda seeming happier than even just a minute before.

"I really wanna kiss you," Grizz sighed happily, leaning back into the tub. He felt mushy inside, and in that moment could do nothing but look at Panda. Panda blushed and sank a bit more into the water, his paws riding up Grizz's chest until his toes were pressing to underneath Grizz's chin.

Without really thinking Grizz put his paw over one of Panda's ankles and lifted his paw, kissing the very end of one of Panda's toes. He felt them squirm at the touch of his lips and a brief gasp of giggles escaped Panda's mouth. His soles were wide and pink padded, so they stood out against his black fur. It was cute to see them scrunch and squirm at so little of a touch that Grizz kissed them again, this time a bit lower down on the center of his big toe.

"Gaha, Grizz you're being weird," Panda whined in the kind of tone that just made Grizz's heart rate skyrocket. He loved it when Panda couldn't hide himself being happy no matter how hard he tried. He melted slightly and buried his nose just underneath Panda's large toes and smiled, hearing him giggle more.

"Your paws are super cute, Pan Pan," Grizz giggled. He could feel the toes squirm on his face and feel Panda pull slightly and then push, unsure if he wanted to let this continue. "Everything about you is super cute… I can't believe you're actually my boyfriend, bro. This is so totally awesome… I love you, Pan Pan."

Grizz tried to sound as sincere as he possibly could. He loved Panda so much right now that his heart could barely take it. He pushed Panda's paw down to his chest next to his other one and hugged them close to him and squirmed back and forth with his eyes closed.

"I love you too, Grizz," Panda said with a blush on his face.

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Grizz ran his paws over Panda's feet and smiled. He brought up pawfuls of water and let them run down Panda's legs when he began to rub soap over them. Panda giggled some when he rubbed soap against his soles and then let water rinse them clean, but he never complained. In face Panda started to do the same for him, running soap up and down Grizz's legs and paws until they both occasionally giggled from the random pokes in a ticklish spot.

Grizz lifted Panda's paw again, this time the opposite one from before, and kissed the edge of it before pressing it to his face and giggling, his hot breath running down it. Panda pushed and pulled slightly, as though unsure if this felt comfortable or not. Grizz wanted to hear him giggle, for out of the corner of his eye he could see Panda's lips squirming in an attempt not to let it out. Grizz did something without thinking, and that was to let out his tongue and run it slowly up the edge of Panda's sole.

"Gahahaha, Grizz!" Panda whined, still not pulling his paw away. "Y-You're weird you're weird you're so freaking weird!"

Panda tasted like soap and smelled like it as well. Grizz pulled his tongue away and smiled at Panda, half his face still buried in his wide paw.

"Somebody's ticklish," Grizz teased in a sing-song kinda voice. But then he realized just how much Panda was blushing.

"U-Uh… I-It's…" Panda suddenly started to stutter and pulled on his knees slightly until his legs were pressed together. His face looked hot and his eyes avoided Grizz as though he suddenly became incredibly embarrassed over something.

"W-What?" Grizz asked, sitting up so that Panda had a bit more room. "Did I freak you out or something, buddy?"

"N-No," Panda shook his head. "I just uh…"

Panda closed his eyes. Grizz for the life of him felt his heart race in an unhealthy way when worry struck his system and he wondered just what he had done wrong. He held out both his paws, wondering how to fix it while also wondering just what he had done. He saw Panda's arms were down under the water. By now the bubbles had flattened against the surface slightly, leaving pockets where it was possible to look under the water. Panda's paws seemed to be covering something between his legs.

"Oh."

"D-Don't just say 'oh'!" Panda snapped.

"S-Sorry, Pan Pan," Grizz giggled, a bit of relief washing over him. "Aw, c'mon, I promise I'm not gonna make fun of you. I've gotten hard when we cuddled plenty of times."

"YOU WHAT?" Panda yelled.

"Y-You didn't know that?" Grizz asked.

Panda was blushing so intensely that Grizz had to lean forward and touch his shoulders just to make him look in his eye again.

"It's okay, buddy, I'm your boyfriend," Grizz felt his chest swell a bit with pride saying that. "You know the most I'm gonna do is call you a cute little fuzzbutt if it happens. T-This is what boyfriends do, right?"

"I-I don't think they say fuzzbutt." Panda looked back and forth. The sound of quiet K-pop and sloshing water when Panda swayed was all that filled the room for a bit until Panda closed his eyes and slowly moved away his arms. He put his paws over his eyes and began mumbling things Grizz couldn't hear.

Through the water Grizz could see it between Panda's legs. His cock was hard and at least five inches long. Grizz found himself blushing while he stared at it, Panda's thighs squeezing together in an attempt to hide it only seeming to push it out more until it was just under the surface of the warm water. Panda whined and made a noise that sounded as though he were embarrassed or shy or just scared of letting it be shown.

"D-Don't just stare," Panda tried to whine but it came out as a beg.

"All that from me licking your paws?" Grizz asked. He was half joking-half serious, but Panda made a loud whine and covered his face again out of shame. He looked so red he might burst right there.

"H-Hey, Pan Pan," Grizz said. "I was joking. You're totally cute right now, I swear."

"O-Okay," Panda mumbled. His voice was stuttering, and his eyes looked almost wet as though if Grizz even thought about joking again he would cry.

"Y-You wanna see mine?" Grizz asked.

"U-Uh, what?" Panda replied, a bit of shock on his face. "I-I mean… s-sure…"

Grizz smiled, and squeezed Panda's leg before leaning back and spreading his legs the best he could. He was only half hard, but it had come entirely from looking at Panda's cock. When he realized that Panda was actually staring at him with wide almost hungry looking eyes he could feel it grow harder. Due to how he positioned himself it came out of the water, and he used his paw to hold it in place.

"Um," Panda said, squirming again. "It's… N-Nice…"

Grizz giggled. Panda still looked like anything Grizz did was walking on thin ice, but he didn't cover his face any longer.

"Seeeeeeeeee?" Grizz sung. "Big cute Panda paws in my face, how could I not get all hard and happy and turne-"

"G-Grizz!" Panda whined.

"See, you don't gotta be so shy, Pan Pan," Grizz said when he sat more comfortably and let his hard cock go into the water. It brushed up against Panda's leg and Panda's muscles tensed. Grizz kept his smile and touched Panda's sole and rubbed his claws gently over the pink pads.

"I've never made it this far before," Panda mumbled. "I never made it as far as about three steps ago, actually," He tried to giggle but it came out as a near whimper. "I dunno what to do next, Grizz."

"Well," Grizz grinned. "You liked it when I touched your paws?"

"Um…" Panda trailed off, looking away. He was covering between his legs again. "A-A little, I guess."

"How abouuuuut," Grizz said, slinking into the water until his back was pressed to the back of the tub and he was practically laying down, his legs forcibly spread and on either side of Panda while Panda's paws were now just an inch from his face. Panda squeaked when Grizz lifted his arms and put his paws on the top of Panda's feet, forcing them closer until his muzzle was burried in the crack between them.

"Ah, Grizz!" Panda cried out. "C'mon, don't make fun of me!"

"I'm not," Grizz said, his words rumbling against Panda's paws. "It's not that weird, Pan Pan. I'm doing it cause you like it!"

"Mmm…" Panda made a noise, but then let Grizz continue.

Grizz could feel Panda's paws seemingly involuntarily scrunch when his nose nuzzled against certain area's, particularly Panda's arches. His paws were soft, obviously Panda took great care of them as he did the rest of his body. Grizz let out his tongue, and began to run it both up and down Panda's paws. Panda whimpered and giggled and seemed to moan slightly all at once. When he got up to the toes he kissed them and could see Panda half hide his face half hide his erection.

"They're really cute, Pan Pan," Grizz said. "You still like this?"

"Y-Yeah," Panda nodded. "I'm weird, I'm sorry."

"Psh," Grizz shrugged. "You're not weird, Pan Pan."

"Okay," Panda mumbled, sounding a bit unconvinced.

"Just let your BOYFRIEND make you happy," Grizz smiled. Panda smiled back a little, and though it was forced Grizz saw a little bit of genuine happiness in it. When he suddenly kissed one of Panda's middle toes, and ran his tongue over it and felt it wiggle against his tongue. Panda half giggled half moaned.

"Cuuuuuuutttteeee," Grizz said. Panda had removed his paws from both his face and cock, which Grizz stared at over the toe his lips were against.

"Do you wanna… touch it?" Panda asked.

"Oh, totally," Grizz said greedily.

Panda nodded slowly and then pushed apart his legs, creating a sort of gateway for Grizz to lean forward. Both of their hard cocks were now just a foot apart. Grizz reached out his paw and touched the top of Panda's cock. A muffled sound came from Panda, but he wasn't told to stop so he let most of his paw reside along the shaft. It was warm and soft even in the water. Grizz ran his claw slowly up the side to see Panda's reaction. It was better than he thought, with Panda opening his mouth and moaning quietly.

"A-Ah… Grizz…"

"Would you be super mad if I pretended I was shooting space aliens with your dick?" Grizz asked.

"Yes," Panda stated.

"Alright."

Grizz touched just underneath Panda's balls and cupped them slowly, stroking the cock with his other paw. Panda was squirming back and forth, and occasionally his legs would try to pull together on either side of Grizz's body in an attempt to hide himself, but Grizz slowed down every time it happened.

"Hey, Grizz, lean back, okay?" Panda mumbled shyly when he reached down his paws and grabbed both of Grizz's own.

Grizz nodded silently and then leaned back. His cock head stuck out of the water now, and Panda stared at it before swallowing a lump in his throat. He reached out his paw and touched it with the end of his claw and then withdrew quickly as though afraid it might bite. He then reached forward slowly and grabbed it, wrapping it paw around it tighter than Grizz had with him. He pumped very slowly, Grizz watching his foreskin rise and fall and biting his lip to hold back a sound he could feel creeping in his throat.

"Does it feel good?" Panda asked.

"Y-Yeah," Grizz said.

Panda nodded and pumped a little bit faster. It was different from Grizz touching himself. He stared at Panda. Panda was touching him like this. It made him happy and turned on and excited all at once. Panda was using both paws now, one reaching up to touch Grizz's wet belly and rubbing in small circles. Grizz squirmed slightly at the sensations but not enough to make Panda stop touching his cock.

"P-Pan Pan," Grizz suttered.

Panda let go of Grizz's cock and leaned back, his face pink and his breath fast with energy. Grizz wiggled some and found his smile just wouldn't die down.

"Now what?" Grizz asked.

"Uh," Panda started. "Maybe we just… do it ourselves the rest? That'd be a little less stressful. And maybe… l-let me touch your paws?"

"Okay," Grizz nodded. He leaned back and touched his own cock and began to stroke it slowly. He lifted his paw in front of Panda's face and wiggled his toes. Panda's blush clearly intensified.

Grizz ran his claws up and down his own cock and watched Panda do the same to his. Panda touched the top of Grizz's paw and slowly pushed his face to it. He whined quietly but it was in an embarassment kind of way, not discomfort. He stroked a little faster and slowly let out his tongue to touch Grizz's sole.

Grizz giggled. It felt tingly in a way, and he had to admit it was kind of nice. He wiggled his toes and it seemed to only make Panda go faster in his own stroking. He lowered Grizz's paw into the water and put it against his cock, which Grizz chuckled at. Panda was so cute, trying to avoid Grizz's eyes as he pushed his paw to his hardened cock. To tease him Grizz squeezed them over the cock head and Panda gasped. Without Panda's direction he ran his paw up and down, pushing in with the ball of his paw. He took his other paw and put it on the other side, using his arches as a place for the cock to sit while he pleasured Panda, who was now covering his mouth with such an intense blush that Grizz thought he might pass out.

"G-Grizz, stop I'm gon... A-Ahhhh!"

Suddenly in the water Grizz felt something hit his paws. It saw white, sticky looking semen shoot out from the water. Panda kept his face covered, not even finished moaning before he started repeating again and again the same phrase.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry," Panda talked so quickly that Grizz had to stop stroking himself and grab Panda's paw to pull it from his face just to make him stop.

"Hey, it's alright," Grizz said. He could see Panda's eyes, and saw how he was close to tears out of pure embarrassment. "You got a little excited is all, I still love you."

Panda whined quietly, but nodded his head. It took a few moments but he fully uncovered his face and sat squirming in the water. He looked up to Grizz's eyes and forced a small smile.

"Can I help finish you off?" Panda asked. "Anything you want, okay?"

"How aboooouuuut," Grizz said, already stroking his cock again. "You just do whatever you think feels right?"

"Alright," Panda nodded. He leaned forward, changing his position in the tub until he was almost laying on top of Grizz. He had to get up slightly to let Grizz stroke himself, a bit faster this time in order to speed things along. He reached up his paw and touched Grizz's chest and then giggled. Then he touched Grizz's belly and rubbed it slowly in circles. It felt relaxing, and having Panda touch him while he jerked off in it's own way felt right. Panda leaned down and kissed Grizz's belly, looking up with his wide eyes. Grizz gasped a little when Panda lifted his own paw and touched Grizz's member.

"P-Panda," Grizz said. Panda stoked slowly, and then faster. He lowered his head and pressed his muzzle to Grizz's cock and made a strange sound. Within seconds his tongue was unleashed and he was dragging it up Grizz's member. Grizz moaned and squirmed and wanted it to go faster yet kept it at it's pace.

He didn't cum as fast as Panda had, but he was approaching it quickly. He used his own paw to stroke faster to get it there, letting Panda slowly lick the shaft and his balls as he occasionally let out a moan that sounded far more submissive than he knew he was capable of. Panda was so cute and hot and actually licking him seductively without a shred of his former shyness in place.

Grizz let go of his cock, and wordlessly Panda began to lick the head and pump at it. It came fast, like a roaring wave, and an intensity he could never replicate by his own paw began to come rushing forward when he came and shot from his cock so hard that it hit both Panda's face and shot over Panda's head to the wall behind them.

Grizz covered his eyes to blush and moaned as it wavered for the next several seconds. His breath was fast and ragged. Panda climbed up him and kissed his chest, and then his lips. Grizz uncovered his face and smiled, his heart still racing.

"I love you, Grizz," Panda said. "T-That was fun."

Grizz squeezed Panda, burying his face in Panda's neck and gripping tighter than he had before. He rocked Panda slowly side to side and kissed him there. His giggles fueled Grizz and all he wanted to do was sit there in the warm water with his boyfriend.

Grizz was happy.

"I love you too, Pan Pan."


	13. The Morning After

Panda awoke sometime into the morning much earlier than he should have given the time of night him and Grizz had finally fallen to sleep. Grizz’s soft, feathery chest only smelled and felt as such due to the fact that Panda had forced all of his random soaps and conditioners onto Grizz during their bath the night before. His head was fuzzy but the smell of Grizz’s natural body with the fading scent of soap made him smile in a goofy way when he buried his nose deeper into Grizz’s neck.

It was the first time that Grizz had spent the night in his room since the thunderstorm. And it was the first time that he had woken up with Grizz at his side. There had been times where Grizz had snuck into his room and they cuddled and kissed for what felt like hours, and whenever Grizz dozed off Panda took it as a need to shove him back to his room so that their brother wouldn’t find them in the morning locked in each other’s embrace. Now he didn’t need to worry about that.

Grizz had linked with him in a physical sense sometime during the night. He was a blanket hog for sure but Panda never felt cold due to the fact that Grizz wrapped both his legs around one of Panda’s own. What started as cuddling with Panda’s face in Grizz’s chest had turned to Grizz laying on his back with his mouth wide open snoring and spread out with Panda tucked on top of his arm with his own paw on Grizz’s chest feeling his soft, round belly. He laid his head on Grizz’s chest and listened to his heartbeat, and once more took in his smell. It made Panda happy.

“Nerug…” Grizz made a strange stirring sound but quickly went back to silence and eventually snoring after he scratched his belly. He was always a heavy sleeper.

Panda fished out his phone and flipped it open, his eyes still half closed and drowsy when he tried to focus on the simple task of remembering his password. All he could really focus on was that it felt comfortable to use Grizz’s chest as a pillow on top of the fact that he was warm. The thunderstorm from the night before had cleared and sunshine rained down from the window onto the lower half of the two of them. Panda scrunched his paws due to them feeling cold because Grizz had hogged his blanket, so he forced them under Grizz’s legs and settled down with the phone on it’s side as he scrolled through random social media to see random posts.

“A-Ah…” Grizz murmured when Panda’s cold toes dug into his legs. Panda didn’t pay much attention, for he had now come across the picture of him and Grizz the two had taken the night before. It was sitting at eighteen likes with a few comments, most positive and a few confused. The confusion mostly stemming from the fact of it being so suddenly announced.

Grizz stirred again, this time actually cracking open his eyes and blinking them a few times as he looked up to the ceiling. He glanced around a few seconds, as if confused by the unfamiliar surroundings before he looked down to Panda. Panda looked up and smiled, and Grizz must have remembered the fact that he was with him because he smiled back. Grizz wrapped Panda in his arms and rolled over until he was nearly crushing Panda under his body.

“G-Grizz,” Panda whined quietly, his phone piled between the two. Grizz was squeezing him tightly and burying his muzzle into Panda’s neck to kiss him a few times. Panda could feel his toes curl in response to the kisses. Grizz didn’t speak, but simply made a satisfied groaning kind of noise that seemed to slip out of him. He got up onto both of his front paws, one on either side of Panda’s head, and smiled down at the bear with a sleepy expression.

“Morning lil’ bro,” Grizz said before yawning. He reached down to kiss Panda and then settled on top of him with his ear pressing to Panda’s chest when he hugged him again, his body curling up as if attempting to use Panda as a mattress or perhaps squish them together some more.

“You smell good,” Grizz said. His tone was muffled.

“That’d be really weird to say if you weren’t my boyfriend,” Panda replied. Grizz lifted his face and began to smell Panda over his chest, his nose scrunching slightly when he gripped either side of his lover and dug his claws in as though he couldn’t hold him tight enough. It tickled slightly so Panda giggled, and Grizz looked up happily.

“I am so totally your boyfriend,” Grizz giggled. He kissed Panda’s chest and Panda arched his back and resisted the urge to squirm when Grizz ran his paws roughly up Panda’s sides, slipping on top of him until he was practically sitting on Panda, until he had pushed up Panda’s arms above his head.

“Hehehe, Grizz!” Panda giggled at Grizz’s animalistic movements. He liked squirming cause Grizz was touching him in a way that felt new and foreign. Before they had held back how far they had gone, but overnight the barriers seemed to have gotten thinner and Panda didn’t feel his heart race with fear but excitement at Grizz’s near innocent dopey expression. Panda thought about the night before and how happy he had felt even if he was scared.

“Dude you have no idea how sweet it is being able to wake up and cuddle you any time I wanted,” Grizz said just as he was running his paws down against Panda’s armpits. Panda bit his lips to keep from giggling. Grizz was sitting on Panda’s belly now with his legs on either side of Panda, just smiling down and admiring him. Panda felt his heart beat faster out of nerves, but not a bad kind, the sort where he was happy and excited for what would happen next all at once.

“You snore a lot, bro,” Panda replied. “It’s way worse hearing it two inches from me than in the next room, you know that?”

“That’s why I gotta bury my muzzle in you,” Grizz giggled. He leaned down and slipped off of Panda only to bury his face near Panda’s neck. Panda kept his arms up willingly still only because Grizz was leaning on his arm as he drew his muzzle down somewhere into Panda’s armpit and buried his face. He forced one of his arms under Panda’s back against the bed and the other over his body and pulled him closer and tighter as Panda resisted the urge to struggle out of the sensation of Grizz’s nose twitching in his fuzzy armpit with tufts of hair that stuck up.

“Hehehehe, Grizz why do you always gotta be weird?” Panda whined happily. He wasn’t sure if he wanted or could admit it right now, but he liked Grizz being weird. He liked Grizz doing strange things to him without thinking or asking. It made him feel excited. It made him realize he was in love that he would let Grizz do it without a second thought. Panda felt his lips quiver as he tried not to laugh when Grizz squirmed happily and finally withdrew his muzzle.

“Dude it totally feels like my heart's gonna explode or something.” Grizz grinned ear to ear, his big teeth sharp and shining. “Does yours? Does it does it?”

“Y-Yeah,” Panda admitted, putting his paw over his own chest. Grizz giggled and forced his lips to Panda’s jawline and Panda let out a strange squeal-like cry in response. Grizz was more hyper today than usual. He forced their lips to meet and Panda obliged, that was until he got a taste of…

“Bleah!” Panda cried out, pushing Grizz away by the chest. “Dude your breath stinks! Go brush your teeth or something.”

“I didn’t even get to kiss your paws again,” Grizz whined in a fake annoyed kind of a tone when he sat up and wiggled a bit in a way that demonstrated he was obviously still happy. “Remember how you kissed mine and then you put them on your…”

“Shut up!” Panda blindly grabbed his pillow from behind his head and whacked Grizz on the side of the head with it. Grizz deflected it with his paws before Panda used it to cover his face and hide his blush at Grizz mentioning what had happened the night before. He scrunched his paws at the memory. He could hear Grizz giggling and shut his eyes tight because he knew he would be called cute or adorable or something that would make him feel more embarrassed any second.

Panda felt a paw touch his belly and he struggled to remain quiet. Grizz kissed him on the lower part of his chest where the pillow wasn’t hiding him and then giggled again.

“I’m gonna go brush my teeth,” Grizz said. “You coming?”

“In a minute!” Panda said through the pillow.

“Still blushing?” Grizz asked, pulling a bit on the pillow.

“Grizz I’m gonna hit you again!”

“Awww, c’mon it was cute!” Grizz said.

Panda threw the pillow up to hit Grizz squared in the face and then when Grizz grabbed it he used his arms to hide his face. He could see Grizz through the cracks in his arms and saw him smiling. He was enjoying this way too much.

“It was seriously cute, Pan Pan,” Grizz assured when he settled his chin on Panda’s belly. He kissed gently on the area and rubbed it a few times before sitting up. Panda made another disgruntled, annoyed sound and squirmed more. He could feel his hot cheeks against his arms. “I can’t believe we totally did it, though.”

“Out!” Panda yelled. He tried to push Grizz off the bed but Grizz was already jumping off and giggling like a little kid who just made a stupid joke. Grizz wiggled in a little dance at Panda’s doorway and went off towards the bathroom.

“Ugh,” Panda laid on his back and picked up his phone. Even in the black reflection of his screen he could see how flustered he looked. When he turned on the phone he calmed down by browsing once more through random social media sites. He turned to his side and realized that Grizz had shed all over his bed, and then looked down at his body and realized random strands of brown fur were covering him as well. He was even starting to smell like Grizz.

Panda looked at the small grizzly bear charm hanging from his phone. He smiled and tugged on it to make sure it was secure.

Panda could hear the sound of sizzling, and he knew his brother was already starting to cook breakfast. The promise of food roused Panda from his bed when he stood up and stretched, brushing Grizz’s fur off of him. It was no longer panicked in fear of question, but for comfort. He didn’t have to check himself three times to make sure no part of Grizz still clung to him. 

Panda went to the door and peaked around the edge. He saw his polar bear brother cooking up eggs and steak for Grizz, and felt his mouth water at the sight of his own food.

“OO! ANAH!”

Panda turned to see Grizz, his mouth covered in a rim of toothpaste with a brush still hanging from his mouth when he tried to talk. His eyes were suddenly wide and his arms were flailing wildly. He was even jumping, spitting random bits of toothpaste at Panda’s face.

“Aw, gross!” Panda shouted. “Dude spit that gunk out what’s your problem?”

“AUGH!” Grizz shouted in a clearly identifiable groan of frustration. He ran off into the other direction back to the bathroom and made a loud unattractive sound before returning while frantically wiping at his mouth. The toothpaste was still on the other side of his arm.

“Dude I totally forgot to give you your gift!” Grizz shouted. He grabbed Panda’s arm and pulled on him rougher than Panda expected. It was so rough that he almost lost balance and ended up forced against Grizz’s chest and was half-dragged into Grizz’s room. “I am so the worst boyfriend brother ever!”

Before Panda could even process what was fully going on he was dragged into the mess of garbage that was Grizz’s room. He was released and struggled to regain balance, his foot hitting against a half eaten apple before a shiver went up his spin and he recoiled.

“Grizz your room is gross!” Panda yelled.

Grizz was already on the ground throwing aside random bits of trash and junk he refused to clean up while he searched frantically for the gift. His nose was halfway through a mound of trash before he raised his head suddenly, holding a box high above his head as though it were a sword he had pulled from it’s scabbard.

“A-HA!” Grizz shouted.

Panda noticed that the present was wrapped rather shoddily with crumpled edges and duct tape instead of clear tape. The wrapping paper was clearly intended for christmas, not a birthday. And there was a bow on top that was far too long and dragging all the way to the floor.

“G-Grizz, you already bought me a lot yesterday,” Panda whined when it was forced to his chest. He could feel his cheeks grow warm when he looked away. A sheepish sensation crossed his heart when he saw just how excited Grizz was. The brown bear was bouncing like a little kid with stars practically glimmering in his eyes.

“C’mon c’mon c’mon open it!” Grizz said.

“Geez,” Panda replied. 

Panda tore into the paper slowly, finding out that Grizz had used way too much and the gift was actually smaller than anticipated. It was several CD’s all stacked on top of each other. The first few were random K-Pop artists, and under that were some pop artists that Panda had to admit he enjoyed. Under that still were several audiobooks, still in CD form. They were all flashy looking and romance focused books, a few of which were even set in Japan by the look of the cherry blossoms on one of the covers. The bottom item was a thick pair of headphones, much like the ones Grizz owned for his CD player.

“I-I bought it right after that big storm a while ago,” Grizz said. There was a hint of bashfulness under his tone that Panda didn’t expect as he looked through everything. “Y-Y’know, you said you get really freaked out during storms when the wifi goes out and you can’t listen to anything. Well I figured you could borrow my CD player whenever you wanted and listen to all this stuff. A-And those headphones are the ones I got, they’re super sound resistant if you’re playing music I can’t hear a thing when I wear them!”

Grizz took a step forward and held Panda’s paw. He brought it close to his chest. 

“I-I just didn’t want to do something stupid and sleep like a log if you ever got really scared like that at night again. I just want my baby brother to get a good night’s sleep and not get all scared, y’know? B-But that was before you and I really… Y-Y’know, started all of this.”

Grizz scratched behind his head and laughed nervously.

“P-Please say you like it Pan Pan, I totally wasn’t trying to make you feel like you couldn’t handle it when you bought all of it.”

“G-Grizz,” Panda said when he looked through everything. He suddenly felt his eyes sting without entirely feeling sure why. He thought of Grizz hugging him that night and letting him know just in his presence alone that everything would be okay. He thought of despite the initial awkwardness how safe he had felt with Grizz sleeping beside him. “This is really sweet, man.”

“R-Really?” Grizz asked. “You mean it?”

“Course I mean it!” Panda giggled.

Grizz went forward fast and hugged Panda, picking him up a few inches by accidently before setting him down. His embrace was iron and happy when he swayed back and forth with Panda in his arms. He kissed Panda’s cheek and then his lips, to which Panda giggled at both and turned his face away.

“G-Grizz I still have to brush,” Panda whined through his giggling just when Grizz’s lips touched his chin. “I’ll kiss you later, alright?”

“Ice Bear can hear you flirting!” Their brother shouted from the other room.

Panda felt his cheeks get warm just when Grizz released him after a long semi-sloppy kiss to his cheek which Panda rubbed at and put his paws together before smiling wide. Panda looked down to his gift and felt a bit warmer.

“He’s totally gonna tease us if we get really flirty in front of him now that he knows,” Panda said.

“Only if we’re super sappy,” Grizz said, grinning a bit. “Which is, like, always.”

“I’m not sappy,” Panda responded.

“Dude you quoted one of your weird tv romances to me like three days ago” Grizz shouted playfully. “And then you told me how you cried about it when you saw it.”

“It was situational!” Panda snapped back, shoving one of his paws into Grizz’s shoulder while he gripped his present under his free arm. “A-And I only cried for five minutes.”

“‘I got off the plane’ isn’t situational in your bedroom, Pan Pan,” Grizz said just before Panda rolled his eyes and began to walk off.

“I-I’m gonna go brush my teeth,” Panda said, pausing briefly in front of Grizz’s door before turning around. He hugged the presents to his chest. He turned around and looked at Grizz.

“I-I’m really glad you got this stuff for me,” Panda said, holding up his assortment of goodies. “And… I’m glad that you were there that night, Grizz.”

Grizz smiled at Panda.

“Me too, Pan Pan.”


	14. Romantic

The living room was a mess. Random bowls with popcorn kernels and chip crumbs lay scattered about with various empty water bottles and energy drinks were covering the coffee table. Cords that linked to both laptops and the controller in Grizz's hand were twisted together at some point due to the fact that they were so close to one another, and of course Grizz was shouting.

"Oh!" The brown bear yelled, throwing back his elbow as though that would somehow help him in the game. "Left! Left left left left left!"

"Grizz you're the one holding the controller!" Panda snapped annoyed at Grizz's usual screaming of whatever button he was pressing. It was bad enough when he was trying to sleep and Grizz could yell loud enough to shake the walls, but being right beside the bear was beginning to make his ears hurt. "Hold on I'm looking up a walkthrough…"

"Dude, this guy is like totally impossible!" Grizz shouted, suddenly mashing one of the buttons frantically on the screen. Panda could feel him squirm back and forth and around, fighting the urge to jump up and therefore up heavy Panda's legs from his lap where Panda had been comfortable resting with his laptop between the two. "HE JUST HEALED EVERYTHING!"

"Grizz chillout an… hey, are you using all of those healing leaves I farmed? What the heck, man?" Panda snapped, finally looking to the screen to see the number on the bottom left shoot down. "Dude stop panicking those are rare! Use the berries, not the leaves!"

"This is totally life or death Pan Pan just let me DO THIS!" Grizz yelled back, though his tone held no bit of annoyance and more stark panic.

Panda rolled his eyes and began scrolling through the results page, clicking on the first walkthrough he found for the boss. He skimmed for a bit, a frown tugging on his lips.

"Oh, what?" Panda asked.

"What what what WHAT?" Grizz asked frantically, the controller shaking in his hands.

"Dude you told me the floor wasn't changing colors! This is totally a puzzle boss! Give me the controller!" Panda whined while putting his laptop onto the coffee table and grabbing at Grizz's paws.

"W-What, no! I got this Pan Pan just tell me what to do!" Grizz whined. "He has a health bar this is a fighting part!"

"Grizz you suck at puzzles just give me the controller!" Panda snapped.

"W-Wait, Pan Pan don't!"

Panda watched the character on the screen tumble off the nearest ledge, and both of them stared at the screen wide eyed in shock before Grizz let go of the controller and let it tumble to the floor, throwing back his head and crying out in an anguished kind of tone. He kept his face covered with his paws when the game went back to the title screen.

"When was the last time we saved?" Panda asked hesitantly, slipping his legs off of Grizz's lap. He didn't realize it before but his heart beat was actually absurdly fast and his face was hot with stress. What Grizz had told him was a relaxing game turned out to be far from it, with fast paced combat and no pause screen to dull down the action.

"Forty-five minutes ago," Grizz made a near whimper sound. "Dude we totally let that princess down,"

Weirdly enough Grizz sounded sad. Panda got up to his knees next to Grizz and put one arm on either side of his boyfriend. It was straight just how natural it felt, especially without looking over his shoulder for their brother. The polar bear had left the house specifically for them so that they could have the night to themselves. Panda put on a smile and pressed his lips to Grizz's cheek only to feel his lover tense and loosen not with surprise but endearment in a way.

"D-Dude, don't be cute when I just failed a kingdom!" Grizz giggled, already shrugging off the crushing defeat he was just dealt with by grabbing Panda's arm and pulling him closer until one of Panda's knees was forced between Grizz's legs and he was practically kneeling on Grizz's lap. His giggling was quick and happy when Panda kissed against his jawline and closer to his neck, and then he squeezed Grizz in a hug. "Sorry we have to do all that again…"

"That game was rigged," Panda giggled when putting his paw on Grizz's chest and rubbing in circles. Grizz tensened and loosened again, a sound similar to a cat's purr escaping his lips when he snuggled closer to Panda's touch. "We can totally get back there in no time."

"Mmm," Grizz said, suddenly wrapping his arms around Panda and squeezing him tightly. He forced Panda on his back in a surprisingly amount of strength suddenly and Panda cried out in half a gasp half a giggle due to Grizz already burying his face in Panda's chest. Before Panda had much time to think about it Grizz was laying on him with his nose twitching as if smelling and running up his chest to the base of his neck. "Let's take a break from the game, Pan Pan,"

"Hehehe," Panda giggled, his paws now on top of Grizz's head occasionally pushing and then pulling between sensations of Grizz kissing at his neck. Grizz was sloppy yet it felt right to let him mindlessly squeeze and kiss Panda wherever he pleased. After a while he settled and seemed to use Panda as both a mattress and a pillow, squeezing him and laying his head on Panda's chest.

It was a strange feeling for the past two weeks. Panda had a boyfriend, and it was Grizz. It was his best friend in the entire world who he was able to cuddle and kiss and share everything with, and he enjoyed every moment of it. It was different from the times he had fallen head over heels in love with any girl who gave him the slightest bit of attention, including the local cashier at their local grocery store, for Grizz gave him a sense of warm and attention in return that he hadn't quite realized he had wanted. Just feeling Grizz squeeze him and let out a tiny moan of affection at being able to bury his muzzle into Panda's chest filled him with emotions he couldn't quite process into words, so he simply squeezed Grizz tighter.

It was still new. Grizz seemed more excited about the idea of being in a relationship than Panda ever knew he could have been. He was keen on cuddling Panda on the bus or kissing him whenever there was a lull in conversation or telling everybody who would listen that Panda was his "super awesome boyfriend" with pride as though he were showing Panda off. At first it had been embarrassing, but admittedly Panda had grown to find a strange comfort in Grizz being so gung-ho about their relationship. He still blushed whenever introduced to strangers just to brag, though.

"Wanna save the kingdom yet?" Panda asked when Grizz nuzzled into his shoulder near his armpit.

"Naw, I think I'm good." Grizz chuckled before putting a paw on either side of Panda and leaning the front half of his body up. "You up to chow down on something? I vote we get some chow and then watch a movie we can cuddle too."

"Dude, neither of us can cook," Panda said when Grizz gave him enough room to sit up. "I think I'm finally sick of popcorn and chips, too."

"First of all, totally impossible to get sick of popcorn and chips," Grizz said in a tone that sounded genuinely offended when he slipped off the couch. "Second of all I totally have a coupon for Mister Jim Jam's Pizza Parlor so I'm officially the best boyfriend ever."

"Grizz that's not really anything to do with you being my…"

"No backsies no backsies!" Grizz shouted, putting a paw on either side of his head before snatching up Panda's phone from the coffee table. "We're gonna have a nice romantic cuddle sesh in the dark and watch a scary movie so you can squeeze me when you flip out. Besides, what's more romantic than Pizza?"

"Probably any other food," Panda giggled.

"Dude you're harshing my best boyfriend buzz," Grizz said, jumping onto the couch and forcing his legs onto Panda's lap before scrolling through the phone and laying on his back.

"It's not exactly the most romantic setting to be in our living room surrounded by a bunch of dirty dishes and cans, Grizz," Panda said while rolling his eyes and rubbing his paw on top of Grizz's foot, squeezing gently when he felt them wiggle.

"H-Hey, Pan Pan?" Grizz said, suddenly a serious edge entering his tone when he sat up. He reached out and grabbed Panda's paw and Panda saw a glimmer of worry in his eyes. "You're not totally hating this, right? I mean, this date."

"W-What? No way!" Panda replied quickly. "Dude I took like a dozen pictures and they all have five likes of us playing this game."

"Okay, good," Grizz said with a bit of relief entering his tone though his eyes glimmered still in that sense of worry. He was pushing his paws together and trying to fake a smile, but it was clearly forced. "C-Cause I thought you liked this. Y'know just chilling and cuddling and watching movies and stuff. If you got super bored you could tell me, bro."

"Grizz I'm fine," Panda giggled when Grizz squeezed his paw and pulled on it. "I'm just saying it's not really… romantic." Panda shrugged.

"What's romantic then?" Grizz leaned forward, taking his legs off of Panda's lap. He was on his knees and holding Panda's paw with both of his own.

"C-C'mon Grizz, you've watched those romantic comedies with me," Panda giggled, a hint of a blush going over his face when he looked away. A few seconds of silence passed and Panda looked back to Grizz, who he suddenly realized was staring at him wide-eyed and blankly as though he was too afraid to respond.

"Do you remember… anything from them?" Panda asked.

"Uhh…" Grizz was still wide eyed.

"Geez," Panda grumbled and looked away, pulling his paw out of Grizz's grasp to cross his arms. "At least I can TELL you the plot of action buddies."

"Please, Pan Pan," Grizz pushed on. "I'm sorry I don't pay attention I just cuddle you when they start talking about feelings."

"Fine," Panda sighed, uncrossing his arms and snatching his phone from Grizz's lap. "I dunno, I think I'd like stuff like the uh… the bath we took. Y'know, candles and rose petals and slow songs and stuff."

"W-We have candles and music!" Grizz said quickly. "I-I can go get them, would that work?"

"N-No, Grizz, it doesn't work out here!" Panda snapped and glared at Grizz. "The bath worked cause we just started really dating and it was dim lit and stuff. Bubble baths are inherently romantic!"

Panda showed Grizz several pictures of candles and roses and random pathways filled with roses. Panda couldn't help but smile at them, squirming at the thought of each of them being played out.

"I always wanted to come home to a whole bunch of flower petals on the floor leading to the bedroom," Panda giggled in a high pitched tone that if he was a little less caught up in the fantasy he would have been blushing harder than he currently was. "A-And then my date would forget I had really bad allergies and apologize to me and she'd still kiss me even though my nose was all runny and eyes were watery cause she felt so bad. Then she'd say I'm still cute when I say I'm sorry for looking weird."

"You… you want me to rub flowers in your face?" Grizz asked.

"What, no?" Panda annoyedly said, being ripped from his fantasy. He realized he was subconsciously squeezing at his nose when he opened his eyes. "Grizz that's weird!"

"S-Sorry," Grizz said, looking away briefly.

Panda realized that Grizz was frowning, and then saw that he was squirming back and forth in an uncomfortable looking manner. He looked as though the gears in his head were turning but he couldn't quite make sense of just what exactly to do with the information he was being given.

"A-Am I a bad boyfriend?" Grizz asked. "Cause I'm not, y'know, romantic?"

"No way," Panda said quickly, leaning forward and setting his phone aside. "Staying in with you is really fun. Getting Pizza and cuddling sounds really nice, Grizz. I-I didn't mean to make you feel bad."

"Mmmm," Grizz made a sound like he was uncomfortable despite Panda's reassurance.

"Hey, you're the best boyfriend ever, remember?" Panda giggled and felt himself blush at actually saying the words out loud. He leaned forward and hugged Grizz's arm, kissing Grizz on the shoulder. "You can be romantic sometimes, I swear."

"When?" Grizz asked, still frowning as though he didn't really believe Panda.

"Like… when you cuddled me cause I was scared of that one storm," Panda said, trying to smile wider than the memory made him to try and cheer Grizz up faster. "Or when you snuck into my room to kiss me cause you just wanted to see me. Stuff I'm talking about is just fantasy stuff. Y'know, big fancy dinners and rose petals and cheesy stuff. I-I dunno why I even like it,"

"Do you uh," Grizz paused, and Panda could visibly see the muscles in his jaw tighten when he was thinking. "Do you have any more fantasies?"

"I mean," Panda shrugged. "Just actually dating somebody is a big one."

Grizz smiled at that, a bit of reassurance given to the bear. He reached his paw down and put it onto Panda's knee before squeezing it gently. Panda giggled, his paws squirming when Grizz let the paw ride up to touch his belly. He rubbed slowly and his smile grew wider when Panda squirmed happily, caught between desire to wiggle away and to let Grizz continue.

"Hey, we can totally do something romantic, right?" Grizz asked, looking into Panda's eye.

"I guess," Panda said with a shrug of his shoulders. "But Grizz, just being here is totally fine. Pizza actually sounds pretty sweet right now."

"O-Oh, I know! Food!" Grizz said, squeezing Panda in a sudden hug with his eyes growing wide with a surge of excitement. "Dude we could totally go out to a super fancy restaurant! That's romantic, right? I-I could buy you dinner and pull out your chair and dress up nice for you and stuff. I can totally be the most romantic bear you've ever met!"

"Super fancy?" Panda asked. He wasn't positive if he wanted to sound nervous or intrigued by the idea, but the sudden thought of going into a big fancy place with a date did make his heart race.

"Y-Yeah!" Grizz said, hopping up from the couch. "I can totally get a bow tie and buy you flowers and… w-wait no, allergic, but I can still do all that other stuff!"

Grizz was growing excited, and Panda caught a familiar looking spark in his eye that he already knew his brother was dead set on this idea, and the more he talked about it the more pumped up and happy he became just imagining the outcome.

"Oh gosh oh gosh it'll be so cool!" Grizz covered his mouth to laugh. "C'mon Pan Pan please please please please PLEASE!"

"A-Alright!" Panda said quickly when Grizz looked just about ready to get on his knees and beg. He felt his heart pick up a bit at the idea of what he had just agreed too, but Grizz's smile turned it from anxiety to a warmth at just seeing how happy his boyfriend had become at the idea.

"Oh man this is like our first real date!" Grizz nearly squealed. "W-When are we gonna go? Next week? Oh man that's way too far. How about tomorrow? W-Wait, reservations, right, need that."

"I-I can book it, y'know," Panda said, raising his phone only to have it be snatched by Grizz. "H-Hey, Grizz!"

"No, no, let the bestest most ROMANTIC boyfriend ever handle everything!" Grizz said, his smile big and toothy. "First we're gonna have totally romantic pizza and then watch a romantic movie and then in a few days go on a SUPER romantic dinner."

"I-It's not just romantic because you use the word," Panda mumbled. The word felt as though each time Grizz forcibly jammed it into his sentences that it was losing more and more of it's meaning. But it was nice to see Grizz happy.

Grizz kissed Panda quickly and then hugged him, hardly containing his desire to bounce and wiggle when he pulled Panda to his feet and squeezed him. Panda hugged him back, and found himself smiling too. Grizz was contagious in a sense, and Panda couldn't help but start to feel excited as well. His first real date with the bear he loved.

"I love you, Pan Pan," Grizz said. "I promise I totally won't let you down."


	15. Reservations

It was late. Late enough where Grizz was rubbing at his eyes and taking in large, loud yawns. If he let his mind drift or eyes glaze over his thoughts would numb at the idea of sleep and it would just begin to overtake him until just the moment where his weight would begin to tip the chair he was sitting in and he would snap awake and steady himself, usually with a loud gasp of shock.

"Focus. Focus. Focus!" Grizz muttered under his breath, tapping his claws a bit more forcefully than needed against either side of his head and then shaking it with irritation. He finally groaned and tried to look at the laptop screen in front of him, his eyes stinging at just how bright the screen was no matter how low he turned it.

Grizz had a small notebook and pencil in front of him with several words he had scribbled down in his just barely legible writing. With each item he crossed off his frown deepened as did the tightening of his stomach worsen. For the past hour he had been looking up ways to be romantic, yet nothing seemed to make sense or be something that wouldn't just upset Panda in some way. Most of the suggests he looked up didn't make much sense nor something he knew how to do, such as serenading Panda or making a mixtape. The thought of doing anything to make Panda happy made him feel warmer, yet nothing seemed to be sincere in the slightest.

By now Grizz was thinking of Panda in his room. It was about the time of night where just a month ago Grizz would wake up anxious and turning over in his bed thinking of sneaking into Panda's room to cuddle him until sunrise. Right now he was tempted to do the same, the thought of forgetting his current source of stress and burying his face into Panda's chest to use as a pillow made his chest feel warm. However it was fleeting, realizing his plans for tomorrow were awfully shallow and muddled at best.

"Can't sing," Grizz mumbled, his eyes glazing over a suggestion of serenading. "Flowers… Maybe… wait, isn't Pan Pan allergic to pollen? Ugh, this sucks."

Grizz settled his forehead onto the table and whined. He hadn't done anything but book a reservation for the following night, or in this case given how late it was tonight, and he hadn't so much as figured out how he wanted to dress. His own idea of romantic, or at least what he thought it should have been, was just cuddling with Panda late at night watching a movie and then kissing when it got to the boring parts. His heart still beat fast whenever Panda snuggled up onto his chest and was too tired to focus on the movie but still wanted attention. Even the thought alone made him momentarily smile and feel warm and fuzzy.

"Ugh!" Grizz whined, realizing he was getting caught up in his thoughts again.

Suddenly a noise startled Grizz so much that he actually jumped in his chair. It sounded like loud rattling from the fridge. He stood up in his seat, wondering if his youngest brother was shifting around, and then saw the door slowly open. The polar bear came out slowly, his eyes half closed and his paw shielding them from the light of the kitchen.

"Oh, sorry bro, did I wake you?" Grizz asked.

"Ice Bear was disturbed," The polar bear stated, standing up slowly and trembling slightly as if he had just rolled out of bed. It took him a minute to regain his composure before he stared at Grizz. "Ice Bear does not enjoy his beauty sleep interrupted."

"Hehe, sorry, bro," Grizz chuckled dryly, placing both paws on either side of the laptop. "I didn't realize how late it go, I-I can just head to my room, alright?"

"Ice Bear is already up," The polar bear said flatly with just the slightest hint of irritation as he walked over to the sink to grab a glass before filling it up with water. Grizz held his paw on the charging port of the laptop, unsure if he should get up. He saw the polar bear turn and pull out the chair closest to Grizz and sit down, his eyes still baggy looking as he swayed slowly before shaking his head like a dog shaking off water.

"Ice Bear is tired of hearing groaning," The polar bear said, glancing to Grizz.

"Nothing," Grizz shrugged his shoulders. "Just Pan Pan dating stuff."

The white bear blinked a few times and then craned his neck to look at the screen of the laptop, to which Grizz grabbed at and turned away from him.

"H-Hey, that's a bit priva-"

The polar bear lifted a single paw and shoved Grizz out of his chair with seemingly little effort. Grizz let out a yelp of surprise and fell against the floor with his back landing flatly and was soon staring up at the ceiling. His youngest brother drug the laptop over to him and stared at it when Grizz scrambled up to his feet.

"I'm okay!" Grizz shouted, bouncing on his toes once he regained balance.

"Ice Bear doesn't think Panda wants a mixtape," The polar bear mumbled, blinking a few times at the screen and then looking to Grizz, who was now tip-toeing behind his brother to stare as he scrolled through the screen. "Ice Bear thinks this is a website for teen girls… from twenty years ago."

"I was looking at my options," Grizz said, squirming in place as he tried not to take the laptop from his brother, and frowned deeply when the polar bear kept scrolling. "Pan Pan reads those magazines, right? I mean, he's gotta like that stuff?"

"Ice Bear doesn't understand why you're worrying about this," The polar bear said, glancing over his shoulder. "Ice Bear thought you and Panda were happy."

"We are, it's just…" Grizz trailed off, biting the inside of his cheek and glancing downward. "Pan Pan doesn't think I know how to be romantic. I don't, really, but I just wanna be the kind of relationship he used to talk about all the time. Y'know how he used to stay up writing in his diary about how he had all those dream dates?"

"Ice Bear remembers clearly. It was two months ago." The polar bear blinked and stared at the screen again. There was a slight frown on his face that made Grizz's chest feel tight. He slowly sat down at the chair he was in before and began to push his paws together and tug on his claws. He felt awkward and squirmy and didn't want to sit in place.

"C'mon, bro, this is weird," Grizz whined. "You don't wanna think about me and Panda going on a romantic date, do you? Like, you already make us warn you to take a walk before we do anything… alone…"

The white bear stared blankly, and then suddenly shivered.

"Ice Bear would rather not think about several things between his brothers," The polar bear mumbled. "But Ice Bear also wants sleep. Ice Bear supposes he also wants his brothers to be happy."

"T-Thanks," Grizz chuckled. "But c'mon man, you should go back to sleep. I'll just take the laptop to my room and try to figure things out."

Grizz began to reach for the laptop, but The white bear drug it away until Grizz was half laying on the table and squirming in place. He looked up to the white bear, who was already typing out something incredibly fast on the keyboard. He turned the laptop back to Grizz, who stared at the screen. It appeared to be some sort of flower shop close by.

"Ice Bear wants you to buy flowers here tomorrow. Roses."

"B-But Pan Pan has allergies," Grizz said, frowning and looking over to his brother. "Dude sneezing and getting all puffy isn't romantic."

"Ice Bear knows roses have low Pollen. Ice Bear only wants you to buy one." The white bear tapped his claw on the screen over the small selection of flowers and pricing. "Ice Bear recommends asking them to write a card. Something romantic."

"What's… romantic to write?" Grizz asked, feeling his belly twist.

"Ice Bear wants it to come from your heart," The polar bear stared right into Grizz's eyes. "Tell Ice Bear what you'll write."

"Um…" Grizz squirmed in his seat for a moment, the idea swimming around in his mind. "How about… Bro I…"

"No," The polar bear stated.

"Waddya mean, 'No'?" Grizz asked, his voice squeaking a bit.

"Ice Bear doesn't think it's romantic to say bro," The polar bear said.

"Ugh," Grizz whined, putting a paw over his face. "Okay… how about… I love you?"

The polar bear reached his claws into the glass of water, lifted his paw, and then flicked it at Grizz. Grizz jumped in place and used his paws to shield his face and cry out as though it actually hurt him.

"Ice Bear thinks it's too generic," The polar bear said with a shrug of his shoulders. "Think of something better."

"Y-You're the world to me?" Grizz asked. Once more he was flicked with waters, and once more he cried out in fear when it happened.

"Make it better," Ice Bear said flatly.

Grizz thought about complaining more but then crossed his arms. He wasn't sure how to talk romantically either, much less express it. He had to admit that his brother was right, though. Those were generic thoughts, not how he really felt. To describe how much Panda meant to him in just a few words felt nearly impossible. He just wanted to make Panda happy because Panda in return managed to make him so happy.

"How about… I hope I'm better than your favorite Rom Com?"

Grizz felt his cheeks grow slightly flushed at just stating that. It felt cheesy and almost dumb in a way, something that him and only Panda would get. He thought of the way that Panda and him cuddled in the recent weeks when watching his favorite movies. Grizz usually zoned out when they got too sappy and focused on cuddling Panda, but his boyfriend always seemed to tear up and occasionally even cry over cheesy lines in movies he had seen a hundred times before. It was when he really held onto Grizz and cuddled him and kissed him after he calmed down that made Grizz feel like watching those boring films was worth it.

"Ice Bear likes that," The polar bear said, setting down his cup of water.

"You think he would?" Grizz asked, a bit hopeful.

The polar bear nodded his head. He glanced to the computer again. "Ice Bear wants to know where you're taking him."

"Just… some fancy place," Grizz shrugged. "I booked the reservation yesterday cause I wanted to surprise Panda. I told him it was really expensive and the waiters were all dressed up and that he had to wear a suit and tie."

"Ice Bears doesn't think you'd fit well there," The polar bear said.

"What?" Grizz snapped. "Dude, I'd totally fit into a fancy place! I'm the fanciest bear I know! I'd even shower before we go using all that stuff Panda uses! No way I'd mess it up like that."

"Ice Bear thinks you want to cuddle," The white bear said. "Ice Bear doesn't think Panda is comfortable cuddling in public."

"He… But I mean…" Grizz trailed off. He knew once more his brother had a grain of truth in his tone. He thought of all the times in recent memory where Panda and him tried to hold paws in public now that they didn't have to hide anymore. Grizz was far too excited to hug Panda's arm and keep him close and kiss him at nearly every available opportunity. Often times when large groups came Panda would squirm out of his touch or blush so hard that he began to look upset if not embarrassed, often putting a paw over his heart to calm himself down. "It'll make him happy, right? A big date at a fancy place?"

The white bear shrugged his shoulders.

"Ice Bear knows you can't resist openly flirting. Even when Ice Bear is in room."

"I can totally not flirt!" Grizz said, hitting his paw down onto the table. "I'll be the best boyfriend who doesn't say anything nice to his… boyfriend… wait…"

Grizz sunk down into his chair again and sighed loudly.

"You really think he'll hate it if I try to get too cuddly? I mean, Panda loves it when we cuddle." Grizz bit the inside of his cheek and crossed his arms before closing his eyes. "I don't want him to feel nervous, though. I just…"

Grizz trailed off, looking away briefly.

"I want our first date to be perfect."

The white bear blinked at Grizz, and then lifted his paw to slowly close the laptop before resting his chin onto his arms and sighing loudly.

"Ice Bear wants to know what you want." The polar bear said, staring blankly at Grizz.

"Uh," Grizz started, bringing his paw to his chin and thinking on that for a few seconds. "I wanna make Pan Pan feel like I can be romantic for him… But I also really wanna have fun with him like we do when we just stay home and play games and watch movies. We already said we love each other, and that was totally awesome, so I don't wanna do something boring."

Grizz's brother nodded his head and folded his paws together.

"Ice Bear will help you," The polar bear said. "Ice Bear really wants the cave to himself. Away from kissing and cuddling and having to hide in his fridge to avoid Panda awkwardly apologizing the next morning when he's in the bathroom."

"Panda does what?"

"Ice Bear wants to help," The polar bear said again, firmer this time. "Just tell Ice Bear what you want to do."

"Um, okay," Grizz said with a slow nod of his head. He crossed his arms and thought about Panda and thought about just how warm and fuzzy he felt around him. He wanted to show off Panda, to tell everybody that Panda was his boyfriend. Yet at the same time he wanted to wait until Panda at least had a date where they could be happy together and comfortable.

"I guess I have this one kind of cool idea," Grizz began.


	16. Date

Panda straightened out his bowtie once again, and only then realized that it was difficult to keep his paws steady. He felt nervous, and yet the reasons why didn't quite make sense to him. For as long as he could remember he thought about how his first real date would go with a girl, and had planned it again and again in his mind how he would treat her and the places they would go and how he could show off just how much he loved her. Yet now, he didn't have a girlfriend but a boyfriend. Not only that, but it was his boyfriend who was the one planning the date. Panda hadn't expected to blush at the simple thought of that, but nevertheless when he looked up into the bathroom mirror his cheeks were tinted in a light pink.

Panda wanted his date to be perfect. He wanted to make Grizz happy and love whatever he had picked out for the two of them. Yet still, the nerves tingled deep into his belly and he had to splash some water onto his face just to cool himself down. He hadn't caught much of Grizz all day, which had worried him slightly. The few times he did see his new boyfriend were when he was going in and out of his shower just an hour before, possibly the longest Panda had ever heard Grizz clean himself in his entire life, and right when they woke up before he was already out the door. Panda had been trying the entire day to distract himself, wondering why their dinner date needed to be so late to the point that it was already dark outside, yet nothing seemed to hold his attention long enough for it to not go back to the idea of Grizz and him.

"Gee gee gee gee, baby baby," Panda mumbled to himself. He had been listening to music for most of the day to distract himself, and just about the only song stuck in his head was a horribly repetitive K-Pop song. He kept staring at the mirror and washing his paws over and over wondering if he forgot to do something.

There was a sudden and loud banging on the bathroom door that startled Panda enough to make him stumble away from the sink. He panicked, rushing back and turning off the water before feeling his chest over his beating heart.

"Y-Yeah, just a second!" Panda called.

When he went to the door to open it he cracked it slowly, seeing a near wall of white fur standing uncomfortably close to the door. When he opened the door to see his younger brother the polar bear stared at him blankly.

"Uh, hey dude," Panda chuckled. "Don't worry, I'll be out in just a sec."

"Ice Bear has mission," The polar bear said suddenly.

"Wait, wha… H-Hey, what the heck?"

Panda didn't do much more then watch the polar bear raise both of his paws before suddenly a strip of white fabric was forced over his eyes. Panda tried to squirm out of it, but his brother was too strong as he was suddenly pinned against the nearest wall and blindfolded in an instant.

"D-Dude, what the heck?" Panda cried out, the polar bear keeping him from pulling away his blindfold. "Bro I got a date in like five minutes you gotta!"

"Ice Bear needs you to follow him," The polar bear said, suddenly tugging on both of Panda's arms until Panda cried out and was dragged through the house. He felt his shoulders bump against a few of the walls when he tried to fight, yet merely blushed when he realized just how much stronger the younger bear was.

"This is so not the time for a prank, dude!" Panda shouted. "G-Grizz is totally gonna…!"

Panda was interrupted by the sound of a loud knock that startled him. He realized he must have been in front of a door where he paused with his mouth held open. His brother released him and Panda was struggling with the knot on the back of his head when he heard the door swing open.

"Oh, is there a… D-Dude, what the heck! The blindfold was for later!"

"G-Grizz?" Panda asked once he heard his older brother's voice. "Dude what the heck?"

"Oh, sorry Pan Pan!" Grizz said just as Panda felt a tug at the knot on his head and it suddenly fell from his eyes. When he looked up Panda realized he was standign in front of the front door with Grizz in the doorway glaring at their youngest brother. "Dude, I said give him the blindfold not put it on him!"

"Ice Bear gave it to Panda," The polar bear said.

"Ugh, shoo!" Grizz said, waving his paw. Once the polar bear turned to leave with a shrug Grizz added "And thank you!"

"Grizz what's going on?" Panda whined, finally looking at Grizz for the first time. He realized his brother was wearing a bright red necktie and a black vest that he had gotten from who knows where. His fur was groomed and he was holding a single red rose with a pink bow tied around it. The only thing that looked Grizz-like about him was the big, dopey smile he just couldn't seem to keep off of his face. That and the fact that he was bouncing on his toes so hopped up with excitement that he looked like he might break into some sort of dance at any second.

"I'm picking you up for our big date!" Grizz laughed. "Can I come in?"

"Grizz you live here," Panda said, but Grizz was already in the doorway. Without much warning Grizz went straight into Panda's chest and their lips connected for a kiss in which Grizz squeezed Panda into a hug. Panda felt his annoyance melt fast when he giggled halfway through the kiss, Grizz pulling away and kissing him right on his nose before Panda squirmed some more.

"Is that my vest?" Panda asked.

"What?" Grizz smiled. "I wanted to look good for my Pan Pan."

Panda felt Grizz force his lips to his cheek and he couldn't help but giggle again. Grizz finally released him from the hug and held forward the rose with both hands until it was nearly pressed against Panda's chest.

"Here here! It's fake, cause of your allergies and all." Grizz smiled when Panda took the rose, feeling his cheeks blush. Grizz was still bouncing on his toes when he grabbed Panda's free paw and held it.

"G-Grizz," Panda mumbled. He honestly hadn't expected this much, especially from Grizz. He felt his tummy twist ever so slightly for doubting that his boyfriend could even make it this far romantically.

"Oh, hey, Pan Pan!" Grizz said, grabbing the fabric from Panda paw. "Put on the blindfold again, okay?"

"Why?" Panda asked, raising his brow skeptically.

"Pleeeeeeeeeease!" Grizz whined, drawing out the 'eee' in a way that made Panda wince it was so high pitched and frankly annoying. Just to make it stop Panda rolled his eyes and started to tie it around the back of his head again. In a surprise Grizz kissed him on the nose when he was nearly done, and then on his lips when he lowered his arms. He held the rose tightly to his chest and felt Grizz grab him by either paw.

"Grizz this is a little much for going to a bus stop," Panda chuckled nervously once Grizz pulled him from the cave. He couldn't help but keep blushing, trusting Grizz far more than he had his other brother to guide him. He felt his paw be let go as Grizz raced behind him to shut the door before racing back and pulling on his paw once more.

"We're not going to the bus stop," Grizz said confidently.

"W-What?" Panda asked. "Then where the heck are we going? D-Dude you gotta warn me what if I'm overdressed or something?"

"Just trust me, alright, Pan Pan?" Grizz asked, slowly leading Panda in a direction he could already tell wasn't to the edge of the woods where the bus usually waited. Panda bit the inside of his cheek and then slowly nodded. It was dark outside already, as such there was a slight chill in the air. Grizz drug him with one paw and then he heard the rattling of something and then a loud click.

"What's that?" Panda asked.

"Flashlight," Grizz giggled despite it not being funny. Panda thought he must have just been overly excited.

Panda realized that he could hear the rustling of leaves not just in the distance, but soon all around him. The usual flat grass became jagged in a way, and a few times the soles of his paws brushed against roots. They were on unfamiliar pathways now, and on a slight incline uphill.

"You're not gonna let my face get hit by a branch, are you?"

"As if!" Grizz shouted back. "If you even stub your toe I promise I'll kiss it better."

"You're weird," Panda mumbled, drawing close to Grizz and instead of being led by the end of his paw he now hugged all of Grizz's arm. It earned him a happy giggle from Grizz when he felt lips touch his cheek once more but it really did make Panda feel safer. A few scattered leaves and twigs crackled under Panda's feet when they went, his steps slow and nervous but trusting of where Grizz was leading him. His own heart was beating whenever he heard a sudden rustle of wind thinking it might be a snake or fox, so he kept squeezing Grizz's arm. Grizz was slow with just a hint of impatience being held back in the way that whenever he stopped to push aside a branch for the two of them he would bounce excitedly.

Suddenly the ground under Panda's feet felt smoother, and he realized the two of them were on a sudden flat patch. The trees he had bumping shoulders with were gone and he felt a bit more free as Grizz slipped from his grasp. He stood in place for a moment before he felt Grizz's paws touch either sides of his face and slide up slowly over each end of his blindfold. When it was pulled up all the way Grizz was already kissing him and moving his arms down to hug Panda once more.

When they broke Panda took the opportunity to look around. It was a large clearing in the middle of the forest and just over Grizz's shoulder Panda saw what looked to be several blankets and pillows all spread out in the middle.

"G-Grizz?" Panda asked. "What is all of this?"

"It's all my idea it's all my idea!" Grizz shouted excitedly, jumping up and down. "Our little bro helped out a ton with all the food and where to buy all the stuff from but it was all my idea to come up here! C'mon c'mon!"

Grizz once more dragged Panda, but this time the bear had to keep up with his overjoyed boyfriend by jogging. Grizz let him go when he picked up one of the random scattered and unlit candles and show it off to Panda.

"Okay, so I know your allergies would make flowers suck, so I got a bunch of rose scented candles for us," Grizz said, plopping down suddenly onto the random blankets and pillows. "I spent like an hour grabbing all the comfy blankets and pillows and stuff from the cave, and it's totally not lumpy at all. O-Oh, and our little bro made all our dinner for us. There's stuff in here I don't even know what it is it's so fancy! A-And… And I thought we could just like sit and look at the stars so I can cuddle you and…. Panda?"

"Grizz…" Panda mumbled, looking around at all of it and his overjoyed boyfriend. He didn't realize until Grizz asked him name that his eyes were stinging. His vision began to blur when he wiped at his eyes with his paw. Grizz scrambled to his feet to grab either of Panda's arms and frown.

"Are you alright? Did I mess something up? S-Should there have been more pillows?"

"N-No," Panda shook his head. "Sorry I'm just… I didn't think you'd do this much for us. This is really great, Grizz. I-I love you."

Panda couldn't help himself. He took a step forward and embraced Grizz fully as tight as he could, burying his face into Grizz's fluffy neck and squeezing his eyes shut. He was blushing, not aware that he was going to begin crying over something so strange. Grizz held him back, but it was more gentle and soothing than he expected. A paw drifted slowly up and down his back to comfort him before he was kissed gently on his cheek.

"I love you too, Pan Pan."

Panda sniffled and pushed Grizz off of him with a giggle.

"Can we sit?" Panda asked.

"Sure," Grizz nodded excitedly. He pulled Panda a few feet to the pillows before the two settled down slowly still halfway in each other's embrace. It really was comfy. Grizz kissed him again and Panda kissed back before they split. Grizz began crawling around, grabbing a lighter to light up the various candles and setting them a few feet away from the blankets. There seemed to be a small boom-box near the picnic basket that Panda honestly thought they had thrown out years ago. Grizz picked it up and set it near the very end, pressing a few buttons on it before the gentle sound of korean singing came out.

"You took my CD's, didn't you?" Panda giggled.

"Well, yeah," Grizz laughed back.

Grizz turned to the picnic basket and opened it up, pulling out random boxes of things. He handed a few to Panda. It was various meats and gravies for Grizz with more fruits and vegetables with noodles for Panda. Before they began to eat Grizz snuggled up next to him and grabbed one of the blankets to wrap around either of their shoulders so they could sit together under the moonlight. Grizz kissed his cheek a few times, Panda giggling and squirming each time.

Grizz's eating was as fast and messy as ever. It was a bit of clarity for Panda in a way, watching his boyfriend scarf down food so fast and wipe away the bits of gravy with the back of his paw, for it was a subtle reminder that it was still his boyfriend who had planned all of this. Panda ate slower, but was only halfway done when Grizz finished his food and burped loudly. Panda rolled his eyes.

"Gross," Panda giggled.

"You're cute," Grizz replied, ignoring Panda's insult by throwing a compliment. "Is it good? I wanted it to be super good."

"You're not the one who made it," Panda replied.

"I totally supervised!" Grizz defended himself, poking his claw against Panda's chest just as he was halfway through slurping up some noodles. When Panda was near finished Grizz began kissing around his shoulder and neck, occasionally burying his muzzle somewhere just to nuzzle and sigh happily. When Panda finally put aside his dish Grizz took it as an invitation to force Panda onto his back so that Grizz could cuddle him.

"Pushy," Panda said, allowing his arms to wrap around Grizz's back and settle down. His muscles relaxed and he closed his eyes for a moment, the hairs on the top of Grizz's ear tickling his nose until he was forced to bury his muzzle against Grizz's head to stop the sensation.

"Mmmmph," Grizz replied, too muffled in Panda's fluffy fur to say anything.

Panda rolled more onto his back, letting Grizz curl up just under his arm with his head using Panda's chest as a pillow. Grizz's legs wrapped around Panda's left leg until he clung to the bear like a koala to a tree, his lips occasionally finding their place somewhere on Panda's body. Panda giggled, staring at at the sky. It was already darker than it had been when they had arrived, and despite being so close to the city they were far enough into the woods for the stars to be visible. Panda's eyes skimmed the stars, and he felt his chest grow with warmth despite the chilly air. He cuddled closer to Grizz, prefering his brother's warmth to that of a blanket.

"Oh, hey, I have an app!" Panda said suddenly, pulling out his phone for a moment before flicking through a few pages on his home screen. He opened up a star constellation app, and his camera forced itself open. He moved it and saw Grizz's face staring at him, causing Panda to giggle when he smiled back. He pointed it up at the sky with both his arms outstretched and held it there for a moment. After a few seconds a few dim lines began to appear to show Ursa Major.

"That's cool," Grizz giggled. Panda was busy moving his phone around, but realized out of the corner of his eye Grizz wasn't really watching with him and more just burying his face somewhere near Panda's armpit and nuzzling softly. He seemed happy, and it made Panda's chest feel warm.

It was nice, Panda thought. Grizz's arm wrapped over his chest and he seemed to only bury himself deeper into Panda's soft body. He had a big, goofy smile on his face that every few seconds his lips peeled back to reveal his teeth. Panda was happy just using his app to stare up at the night sky, finding more and more constellations. Occasionally he would point one out to Grizz who would just nod and then nuzzle deeper against Panda.

"Hey Pan Pan?" Grizz eventually asked once Panda's arms began to feel sore. He wrapped one around Grizz's shoulders and put the other behind his head. When Panda looked down Grizz was starting to sit up, grabbing ahold of Panda's paw. "Is this romantic?"

"Huh?" Panda asked, raising his brow. "What do you mean?"

"I mean," Grizz grabbed Panda's paw and held it to his chest. "This is the kinda stuff you like, right? Like all those movies and stuff that you like?"

"Yeah," Panda nodded his head, sitting up as well. "Grizz was that what you've been so nervous about?"

"N-No!" Grizz said suddenly, a bit too loudly, and made Panda wince. He looked away, letting go of Panda's paw and pushing his paws together. There looked to be a slight blush appearing on his face. "I just… I wanted you to know I could do it. Make you happy."

"Grizz…" Panda began. "Dude, you already make me happy. I wouldn't be up here cuddling you if I wasn't happy."

"I know," Grizz mumbled. "But I wanted you to get the kind of date you always wanted. Y'know, the kind you used to say you wrote about in your diary."

Panda reached out his paw and touched Grizz's cheek. It was soft and warm from flush. Grizz met his eyes, but it was only for a second. Panda felt his heart beat a little faster when he scooted closer, moving his legs slowly until one was swung over Grizz's two own. He settled himself down gently until he was sitting on Grizz's lap, feeling his own face grow hot and his arms grow shaky until he placed both paws on Grizz's cheeks to steady himself. He couldn't help but look around, worried he might look weird. He kissed Grizz, and it was gentle.

"G-Grizz," Panda said, fighting his stutter. "I just wanted to go on a date with somebody who loved me back. This is… This is way more romantic than something I would have planned if I got a girlfriend or anything. I just… I didn't think you'd do all of this just for me."

"Panda, you okay?" Grizz asked, lifting up his own paw to touch Panda's cheek. It was only when he felt the back of Grizz's paw wipe under his eyes did he realize they were growing blurry. He felt his jaw tremble slightly, a whole mess of emotions coming up all at once. To fight off whatever he was feeling he leaned in and hugged Grizz as tight as he could, squeezing him with both his legs and his arms. Grizz hugged him back, but it was trying to be comforting over anything else. He felt the paw of his lover glide up and down his back slowly. Panda squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to sniffle but it coming out anyway.

"I'm sorry," Panda said, burying his face into Grizz's neck. "I feel really happy, I-I promise."

"It's no problem, Pan Pan," Grizz said right before kissing Panda's cheek. "You're really cuddly tonight."

Panda snort-chuckled at that. It interrupted his overly mushy overly clingy feelings for just a moment until he was able to compose himself enough to lift up his head and wipe at his eyes. Grizz was smiling at him. He kissed Grizz. He wanted to be closer. When they parted Panda sat there with their noses almost touching.

"Do you think we could… t-try French Kissing?" Panda asked.

"What's that?" Grizz asked.

Panda stared a moment. He realized that Grizz was being serious. His already intense blush grew deeper and deeper when he thought of exactly how to explain it to his boyfriend. The fact that Grizz didn't already know was one thing.

"It's uh… when you kiss with… t-tongue…" Panda mumbled, growing quieter with each word until he was whispering the last one. He could feel his ears flatten when his eyes cast away. He felt stupid for asking, and even stupider for explaining.

"Oh," Grizz said.

Without warning, Grizz suddenly grabbed Panda on either side of his head and brought his face forward. Panda felt his heart pound when he closed his own eyes, puckering his lips for a kiss. And then, very suddenly, Grizz's tongue licked Panda's face.

Silence fell. Grizz let go of Panda's face, and when Panda opened his eyes he saw Grizz staring blankly at him.

"Like that?" Grizz asked.

"Ha…" Panda felt himself chuckle. "Ha… Haha… Hahahaha!"

Panda fell back off of Grizz he began to laugh so hard. He fell right off of Grizz's legs and onto his back near him, covering his face with the back of both his arms as he laughed hysterically. It was so funny to him. His nerves, how scared he felt, how silly he felt, all of them melted in that instant as he laid there laughing at the top of his lungs. He was too caught up that he didn't realize he actually couldn't stop.

"H-Hey, what's funny?" Grizz asked, leaning over and grabbing one of Panda's arms. "C-C'mon, did I do it wrong?"

"Ha… Haha!" Panda was panting now, his face hot not from blush any longer but from what almost felt like a workout. His ribs ached and even trying to breath normally sent giggles through his body. He could see when he wiped his eyes that Grizz was blushing and hard.

"It's not that funny," Grizz mumbled.

"I-I'm sorry, Grizz," Panda giggled, forcing himself to sit up. He drew himself closer to Grizz until the two were cuddling close again. "O-Okay, I'll show you, alright? Just stop blushing. When I kiss you just open your mouth a little, not a lot."

It took Grizz a moment to meet Panda's eye again and uncross his arms, but when he did he allowed Panda to kiss him. Panda first pushed Grizz down until the bear was on his back and then let their lips meet, Panda laying on Grizz's chest entirely. Panda felt Grizz's mouth open just a little bit, so Panda opened his as well. He pushed his tongue in, and felt Grizz's body suddenly tense and squirm slightly. It took a few moments, but eventually Grizz's tongue brushed against his own. He was nervous at first, as if not able to be comfortable with the new alien kiss. Eventually Grizz pushed back, and his tongue was in Panda's mouth. They parted ever so slightly for air, their tongue still against one another. It was sloppy, and messy, as it was the first tongue kiss for either of them. It was unpleasant in a way but also heartwarming. Panda's mind kept running through the idea of it, almost as though he could hardly believe he was actually french kissing somebody. Grizz moaned ever so slightly when Panda pushed back, and that was his queue to lift his head up.

Panda wiped at his mouth, Grizz doing the same.

"That was cool," Grizz said.

"That was sloppy," Panda replied with a giggle.

"Hey, Pan Pan," Grizz said, lifting up his arms slowly until they were on either side of Panda's body. They were lower than usual, squeezing his thighs until Panda giggled with nerves and excitement until eventually yelping when Grizz pushed their midsections together. "We're totally alone out here, you know? I hear grizzly bears get really wild when they're outdoors. Totally animalistic when out in the open."

"Yeah?" Panda replied black, his voice hinting at a flirt when he squirmed slightly just to help stimulate Grizz a little. He felt Grizz's feet brush against his own almost teasingly, running up and down his pads. Panda smiled, his face growing warmer. More teasingly Grizz's paws ran up and down his thighs, one of his legs lighting until the knee forced Panda's legs apart slightly by rubbing against his rear. A mound of giggles fell out of Panda nervously just when Grizz used one of his paws to touch Panda's chin. "Are grizzly bears grabby when you let them french kiss you?"

"Hehehe, sometimes," Grizz replied. His knee pushed deeper between Panda's legs. "Remember that thing you asked to try? With the rope and the…"

"Grizz," Panda said, looking away. "C'mon, don't tease me."

"Who's teasing? I'm totally serious. You better be careful, Pan Pan." Grizz said back. "Grizzly bears totally don't have control over what they'll do if panda's look too cute around them. Didn't you watch that one documentary? Bears around here are totally territorial, if a strange bear were to come and taunt them by blushing a whole bunch they might have too…"

"What?" Panda asked, squirming slightly.

Panda felt two paws plant on either side of his rear, forcing small jump out of him.

"Ha!" Grizz shouted, sitting up suddenly. Something hard pushed against Panda's belly due to the two still being shoved slowly together. "What was that dream you had, Pan Pan? Something about a big mean bear taking you and…"

"Hey guys!"

"Ahh!" Both Grizz and Panda shouted in unison.

That wasn't one of their voices. In a flash all forefront of flirting and romance popped much like a balloon near a sharp nail. Panda literally forced himself off of Grizz in an instant. Panda's legs legs snapped together as Grizz fell back, and hard, from the sudden force. He groped for a blanket, using it to cover his body. He hid, trembling in a fetal position with his head sticking out. He looked up to see a tall, skinny figure coming out from the thick of the woods.

"Charlie, what the heck?" Panda shouted.

"Oh wow, nice picnic you got set up here," Charlie said as he approached. "Ain't it a little late, though?" The creature had come out of nowhere, as Charlie usually did. Charlie had also come at possibly the most inopportune moment, as he also usually did. Grizz was the one to stand up, Panda too scared to remove his blanket now that Grizz had 'excited' him so much.

"Charlie, man, what are you doing here?" Grizz asked, stepping off of the blankets and up near Charlie. "We're kind of in the middle of something, bro!"

"Oh, I can see that!" Charlie said, suddenly snatching his hand into the picnic basket. "You having a nice late dinner? Man, me too. Y'know, I was just taking a stroll and thinking it's been a while since I saw my buddies and then BAM!"

"Ah!" Panda shouted, not expecting Charlie to shout that last part.

"There two of em are!" Charlie finished, taking a bite out of some of the dessert that the two bears hadn't gotten too yet. He locked eyes with Panda for a moment. Panda was too embarrassed to do much more than open his mouth and let air flow through, so he looked away and shut them with a whine.

"Dude, Charlie," Grizz said, pushing Charlie back suddenly. "We're kind of in the middle of something. C-Could you just get out and like, I dunno, come back tomorrow? We can do stuff with you then."

"Oh, Gee, I didn't think I was bothering ya'll," Charlie said, scratching behind his head. Panda stared hard at him. "Your brother okay there? He looks a little red?"

"Charlie," Grizz said, grabbing Charlie's arm and walking behind him to drag him away. "We're on a date, alright? I've been planning this all week so PLEASE just go away?"

"A date?" Charlie shouted.

"Ugh…" Panda whined. He saw Grizz's ears visibly flatten at Panda's sounds.

"Oh, wow, I'm sorry guys," Charlie said. "I didn't mean to interrupt your twos dates! But uh, where's the girls at? They running late or something? You get stood up?"

"No, Charlie," Grizz hissed. "C'mon man I'll explain it tomorrow but right now…"

"It's with each other!" Panda shouted at the top of his lungs.

Panda didn't need to do anything else but bury his face into his arms out of embarrassment and hide himself. He squirmed in place, knowing that his breath was coming out with difficulty. He felt so flustered that he couldn't bring himself to look up again.

"Oooohhhhh," Charlie said. "Huh, that's not what I woulda thought. Well gosh, guys, congrats for…"

"Thanks!" Grizz shouted. When Panda had the courage to look up he was dragging Charlie out to the edge of the woods. "Yeah, we're totally happy. Been dating a few weeks, this is our first date, already said love you, okay bye!"

"W-Wait, don't you want your tupperware…"

"It's a gift!" Grizz shouted. "For being such a great friend! K-Keep it!"

It was a few more minutes of this. Panda rolled onto his back now that he had finally 'calmed down' and stared up at the stars. When Grizz finally came back he seemed exhausted, and flopped down next to Panda with his head already on Panda's arm. He whined and eventually opened his eyes, staring at Panda.

"That was embarrassing," Panda mumbled.

"Totally," Grizz sighed. He hugged Panda's side. "You think he'll come back?"

"Doesn't Charlie always come back?" Panda asked back with a shrug of his shoulders.

"I think that killed the mood," Grizz mumbled.

"A little," Panda said. After a few seconds he giggled. "Still, it was really nice up until that. What were you gonna say about wild bears?"

"I'll tell you later," Grizz said, staring up at the sky once more. He blinked a few times and then kissed Panda on his chest. "Let's just look at the stars a little more, Pan Pan."

"Sure," Panda nodded, pulling out his phone. After a few moments Grizz sat up, leaning down his head to kiss Panda's cheek and then nuzzled him gently. It was slow, but a little sloppy. The kind of kiss that Panda had grown to not just enjoy, but look forward too. He kissed Grizz back, this time on the lips.

"I love you, Pan Pan," Grizz said.

"I love you too, Grizz," Panda replied.


	17. Rope

Fair warning: This chapter has a LOT of sex in it.

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It had been a long night; both Grizz and Panda were out later than they had ever been. Yet for some reason, Grizz didn't feel tired in the least. In fact even as he caried a heavy makeshift sack of a blanket over his shoulder, as he had wrapped up all the pillows and excess blankets inside of it, he almost felt like running or jumping he was so full of energy. Whenever Panda stopped to slowly walk over a log he would bounce on his toes and hum happily, occasionally bumping into Panda's back to randomly kiss his shoulder and making his boyfriend jump and snap at him for surprising him.

It had been a good night, as well. Grizz could tell even though Panda came off much more tired than him that his brother was happy by the way he swung the picnic basket back and forth with both hands. Even when they approached the cave door and Grizz got up right behind him and pressed his chest to Panda's back Panda whined, but then giggled as though he couldn't resist just how cuddly Grizz was.

"Dude, it's so late," Panda said just when he cracked open the door. "Be quiet, he's probably asleep in the fridge."

"You be quiet," Grizz mumbled, shifting his large blanket sack to one hand and using the other to wrap around Panda's body. "You're totally more giggly than me right now."

"S-Shut up!" Panda hissed, almost proving Grizz's point before he visibly clamped his mouth shut. Grizz kissed at his neck and Panda burst out into quiet, almost angry giggling before swinging the picnic basket back gently into Grizz's belly.

Just as Panda suspected, the house was pitch black. Grizz took no time in moving around Panda and rushing to his room to toss the heaping mess of blankets inside before coming back out to see Panda setting the basket onto the table and rubbing at his eye. He came up behind Panda, wrapping his arms around his body until he could settle his paws onto Panda's belly and give him a gentle squeeze.

"Mmm," Grizz said as he nuzzled his muzzle against Panda's shoulder. Panda squirmed in his arms happily as the two silently cuddled for a moment in the dark. "Hey, bro's probably sound asleep right now."

"Yeah?" Panda giggled back just when he turned around, Grizz simply changing his paws so they were on Panda's lower back as he pulled the bear closer. Panda giggled still when Grizz nuzzled his nose against Panda's own. "Hehehe, you're really flirty, man."

Grizz pecked Panda's lips and released him from the hug only to grab at his paws and bounce on his toes once more when he pulled. Panda was close to him, already allowing himself to latch to Grizz's arm in a hug when they made their way down the hallway and opened up Panda's door. Panda flicked on the light and went in, Grizz locking the door behind them.

The light stun Grizz's eyes for a moment, and he had to keep them shut for a while until he was able to adjust. When he opened them he saw Panda slowly strip off his bowtie and stretch his arms straight up, standing on the tips of his toes to do so.

"So liiiiiike," Grizz said, drawing his paws behind his back before squirming some. "Was that like, the best date you've ever had or what?"

"That's the only date I've ever had," Panda replied. "Well, besides video calls and stuff."

"So it's the best by default, ha!" Grizz shouted, pointing at Panda. He saw Panda roll his eyes, but it was with the kind of smile that he could tell his brother was trying desperately to hold back but just couldn't. Grizz went forward and hugged Panda by his side, forcibly swaying him back and forth as he sung "Best boyfriend best boyfriend" again and again.

"Hehehe, c'mon, man!" Panda whined when he pushed Grizz off. "If you brag like this to anybody else I'm gonna totally lie and say you sneezed in my food or something."

"Best boyfriend," Was all that Grizz replied with, kissing Panda's cheek and unlatching from him fully before quite literally jumping onto Panda's bed, his body bouncing slightly due to his force when he leaned back.

"Hey, Pan Pan, come here," Grizz said, patting next to him.

"Geeze," Panda rolled his eyes but permitted himself to come to Grizz. When he sat next to him on the bed Grizz wrapped an arm around his shoulder and began rubbing his chest slowly. There was a brief moment of tension in Panda's shoulders when Grizz began to touch him, but it slowly loosened after a few seconds. Panda melted a bit, resting his head onto Grizz's shoulder.

Grizz drew his free paw to his chest, undoing the buttons on his vest one by one. When it was fully done he sat back a little with his newly exposed chest and breathed out in relief as though he had just drunk an especially refreshing glass of water.

"Duuuude, how do you like wearing these fancy clothes?" Grizz whined. "I've been sweating for like an hour."

Panda shrugged his shoulders and he drew his paw to Grizz's chest. He drew his head down and pushed back some of the vest so he could nuzzle the fluffiest part on Grizz's slightly protruding belly. Grizz giggled, leaning back more until he was on his back where Panda began to use his belly as a pillow.

"Hey Pan Pan?" Grizz asked, reaching his paw down to pet Panda's head slowly. Panda looked up, his chin resting on Grizz's chest.

"Yeah?"

"What was that one fantasy you had?" Grizz asked. "Y'know, the one you had that dream about. Something about me being… wild, or something?"

"D-Dude," Panda whined, sitting up suddenly. His face was already beginning to pink with blush. "Don't tease me about that."

"I'm not!" Grizz insisted, sitting up and putting a paw on his chest over his heart. "Total bro's honor. You just sounded really into it when you told me about it."

"You laughed at me," Panda mumbled, pushing his claws together lightly.

"Dude, I was laughing cause it was cute!" Grizz said, grabbing Panda's paw and getting up onto his knees. "C'mon, it's supposed to be an awesome night. You were getting into it right before Charlie came."

"Um," Panda mumbled, growing silent for a few seconds before crossing his legs and facing Grizz. His head was cast away, and his cheeks were still pinkened. "I uh… I thought about what if you were kind of… rough? Not like hitting or anything… well… I-I mean…"

Grizz reached out his paw and touched Panda's own.

"I just… Thought about maybe what'd it be like if we tried something like you tying me up a little. Maybe… blindfolding… or o-ordering around? I dunno," Panda shrugged his shoulders. His face was increasingly red and his words were growing quieter and quieter. "Just something I thought might be kinda cool with you."

"You seriously think about stuff like that?" Grizz giggled.

"Y-You're making fun of me!" Panda snapped, much louder than before.

Grizz grabbed both of Panda's arms and kept giggling, keeping Panda from hiding his face in his paws. "C'mon bro, it's so cute! It'd make you happy, right? C'mon c'mon let's do it!"

"G-Grizz," Panda mumbled again. Grizz smiled big at him, bouncing on the bed over and over again until he finally saw Panda look at him. He sat still with great effort, his muscles almost burning from not squirming. He sighed before nodding his head slowly. "A-Alright."

"Sweet!" Grizz shouted, rolling off the bed so fast that he ended up falling before scrambling to his feet. Panda stood up slowly, still pushing his paws together and standing with tight muscles. Grizz went to Panda's closet and began rifling through things slowly, lifting up random hats and scarves one by one. He found a few thick looking sturdy scarves and tossed them over his shoulder. When he turned back Panda was holding a paw over his chest.

"Okay how do you wanna be tied up?"

Panda's face grew more intense with flush.

"Uh, bro?" Grizz asked.

"I guess on my back… maybe my arms up on the bed for now?" Panda shrugged his shoulders. He slowly moved to the bed, his muscles still tense. He laid on his back and Grizz watched his feet scrunch slightly and his paws cover his eyes. Grizz got onto the bed, laying down next to him before pulling one of his arms down slightly.

"You okay, Pan Pan?" Grizz asked. He began to massage Panda's shoulder gently.

"Yeah," Panda nodded his head, yet his voice sounded slightly unconvinced when he looked to Grizz. "Y-You're gonna go slow, right? It was just a weird fantasy, I don't wanna do something weird like… like cum early again."

"Yeah, totally," Grizz said with a nod of his head. "I think you're gonna look totally cute. I can put my paws all over you and you can't do a thing about it."

Panda giggled at that when Grizz touched at his cheek. They kissed for a moment, Panda raising his own paw to Grizz's face. His kiss seemed softer than it usually was right before they did these kind of things. Panda was usually passionate and rougher than usual, but right now he seemed timid.

"D-Don't these things usually have a safe word?" Panda asked.

"What's a safe word?" Grizz asked, raising his brow.

"Mmm…" Panda whined quietly, his eyes casting away. He was quiet so long that Grizz thought for a moment that he might simply not give further explanation. However, it wasn't too long before he said "It's like… Something you say when things get too intense. Like if I start to freak out or something or you're too rough. I-I read it on this one website a while ago. Y-Y'know, clicked on it by accident."

"Um, alright," Grizz mumbled, putting a paw to his chin in thought. "Couldn't it just be like… safe word?"

"No." Panda shook his head. That answer seemed to be strange enough to force him to giggle when he seemed so nervous and Grizz smiled back.

"W-Why not?" Grizz asked.

"It's weird!" Panda replied, sitting up suddenly as though he were actually growing annoyed.

"Um... Stop, then?" Grizz asked.

"W-What if I'm trying to do a character or something, though?" Panda asked. Grizz resisted the urge to roll his eyes and groan, Panda's nerves for once finally beginning to bug him. "It should be something I wouldn't say when we… y'know."

"Have sex?" Grizz raised his brow. Panda blushed deeply. It was cute enough to make Grizz forget his annoyance and smile briefly. He scooted closer to Panda and wrapped his arms around Panda's shoulders until he would look Grizz in the eye again. When he finally did Grizz kissed his nose and Panda smiled back, seemingly calmed down.

"Okay, how about uh…" Grizz trailed off, looking around the room. "Thunder?"

Panda was silent for a while, and Grizz half expected him to deny that. However, it was a bit of a surprise to see him slowly nod and grab Grizz's hand.

"Like… thunderstorms?" Panda asked.

"Yeah," Grizz nodded when he spoke. A big, toothy smile was spreading over his face when he squeezed Panda. "I'll totally remember it, bro."

"Okay," Panda nodded, smiling back. "C-Can we just kiss a little first? Y'know, to… loosen up?"

"Hehehe," Grizz replied with a mound of giggles.

When Grizz released Panda it was only to let the bear onto his back so that Grizz could climb on top of him and lay on his chest. He could feel Panda's quickly beating heart press against his own when he Grabbed Panda's paws and slowly lifted them above his head. When they kissed Panda squirmed slightly, his legs rising up so that he could wrap them around one of Grizz's own. Grizz thought of the french kiss they had done before, so he opened his mouth and silently Panda seemed to get the picture as they both used their tongues to deepen the kiss. It was slightly less messy this time, though for the brief second they parted Grizz could feel a small ring of saliva around his lips before he burried his muzzle into the soft nape of Panda's neck and began nibbling and kissing and even daring to lick. Panda squealed almost through his giggling and squirmed more. When Grizz released his paws Panda hugged him tightly and kissed at his neck as well. It felt tingly and soft, making Grizz's lips squirm with the desire to giggle at just how much it tickled.

They laid there for a moment in silence simply wrapped in each other's embrace once the kissing stopped. It was a moment of quiet when Grizz was on his knees sitting up above Panda's body. Panda was laying with his arms above his head and a thick blush on his cheeks. He seemed to be struggling not to cover his face, and the sight of it made Grizz's chest feel so warm and tight that he had to resist pouncing on Panda and squeezing him.

"You ready, Pan Pan?" Grizz asked, rubbing his paw against Panda's head much like he would to a dog.

"Uh-huh," Panda nodded. He was smiling, but a glimmer of nerves in his eyes still remained. Grizz kissed his nose once more for comfort before getting off of the bed for just a moment and gathering up the assortment of scarves he had gathered.

First was the blindfold. Grizz used the thinnest, fragile scarf and wound it around Panda's head a few times before tying a knot. Panda frowned slightly, but his blush intensified. Grizz kissed his cheek and Panda jumped in surprise, indicating he really wasn't expecting it.

"Lift up your arms for me, Pan Pan," Grizz said, rubbing Panda's chest slowly. Nervously Panda lifted both of his arms, Grizz tying the scarf around the right one first and then to the end of Panda's bed post until he was bound. Then he crawled over Panda to the other side of the bed and did the same. Panda's breathing increased slightly when he pulled on the thick scarf bindings and his frown deepened.

"G-Grizz," Panda nearly whimpered. He lifted his legs until they were bent at the knees, one of his feet covering the other and scrunching. "I… I uh…"

"Yeah, Pan Pan?" Grizz asked, rubbing his boyfriend's chest in slow, soothing circles. He watched him pull at his bindings once more, a bit more desperately this time. He leaned down so that he could gently kiss Panda's jawline and felt that it too was tight due to the bear grinding at his teeth.

"You're not gonna be too rough, right?" Panda asked nervously.

"No way, bro," Grizz giggled reassuringly.

"Okay," Panda nodded slowly. "W-What was the safe word, again?"

Grizz kissed Panda again, this time on the corner of his lips.

"Thunder, buddy," Grizz said. "We don't gotta do this if you're too scared."

"I-I want too," Panda said. "I uh… I trust you, Grizz."

Grizz found it very, very hard in that moment not to squeal. Those words gave him a sense of energy that he didn't quite expect as a big, goofy grin spread across his face. It hadn't quite clicked until that second but he was being trusted with his boyfriend's well being in this moment. Panda was more helpless than he had ever been with him, and he was trusted enough not to upset him or scare him. It made his chest swell and very near his eyes water as he began bouncing gently on the bed.

Grizz ran the tips of his claws gently through Panda's fur from his neck to the very tip of his protruding belly. Panda tensed and loosened all at once, his mouth opening slightly and then biting at his lip. He seemed more taken aback by the fact that he couldn't see more than anything, each sensation a surprise. Whenever Grizz lifted his paws and then touched Panda someplace, even innocently like his belly or knee, he would jump and nearly gasp out.

Grizz laid down next to Panda and buried his muzzle against his side. He rose it slowly, higher and higher until his nose was beginning to run across the fluffy tufts of Panda's exposed armpit. He buried it deep into the concave of it and smelled, wrapping one arm over Panda and another until him to pull him deeper until he could take in that scent. Panda still smelled of his lavender shampoo and any other products he had mercilessly caked on but just under there was the slightest smell of sweat that mixed together with Panda's common naturally pleasant scent so well that it made Grizz's breath shake from excitement when he let it out.

"Mmmm," Grizz nearly moaned. Already he could feel his cock growing hard. "You smell nice, Pan Pan."

"Nghn…" Panda replied. Grizz could feel his nose occasionally be buried in Panda's thick arm whenever he tugged at his bindings and the fabric would slightly stretch, but not allow an end to the nose twitching in his sensitive armpit. His whole body was squirming, actually, even in Grizz's tight hug. His breath was growing faster and when Grizz looked up his cheeks were a furious looking dark shade of pink. He squirmed his body on top of Panda, his cock hard as he sat and pushing gently into Panda's soft belly when he rubbed at it.

"G-Grizz," Panda mumbled softly. He pulled once more on his bindings but it was more reactionary as Grizz's paws raked through his fur up to the center of his chest where his pecs were. He squeezed ever so gently and Panda bit on his lip. He moved his paws down to Panda's armpits and ever so gently stroked his claws in there. Panda bit harder, his chest vibrating slightly at the ticklish nature of his treatment. Grizz smiled, but Panda couldn't see it.

"Hehe...hehe…"

"Your giggling is pretty cute, Pan Pan," Grizz said, his claws digging a bit deeper and stroking rougher. Panda opened his mouth but held his breath, not wanting to give Grizz the satisfaction of the slight humiliation he so desperately craved. He tried to turn his body over, which would have been possible even in his bindings, but Grizz was still sitting on his belly and holding him even more hostage than he already was.

"G-Grizz," Panda gasped. "C-C'mon, hehehe…"

The way Panda pulled at his bindings was erotic in a way, exciting Grizz even more to see his elbows bend ever so slightly but be unable to fully escape the knots in place. Grizz squirmed back until Panda was forced to spread his tightly buckled legs for Grizz to sit in. His legs were still up on Panda's chest and his large, padded feet and wiggling toes were drawing near to Panda's face. Grizz extended his legs until one was clearly onto Panda's face and the other was stroking his toes against Panda's chin. Panda moved his head away, gasping slightly and squirming even more.

"What's wrong, Pan Pan?" Grizz giggled. "I thought you liked my feet."

For just a moment Grizz thought he was being too rough and forceful, and just barely began to pull back his feet in worry.

"I… I do…" Panda mumbled shyly. It made Grizz smile more as he extended his paws again, dragging his toes against Panda's trembling lips.

"Show me, then," Grizz said, drumming his toes onto Panda's face. "C'mon, you gave them a big kiss in the tub didn't you?"

Panda nodded slowly. It was hesitant in a way, but he slowly extended his neck and pressed his lips to Grizz's large paws. They were so massive that Grizz could barely even see Panda's face, and was surprised to feel the sudden drag of a tongue over his soles. When Grizz looked down between Panda's legs to where their cocks almost touched Grizz could see that Panda was hard.

Panda worshipped his feet slowly, his tongue dragging and lips kissing when his face grew redder and redder. It was something that Grizz didn't fully understand, yet he knew it made Panda happy. It was the same way that Panda let him bury his muzzle deep into his armpits and make him happy. Little things to excite them that the other could do. Eventually Panda opened his mouth and began to gently suck on two of Grizz's toes, quiet whimpers escaping his mouth once Grizz took his paws away from the bear who clearly was so absorbed in the forceful worshipping that he squirmed again when they were taken away.

Grizz caught hold of Panda's hardened cock with his paw and squeezed it gently. Panda cried out, his legs instantly trying to buckle shut if it weren't due to Grizz sitting between them. He was truly helpless.

"G-Grizz, n-not too fast," Panda whined. "I don't wanna… c-cum early again."

"You close already?" Grizz asked with a giggle.

"Mmm…" Panda whined quietly. He was clearly embarrassed. Grizz giggled and drew his paw slowly up and down Panda's shaft. Panda's hips buckled slightly when he bit his lips. Once again his legs desperately tried to pull together and his arms pulled at the scarf ropes. He tried to turn over onto his side but due to Grizz's legs being up and over his own all he could do was shift his upper body slightly and hide his face under half of his arm.

Grizz squirmed his own body closer until the heat of the two were pressing together and their cocks touched. It was the first time Grizz had had a chance to actually compare the two, and he recognized instantly that Panda was an inch shorter than his. Panda was panting now when Grizz wrapped his claws around both of their shafts and stroked slowly up and down, up and down.

"Tell me if you're gonna cum and I'll stop," Grizz said.

"O-Oka-," Panda mumbled, but bit his lip before he could finish. "Um… G-Grizz?"

"Yeah, Buddy?" Grizz replied.

"Could you… be a little rougher?"

There was a long silence where Panda's face grew redder and redder. Grizz started giggling and Panda actually started whimpering out of embarrassment and shaking his head as though he regretted asking.

"S-Sorry, sorry," Grizz said, still fighting the urge to laugh. "You're just so cute."

"You suck," Panda mumbled.

"Well," Grizz said, grabbing Panda's cock alone and dragging his hand up it tormentingly slowly. He watched Panda turned and twist, biting his lip when he squeezed gently on Panda's cock head. "Maybe if you keep squirming I won't stop you from cumming early?"

"G-Grizz," Panda replied.

For a moment Grizz thought he had gone too far, and he released Panda's cock head slowly. Panda however settled on his back and tightened his muscles.

"O-Okay," Panda mumbled.

Grizz smiled again. His heart was beating rather quickly in his chest when he moved his body down to the end of Panda's bed where he was so far he had to get onto his feet and lean with his belly on the mattress.

"Keep your legs spread," Grizz said, staring straight at Panda's taint and fuzzy balls. He was chubbier than Grizz, as such everything between his legs seemed to piled up together. Grizz licked his lips slowly and squirmed forward until his tongue was pressing right at the crack of Panda's rump before he drug up slowly across his taint.

"A-Ahh!" Panda cried out, and loudly. His legs instinctively pushed together and squeezed Grizz's head for a second before he frantically spread them apart again. He clearly wasn't expecting that sort of stimulation. His cock was dribbling frantically with pre that Grizz tasted when he pushed his paws to either side of Panda's thighs and held them apart before setting his tongue against Panda's shaft.

"Mmmm…" Panda whimpered. He began thrusting his hips already as though desperate for that sort of stimulation. Grizz took all of Panda's length into his mouth and began suckling, bobbing his head up and down as he let his tongue glide against the shaft. Panda was loudly whimpering and panting and moaning and crying out. He seemed desperate to keep all of that in him but just couldn't manage, his senses overloading. Grizz grabbed Panda's chubby leg and squeezed it, running his tongue along the inside before nibbling gently, the muscles tensing.

"G-Grizz," Panda almost purred.

Grizz drew himself further down until he was on his knees on the floor. Panda finally closed his legs and Grizz was greeted by Panda's large, scrunched paws. Within seconds while Panda was still catching his breath Grizz grabbed both of them and pulled. Panda cried out in surprise, but when Grizz kissed his soft paw pads he began breathing heavily.

"You still like having your feet licked?" Grizz asked from the end of the bed.

"Uh-huh," Panda replied, his feet scrunching shyly. "I do, Grizz."

Panda must have been getting into character if he was able to nut stutter while saying that. Grizz giggled again, but it only made one of Panda's feet cover the other. Grizz grabbed him by his pinkie toe and pulled until he stopped. He then forced his lips over Panda's big toe and let his tongue glide against it. Panda was whimpering already, but it seemed to be in a way that tried to hold back his pleasure. Grizz buried his face into the paws and licked a few times, each time Panda crying out and even occasionally pushing his feet further.

Panda's feet were much softer than Grizz's own, making it clear he used some kind of lotion of them daily. Even here Grizz enjoyed nuzzling his muzzle against Panda's body and licking. It was exciting to feel Panda tug slightly and then instantly push further than before for fear of what Grizz would do. Grizz could feel his cock press to the boards of the bed, and it was a good indicator to finally stand up. He walked up and around the bed slowly, undoing the scarf around Panda's left wrist slowly.

"G-Grizz?" Panda asked.

"Get on your belly, okay?" Grizz said. Panda was silent a moment, and the nodded before doing as he was told. He awkwardly laid onto his belly as Grizz crawled up and re-tied the scarf until Panda was now face down. He put his head on it's side and frowned, his body squirming slightly as if unsure of what his boyfriend was planning. Grizz reached out a paw and slid it down Panda's back before arriving at his tail, which he swooped around until his paw was on Panda's large rump.

Panda's belly was round and protruding, more so than Grizz's own. Grizz walked to the end of the bed before crawling up onto it once more. Panda swayed back and forth slowly, occasionally making noises as Grizz's paw squeezed at his rump, and then finally cried out in surprise when Grizz squeezed his other paw on Panda's opposite cheek.

"G-Grizz?" Panda asked anxiously. Grizz pulled gently on either side of his rump until his hole was visible. "W-What are you doing?"

"I read somewhere online that guys are supposed to totally love this," Grizz said, squirming down until his face was close to Panda's rump. He licked his lips.

"U-Uh, Grizz, I'm not sure if… O-Oh my god!"

Panda cried out when Grizz pushed his face forward and extended his tongue to Panda's hole. Panda squirmed and moaned and cried out all at once. His muscles tensed but Grizz kept pulling on his cheeks as his tongue grazed the hole gently. Panda was panting now, both squirming away and squirming back. He tried to speak a few times but it always seemed to be when Grizz drug his tongue tantalizingly slowly against the hole. He pushed deeper still. Panda seemed to be almost fighting him, and he could hear creaking as he pulled extra hard on the headboards to try and free himself. Grizz wrapped his arms under Panda's legs and buried his face as deep as he could go. The only times he let up were when he needed to gasp for air. He could feel Panda's hard cock when he shifted his paws and began squeezing it as well.

Another lick, and another. Each time Panda got louder and fought harder in his bindings. Grizz, who at first had tense muscles even attempting something like this, eventually loosened until it was almost pleasant. Panda's moaning was succulent in a way that he hadn't expected. He had never made Panda make these noises and it was like a drug to him.

"T-Thunder!" Panda cried out. "Thunder thunder!"

Grizz stopped instantly. He released Panda's legs and sat up so fast that he ended up toppling off of the bed and onto his back with a loud thud. When he sat up again Panda's legs were closed.

"A-Are you okay?" Grizz asked as he raced to the opposing end of the bed. "Pan Pan?"

Panda was panting heavily, his face so red that he looked like he might pass out. He coughed a few times, rolling onto his side where Grizz saw that his cock was still hard. Grizz moved his paws slowly to Panda's cheek, the bear jumping. He pulled up on the blindfold to see that Panda's eyes were shut. He got onto the bed slowly.

"Pan Pan?" Grizz asked.

"Y-Yeah…" Panda nodded his head, forcing out the word. He seemed to be trying to pull on his bindings, so Grizz lifted his paws and undid them for him until Panda could cover his face. "Sorry, I'm… sorry,"

"It's fine," Grizz said, rubbing his paw against Panda's face. "Did that feel bad?"

"N-No, It felt good," Panda said. "R-Really good, actually. I just… It was really different. K-Kind of unexpected. I-I thought I was about to, y'know."

Grizz saw Panda slowly squeeze his legs shut, and Grizz got the picture alone based on the fact that his cock was dribbling pre at an excessive rate.

"Sorry," Panda mumbled again. "I didn't wanna say thunder. It just came out."

"It's totally cool, Pan Pan," Grizz smiled just when Panda uncovered his face. He pulled Panda's arm until his boyfriend sat up and then hesitated before kissing his lips, and instead kissed his cheek. "I can finish you off, if you want."

"Um… well… we could try this other thing," Panda mumbled. He scooted himself closer to Grizz and grabbed him by the leg. Grizz let Panda handle him for a moment until his legs were spread out. Panda wrapped his legs over Grizz's two own until their cocks were together. "It's supposed to feel good if we, y'know… rub them together like this."

"Alright," Grizz said when he watched Panda lower his paw and squeeze both of their cocks together. His own legs tightened when Panda rubbed his paw up and down. Panda was biting on his own lip, occasionally looking up to see Grizz's face. He extended his lips and kissed Grizz despite where he had just been a few minutes prior. It made Grizz's chest melt a little. He felt warm and sweaty being in this room pressed against Panda's so long, yet even still he wanted to squeeze Panda tight as his cock was teased more and more. He loved the feeling, his own hips buckling slightly with every stroke he was given. Panda's cock felt warm on his own and when it rubbed he moaned a bit.

"Nghn…" Grizz whimpered. Panda was panting some too, ceasing to rub his own cock and now rubbing Grizz's own due to just how close he was.

"A-Are you close?' Panda asked.

"Y-Yeah" Grizz said.

"Okay," Panda nodded. He grabbed his own cock again and began rubbing the two in unison. Grizz's toes curled slightly when he closed his eyes and thrust his hips forward. It came slowly in building waves, Panda's stroking becoming a bit irradic near the end due to how close he was as well. Grizz felt his orgasm hit and his body tense and loosen as is seed shot straight up and landed on panda's chest due to the angle. Within seconds Panda cried out and came as well, this batch landing on Grizz's belly. Grizz shot twice more and Panda only once,

"G-Grizz," Panda moaned right before the last shot.

By the end Panda fell onto his back and began panting. He looked ragged and sweaty, Grizz feeling much the same. They were both dirty in each other's seed but Grizz was smiling nonetheless. He unearthed himself from under Panda's legs and crawled into Panda's chest to kiss at his jawline. Panda giggled and hugged him tightly before rolling to his side.

"I love you," Grizz said.

"I love you too, Grizz," Panda replied. Panda hugged him tighter. For a while the two laid like that, exhausted after their session as Grizz rubbed his paw up and down Panda's back. He wanted to ask a million things, like if Panda enjoyed being tied up or if he did a good job or even if it was something they wanted to do again. But right now Grizz felt calm, able to hold Panda and bury his face into his lover's neck.

"I need a shower," Panda mumbled.

Grizz began giggling. He squeezed Panda tighter.

"Me too, Pan Pan."


	18. Coming Out

Panda couldn’t help but feel nervous. He had tried everything he could have to take his mind off of that fact that nearly everything seemed to be making him flustered today, yet nothing he did seemed successful. An ever permanent blush hung on his cheeks that seemed to desire to stick with him over the most mild of situations such as ordering a drink or Grizz hugging his arm lightly. It wasn’t a good sort of light headed rush, but one of nerves as he quietly scrolled through the same articles on his phone over and over desperately looking for something that caught his attention.

“She’s late,” Panda mumbled.

It was hard to hear even himself in the commotion of the unusually crowded coffee shop. He looked down to the small table that he and his two brothers had taken in the corner right beside the window and rocked gently side to side in his creaky chair. When he glanced outside the few trees that were visible were painted in shades of brown and orange with the sign of changing seasons. It was the first real sign of fall, and in turn the first real change of time between him and Grizz dating. 

“Mm oar hee jsss ate!” Grizz said quite loudly, his mouth currently full of half of the large danish he had ordered with a drooling mouth.

“Ew,” Panda rolled his eyes and looked away from the bear, of which Panda asked himself again why he was dating, and looked back to his phone.

“Ice Bear things you should swallow,” Their brother chimed in with his usual monotone voice as he slowly sipped at his tea, which was filled to the brim with cubes of ice. 

Grizz swallowed in such a way that he might as well have inhaled the baked good he was devouring. It almost looked painful, as though he had forced more down his throat than usual, and he gasped when he finished before taking a large swig of his hot chocolate and leaving a slight rim of dripping brown on his upper lip.

“I’m just saying!” Grizz said, still managing to talk louder than the entire shop combined. He wiped at his upper lip with the back of his arm and laughed. “Chloe’s probably just taking her time. I totally wanted to just take a walk and stare at the leaves with my boyfriend! That’d be totally cool, right Pan Pan?”

“Grizz,” Panda mumbled, his face once again showing off his anxiety with a pinkened tint.

More often than not, especially in public, Grizz looked for just about any excuse he could to drop the ‘B’ word into just about any conversation imaginable. Panda had counted five today, and those were the few that he was unfortunate enough to hear. He had told the bus driver, the man opposite from them on said bus, the guy in line in front of them just now when ordering their drinks, the cashier, and now the entire restaurant as Panda spotted a few heads turning to them.

“Geez,” Panda whined, covering his face in his paws just as Grizz scooted his chair over and hugged his arm. Bits of crumb that was still on his face brushed off onto Panda’s shoulder before Grizz giggled and kissed his cheek. Panda didn’t fight it, but he did feel his muscles tense. Grizz was clingy in an admittedly cute near teddy-bear kind of way, but Panda still felt his heart race whenever he showed affection the same way they did back home in private. It was new having people stare at him, especially with another bear. He had always imagined having a girlfriend proudly and holding her hand in public and kissing her on dates at restaurants, yet it seemed… different with a guy in a way Panda couldn’t really explain.

“Ice Bear thinks you’re embarrassing Panda,” The polar bear said.

“D-Dude!” Panda snapped to their brother just as Grizz let go of him with a string of giggles that were a mixture of genuinely heartwarming and ear worming annoying to Panda in the moment.

“Well it’s his fault for being such a cutie!” Grizz said, again loudly. Panda covered his face in his paws and groaned loudly before resting his arms on the table and burying his head. Grizz’s giggling was made only slightly more bearable only due to the fact that he began to soothingly rub at Panda’s back.

“Okay, okay, I’ll chill,” Grizz said, clearly demonstrating that he couldn’t ‘chill’ by the fact that he was bouncing up and down in his seat and shaking the table slightly. “I’m just totally pumped up, aren’t you? I mean today’s the day Chloe finds out about us!”

“Mmm,” Panda responded in a sort of ‘yeah’ as well as a noise of discomfort. While he didn’t mean to sound both disinterested and hesitant in Grizz’s excitement, it still managed to come off that way. Grizz kissed his forehead lightly and then finally backed off, still smiling widely with that big goofy and toothy grin of his that actually did make Panda feel a little better just to see.

Panda sat up slowly, taking a drink of his latte, one with a hint of pumpkin spice that he would likely never admit he had been looking forward too for months. Grizz was kicking his legs under the table due to them just barely touching the floor, already stuffing his mouth with the other half of his danish, and still smiled happily as though he was convinced this day was going to be amazing. To be fair, it was rare to find Grizz on a day he thought wasn’t going to be amazing. Their other brother sat there silently staring out the window, his eyes following a leaf that was blowing in the chilled air.

Panda saw his phone suddenly light up, and with it his heart began to pound. He snatched it up quickly just to feel the end of the vibration on his paws when he gripped it with both hands.

“It’s Chloe!” Panda said, his voice more nervous than excited. “S-She said that she’s running a little late but she’ll be here soon.”

“Ashaa!” Grizz shouted, once again trying to talk with his mouth full. Panda was too absorbed in staring at the text message to so much as roll his eyes or comment on it, yet their brother clearly wiped his face with the back of his paw and shuddered.

“W-What are we gonna tell her, anyway?” Panda asked, looking to Grizz just as he swallowed. “I mean, what if she thinks it’s weird? Do we really gotta tell her?”

“Dude, of course!” Grizz said, loudly. “Chloe’s like our best bud! We gotta tell all our best buds or that’d made us totally uncool. C’mon, Pan Pan, I thought you were fine with not hiding anymore.”

“I am,” Panda mumbled, though even he himself knew he sounded unconvinced. “It’s just, are we gonna blab about it to everybody we meet? I mean is that jerky Nom Nom gonna be the next to find out?”

“Oh, you’d think he’d be happy for us?” Grizz asked. Panda already regretted putting that idea in his brother’s mind by the way his eyes simply lit up.

“Ice Bear does not think angry koala would care,” The polar bear said with a shrug of his shoulders.

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Grizz admitted with a bit of a frown when he leaned his head onto his paw.

Panda put a paw slowly over his chest and kept looking around. He kept glancing down to his phone, yet couldn’t bring himself to do more than stare at the text message that Chloe had sent him. It was different than he had imagined telling his friends that he was dating somebody. It probably didn’t help that he never actually got the chance to tell anybody himself, Grizz blasting the information within a five mile radius even weeks after it had become official. Kissing Grizz in public still made his heart race in the most awful kind of way, where he both wanted to show his feelings and also shy away from people staring at him weirdly.

“Chloe,” The polar bear stated, lifting up his paw and pointing directly out the window.

Panda felt his heart leap when he saw where his brother was pointing. He saw Chloe instantly, as she was the smallest one in the crowd. She had a backpack on, and her thick red rimmed glasses made her stand out even more. She had a smile on her face, and it only widened when she spotted the bears and waved excitedly from across the street.

“Hi Chloe!” Grizz shouted, standing up in his chair and waving.

“She can’t hear you, dude,” Panda mumbled, waving much less enthusiastically than Grizz.

“Ahh, this is so cool!” Grizz hissed, ignoring Panda’s words as he latched himself onto Panda’s arm and held it tight. “We’re gonna have so much fun today! Oh man, I should go out and tell her. N-No wait, we should tell her together! Does my fur look okay.”

“Grizz, settle down!” Panda snapped, writhing until Grizz let go of his arm. “You’re totally losing your cool, man.”

“Right, right, settle!” Grizz said, staring down into his mug before standing up quickly. “Refill!”

Before Panda even had the chance to think of saying something Grizz was already off, and Panda groaned. He settled down on his arms again and let it out for a long time. Grizz was more hyper than he had been in months.

The polar bear patted him on the back.

“There there,” He said.

Panda sat up when he heard the bell to the coffee shop ring, and turned his head around to see Chloe enter and spot them instantly. She went over to them quickly with a big smile on her face, her hands gripping the straps of her backpack.

“Oh, hey guys!” Chloe said excitedly.

“Hey Chloe,” Panda mumbled, trying his best not to sound defeated as his eye was on Grizz the entire time. The bear was whipping his head to Chloe and the cashier, and he seemed to still be bouncing on his toes.

“Ice Bear missed Chloe,” The polar bear said.

“Oh, sorry guys,” Chloe chuckled just as she took up one of the empty seats and seemed to let her muscles relax. “College just started up again and it’s been super hectic. So what’s up with you guys?”

“Um, well,” Panda felt his body shift awkwardly in his seat. He looked over to Grizz, who was just now walking over with a mug seemingly filled over the brim with whipped cream. His nose was already stained with it due to licking at it before he even sat down. “Nothing really, I guess.”

“Ice Bear knows he’s lying,” The polar bear said.

“Dude!” Panda snapped.

“Uh,” Chloe started, her brow raising up. “What? Panda your face is really red. Are you sick or something?”

“Yo!” Grizz shouted, half jumping half falling into his seat as some of his hot chocolate spilled over the edge of his mug and onto the table in his excitement. Panda was beyond thankful for the spotlight taken off of him. “How’s my favorite little Clo-meister? School’s good? Grades are fine? You aren’t having any bullies, are you?” 

Grizz reached out his paw and ruffled the hair on Chloe’s head. She chuckled and shrugged out of it.

“Fine, fine. Geez you guys are acting way weirder than usual.” Chloe laughed and then looked over Grizz’s shoulder to the cashier. “Oh man, do they have Pumpkin Spice already? Hang on guys, I’m getting in on that!”

Chloe already slid out of her chair just as Grizz began lapping at his whipped cream and Panda let out a huge gasp of air that he hadn’t even realized he had been holding. He put his paw over his chest and realized it was pounding fiercely.

“Okay guys, game time!” Grizz hissed, leaning in the table and reaching out both of his arms to draw his brothers into a forced huddle. “Operation tell Chloe we are the cutest couple in this place is go. How do we tell her?”

“D-Do we really have to plan this out?” Panda asked with his brow raised. “Can’t we just, I dunno, tell her?”

“Ice Bear can tell her story of finding you two in bathtub,” The polar bear stated.

“No!” Panda hissed.

“You’re right, that’s too strong,” Grizz said as though he had actually been considering it before Panda interjected. “Okay, how about this? I do the explaining first and butter her up a bit.”

“Grizz I’m not sure that…”

‘What are you guys doing?” A voice interrupted Panda just as both Grizz and him cried out in shock and hit their seats hard when they all fell back, their bodies stiff.

“Nothing!” Grizz shouted.

Chloe looked confused. It was understandable to say the least when her eyes darted to each of them. Grizz was smiling and chuckling awkwardly while Panda couldn’t bring himself to look into her eyes. Ice Bear sipped at his iced tea and watched as Chloe went back to her empty chair and hopped into it. She was holding a mug of pumpkin spiced tea in her hands and continued to look at the three of them.

“Okay, seriously,” Chloe began. “What’s up with you three? You’re acting totally nuts.”

“Ice Bear is not nuts,” The polar bear said as though it somehow offended him.

Grizz coughed in a loud, over dramatic kind of way to show that he was clearing his throat. Panda pressed his paw to his face and began to slowly shake his head when he realized Grizz was straightening his back and putting a paw on his chest in an attempt to sound serious.

“Geez,” Panda groaned.

“You see,” Grizz said in a voice that was an octave lower than his usual one. Chloe smiled nervously when Grizz reached out two of his paws to grab one of Chloe’s own and hold it out. “Chloe. You’re like, one of our bestest friends, right?”

“Yeaaaaaaaaaahhh?” Chloe asked, looking around to the three of them. She drew out the word in a long, uncomfortable sounding way. Panda was already struggling not to blush as Ice Bear simply sat back as though preparing to watch the show.

“Okay, so like,” Grizz shrugged. “I totally wanted to tell you first, but I kind of told everybody we met. But I’m totally telling you first out of our friends… except Charlie… but whatever.”

“Grizz,” Panda grumbled as he rubbed at his temple. “You’re just confusing her.”

“Right, right,” Grizz nodded and then looked off in what Panda supposed was an attempt to look dramatic. A thought crossed Panda’s mind that irritated him, and that thought was that Grizz had more than likely gone over this in his head a few times.

“Well, it was a few months ago,” Grizz began. “There was this huge storm, and our little Pan Pan here was alone in his room crying…”

“Dude!” Panda yelled, slapping his paw on the table. “Don’t start the story with me crying!”

“Ice Bear did not know this detail,” The polar bear said.

“Wait, what?” Chloe asked, squinting her eyes in confusion. “I’m completely lost.”

“R-Right, right,” Grizz clearly stuttered, his story driven off track already. “Um, well, there was this really big storm and me and Panda cuddled and uh… uh…”

Grizz was scratching behind his head, the gears in his head completely lost by now as Panda shook his head slowly and sipped at his now cold latte. It was a bit of a wreck to watch Grizz try and explain this seriously, yet somehow he couldn’t look away. Chloe kept looking to the other two for some kind of explanation to just what was going on, yet they both remained stiff and silent. 

“Well,” Grizz shrugged. “Me and Panda… Well one thing led to another and… You see, Chloe, when a bear and a bear love each other a totally awesome amount…”

“Oh my gosh!” Panda finally exploded. “We’re dating!”

“Oh c’mon!” Grizz shouted. “I wanted to tell her!”

“What?” Chloe asked. “Wait, Panda found a girlfriend? You both found girlfriends?”

“I’m dating Grizz!” Panda said, covering his face in his paws as the realization dawned upon him that he had shouted that loud enough for just about anybody in the coffee shop to hear them. His face was beat red and for the life of him he felt like he was near whimpering out of embarrassment. “I think I’m gonna be sick…”

“Hey, Pan Pan,” Grizz said, scooting his chair over until he could wrap one of his arms behind Panda’s back and then another around his front. While it did make him momentarily feel better, the thought of Chloe staring at the two of them only made him tense more.

“You’re dating?” Chloe asked. Panda found enough courage to uncover his face and look Chloe briefly in the eye. She looked lost still, her fingers linking together as she raised her brow. “Like, together together dating?”

“Ice Bear has all the dirty secrets,” The polar bear chimed in.

“Mmm,” Panda whined just as Grizz kissed his cheek lightly. It wasn’t bubbly or excited, but clearly meant to be comforting. Panda lowered one of his paws to Grizz’s own on his chest and squeezed it until Grizz squeezed back. It made him feel better if only to know Grizz had calmed down enough to get that he was so nervous.

“That’s… wow,” Chloe said.

“I-It’s not that weird,” Panda mumbled.

“No, I mean wow!” Chloe said laughing. Panda saw that she was already pulling her backpack off and forcing the zipper open to yank out a journal and pen. “I had no idea bears of different species would mate homosexually! I mean I knew Panda liked girls so does this mean he’s bisexual?”

“Homo what now?” Grizz asked. “Wait what’s biseuxal?”

“Grizz,” Panda groaned.

“T-This is fascinating!” Chloe said, her eyes lighting up. “Do you two have mating calls you each respond too? What about your scents? Are you attracted to those different ones. I know bears already give off scent to detect mates but I dunno if it works between species.”

“I uh,” Grizz said. “I like how Panda smells.”

“D-Don’t tell her that!” Panda hissed.

“W-What, why?” Grizz stuttered back. “I do!”

“Ice Bear is enjoying this.”

“Wait, who kissed who first? I hear Panda’s are more docile when it comes to mating.”

“Well, I…”

“Shut up!” Panda cried out as he pushed Grizz off of him. “Oh geez.”

“Hehehe,” Grizz giggled. “Panda’s really shy about us. Hey, Chloe, mind cooling off for a bit? I think he’s gonna actually faint from blushing so much.”

“Oh, right, sorry,” Chloe giggled as she closed her journal. “Too many questions at once, got it.”

“T-That’s not it,” Panda mumbled. Grizz kissed his cheek again, to which to struggled not to hold his breath at. Grizz was bouncing again, clearly excited beyond words.

“Okay, now that you know the best thing ever,” Grizz said, turning his attention to Chloe. “We should head out. I wanna go to like five places today to catch up and they’re all awesome! Got the whole day booked!”

“Oh, that sounds great!” Chloe said, hopping out of her seat already.

Grizz’s over excitement was one thing, yet it seemed strange that it was Chloe’s similar behavior that had almost pushed Panda over the edge. Even when Grizz pulled at his paw until he stood up and hugged him happily Panda continued to feel that nervous pounding deep within his chest.

It wasn’t going away.


	19. Therapy

Panda pulled out his phone and felt the little charm grizzly bear head charm knock against the back of his hand. He inspected them for a moment, running them between his fingers slowly to inspect the admittedly cheap manufacturing, and though his belly felt warm at the sight of them for some reason he found himself frowning. He removed his paw from the charm and put it over his chest, which was beginning to feel unusually tight. Even in the freshly autumn air, and more so the air conditioning of the small store they were in, he still felt uncomfortably warm.

It had been like this for the majority of the day. At what Panda had first thought to be bubbling anxiety at the idea of ‘coming out’ to Chloe had persisted longer than he had realized it would. Chloe’s reaction, despite being unusually nosey about exactly what Grizz and Panda did, had been more positive and supportive than Panda could have hoped for. Yet still, an unease was in him. Panda looked over his shoulder from the small corner of scarves he was browsing through and saw that both his polar bear brother and Chloe were wandering around, and of course Grizz was in sight just a few aisles away.

“Okay, so, anyway!” Grizz seemed to be bouncing a little, holding both paws against his face and then moving them up to his cheeks. His eyes were closed and he had a big goofy smile on his face as he spoke to the employee of the small thrift store. She looked a bit bewildered, her smile forced. Grizz was being bubbly and rambly as usual in a way that anybody would struggle to keep up with. “My boyfriend, he’s right over there, did the CUTEST thing today when we were waiting for our friend…”

Panda already rolled his eyes and felt his cheeks go red. He saw Grizz point to him and turned away quickly and pretended that the selection of scarves he was staring at were some of the most interesting scarves in the universe. He looked down at his phone, realizing he had intended to take a picture of them and ask his followers which one he should buy, and then realized his paws were shaking slightly.

“Ugh, get a grip,” Panda grumbled while hitting his paw lightly against the side of his head in some attempt to shake himself out of his state of mind. All it really did was ruffle up his fur and make his head hurt for a moment.

“Pan Pan!”

“Ah!”

The large, brown, and powerful furry mess of Grizz tackled into Panda suddenly from the side. If it hadn’t been for the way he almost expertly wrapped his arms around one of Panda’s own and tugged on him tightly, Panda might have fallen into the floor at the startle. Already Grizz was hugging him and gave him a sudden messy kiss on the cheek.

“Arugh, Grizz!” Panda tried to shrug Grizz off of him but he was too busy giggling and squeezing Panda’s arm to a near painful degree to notice. “Dude waddya want? You can’t just sneak up on me lik-”

“Pan Pan, Pan Pan!” Grizz interrupted Panda to start chanting his name. “That guy over there said he would TOTALLY give us a discount if we sign up for a thing. We gotta buy something!”

“Dude we’re just here for Chloe,” Panda rolled his eyes just as Grizz began to riffle through the neat assortment of scarves on the table before them and ruin just how perfectly folded they all were. He picked them up at random and tried them on, landing on a particularly ugly orange and purple one that went all the way down to his feet.

“Dude this one is massive!” Grizz said before lifting it quickly and slinging it around Panda’s neck before Panda could so much as think. Panda gasped and stumbled forward into an unexpected Grizz hug as Grizz tied it around his neck as well. “Dude we can totally wear this together! Aw man that would be so adorable!”

Grizz forced a kiss onto Panda’s lips, clearly running on a full tank of gas even this far into the day. Panda pushed off of him and wriggled out of the scarf.

“Dude this is a thrift shop you gotta wash that stuff before…!”

“I’m gonna go buy it!” Grizz said, his eyes wide and excited before he began to ball it up and stuff it under his arm. “Bye love you!”

Grizz was already gone before Panda could get a word in. He made a point to notice that Grizz almost tripped over a display of children’s shirts as he rushed to the register. He held the scarf bundle over his head as though it were some sort of prize and slapped it down onto the counter. He still looked bubbly when Panda looked away. He put a paw back over his chest and realized that he indeed could feel it pound. His face was still warm, and he hoped nobody would look at him and know he was blushing.

Grizz was loud, in both pointing to Panda and calling him his boyfriend as well as making a big scene of kissing him and saying he loved him. Panda hadn’t even thought to say those things back in return, all he had been worried about were the few people scattered around that might have stared at them for longer than Panda was comfortable with. He kept his gaze locked downward in case anybody was still staring, and pulled out his phone and stared at his passcode as if just to pretend he was doing something other than being lost in his own head.

Panda wandered the store for a bit, going behind shelves for a while until he was truly alone. For it being the weekend, there were only a handful of people wandering about. Most of which were men in plaid with beards, which Panda thought was strangely fashionable, or older women chatting amongst themselves. Eventually Panda found his way to what he would call relic’s of a collection of VHS tapes and behind that, a shelf of books. He spotted a familiar face standing on the bottom of the book shelf with her hand reaching up trying to grasp a book on the fifth shelf.

“Chloe?” Panda asked.

“Oh!” Chloe looked to Panda and stumbled awkwardly backwards. “Panda! Could you help me get this book?”

“Uh, sure,” Panda nodded as he walked forward. He felt his paw hit something on the ground, and realized that Chloe already had a stack of about three or four books piled up on the floor.

“It’s that one right there!” Chloe said, pointing upward. “The Edgar Allen Poe collection!”

“Alright,” Panda nodded as he stood on his toes to reach up and snatch out the book, handing it down to Chloe who grabbed it greedily and then smiled up at Panda thankfully.

“Hey, where’s my brother?” Panda looked around for the sight of a polar bear. “I thought he was with you?”

“Oh, for some reason he stopped to look at maternity clothes,” Chloe shrugged her shoulders as she began to gather up most of her books. She held them in her arms in an awkward hug given how thick the stack was, her fingers just barely meeting over the middle. “But man, this place has the best deals! If you go to just a bookstore you either can’t find this stuff or it’s three times as expensive!”

“That’s neat I guess,” Panda shrugged his shoulders. “But don’t you wanna look at clothes or something? These places usually have pretty neat hats and scarves and stuff.”

“Pshh,” Chloe rolled her eyes and chuckled. “Only those weird hipsters who hang out in coffee shops actually get their clothes at thrift shops.”

“U-Uh, yeah,” Panda looked away quickly, his heart pounding hard when he realized he had been staring at the scarf display desperately debating if it was worth it to spend the money. “Nevermind, books are fine. I-I prefer comics, though… I-I can’t get Grizz to read anything with me, though. Not even stuff with subtitles. He says he gets distracted easily.”

“Yeah, I can see that,” Chloe laughed. “Man, I could hear Grizz shouting all the way from here! He’s REALLY excited today. Has he been like that ever since you two started dating? Any signs of his energy drastically increasing or decreasing now that he’s finally settling down with a mate?”

“A mate?” Panda frowned, his mind drifting yet again to Grizz. It felt as though that had been all that was plaguing his mind for the past few hours if not the past few days. This was really their first true time out in town as a couple. Before they had either been hiding their relationship or done quick errands that was just in and out with little time for Grizz to embarrass Panda.

“O-Oh, sorry,” Chloe said, her own cheeks seeming to tint pink with a blush. “It’s kinda rude to use technical terms like that, isn’t it? Do you prefer calling him your boyfriend? Sorry, it’s just that I’ve never had the chance to study bears who actually found a partner before!”

“No, it’s fine,” Panda shrugged when he spoke, his frown not looking very convincing. “It’s really cool that you’re interested in it. I-I was kind of worried you’d think it was weird or something.”

Panda tried to smile, yet he knew that somehow it didn’t fully reach his eyes. He held his phone awkwardly in his two paws near the center of his chest and felt the bear-head charm rattle against the back of his paw. Chloe was looking at him, curiosity and now a bit of something else showing on her face.

“Hey, you okay?” Chloe asked.

“Huh?” Panda jumped a little, not expecting that kind of question. “Y-Yeah, totally? Why do you ask?”

“Just that,” Chloe looked into Panda’s eyes just as Panda looked away from hers. “You seem kind of… sad? Or anxious, maybe? I don’t really know.”

“W-Well I…” Panda looked away, his cheeks feeling warm. “It’s nothing really. Grizz is just kind of…”

“Oh!” Chloe shouted suddenly. It startled Panda and nearly made him drop his phone when he jumped backward. Chloe tucked the books under one of her arms and reached out her hand quickly to grab Panda’s paw and squeeze it tightly. “I know what to do!”

“H-Hey, Chloe!” Panda whined as he was suddenly pulled along. His feet nearly dragged, and he was surprised just how strong Chloe was to pull him so roughly. They were moving deeper into the thrift shop to an area with couches and chairs and other assortments of furniture. Chloe looked around for a moment before seemingly spotting something and once more pulling Panda until she stopped him in front of a lump looking light brown couch and pushed him to sit on it. She grabbed a close by arm chair and hopped onto it, setting her collection of books down on a nearby bedside table.

“Man, I don’t know where this couch has been,” Panda whined as he uncomfortable moved around. It felt lumpy and weird and smelled a bit like old-person. “What if somebody died on it? What are we doing?”

“Don’t think about that,” Chloe said, reaching into her bag and pulling out the same notebook and pencil she had been using before to take notes of them. “Think about how you’re displaying signs of anxiety and timid nature, more than usual I mean, and how it’s affecting you and your relationship.”

“My what?” Panda asked. “Chloe this is weird!”

“Look, I’ve been taking notes of you and Grizz all day!” Chloe said, showing Panda the notebook. He saw random snipits of ‘Grizz over excitedly kissed Panda but Panda squirmed him off’ or ‘Panda blushed while Grizz made a point to tell the waiter he was dating the bear’ and other bits like that.

“T-That’s…” Panda trailed off and looked away.

“You’ve been acting more reserved than usual and Grizz is too caught up to notice!” Chloe insisted. “I started taking a psych class in the college I go to, I started learning all about people’s mental state about things! C’moooon, if you talk it’ll be good practice.”

“I-I dunno if I’m really comfortable with this,” Panda mumbled, his toes dragging lightly on the floor where they just barely reached. “It’s not a big deal, really.”

“C’mon Panda, don’t you trust me?” Chloe asked with a big, reassuring sort of smile as she put a hand over the chest of her sweater. “Patients confidentiality! Anything you tell me totally doesn’t leave this thrift shop. Plus there’s nobody around. Just lay down!”

“Mmm,” Panda made an uncomfortable sound. He looked around, assuring himself that nobody was around in this far corner of the shop. Nothing but dusty furniture and a few shelves of miscellaneous dishware to hear him. He sighed, loudly at that, and eventually laid down until his head was on the armrest of the couch and he was able to look down and see Chloe. “This still feels weird, Chloe.”

“Trust me it’s not,” Chloe said as she flipped to a new page in her notebook and tapped her pencil down on it a few times. “Just tell me, how do you feel about Grizz?”

“Mmm,” Panda made that noise again, but this time it was more about how deep he was in thought. He put both paws over his chest and folded them. “I really like him, I guess. I told him I loved him a while ago and I meant it. He gets annoying sometimes being loud and clingy but I like that part of him too. It’s cute when he gets excited about me.”

“Mhm, mmmhm,” Chloe nodded her head, scribbling some things down that made Panda frown because he wasn’t really positive just what she was writing down. “How would you describe your anxiety today, Mr. Panda?”

“Uhhh,” Panda drew out that thought. He stared up at the tiles on the ceiling and the tiles it held. “I feel like people are looking at me a lot. It’s kind of weird. B-But I don’t want Grizz to stop or anything, he seems really happy and excited and I don’t wanna ruin that for him. That’s just uncool.”

“So you’re saying you don’t like the attention?” Chloe said in a tone far too mature for her age. It seemed forced almost, though not insincere. “Does Grizz make you feel uncomfortable in any way?”

“I-I dunno,” Panda shrugged.

“What do you like about Grizz exactly?” Chloe questioned as she tapped her pencil down on the paper. “Specially what makes you want to date him.”

“Well I,” Panda began, trying to move past his current anxious feelings and think about Grizz and him together. “He’s really sweet, I guess. Sometimes we fall asleep next to each other just watching videos on my laptop and I wake up and he’s still there, and I get really happy. Like he’s always been there like that, I guess, but now it’s more intense.”

Panda smiled a little, but then remembered his current feelings and it faded.

“I feel happy when he’s like this in the cave,” Panda mumbled. “Cuddly and saying he loves me and kissing me and stuff. I do it to him too, but when we’re in public I feel like everybody’s staring and we just look weird.”

Panda wrapped his arms around his body in an almost hug-like state. He swallowed a lump in his throat hard and looked down to Chloe who was scribbling things down on her notebook.

“How do you feel when Grizz acts like he has been today?” Chloe asked.

“Embarrassed,” Panda answered a bit faster than he felt comfortable with and then blushed. “I-It’s stupid, I know.”

“I don’t think it’s stupid,” Chloe said, sounding a bit like her normal self. Panda saw her shrug. “I still feel kind of why when I have to go to the front of my college and talk about my projects and stuff. Stage fright it totally normal.”

“B-But we’re not doing anything in front of people,” Panda insisted as he sat up. “W-We’re just doing normal couple stuff, right? I-I don’t know why I feel like this, I used to think I would be… Be happy when I got a girlfriend.”

“Soooo,” Chloe pointed her pencil at Panda. “Do you think it’s because Grizz isn’t a girl?”

“W-What?” Panda asked. “I-I dunno, I don’t think so.”

“Well,” Chloe rolled her eyes, but not in the way of being dismissive. She looked more like she was in thought, tapping the pencil against her lips and swaying her head back and forth trying to figure out a way to word it. “You used to talk about ALL the time how you fell in love with any girl you saw. You never liked guys before Grizz, at least not that I saw. Maybe it has something to do with dating another man that you never considered, so it’s new and scary.”

“G-Grizz isn’t scary,” Panda mumbled in a timid kind of voice. He was thinking of all the times Grizz had cuddled him and made him feel safe, both before and after they began to date. He was more like a teddy bear than a grizzly bear, and nothing about him was malicious or ill-intent. His most vicious trait was that he was thick.

“No,” Chloe shook her head. “But it’s different from how you imagined, right?”

“Y-Yeah,” Panda murmured grumpily. He didn’t like admitting these things. It made him feel exposed in an alien way as his muscles tightened.

“Have you talked to Grizz about any of this?” Chloe asked. “Maybe that he’s coming on too strong in public and it’s making you uncomfortable?”

“N-No,” Panda stuttered. “But I… I really don’t wanna ruin how happy he is. He’s not doing anything wrong, and it makes him feel happy so…”

Panda trailed off and laid back down. His eyes felt as though they were stinging in a way he didn’t like.

“I think I’m being selfish,” Panda mumbled.

“No,” Chloe said in interruption. Panda looked to her. “Just because his feelings are legitimate doesn’t mean yours aren’t. The way I see it is you should try to find a middle ground. Maybe tone down his excitement and try to have you open up more? I don’t know why you feel like you do, but I think it’s something you shouldn’t hide from him. Animal mating is different from human’s dating, but humans usually talk about their feelings. My Mom and Dad fight sometimes but they always try to talk about it until they feel better and it usually doesn’t last long.”

“Do you think he’ll feel bad?” Panda asked, pushing his claws together. “I don’t want him to feel like he’s doing something bad.”

“Just talk to him,” Chloe insisted. “You’ll feel totally better, I promise! He’s said he loves you like thirty times today, I made a tally for each time!”

“Y-You what?” Panda asked, sitting up quickly.

“O-Oh, nevermind,” Chloe giggled.

“Heeeey!” A voice called out. It made both Panda and Chloe turn to the large entranceway back where the majority of the clothing was. They spotted Grizz hanging from the doorway with the quite frankly ugly scarf draped around his neck and dragging near his toes on the floor. “C’mon guys, me and bro are all done! We still gotta hit the mall!”

“Alright, coming!” Chloe shouted as she put away her pencil and notebook and picked up all of her books. Panda wiped at his eyes despite no tears yet falling and sniffled lightly as he sat up, staring down at his paws.

“Hey,” Chloe said. “You should totally talk to him.”

“Y-You think?” Panda asked as he stood up slowly and stared at the grizzly bear charm on his phone. “M-Maybe I should just…”

“No!” Chloe snapped, pointing at Panda almost threateningly in a way that made him jump. “Healthy communication!”

Panda rested a paw over his chest. His heart was beating fast and he wished that he knew just how fragile he looked. He wanted to come off as strong and confident and anything other than the anxious mess he was feeling. He looked to Chloe, and back to the doorway in which Grizz vanished.

“Okay,” Panda mumbled, despite the fact that it didn’t sound confident at all. “I’ll try.”


	20. Anger

Grizz wasn't just happy, he was off the wall kinds of insanely happy and overhyped and cuddly and bouncy and just about any other word he could fit into his head to describe his current stream of emotions that had lasted this entire day. Even in the mall where the majority of his energy had faded from a long day of excitement with Chloe and his brothers he still now clung to Panda's arm to hug him for what could have easily been mistaken for dear life given how tight he was gripping. He rested his head on Panda's shoulder, giggling quietly every few seconds once it dawned upon him again that he was actually cuddling Panda in public. This thought usually led to him feeling a bit pent up, so he outlet it by kissing Panda on the cheek. This happened about once every three minutes.

"Man, c'mon, you're so sloppy," Panda complained with the hint of a blush on his cheeks. His eyes were glancing away, yet Grizz for whatever reason decided not to focus on it and instead nuzzled his muzzle against Panda's shoulder again. He was probably putting a bit too much weight on Panda, sort of only half paying attention to where he was walking, but the warmth he felt was too much to let off now that he had committed to hugging his arm like this for so long. If he could, or if Panda was strong enough, he would probably hang off of Panda's back. Or vise versa, if Panda would ever agree to it.

The four of them were in the center of the mall by now, a large fountain in their sight with a few people hanging around either on their phones or talking to who they came with. Grizz felt tempted to dig up some change and toss it in the water, but that would mean letting go of Panda which he most certainly didn't want to do. For a bit they all just walked around, staring at the fountain and various shops and passing the other people doing the same.

"Hey, Grizz?" Panda asked suddenly.

"Yeah, buddy?" Grizz turned his head back to see Panda looking down to the floor. He seemed to tighten his jaw line but then shook his head.

"N-Nevermind."

Grizz blinked, finding the moment odd, but then again Panda was prone to being a bit odd. He shrugged it off and simply kissed Panda's cheek again, hoping it would be enough to dispell whatever was on his boyfriend's mind.

"Okay okay we're rounding up our super awesome day," Grizz said, pulling away from Panda slightly but still holding him at an arm's length. He turned to the other side of his body to see both Chloe and his brother walking side by side, Chloe both of them looking about just as tired as Grizz was beginning to feel. The sky outside was twilight, and when he looked up to the window covered ceiling he saw the orange sky beginning to already quickly darken. "And I wanna get home with enough juice to snuggle my cute lil' Pan Pan more."

"Mmm," Panda made a noise of sheepish behavior, which only made Grizz giggle. It was always so cute when Panda was shy around him.

"Alright what are we gonna hit up before catching the bus?" Grizz asked.

"Ice Bear wants new cooking ware," The polar bear said.

"Man that's laaaame!" Grizz whined. "Plus that stuff weighs like fifty pounds and we gotta carry it home! No way shooting it down, only fun stuff on Chloe's day no chore buying!"

"Well, actually I don't mind," Chloe shrugged her shoulders. "I can't think of anything else to do, plus the mall closes pretty soon doesn't it?"

"Uggggh, fine," Grizz said with a slight roll of his eyes. While it wasn't exactly the most glamorous idea in the world, he could probably put up with it if Panda was there to talk to and entertain him. He usually let him use his phone or take pictures together if he whined enough, which was always fun. Just about anything was fun with Panda lately, actually. "We'll go look at boring pots and pans."

"Alright," Panda mumbled sort of quietly. It was strange, for despite holding onto Panda himself for so long Grizz almost forgot that his boyfriend was right next to him. He turned to Panda and giggled again, nuzzling his nose against his shoulder. A few people walked by and stared at them, to which Grizz smiled at them and even waved at a few.

"D-Dude," Panda stuttered in a quiet whisper.

"Ice Bear wants cast iron," The polar bear said.

"Oh, um…" Chloe started, looking between the three bears. "If you hate it that much maybe… you and Panda could go off alone somewhere to y'know, talk."

"Talk?" Grizz asked, raising his brow at this sudden interjection from Chloe. "Talk about what?"

"Chloe," Panda said in a hushed kind of tone. It was close to a whine, and almost panicked. His eyes looked worried all of a sudden, but Chloe's own sight looked away as she shrugged.

"Oh, nothing," Chloe said. "Just that, have you guys had one of those pictures in those photobooths? Y'know, nice and private and you can add all of those cute filters. There's one down the hallway in the back near all the vending machines, I know that."

"Oh. My. Gosh." Grizz said, letting go of Panda in this moment as he felt his eyes widen. "We haven't done that! Oh gosh can we Pan Pan can we can we?"

"G-Grizz, calm down!" Panda said, Grizz realizing that he was bouncing up and down like a little kid and holding his paw. It took everything in him to stop and simply stare at Panda with a huge, goofy looking toothy kind of grin and hold back all his giggling. "Alright, just stop freaking out."

"Ahh I love you!" Grizz shouted very loudly, enough to echo as he half tackled into Panda to hug him. He felt Panda's arms wrap around him slowly, but didn't take the time to realize he was stiff and sort of half pushing him off before Grizz unlatched himself.

"Theeeen we can all just meet up at the fountain in like twenty minutes, okay?" Chloe asked.

"Deal!" Grizz said, again loudly, and raised his paw high into the air.

"Ice Bear wants to go before mall locks us in," The polar bear said.

"Okay okay," Chloe said, reaching up her hand to grab the polar bear by the paw. "Calm down we're going."

Grizz barely took time to watch them go off before he turned back to Panda. He was smiling, but it was that sort of shy almost held back kind of a smile. When Grizz took his paw he was quick to squeeze it tightly and grin even bigger.

"You really like the idea of something cheesy like that?" Panda asked when Grizz started to pull him along. He giggled, but it was sort of a half giggle as though he were distracted by something and just trying to add something to the conversation.

"Dude, you see those pictures like everywhere in the movies! Even the action ones! It's totally romantic, right?" Grizz asked, pulling Panda along and resisting the urge to run with him. "C'mon c'mon c'moooooon!"

"Ugh, I'm moving!" Panda groaned. Grizz laughed at it and kept up his pace with Panda being half dragged along.

They were quiet the rest of the trip to the end of the mall, Grizz finding his way back to latching around Panda's arm. He smiled and waved at just about anybody who looked at them, and it took a lot for him to not just say that he was cuddling his boyfriend. The word still made him feel fuzzy and happy, as if it were a new experience each time he heard himself say it or even thought about it. When they got to the end of the mall it was a bit darker past the majority of the stores, yet directly to their left down a long hallway was a variety of vending machines and kid's rides that all moved for the price of a few quarters. Jammed in between a gumball machine and a mechanical horse was a large box with a curtain on the side and what looked to be a screen on the inside. Grizz felt his smile grow, and he began rushing Panda along.

"Oh man I've always wanted to use one of these!" Grizz said before ripping open the curtain. "Go on go on!"

"Alright alright," Panda said, squirming in past Grizz and to the end of the box. Grizz got in as well, the machine just barely big enough to fit the two bears. Grizz's body pushed against the curtain slightly, letting in a bit of light. Yet the screen before them lit up, showing a bunch of people's stills of the photos they had taken.

"Hang on, lemme just get the cash real quick…" Grizz mumbled as he began to fondle around in a few of the bags he had been carrying this whole time from their various shopping trips.

"Mmm," Panda made that noise again, the one of discomfort. Grizz was too wrapped up in rifling around in change, shoving in any quarter he could find, to notice it really.

"U-Um," Panda said gingerly.

"Oooh, they let you add filters on this screen here!" Grizz said excitedly as he began to touch a few of the buttons on the tiny touch screen before them. "Oh man, they have those pink cherry blossoms you like!"

"Hey, Grizz…" Panda trailed off.

"Yeah buddy?" Grizz questioned, not looking away from the touch screen he was sliding through. "Oooo, we can have huge anime eyes!"

"Grizz!" Panda finally snapped, finding his voice for just a brief moment. It was loud enough to startle the grizzly, forcing him to jump and nearly tumble right past the curtain out of the machine.

"Oh, sorry!" Grizz chuckled, finally looking away from the screen to to Panda. It was dark, so it was hard to entirely make out the expression on his face, but what Grizz could see even now his eyes were darted away and staring downward. "What's up? You wanna add something?"

"W-What?" Panda asked. "O-Oh, the pictures. N-No, not really."

Panda shook his head slowly and then opened his mouth, but then closed it again. He reached out both of his paws and gingerly touched Grizz on his own. He stared at it for a while, a frown deepening on his face.

"Hey," Grizz said, his chest suddenly feeling tighter at the sight of Panda looking as he was. It was sad, but not in a way Grizz really understood. He seemed nervous almost. "What's wrong, buddy?"

"T-Today you just…" Panda trailed off and then shook his head. "Nevermind, it's dumb."

"Hey," Grizz said again, feeling a bit stupid himself for not being able to come up with more than that. He reached out his paw and touched Panda's face gently. Panda winced as though it hurt, so Grizz quickly retracted his paw. He pushed open the curtain slightly to get a better look at his boyfriend and saw that Panda's face wasn't just nervous, but he seemed scared to look at Grizz all together. "Talk to me, Pan Pan."

"Grizz, I…" Panda let his mouth hang open for a while. He seemed at a loss for words. "Earlier I talked to Chloe, and she thought I should talk to you. I think she tried to force it right now, though."

"Talk?" Grizz asked. "About what?"

Now Grizz was really starting to feel nervous. It made his chest tighten. The way Panda wouldn't look at him felt wrong in a way, because Panda always looked at him when he was talking seriously like this. It felt like big news, like the kind Panda was positive Grizz wouldn't want to hear. Already Grizz could feel his heartbeat speeding up when he put his paw over his chest.

Grizz did what he thought he should do, what always seemed to calm Panda down. He reached out his head and kissed Panda, but this time he really tried to. He let it linger, but the usual stiffness that Panda had didn't loosen into that warmth he craved. He wanted to be there for Panda, but in that moment he felt his heart beat faster. Something was wrong, and it was between them. Grizz didn't know how he knew it from that one kiss that Panda was so stiff he might have been wishing it to just be over, but it was obvious.

"I feel… weird when you act so open about us," Panda mumbled when he turned his head away. He kept trailing off as though stopping mid sentence to plan out the railing of his train of thought. "People stare and I just… I don't know, it feels off."

"Huh?" Grizz raised his brow. His chest felt tighter, and suddenly breathing became just a bit more difficult. "What do you mean? Panda, I…"

"You're just loud," Panda said, closing his eyes. "A-And when you're loud people look at us and it feels really weird. You keep kissing me and cuddling me and I keep thinking everybody is looking."

"What are you talking about, bro?" Grizz asked.

Just then, a flash of light went off that startled the two of them. Somehow one of them had bumped the option to start taking photos. It startled the both of them and made Panda jump while Grizz just sat still. Panda looked at Grizz in the eye for just a moment before looking away and squirming in place.

"I-I just mean maybe we could tone it down some?" Panda asked. "Like, maybe don't be so clingy in public or something."

"I thought we were out now!" Grizz said, his voice beginning to rise. "Y-Y'know, like we aren't hiding and sneaking around anymore. I thought you liked it like this! Do you just wanna go back to acting like that?"

"I-I don't know," Panda stuttered quickly. It was clear he was panicked, his eyes widening as he gripped his chest and slunk back against the wall as though being pushed. "I'm sorry, Grizz."

"D-Don't say that!" Grizz said loudly, another flash going off that didn't startle him but made Panda wince. "Dude, we just spent like the whole day on a super long date! Chloe doesn't care, our bro doesn't care, why does it matter if people see us cuddling."

"I don't…" Panda was clearly about to repeat himself again but stopped himself short as he bit his lip. It was clear Grizz's voice getting louder was scaring him in a way. Grizz didn't sound angry though, he sounded scared. Panicked and fearful in a way he couldn't describe. His chest hurt. It was the kind of hurt where he felt it to his core. All he could think of was how unhappy he felt with Panda never talking about them, always hiding them, and how he had felt ever since they had dropped all of that. He had been happy not hiding his feelings any longer. It was as though it was being taken away from him by somebody he cared about more than anything.

"Dude," Grizz said, shaking his head slowly.

"I just… I feel like you come on too strong," Panda said quietly. He refused to look Grizz in the eye any longer no matter how much Grizz just silently begged with his eyes. He crossed his arms slowly as though he were trying to create a wall between him and Grizz. Grizz stared long and hard at Panda, wanting to reach out one of his paws to do something or get through to him.

But then those feelings faded. His initial feelings of worry had faded to confusion, and now were fading into something else. He felt scared, yes, but it was something nastier than that. He felt annoyed, angry even. He looked away from Panda and grinded his teeth briefly.

"You just wanna go back to hiding everything?" Grizz asked. "Bro I thought you… I thought you got that that made me feel like…"

"I'm sorry," Panda said, but it was blind and scared sounding as though he just wanted it out there to desperately try and defuse the situation that was already past the point of no return.

Another flash went off in silence, and then it lasted long enough for yet another to go off. Panda had closed his eyes and lowered his head, seemingly trying to shrink himself by will alone. Grizz stared at him, feeling upset at perhaps not directly Panda but the situation he was thrust into. He was so happy just five minutes ago, and it didn't make any sense to him why it was all gone. Maybe Panda didn't want to date him anymore and didn't know how to say it. Maybe Panda just really was happier hiding their relationship. A hundred scenarios ran through his mind and each of them scared Grizz.

"Grizz… I'm so-"

"Ugh!" Grizz shouted. "Just shut up!"

Grizz got up from the seat and forced the curtain aside before squeezing either side of his head. He turned his head around to look at Panda who was still sitting there. Just beside him he could see the area where their photos had all printed off, and when he snatched it up each of them made his chest hurt. It went from Panda looking scared and nervous to Grizz just looking angry. Grizz closed his eyes and shook his head, tossing it towards Panda on the seat next to him.

"Let's just go home," Grizz grumbled, crossing his arms.

"G-Grizz, wait, I…"

"I'm going back to the fountain," Grizz interrupted, turning away and walking at a brisk pace.

He didn't think about how hurtful his words may have been, all he could think about was how badly his chest hurt. Grizz felt as though he had been punched in the gut, and hard enough to knock the wind out of him. His eyes stung with the threat of tears, but in pure frustration he forced them down.

Grizz didn't look behind him for Panda, and didn't once feel that anger and borderline betrayal fade.


	21. Tear

The ride home was… awkward. Seeing Chloe off was easy, as Grizz could fake a smile for a few seconds at the very least. She seemed a bit melancholic for reasons Grizz could piece together as it being her idea for Panda to talk to him, yet Grizz didn’t hold any feelings against her. When she left she made Panda promise to text her when they got home safely, something she didn’t normally ask them to do. 

All he had to do was smile in that moment and it made her going a bit easier. Grizz didn’t feel like smiling, though, he felt more like pouting. The entire bus ride home and even when they finally got back into their home when it was dark and all signs of twilight had faded he had been like this. Part of him new that it was childish at best, oppressive at worst, yet he couldn’t seem to shake the need to sit hunched over with his arms crossed and an irritated look on his face. Sitting next to Panda was the hardest part, because he had refused to talk to him. His chest hurt too much to even consider it.

The few times Panda had tried to get his attention were ignored, which Grizz knew very well wasn’t the right thing to do. It wasn’t much, just a call of his name or tap of his arm that quickly fizzled out into more awkward as Panda went back to staring at his phone. It took just about everything for Grizz to not to snap again each time, aware enough that he didn’t really want to hurt Panda but still angry enough to remain silent and bruting. 

Grizz felt… He wasn’t quite sure how he felt other than hurt. He thought of the date him and Panda had went on alone together in the woods, how everything was fine there. Yet it was alone and out of public eye, someplace Panda always seemed to want to go. If Grizz was being honest he had seen the signs the entire day but had passed them off time and time again as Panda just being shy like he normally was.

“Game Over. Game Over. Game Over.”

“Ugh,” Grizz groaned at the sound of the game blaring about his loss. He had tried to distract himself from the moment he got home with video games, yet his reactions felt sluggish and as though he wasn’t paying attention. He was stuck on a puzzle, the kind that Panda usually helped him with. Panda had gone away to his room quickly when they had gotten home, and for every part of Grizz that wanted to go see him there were two parts that reminded him just how bad he currently felt.

Abandoned was maybe a word that described how he felt. Him and Panda were supposed to be a team, he thought. He remembered being so happy when him and Panda had come out to their brother, to tell them of the way they felt about each other. It was supposed to be mutual and happy and something they did together. Grizz didn’t like hiding his feelings or withholding how he wanted to act or not show everybody just how in love he felt at any given moment. Telling Chloe today about his relationship was a highlight of not just the day, but this week. He had wanted to tell everybody that Panda was special to him and was dating him and him alone, yet all Panda wanted this whole time was to act like they had before. Grizz struggled to wrap his head around it, and tightened his paws on the controller when it rolled around in his thoughts.

Grizz heard a clattering sound that made him jump. It was repeating, and when he turned his head to the kitchen he saw that it was his brother banging a few pots together to try and get his attention.

“Ice Bear is calling for dinner,” The polar bear said, quite loudly in fact.

Grizz sighed and got up. Despite the fact that he really was hungry, the pit in his stomach almost hurting him, he didn’t feel like eating. Nevertheless he went over to the table and sat down, a plate full of still steaming meat placed down in front of him.

“Thanks lil’ Bro,” Grizz said with a forced kind of smile at the polar bear.

“Did I hear banging?” A voice came from the hallway. Grizz turned away when he recognized it was Panda, his chest tightening up. He quickly shoved food into his mouth for an excuse not to talk. Though he knew it was juicy and tasteful, Grizz felt as though he was chewing on cardboard.

“Ice Bear made dinner,” The polar bear said.

“Oh, thanks,” Panda mumbled as though distracted. Grizz didn’t need to look up to see that Panda was staring at him. He wondered briefly if he was looking annoyed or sad or just lost on what to do, and Grizz tried to pretend that he didn’t care and stared down long at his food.

“H-Hey, Grizz,” Panda said.

“Mmm,” Grizz replied.

Panda made a similar noise in response as though he were at a loss. Grizz tried not to care, and tried even harder not to look up. He had been chewing his food for so long that it had truly lost all of its taste and he was forced to swallow it. It hurt his throat to do so, as it felt oddly tight.

Grizz heard a second chair be pulled out, and then a third. When he had the courage to glance up Panda was directly in front of him looking down at his phone with a frown on his face. His other brother was to his side eating his own meal slowly.

“Hey Grizz,” Panda said, setting down his phone gently and looking up. Grizz looked away quickly. “I’m sorry about earlier.”

Grizz didn’t respond, and instead bit down hard on his tongue. The silence lasted for a long time where instead he shoved more food into his mouth to excuse talking. Panda made a sound of discomfort that Grizz was aware he normally comforted him over, yet in this current moment his chest felt too tight to do anything but focus on breathing.

“Hey, c’mon man just talk to me!” Panda whined. The sound irritated Grizz more than sounded endearing in this moment. It made Grizz look up at him, seeing that Panda hadn’t so much as touched his food. Grizz swallowed what was in his mouth.

“What do you want?” Grizz asked, letting the annoyance seep through his words.

“Ice Bear doesn’t enjoy being in the middle,” The polar bear butt in, turning his head between the two.

“I just wanna talk!” Panda said, leaning in over the table. “C’mon man, we never fight like this! It isn’t that big of a deal.”

Grizz felt his heartbeat race. He found his jaw tightening and his paws clenching into fists under the table. The fact that Panda called it not a big deal set something off within him that made him upset. He opened his mouth, but it was only to breathe. He looked down to his food and then closed his eyes, trying to settle whatever was within him that was hurting so much.

“Yeah, totally not a big deal that you just wanna go back to acting like you don’t love me,” Grizz grumbled.

Silence fell, and hard. It was almost like a silent clap of thunder after Grizz said those words that he wasn’t even sure he had fully meant. He just knew it would hurt Panda in a way similar to how he had been hurt, and before he could stop it he realized that he had said it out loud.

Grizz forced himself to look up. He caught the sight of Panda staring at him like a deer in headlights with his eyes wide and shocked looking. He looked away fast, the look on his face transforming into something that was quickly malforming into what looked upset and as though he were about to start crying.

“I-I’m not hungry,” Panda said quickly before pushing back his chair so fast that when he stood up it wobbled and almost fell over. He covered his eyes with the back of his arm and turned tail quickly, making a beeline back to his room where Grizz heard the door slam just a few seconds later.

Grizz sighed, staring downward into his food as he took another bite. He didn’t really feel anything, mostly just numb.

That was when Grizz felt a paw whack against the side of his head.

“O-Ow!” Grizz yelled, not even realizing his brother had stood up so suddenly. The polar bear looked at him blankly and took away the plate of food, Grizz with still a slab of meat hanging from his mouth, and set it on the countertop behind him.

“Ice Bear doesn’t want fighting at dinner table,” The polar bear said.

“Alright, alright, I’m sorry,” Grizz mumbled when he looked away. He felt something else, less hard than the hit but still annoying as the polar bear pinched his ear and pulled on it gently.

“Dude!” Grizz whined. “Knock it off!”

“Ice Bear wants brothers to make up,” The polar bear said once he released Grizz’s ear. Grizz rubbed his head and looked away, finding himself biting the inside of his cheek.

“Panda doesn’t want to be seen in public like we are,” Grizz mumbled. “What am I supposed to do, just go along with that? He knows how I felt when… When I wasn’t happy hiding us. It’s totally uncool that he just is doing this.”

Grizz saw out of the corner of his eye the polar bear glare. He walked to the other end of the table quickly and snatched up Panda’s phone which he had left behind. Without even thinking he seemed to punch in a four digit passcode and scroll through a few things. He eventually placed the phone flat on the table and slid it over to Grizz.

“Ice Bear wants you to snoop.”

“What’s this?” Grizz asked, looking down at the phone which he picked up. After a few seconds of scrolling he realized that it was an app, one of the kind that Panda used a lot. It had his profile information near the top, with the most recent post there as well.

“I think I screwed up,” Grizz mumbled aloud what the post read. He rolled his eyes, unable to help himself.

“Ice Bear wants you to keep scrolling,” The polar bear said. “Ice Bear not afraid to resort to violence.”

“Okay, okay,” Grizz grumbled. He scrolled down a little. At first they were a few meaningless posts, but when he got to the first image it was of him and Grizz cuddling. Or more accurately, it was Panda’s face pressed against a brown furry mess that was clearly Grizz’s chest and neck, his chin barely in the picture. The caption just read ‘He’s so warm’ followed by a few heart symbols.

Grizz kept scrolling, spotting an image of himself sitting there playing a videogame with Panda’s knee barely in the bottom corner of the frame. His own eyes looked passive and focused, his mouth wide and clearly shouting. The caption was ‘If I tickle him now will he tickle me back or just get angry?’ followed by an emoji of a tongue sticking out.

Grizz felt himself smile a little unwillingly.

When he scrolled further, there was an image of Grizz sleeping on his back sprawled out with the blankets messy. The caption was ‘I wanna crawl into bed and cuddle so bad’ and then a few heart signs.

There were so many posts like this. Things like the mess of the picnic the two had, selfies the two of them had taken together, a few images Panda admitted he didn’t want to post where his eyes were closed or fur looked messy but Grizz looked good in them, several pictures of him holding Grizz’s hand with no comments other than heart symbols, and at least a dozen pictures of Grizz photobombing Panda’s personal selfies by kissing him where it was overly blurry. The comments were always sweet and loving, but the one that got him the most was just a picture of himself with Panda’s legs resting on his lap and what looked to be him giggling. The caption only read ‘I love him so much’ without a single symbol after it. 

Grizz felt his chest grow tight for a new reason, not of irritation or anger but of something new. He felt… touched in a way. When he tried to scroll more his paw accidently slipped and went to make a new post, and when it popped up the option to add an image was there with already a dozen or so set out from Panda’s phone. Each one of them had Grizz in some way. He clicked it, opening up Panda’s photo album. He was greeted by the sight of dozens and dozens of pictures of just the two of them cuddling and kissing and goofing around, some of Grizz just sleeping and Panda laying on him others of just Grizz brushing his teeth or one's shot from afar where Grizz must have had no idea he had been pictures. Sure there were other images randomly in the mix, but for the majority of it it was just him and Panda. Some were even from today, he spotted the coffee shop and the thrift store.

“Ice Bear knows Panda loves Grizz,” The polar bear said. “Ice Bear doesn’t like brothers fighting.”

“Mmm,” Grizz made an uncomfortable sort of sound. He accidently let Panda’s phone go dark and lock, but he had a feeling that he had seen enough. The brief spurt of happiness he had felt faded into something similar than guilt, and in that moment he understand that in his own way Panda was being just as open and cuddly and affectionate as he was, just online where Grizz hadn’t been paying attention.

“I-I should go talk to him,” Grizz said as he stood up, holding the phone to his chest.

“Ice Bear thought that was obvious,” The polar bear said.

Grizz shook his head, walking away from the table and towards the hallway. He held the phone in both hands, realizing that his chest was growing tight again. When he got to the doorway there was no strip of light on the crack near his toes, so for a moment he almost thought Panda wasn’t in there. Yet when he opened the door ever so slowly, he could see the lump of his brother on the bed in front of him. He seemed to be curled up under the blanket sitting in the dark with a pillow buried against his face.

“Pan Pan?” Grizz asked. He thought for a moment he had done this too quickly and hadn’t thought about what to ask or even talk about.

“Go away!” Panda snapped.

Grizz didn’t listen, it didn’t feel right to listen. He heard something in Panda’s tone that worried him, as though it were cracked or something similar. When he drew closer he saw that Panda was startlingly still as though he were holding his breath. The door closed behind Grizz and he was in the dark as well, nothing but the light of the moon and stars lighting Panda’s bed.

“Panda?” Grizz asked. “You left your phone back there.”

Grizz heard Panda breath. It was shaky as though he had been crying, or worse was currently crying, and it made going over to him a tentative task. His breath came out gaspy and forced, as though he were trying desperately to hold it in. Grizz slowly moved his paw to the closest lamp and flicked it on, and in doing so Panda whimpered when light was cast onto the room.

“I’m sorry,” Panda whimpered, so quietly that Grizz could barely make it out. “I-I really love you, Grizz… I… I…”

“Hey, Pan Pan,” Grizz said quietly as he settled down on the bed. That hurt he had been feeling earlier came back, though it was redirected in a way to feel guilt. “C’mon Bro, I’m the one who said that. I know you love me, okay?”

Panda wouldn’t pull his head up from the pillow, his shoulders still turned away from Grizz. He took in a shaking breath again.

“Hey, our bro made me look at all the photos you took of us,” Grizz said as he touched Panda’s shoulder. Panda winced as though it hurt, but Grizz kept his paw there. “I didn’t know that you posted us that much. It’s really cool.”

“S-Something’s wrong with me,” Panda whimpered as though he were helpless. He ignored what Grizz had said entirely. He sat up, slowly, and covered his face with both of his paws so that Grizz still couldn’t see his tears. His breath came out fast and trembling, and when Grizz touched him he retracted as though it hurt. “I-It feels like e-everybody looks at… at me weird. A-And they judge me and notice every time I s-stutter or s-say something weird and I feel like y-you’re just so loud and all they do is stare at us more c-cause… I-I don’t know…”

It had been a long time since Grizz had seen Panda this upset. When he pulled his paws away they glistened with the sight of tears, as well as his eyes and cheeks. His nose was runny in an ugly sort of way, where he really couldn’t stop crying.

“Pan Pan?” Grizz asked as he sat on the bed and forced his arms around Panda. “I’m not mad anymore, okay? I’m here, buddy. I’m sorry that I said that at the table.” 

“I-I’m sorry,” Panda whimpered. “I’m stupid.”

“You are totally not,” Grizz said, his own eyes stinging slightly. “You’re like the smartest bear I know.”

“I-I don’t know why it bothers me,” Panda whimpered. “It was… It was supposed to be better when I started dating somebody…”

Panda clenched his jaw tightly and began to tremble in Grizz’s arms. Grizz looked away and quickly spotted a box of tissues which he brought over, Panda grabbing at them greedily to wipe at his messy face. He used three up quickly, and grabbed a fourth just for safety.

“I-I was supposed to stop caring if people thought I was weird,” Panda said through his random sobs. “A-And… And I was supposed to be able to just do stupid things with the person I dated. I wasn’t gonna care if people saw us kissing or looked at us weird for being cuddly in public and… It’s not like that at all, it feels worse and scary and… I’m sorry, Grizz. I can’t… I can’t be like you when people are watching.”

“Stop apologizing,” Grizz said, trying to sound as comforting as he could muster. Seeing Panda his hysterical and helpless set off every one of his instincts to try and calm him down. He had lost track of just how many times Panda said he was sorry.

“I-I don’t even know how to act with another guy,” Panda admitted. “I-I thought I was supposed to be the one to set up dates and give flowers to my girlfriend and be the one to hold her hand and… y-you’re doing all of that stuff and I don’t know what to do. I-I like it but when people watch I feel like I can’t… can’t breathe… B-But you’re just so happy and all it does is make me scared so something is wrong with me, right?”

“No way,” Grizz said as he shook his head. The bed creaked when he leaned closer into Panda and felt his body tremble between sobs. “Pan Pan c’mon, I seriously love you.”

“I made you angry,” Panda mumbled. He blew into the tissue again.

“That wasn’t your fault,” Grizz said. “I didn’t listen to it right.”

“I-I didn’t explain it right,” Panda said. “I just… I just…”

“C’mon,” Grizz said as he began to find his paw’s way to Panda’s chest. He rubbed it in circles as gently as he could. “I’m not angry anymore, okay? I’m sorry that I was. We can talk about it and I swear I won’t get upset, okay?”

“Mmm,” Panda responded. He didn’t seem too sure of it. In fact the way his eyes were stuff red and puffy made Grizz just want to lean in and kiss him, so he did. Panda was still tense like he was back at the photobooth, but it loosened just a little bit.

“I don’t wanna go back to pretending like we aren’t dating,” Panda mumbled once the kiss broke. He reached out his paw and touched Grizz’s cheek to look him in the eye. Grizz nodded.

“I know,” Grizz said.

“I-I really don’t,” Panda reinforced.

“I get it,” Grizz said reassuringly. “It’s okay.”

Grizz pulled at the blanket, pulling it up until he could snuggle under it too next to Panda. He slowly pulled until Panda laid down next to him and he could rest his head on Panda’s arm. Panda kept wiping at his eyes and nose, still shaking a bit in breath even when he turned to Grizz and squeezed him in a hug which Grizz quickly returned.

“I don’t feel comfortable when you yell that you’re my boyfriend,” Panda said quietly. “O-Or when you keep kissing me someplace really public. O-Or when you tell everybody you talk to we’re dating.” After a long pause Panda added “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Grizz said, rubbing his paw up and down Panda’s back. “I’ll quiet down some, alright? I can totally not hug you for a good thirty minutes.”

Panda had seemed to calm down a good deal by now, his sobs less frequent and more shuddering as an overshock sort of affect.

“I don’t wanna hide us,” Panda mumbled. “I love doing all that stuff with you, cuddling and kissing and just being together. B-But when we’re in public it feels like everybody’s just watching and we look weird and I feel like I can’t breathe.”

“Hey, I saw all those pictures you posted online of us,” Grizz said as he leaned back from the hug and held Panda at arm’s reach. “You’re totally not hiding us. I didn’t even know you had all those photos saved.”

“T-There’s more on my laptop,” Panda mumbled sheepishly. “M-My phone got full so I had to transfer a lot.”

“That’s awesome,” Grizz said with a smile. “Seriously, you’re totally adorable.”

“I bet not right now,” Panda said shyly as he rubbed at his nose. Grizz smiled and kissed his cheek.

“Even right now,” Grizz said.

Panda eventually sniffled and then went back in for a hug. It turned into a kiss which lasted a long time, Panda breaking a few times to take in his still shaking breath and squeezing Grizz hard to kiss him again. When they broke properly it was only so he could bury his face into Grizz’s neck.

“I wanna be more confident,” Panda said, his voice a bit muffled. “Doing stuff like that with you in public. I don’t wanna feel like everybody’s looking.”

“You can do that,” Grizz said reassuringly. “I can tone it down when you work on toning it up, sound cool?”

“Y-Yeah,” Panda nodded. Grizz let his paws drift upward to either side of Panda’s face when he pushed him back only to kiss him again. His lips tasted salty with tears, but Grizz didn’t mind. He seemed to have stopped crying by now.

“I love you,” Grizz said. “I’m sorry I got mad, Pan Pan.”

“I love you too,” Panda mumbled, hugging Grizz so that he wouldn’t be seen spilling a few more tears. He hugged Grizz with all of his body, legs wrapping around Grizz’s own. He was clinging to him, really. It was warm and safe under the covers with Panda, just how Grizz liked it.

They could be like this for a few more minutes in silence. That was all Grizz wanted right now. He wanted to let Panda cry out whatever was left in him and be there to clean it up. He buried his muzzle into Panda’s neck to kiss him there, happy that he was given a giggle even if it was by force.

He loved Panda more than anything.


	22. Linger

Panda could feel the weight of his eyelids and almost could see the bags of his eyes in the dark reflection of his cellphone. His mind felt thick with exhaustion on top of simply just feeling slow. Sometime in the middle of the night after he had finally managed to fall asleep he had woken up. It was before the sun had risen, but from the moment it happened Panda could tell that he certainly wasn't going to be able to fall back asleep. The sound of Grizz's occasionally snoring and the sensation of his rising and falling chest and belly pressed against his back as he was spooned gave little comfort to the dead weight in his chest that browsing his phone hadn't really helped with. His eyes looked red and puffy from the few times the memory of the day before had flooded into him and he had shamefully cried a bit more. It wasn't as loud or dramatic as last night, but there was a constant pressure of shame that he was struggling to shake even with Grizz so close to him.

Grizz's arms were moving slowly. It was the same as any other morning lately, as they had both found that Grizz hardly slept in his own bed anymore. Panda used to enjoy it; the sensation of waking up with Grizz sometimes kissing him or accidently rolling onto him to wake him up was something he blushed at but admitted deep down that he liked. It took Grizz longer to wake up than Panda, and in order to try and keep himself awake Grizz kept rubbing his arms up and down Panda's belly and chest in slow motions that occasionally filtered out before he mumbled something and squeezed Panda trying to find the motivation to wake up.

Panda kept scrolling through his phone as Grizz rolled closer yet somehow managed to tear the blankets away from Panda. He looked at a few social media posts, scrolling up constantly to see if something had changed or anything new had popped or or something happened to distract him. Even when Grizz pressed his lips to Panda's neck from the back it wasn't enough to take him mind off of everything.

"Gm…. Morn…" Grizz mumbled in his usual tone of exhaustion that came with mornings. Normally this was where Panda would giggle and roll over to cuddle him back until Grizz finally sat up or tried to kiss him with his morning breathe, normally which Panda made him brush his teeth before doing so. His breath was hot against Panda's neck as he kissed again lightly. It made Panda's chest tighten more than feel at ease or loved.

The sound of birds, or more accurately crows given the fact that autumn was quickly approaching, were outside of his window which he had left cracked from the night before. A chilled air filled the room that only made Panda feel warm when he was under his blanket or pressed against Grizz. Throughout the night he had considered closing it, but couldn't find the motivation. He had tried to bury his face in Grizz's chest to calm himself like he normally did, but it did little more than provide him warmth.

Grizz sat up slowly with a loud growl-like yawn as he stretched out. He rolled onto Panda, or more accurately flopped onto him, and made the entire bed creak with him as Grizz squeezed him and clung to him.

"Hehe, you're bouncy," Grizz said, his tone a lot more sound as he was clearly waking up. He pressed his lips to Panda's cheek and Panda tried to smile back, but it came out as more of a grimace. Panda stayed silent, feeling the weight of it settle quickly before Grizz finally frowned. Normally Panda would respond cheerfully, he knew that simply refusing to play along with their usual banter made the air seem tenser than it ought to have been.

"You feeling better, Pan Pan?" Grizz asked when he moved his paw down to rub at Panda's belly in circles. His eyes changed, as though he had just started to remember the night before. He looked less sleepily blissful than before, and more serious. "You look beat, Bro."

"Didn't sleep," Panda mumbled as he curled up slightly despite Grizz's weight on him. When Grizz sat up and off of him he reached for the blankets and pulled them over his body. He could see out of the corner of his eye Grizz frowning but he tried his best to ignore it as he glanced back to his phone.

"Mmm," Grizz made a sound as though he were thinking. Panda curled up more, the bed creaking. He didn't like Grizz's eyes boring into him like a drill into wood. He leaned down and spooned with Panda again, though buried his eyes somewhere between Panda's shoulder blades as he gave a good squeeze. "Hey, I bet I can totally get our Bro to make you those raspberry pancakes you love."

"I'm not really hungry, Grizz," Panda responded. It was true, his appetite felt beat along with the rest of him. He didn't want to look at Grizz, and felt his body tense whenever he tried to kiss him even on his back. It was clear by the way Grizz was squirming that he was worried, and whatever natural instincts that took over whenever he tried to be a good big brother kicked in.

"Are you mad at me?" Grizz asked. "I'm sorry I feel asleep when you were still talking, I totally didn't mean it, alright?"

Panda frowned at that thought. Even long after the initial fight had ended Panda kept muttering on the night before until it was so late even he had to pass out. He felt silly all of a sudden, and his chest tightened more. He had talked enough to the point Grizz couldn't respond with anything but sounds until he was left alone with his thoughts. He didn't get anywhere in his mind, just kept circling around the same anxieties and fears without ever landing on anything to cling his feelings too. Grizz had apologized so many times from how he had acted that even hearing the word now set a ripple of guilt through Panda's system.

"I'm not mad," Panda mumbled when he buried his face more into the pillow. He could feel his eyes sting again but he wasn't sure why. His chest felt tight.

"Okay," Grizz said, a bit of disbelieving in his tone. "Hey, we could go somewhere today. It could be like a date and…" Grizz trailed off, his body freezing for a moment before settling as he buried his head somewhere into Panda's shoulder.

Grizz was sounding nervous, and his tone of voice made Panda both annoyed and more guilty than before. Panda felt worse because this time he stayed silent, feeling his body tense as he sat up slowly and rubbed absentmindedly at his eye and resisted the sudden irritation he felt at looking like he was about to cry, because Grizz raised both of his paws as if awaiting some sort of outburst.

"I don't really wanna do anything today, Grizz," Panda said as he pulled at one of his claws and glanced away towards Miki-Chan, who was laying on the floor due to the fact that Grizz usually took up too much space for her on the bed nowadays. "I'm not mad I just… I don't really want people to see me."

"What? You look totally cute as always!" Grizz said a bit too loudly for Panda's liking given the way he visibly winced at that. Grizz frowned and grinded his teeth as though he had hit a soft spot and lowered his volume. "I-I mean, you don't wanna just lay in bed all day, right? We could have fun and go out and… I… I uh…"

Grizz trailed off again, likely due to the fact that Panda had stopped looking even remotely at him and was now looking down into his lap again.

"Sorry," Panda mumbled.

"H-Hey, no," Grizz said while trying to force a laugh. "C'mon Pan Pan, you're still the best boyfriend ever. I love you, alright?"

"I-I just still feel… Bad…" Panda mumbled, as though no other word could describe it right now. He could feel it plain as day, but putting his feelings into words was difficult. His eyes stung more now that Grizz was awake and active again. He had never felt negative feelings linger this long, and even the times when he fought with his brothers they had made up and he had forgotten about it. Grizz and him had made up, he was sure of it. When Grizz grabbed his paw it made him feel guilty for the sensations still lingering. "I keep thinking of you just… being angry and… I'm sorry."

"That's okay," Grizz said as he settled his paw somewhere on Panda's chest and forced Panda to roll on his back with a gentle nudge. Though it was difficult to look Grizz in the face without remembering the night before he managed to do so for just a second to see that gentle smile he held. "We could go out and…"

"Mmm," Panda whined, grabbing one of the pillows and covering his face with it. He could feel Grizz's paw which moments before had been pressing down lightly to his chest loosen gently. He heard a few sounds from Grizz while Panda shamefully covered his head that sounded as though Grizz was trying to find things to say. He heard a creaking of the bed, and then felt a weight on it lift and the bed shift.

"G-Grizz?" Panda asked when he sat up.

"Hold on a sec!" Grizz said loudly before rushing out the bedroom door and slamming it shut loud enough to make Panda wince. He sat there on the bed alone with his back hunched lightly and the pillow in his lap. For a moment he worried he had made Grizz upset with that childish move, but then he heard a loud crashing sound from the other room that startled him and for just a moment distracted him from how he was feeling. He heard Grizz shouting all the way from here.

"No… no… no… definitely no…. YES! HAHAHA GOTCHA!"

A few sounds of rumbling as though if Grizz were jumping on the floor followed by Panda's bedroom door ripping open again. Grizz didn't look happy, but excited with a glimmer in his eyes as he rushed to close Panda's door and then went back over to the bed.

"G-Grizz, what are you…"

"Got it!" Grizz said loudly as he held out his paw. Something was dangling around around his claw, and when Panda blinked a few times and reached out his paws to grab it so he could see it without the aid of contacts of glasses he realized it was a tiny panda head. It was similar to the grizzly bear head hanging from Panda's own phone case.

"You totally thought I would lose this, right?" Grizz said with a smile so wide and proud on his face that Panda didn't need his contacts at all to see it almost glimmer at him. "No, cause in case you didn't hear I'm like totally the best boyfriend EVER, so I kept it super safe and special on my floor under some… y-y'know unimportant stuff."

"G-Grizz," Panda said with a bit of a stutter from a mixture of actual amusement and also nerves. "C'mon, man.'

"No way!" Grizz said as he sat down at the bed right at the end of Panda's feet and put his paw on the tops of one of them and let it drift up his leg to near his knee. "I'm totally not angry anymore, okay? See, I wouldn't be angry and make positive I still had this. It's a gift from my cute adorable boyfriend, right?"

"I… I don't think that you're still mad…"

Panda trailed off and glanced away while he cupped the charm in both of his paws. He could feel his eyes sting slightly with newfound ashamed feelings that he wasn't quite possible where they originated from.

"Then what is it, Pan Pan?" Grizz asked, still fighting to keep his smile. "Just tell me and I can make it better, right? That's what big bros are for."

"I don't know," Panda said when he shook his head, raising his paw to one of his eyes as Grizz frowned and scooted closer back to a spot where he was before. He wrapped his arm up and around Panda's shoulder and put one of his paws on Panda's chest. Panda felt himself loosen more this time and sniffle lightly.

"Hey, c'mon," Grizz said as he shook Panda lightly. "C'mon don't cry again. O-Or do, if it'll make you feel better. We could just get some breakfast together and try to forget about it."

"I don't wanna eat," Panda muttered. He felt embarrassed upon that admission and looked away from Grizz the best he could.

"C'mon, you gotta eat something," Grizz said with a chuckle that was clearly forced but trying to keep high spirit. After Panda didn't reply for a long time Grizz sighed and for just a second showed how tired he really was. "Alright then… how about we at least go shower or something? We could do it together. Our bro isn't up yet and I could look at you all wet."

"Grizz, I don't know if…"

"C'mon, do it for me?" Grizz asked when he slid off the bed and gave both of Panda's paws a tug as though trying to lead him. "I promise if you wanna just come back to bed and lay down when we're done I won't bug you! I'll even use that lavender stuff you say makes me smell great."

"A-Alright," Panda said after a long contemplation, letting Grizz slowly drag him out of his bed and then out of his room. He kept his head downward. He still felt slow and thick and his chest still felt twisted in thorns and a struggle to breathe. His eyes stung, but not in a way that felt as though he were about to cry at any moment. When he sniffled it was when Grizz let him go to start turning on the lights of the bathroom.

The room was cold, and the floor icy on the soles of his feet. Panda gripped his other arm lightly and suddenly wished he had the sense to grab his phone so he wouldn't be left alone with his thoughts right now. He watched Grizz try to move with the same cheeriness he normally did, grabbing towels and soap so that they could use the shower together, but then at the same time whenever he paused his smile seemed strained. It was as though he were putting on a brave face for the sake of Panda.

Panda looked down to his paws to realize he had forgotten to untangle the tiny Panda head from around his claws. He closed it slowly around both of his hands before rubbing at one of his eyes and setting it down at the edge of the sink. Grizz was really trying to make him happy, and yet Panda could feel that none of it was really reaching him and it made him feel as though he were hopeless. That feeling lingered for a few more seconds along with the rest he had been feeling since the night before.

"Pan Pan," Grizz said as he approached the sink with toothbrush in mouth. He had already somehow managed to get toothpaste onto it while Panda wasn't looking and his mouth was foaming. "Hee, ho hoin brr!"

Panda raised his brow just as Grizz spit out into the sink.

"No morning breath, bro!" Grizz said now shining his freshly brushed teeth. "I know you hate it."

Panda smiled a little at that. That extra thought made him feel a little better as he watched Grizz wipe his mouth with his hand and then rush to the tub to jump into it with both his legs at once.

"C'mon c'mon!" Grizz said with a smile. Panda slowly walked over just as Grizz pulled at the knob and water began to rush down onto his body. Grizz's body seemed to react all at once as his eyes widened and his body flinched and tightened before he slammed his body forward out from the water.

"A-Aahh! Cold cold cold!"

"Dude you do that every morning," Panda said, finding the tiniest bit of humor to laugh at in Grizz's antics. Grizz didn't respond but whined in the corner away from the water before Panda stuck his paw in to feel the water until it was warm against his paw before reluctantly stepping in thanks to Grizz reaching out his paw and pulling at Panda.

Once Panda was actually in the shower it felt warm against his back, the water dripping and spilling all the way down to his soles as he shivered lightly. He hadn't realized just how chilled he had been until he had felt warmth and his body began to burn from the polar opposite touch. Grizz drew close to him and touched Panda's wet belly and wrapped his arms around to hug him momentarily, burying his muzzle into Panda's neck despite the fact that water was leaking down onto it.

"See, it's nice," Grizz said. The scream of water was no match for Grizz's sheer ability to be the loudest thing in the room.

"Grizz, you don't have too…" Panda trailed off and then bit at his lip. Grizz's eyes changed, looking worried when he pulled back from the hug slightly and held Panda at an arm's length. The water no longer reached Panda, all hitting Grizz's back and spilling over his shoulders.

Grizz let his paw fall down from Panda's cheek slowly and to Panda's chest.

"Is this helping at all, Pan Pan?" Grizz asked. "After last night I just… I don't wanna make you sad again. I can totally not do what you didn't like, alright?"

"Grizz you didn't…!" Panda said, a sudden spike of anxiety finding itself in his chest. He grinded his teeth when Grizz actually jumped at his sudden loud reaction. Panda realized his chest was pounding at that and took a step back until the water splashed on the floor of the tub. "It's… It's not you anymore, okay? I… I like you being loud and kinda pushy. Just, I don't like it when everybody stares at me… A-And when you're loud like that about me they do."

Panda rubbed at his eye though tears hadn't yet spilled, for he knew it was beginning to sting.

"It's not you, okay?" Panda said, hoping his point would get across. "I just keep thinking how I made you upset and h-how stupid I feel because of… I-I keep thinking I should just be over this, right?"

"Hey!" Grizz said loudly when he grabbed Panda by both paws. "C'mon man, don't be like that! It's okay if you still don't feel right, cause I'm still totally the best boyfriend right?"

"Grizz…" Panda mumbled.

"No way," Grizz shook his head. "C'mon, you're my Pan Pan. It's okay to be a little nervous in public, alright? I should have known that. I DO know that, I just didn't think about it."

Panda didn't say anything, but he did sniffle.

"I just want you to be happy and…" Grizz looked down as though he were struggling to keep himself looking reassuring. "I love you, okay? I really, really love you, Pan Pan. We can get through this together, alright?"

Grizz stepped forward and hugged Panda again, tighter this time as though it were for his sake instead of Panda's own. Panda hugged him back, the urge to cry coming again so he closed his eyes. For a moment Grizz felt heavy and tired, as though he were letting his true feelings show.

"O-Okay," Panda nodded. He felt something other than the constant, overwhelming pressure inside of him. It was warm, and it was what he felt when he knew he loved Grizz more than anybody. Water ran down his paws when Grizz somehow tugged him even closer and even tighter.

"I'm not gonna leave you alone today." Grizz said. "It's alright if you feel sad but I really don't want you to lay in bed all day feeling bad without me."

Panda pushed Grizz slowly, and Grizz unlatched himself. He looked truly exhausted. Panda still felt all of those bad feelings inside of him, but Grizz's words along with what he felt right now pushed against them with an overwhelming urge. He gave into that urge and kissed Grizz. It was slow at first, and then he kissed again with Grizz cuddling him. It was rough, but in a passionate sort of way that came naturally. Somewhere in the middle of the kiss Panda had let Grizz's tongue find its way into his mouth. It was something they did rarely, but the moment almost called for it as Grizz pushed lightly until Panda was pressed to the cold wall. He trembled, both from the sensations Grizz gave him on top of his own feelings. He wanted Grizz to be here right now more than anything, so he squeezed him tight. When they parted it was momentary and only to gasp and feel each other's breath run down their throats.

"I love you," Grizz said, his voice not exactly cracking with the threat of crying but moreso just raw emotion. He grabbed Panda's paw and put it to his cheek to smile. It was a real smile. "A-Am I helping at all, Pan Pan."

"Yeah," Panda said with a nod. He smiled back through his own sniffle. The room was steamy now, but Grizz was all he could see. "A little, yeah."

"Let's just stay in together today, alright?" Grizz asked, breaking his words up with another quick yet excited kiss to Panda's lips. "Order pizza, watch movies, play games? Okay? Just you and me, I know our bro'll leave if we just ask him."

"That sounds fun, actually," Panda nodded with a bit of a smile.

Grizz sat there and began to nearly vibrate with excitement.

"Ugh, you're so cute," Grizz said, loudly and squeal-like as he mashed their noses together and nuzzled. Panda couldn't help but giggly loudly too and turn his head, Grizz only finding new home by tickling his neck by kissing it.

For a moment Panda felt happy. Really happy. He knew that even if his feelings lingered that today he and Grizz could just be together and like this. Even as the warm water showered over them when they sunk down to the floor of the tub to kiss and cuddle Panda felt different from before.

He hugged Grizz tightly when they kissed again, his only fear that he would be forced to pry himself anytime soon.


	23. First Step

The mall was loud, and of course that meant there was at least a hundred people within eyesight. The noise of the fountain was covered up only by the noise of the nearby food court as Panda sat on the small bench and sighed. He rubbed a paw over his chest and began to fill those similar nerves he had been feeling all morning act up again. He had tried to distract himself with his phone and posting on social media, though it only ended with him constantly scrolling upwards hoping desperately that new content was posted after realizing he hadn't read one of the fifty posts he had mindlessly scrolled past.

Panda looked up from his phone only when Grizz returned and a small cup filled to the brim with a pink looking drink with whipped cream was placed in front of him. Grizz had a similar cup in his own mouth, only the drink inside was brown like chocolate. Somehow in the process of buying it and returning back to Panda he had managed to guzzle down half of it.

"This is for the totally cutest… I uh…"

Grizz paused, looking around briefly. This action made Panda frown, as a twist in his belly began to cause a sensation of guilt to run through his veins. Panda looked away with a small blush on his face.

"It's fine, Grizz," Panda mumbled.

"The cutest boyfriend like, ever." Grizz smiled softly and wiggled his but a little as he gripped his milkshake in both paws and drank it quickly. It was now down to a quarter. Despite being given the go-ahead, when he spoke he made sure his tone was quiet enough for Panda to hear but not anybody else to listen in on. That made Panda feel more guilty as he looked away.

"This is a dumb idea," Panda said in a slightly annoyed tone as he settled his phone down on his lap and sighed once Grizz sat down between him and the strawberry milkshake. Though he picked it up and put it between his lips he didn't suck, mostly due to the fact that his nerves convinced him if he consumed anything he'd just be sick. "It's not better, I'm just making it worse for us. I-I don't know why I wanted to come here."

Panda didn't need to look at Grizz to know he was frowning. Maybe it was out of worry, but somehow Panda felt worried that it was disappointment in a sense. About a million thoughts ran through his head as he nibbled on the end of his green straw and closed his eyes. He felt a paw gently touch the top of his own and his chest tightened.

"Pan Pan?" Grizz's voice questioned. "We could totally go someplace less crowded if that makes you feel better. Like a bookstore or park or something."

"Mmm," Panda responded as he thought it over. It was true it was his idea, but from the moment he had mentioned wanting to try and work on his anxiety the night before it had done nothing but spike. It was all well and good to talk about doing something with Grizz in public, especially after last time, but actually going through with it and being here was a whole other story.

"It's okay that I'm holding your paw like this, right?" Grizz asked.

Panda frowned. He nodded his head slowly and Grizz gave it a gentle squeeze, though when he looked up and saw a woman briefly meet his eye his belly felt tight. He looked away again and down to the floor where he set the milkshake between his legs.

Panda had been fine the day before, and the day before that, and the day before that. In fact he had been fine for an entire week and finally started to get back to being his old self. Falling asleep with Grizz near him had stopped feeling awkward again, and being able to lounge around the cave and hold paws and kiss and watch dumb movies while cuddling made him feel safe. But actually getting out here again in the real world made him feel as though he had regressed. He had barely gotten sleep the night before even with Grizz's chest as a makeshift pillow for his head, a spot he had grown to find strangely comforting.

Panda crossed his feet, one toe over the other, and stared down at the ground. It took Grizz rubbing his paw for him to look over and stare at him in the eye. He was smiling, but it was clear it was trying it's best to look comforting over anything else.

"Sorry," Panda finally mumbled with a sigh when he looked away and grabbed his phone just to stare at the blank screen. "I-I'm not helping much, am I?"

"What, dude, you're fine!" Grizz said with a chuckle.

"You wanna do more than just hold my paw right now though, right?" Panda asked with a bit of a frown.

"Dude, we talked about this," Grizz said with a shake of his head. "Course I totally wanna kiss and cuddle you and call you adorable. It's uncool if you don't feel comfortable and I still do it, though. That's what we talked about, right?"

"Right," Panda nodded slowly. "But I…"

"Ah ah! No buts, Pan Pan!" Grizz said as he stuck out his chest slightly and put a coy smile on his face. He reached out his paw and covered Panda's mouth when he talked, and of course Panda turned his head instantly and made a grossed out sound. "I'm totally happy being the best boyfriend ever from here, cause it just means I'm gonna cuddle you twice as hard when we get home tonight."

"G-Grizz," Panda mumbled, his tone stuttering slightly. He looked down, and then up to Grizz. For just a moment he didn't feel very bothered or care about the crowd around them when he leaned forward and kissed Grizz on the lips. It lasted a few seconds as well, and for that time he was calm.

"So anyway, I totally saw that movie last week and it was…"

Panda broke away once the sound of another voice registered and his tone gasped slightly. He looked over and saw a group of teenage boys walking past them. His heart felt as though it was pounding faster and his cheeks blushed when he looked back to Grizz.

"Sorry," Panda said quickly, a bit of shame leaking into his tone.

"Hehe, you kissed me," Grizz said, wiggling slightly as though he were unphased. He had a slightly dazed look on his face and seemed as though was fighting the urge to hug Panda back and kiss him again. He was like a cat wiggling it's butt before it pounced on its prey.

Panda smiled back, and finally took a sip of his milkshake. It tasted sweet, and thankfully against his judgement it didn't seem to make him feel sick. He reached out his paw hesitantly and grabbed Grizz's own, and that seemed to snap his boyfriend out of whatever state of mind he was in and simply smile big and goofily at him.

"Let's walk a little, alright?" Panda asked.

"Totally!" Grizz replied happily.

It was nerve wracking at first, to just walk around with Grizz latched to him. He tried to use it as a lifeboat rather than an anchor this time, pulling Grizz slightly closer whenever Panda caught a person looking at the two of them. Grizz seemed happy judging on his giggling and constant squeezing. He continued to sip on his milkshake when they walked, Grizz finishing his long ago, and while they didn't talk it was nice to just walk around in a public area.

"You know," Panda said finally once they passed their tenth store. "I used to think about what it'd be like to just go out with a girlfriend like this. Not on dates or anything, but just doing normal stuff like shopping with them because I loved them. I thought it'd be nice just everybody seeing I had somebody who loved me back."

"Does it feel weird, now?" Grizz asked. He squeezed Panda by the paw.

Though it was clear Grizz was trying to put on a strong face, the fact of the matter was that he couldn't hide that twinge of worry behind his eyes. Panda looked down to the tiled flooring he walked on and shrugged.

"I just thought it'd be easier being in public with somebody I knew I loved. I still feel weird buying frilly stuff or looking at romance books or something. I thought all that might go away if I had somebody who loved me for all of that. That sounds weird, huh?"

"No, totally not." Grizz shook his head. "And hey, you're feeling okay now, huh? We passed like a dozen people!"

"You don't feel bad that you can't be as open as you want?" Panda asked, glancing behind his shoulder at the people they had passed. "You're really loud and jump on me a lot when we're at home. I like it there cause it's you, but in public it just…"

"Pan Pan, you've explained this like ten times," Grizz said with a reassuring smile. "It doesn't make me happy if it makes you feel bad, okay? It just makes me feel like a jerk if you're so stressed about it, and that's uncool."

"But I…"

"Hey!" Grizz said, giving Panda a rough and sudden pull on his arm. Panda was caught off guard and made a strange noise before being pulled suddenly against a wall right beside a vending machine and pushed against it. He felt himself blush, but then realized that somehow they had walked to the end of the mall where nobody else was. Grizz was against him now and giggling, his warm muzzle close enough for Panda to feel his hot breath roll against his neck.

"G-Grizz, what are you?"

"Out of the way of everybody now, huh?" Grizz asked. "I could totally nibble on your neck and nobody would notice right now, hmm?"

"Maybe," Panda responded with a stuttering tone but a bit of a smile crossing his face as his cheeks blushed. Grizz responded by kissing him and squeezing him tight in a hug. Panda's heart both beat fast and fluttered at once. Grizz was being more assertive than usual, and not only that but he had done it in such a spot where he was making sure to talk quietly so nobody would notice them.

"We can work up to the big stuff in public, okay?" Grizz asked as he stroked his claws down Panda's chest. "Just as long as we can be cuddle buddies when we're alone. I'll tone all this down when we're out, okay? You make me super happy, Pan Pan. I don't wanna…"

Grizz grabbed Panda's paw and placed it against his cheek.

"I-I don't wanna make you feel scared, I can totally tone down the urge to tackle you and kiss you every waking second."

"E-Every second?" Panda asked. "Really?"

"Well… some seconds I just wanna eat but otherwise yeah," Grizz giggled back. "I just… I don't wanna make you sad like you were again cause I do something dumb like get mad because you're just nervous. Don't feel bad cause you think I'm holding back, okay? It makes me happy to make you feel comfy, especially after last time."

It was the least romantic setting. Hiding behind a vending machine where Panda could feel dust on his toes and the cold wall on his back with Grizz gently pushing him against it. They were hiding from sight of others because if anybody saw this Panda would feel so self conscious that he could barely breathe. Yet for some reason it felt romantic. It felt like the sort of sensation he had dreamed a relationship to be like and more. He loved Grizz. He loved Grizz more than he had loved anybody right now. He felt his eyes sting, so he hugged Grizz tight and buried his face somewhere in Grizz's neck and sniffled.

"Was that really cheesy?" Grizz asked when he hugged Panda back.

"Yeah," Panda responded. "Y-You're a dork. I can't believe I love you so much."

"Hehehe," Grizz responded by giggling. "I love you too, Pan Pan."

By the time Panda felt safe enough to unlatch himself from Grizz and be pulled back into the sight of normal mall goers he didn't feel afraid to hold Grizz's paw anymore. He felt happy looking Grizz in the eye as he sipped on his milkshake. He even leaned against Grizz, opting to link their arms together to make it more obvious just how close they were.

Panda wanted to push himself now. He wanted to be able to feel more comfortable in public with Grizz not just for the sake of both of them, but in a way for himself. He felt happy now, and wanted to hold onto that feeling.

"Wanna go to the video store and rent a movie?" Grizz asked.

"We could just stream one at home, you know." Panda rolled his eyes.

"Yeeeah, but where's the fun in that?" Grizz asked. "We can return it on a day when it's raining, and then I'll take you to a bridge and kiss you on it when we're both soaking wet!"

"W-What, where did that come from?" Panda laughed. "That's really specific, man."

"What?" Grizz replied with a smile. "I sometimes pay attention to those romance movies you like. You don't let me kiss you during some scenes!"

Grizz made sure to whisper that so only Panda could hear. It made him feel happy. It made him feel more in love with Grizz than he had before. He didn't want to go home just yet, and instead wanted to stay here with Grizz a little longer.

Panda kissed Grizz's cheek on a whim, not caring who saw.


	24. Happy

Tonight was the sort of night that Grizz loved. The living room of the cave was dark, lit only by the screen in front of them that displayed a video of a fire place with the volume maxed out so he could hear the crackling of wood even from six feet away. He knew that the cave itself was cold, but he felt nice and cozy with a blanket around his shoulders and Panda next to him leaning against him with one arm wrapped around his own. A chocolatey aroma filled his nose from the mug in his paw filled with hot chocolate and decorated with a mound of whipped cream and marshmallows from a bag just next to Panda's laptop that was already half empty from the two's constant grabbing for more. The tube of whipped cream should have been next to them, but instead it was between Grizz's crossed legs for easy access whenever the two had a craving. These were the sort of nights where he could be alone with Panda that he loved. They hadn't been happening for longer than a few months but already Grizz struggled to remember how he could live without them.

"What's a funny caption for this?" Panda asked suddenly. He had been staring down at his phone for the past ten minutes in silence. Grizz didn't mind silence. He and Panda knew each other enough where just the presence of each other was comforting as long as they could occasionally kiss and snuggle up close. Sharing a blanket, even one as big as this, made it so they were forced to bump against each other and touch paws constantly in a way that made Grizz giggle if he didn't focus on controlling himself. He still felt giddy and full of butterflies even now with Panda grabbing his paw to try and get his attention.

The picture Grizz was shown was of himself taken earlier that day. It was of Panda in huge pink sunglasses with white plastic jewels around the sides. He also had a pink feather boa wrapped around him and he had struck a pose. He had made Grizz take that picture, and ten others like it, before deciding he liked that one the best.

"You are such a cutie," Grizz smiled and touched his foot to Panda's own that dangled off the couch.

"Ugh, you're no help," Panda rolled his eyes but smiled and accepted the kiss that Grizz planted on his cheek only to giggle and bump his body back against Grizz's own. If it weren't for the dangerously hot mugs of cocoa the two were holding Grizz might have tackled him then and there he was so overcome with a desire to simply squeeze Panda. Instead he took to nuzzling his muzzle against Panda's shoulder instead.

He looked over Panda's shoulder down to his phone and saw him type out the caption 'pink overload' before hitting submit. When he was looking through his phone Grizz caught a glimpse of all the photos the two had taken that day alone. Panda had a keen eye for snapping up every moment flattering or not to the two of them. That was what Grizz liked, though, that Panda didn't delete any photo no matter how strange or unfocused.

"Today was really fun," Panda said with a smile. He snatched at the whipped cream bottle between Grizz's legs and poured some in his mouth with a 'woosh' sound from the can. Grizz felt his body wiggle in delight watching Panda wipe at his mouth to get rid of any accidental debris. If he wasn't positive Panda would shove him and spill hot cocoa everywhere he might have offered to lick it off himself.

"I'm really proud of you, Pan Pan," Grizz said when he touched Panda's paw.

Panda looked down to the paw Grizz touched. It was easy to see his face freeze and then shift into a sheepish look and a gentle blush cross his face. Even in the light of only the laptop screened fireplace before them Grizz could see all that detail in front of him.

"C-C'mon, it wasn't that big of a deal," Panda said with a nervous giggle and then turned his head away. Grizz set down his hot cocoa so he could wrap both arms around Panda's front and back and squish his nose against Panda's now warm cheek. "We didn't do that much, just walked around and held hands and stuff."

"Hey, c'mon man," Grizz said as reassuring as he could possibly make it when he dug his paw into Panda's chest. "That's like super awesome that you pushed yourself to do that. Hehe, maybe in a few weeks you'll start calling me your boyfriend in public."

"You seriously don't think it's weird that I can't do that now?" Panda asked. He turned his head away again.

"Dude, c'mon," Grizz touched Panda's chin and stroked it until he forced Panda to smile and knock his paw away. He was glad to see that smile remain when Panda giggled and rubbed the area. He grabbed Panda by both of his legs that were dangling off of the couch and hoisted them up until they were both on top of his lap and he could rest both of his paws on top of panda's shins. Panda giggled and wiggled his feet in response when Grizz touched his toes. "We can go all out cuddle sesh when we're at home like this still, right? It's no fun seeing you be nervous and scared just cause you feel like you gotta!"

"Mmm," Panda made a noise as his smile started to fade. It remained on his face, but for a moment didn't quite reach his eyes. He adjusted to his new positioning fast and wrapped the blanket more comfortably around the two and let Grizz rub the tops of his feet. "You're always like that, Grizz, y'know?"

"Hmm?" Grizz raised his brow. "What do you mean?"

"I-I dunno," Panda giggled nervously. "That while big brother thing, I mean. You do it all the time, bro. You did it back during the storm and now with this anxiety stuff. You even make sure our bro has enough frozen food in the fridge to keep him cool."

"I mean, course I'm gonna do all of that! I'm your guy's big bro." Grizz shrugged his shoulders in response and snatched up his hot cocoa again to slurp half of it down. Some stuck to his nose and Panda giggled, reaching forward to wipe at it and give Grizz's nose a gentle 'boop' (complete with sound effect) before returning to his position.

"Just… remember when we were little and we played hide and seek?" Panda asked. "You made me hide in the closet with you and I totally flipped when you shut the door. I felt like I couldn't breathe and started crying and you wouldn't stop bugging me until I calmed down. You tried to make me the winner cause you thought I'd stop crying."

"Yeah, but, c'mon dude you were claustrophobic! That's nothing to be embarrassed about!" Grizz said when he grabbed one of Panda's legs and shook it. He could tell Panda was embarrassed even thinking about it.

"Yeah, but I didn't know what it was when it happened," Panda said. "It was scary and I felt really dumb for crying my eyes out. But you didn't tease me at all and just hugged me when I tried to apologize for giving away our spot. I think you remember small spaces scare me more than I do sometimes the way you constantly try to look out for me going in them."

"Dude, I totally don't want to see you freak out like that again," Grizz said when he shook his head. He reached out his paw and touched Panda's cheek. Panda giggled and touched it with his paw.

"That's what I mean," Panda giggled and shook his head. "You could have teased me about it or freaked out too cause you didn't know what was wrong but you remembered and always try to stop it from happening again. You always made me want to do that stuff for you but I never know how."

"C'mon Panda you make me like, the happiest bear in at LEAST this state," Grizz said. He was shaking Panda's foot lightly now and throwing out his biggest, toothiest smile.

"I just… I always thought that I was totally prepared to have a girlfriend," Panda said when he looked down and reached out his paw for Grizz to take. "All those movies and things I looked up online made it easy to think of what to say on dates and stuff. I had my first five dates all planned out when I finally found a girl who liked me back."

"Why can't we just do all that stuff?" Grizz asked when he tilted his head slightly. A mild sensation of worry came up in his chest that he had to force himself to push aside.

"I-I didn't think about what it'd be like if I got such a big crush on a guy. Much less you, Grizz. You already know everything about me and what I like and don't like and everything I don't like about myself," Panda said.

Grizz looked down to Panda's paws in his lap to see them scrunch slightly, one covering the other. He seemed shy and nervous all of a sudden.

"I wanted to pick a girl up on our first date and buy her flowers," Panda said with a smile. "I-I don't know if you like flowers or if it's weird to give a guy flowers or something. I wanted her to think I washed up really well and looked cute and wasn't nervous or anything weird. It'd be something simple like coffee, a-and I'd drink it black even though I hate it but she'd think I'm cool for not using cream or sugar."

Panda giggled, though it was clear he was growing embarrassed.

"I wanted to do something like go to the park for our second date, and on the third a movie, then I'd want her to meet you two… I'd start showing her more stuff like how I liked anime and see if she liked it too. But I can't do all that with you and it's just… weird."

"Bad weird?" Grizz asked.

"I don't think so," Panda shook his head and scooted forward until he was almost sitting on Grizz's lap. He grabbed Grizz by the arm and hugged it to his chest. "I just… It's like sometimes you act like my brother and sometimes like my boyfriend and sometimes like both. It feels like I don't have any clue what I'm doing anymore."

"C'mon, Pan Pan," Grizz said when he pushed himself to the side and wrapped his arms around Panda. The two became awkwardly entangled in the blanket before they were laying side by side on the narrow couch with Grizz hugging Panda just to keep him from falling off. With the little room between them Panda put his paw on Grizz's chest and smiled. "You're an awesome boyfriend, you know that?"

"I totally freaked out the first time you kissed me," Panda said.

"Only a little," Grizz smiled. "And you liked it, right?"

"Y-Yeah," Panda nodded his head. "I didn't think I would until you did it but I liked it. I just… never thought of you the way I thought of girls up until then. It felt like I didn't let myself think of you like that or something weird. Like… you snoring and giggling and being really loud when you play video games is really cute now and I didn't think so before."

Panda made a weird half whimpering noise and covered his face with his paws.

"You really think I'm cute?" Grizz asked. Part of him wished he could refrain from smiling like a complete dope like he was, but it was hard to do anything but want to bounce.

"Uh-Huh," Panda said in a tone quiet and frail as though he were so embarrassed he might actually fizzle out. When he uncovered his face he looked as though he tried his best to smile. "I-I used to practice what it'd be like to kiss girls on my pillow… T-Then after we kissed the first time I kept trying to kiss it wondering if I was a freak for liking yours so much."

"That is so, totally adorable," Grizz squeezed Panda tightly and Panda whined as though he had just revealed something incredibly private.

"You're just my boyfriend now," Panda said with a bashful smile. "I wanted to kiss somebody and hug them and really feel like they loved me back whenever we did those things. N-Now I can and it's… it's so much better than I ever thought it would be, Grizz."

Grizz felt Panda roll up on top of him until Panda was sitting on Grizz's belly with his legs spread on either side of Grizz so not to put too much weight onto him. He was leaning down and rubbing both paws against Grizz's chest. Grizz felt his chest tighten and a desire to make an alien growl-like sound escaped his mouth.

"Ergh…. C-C'mon dude, that feels…"

It felt good. He almost felt like purring. In fact the more Panda rubbed his chest the more Grizz wanted to start kicking his leg like he were a dog. He felt sheepish for possibly the first time that night and bit his lower lip when his back involuntarily arches. Panda's claws ran through his thick fur and scratched lightly at his chest in such a soothing manner that it made a steady growl-whimper escape Grizz's mouth.

"Grugh… mmm…"

"You're like a puppy," Panda smiled when he spoke. He let Grizz have some relief when he reached up a paw to touch him by the check. "But really, I just… I wanna do nice things for you too. Sometimes I wanna buy you flowers and… stuff I thought girls liked. Everything's just really different from how I thought it'd be when I felt like this. Movies don't… have two dudes, usually."

"I'd totally love it if you gave me flowers," Grizz said with as big a grin he could muster. "I wouldn't let them die! Promise!"

"Yeah you would," Panda laughed.

"C'mon, bro, give me some credit!" Grizz said. "They'd last at LEAST two weeks."

"I just wanna make you happy like you make me happy, I mean," Panda said. "I wish I could be like you wanna act in public. Maybe then I'd…"

"Hey," Grizz said and took Panda by the paw. He sat up and with his own strength Panda was forced to scooch back until he was on Grizz's lap and Grizz had his arms around Panda's waistline. "You're the one who suggested doing all of this. Cuddling, fire, hot cocoa."

"B-But we do this all the time," Panda mumbled.

"Yeah, and I love it!" Grizz said, a bit too loudly, though he thought the volume got his point across. "Dude you like ALWAYS are the first to tell me when a picture of me gets a bunch of likes. You know I like it warm when I sleep so you crank down the A/C lower than normal. You made our bro buy extra bacon cause you know it's my favorite and I always eat too much and run out before the week's up."

"I do?" Panda asked. "You pay attention to that stuff?"

"Course I do!" Grizz said. More shouted, really. He could feel himself getting excited. "Dude you always remember to kiss me goodnight now and it's awesome! You made me super happy all the time, man."

"R-Really?" Panda asked when he put a paw on his chest.

"Totally," Grizz said. "Ugh, I just… I love you so much, dude."

"I… I love you too," Panda said, a smile growing on his face.

"You know what REALLY makes me happy though?" Grizz said with a smile. Panda tilted his head slightly as though in question. Grizz lightened his touch on Panda's sides and gave them a sudden stroke of his claws. "Hearing you giggle like such an adorable little Pan Pan."

"W-Wait, hey, Grizz s-stop that!" Panda shouted, although he was already laughing out of some kind of almost instinctual joy when Grizz tickled his sides. Grizz knew he was playing around, because he knew far too well just what amount would make Panda laugh this hard and it was far beyond the touches he was throwing out. Nevertheless Panda grabbed one of Grizz's paws but not before one hit his belly and tickled there all the way down his pudgy belly and down his legs, growing closer and closer to his paws while he squirmed.

"H-Hey, knock it off I'm seheheheriou- AH!"

"Pan Pan!" Grizz shouted once Panda accidently shifted his weight too far right and toppled over to the floor between the coffee table and the couch. "Are you ok- AH!"

Suddenly Panda grabbed Grizz's arm and pulled him to the floor. He landed on top of Panda's body with a thud but then Panda rolled him over by force and was on top of him. Grizz barely had a moment to react before his own sides were suddenly attacked by his brothers swiping claws.

"H-Hey, dude, no way!" Grizz shouted already laughing.

"You like it, huh?" Panda shouted with an evil laugh.

"D-Dhoho- DUDE YOU KNOW I KICK!"

"What's the matter can't take what you throw?" Panda shouted back. Grizz was already kicking and flailing his arms, not processing that he was stronger than Panda as he rolled onto his belly but still couldn't protect his body.

"A-ahhh! I'm sorry I'm sorry!" Grizz shouted as he managed to slip out from under the other and stumble forward. He looked behind him only a second to see Panda scrambling up to his feet and snatching his phone.

"My phone has a flashlight, Grizz! You can't hide in the dark!" Panda laughed manically now.

"D-Dude you're freaking me out!" Grizz shouted as he grabbed a nearby pillow from the couch and used it as a shield as he began to back up. "C-C'mon our bro is gonna be back home soon do you really wanna do this?"

"Nobody to hear you scream," Panda chuckled in possibly the most evil voice he had ever mustered as he took a threatening step forward. If this were any other situation, Grizz might have commented on just how cute Panda looked. However this was obviously a matter of life and death. Panda lifted both of his paws threatening as Grizz began to shout and turned a quick one eighty to run towards the hallway. "C'mon Grizz, we both know I run faster."

"Duuuuuuuude!' Grizz shouted in both fear and giggling excitement. He wasn't sure which emotion was more genuine.

"I'm coming, Grizz!' Panda shouted, chasing Grizz down the hall in a flash of playful excitement.


	25. Second Date

"No," Panda made a quick whine-like sound when he held the sweater up in front of him at the mirror. His room was a mess, much different than it had been so little as half an hour prior. He had rifled through just about his entire closet twice now, going through every article of clothing he had from scarves to sweaters to bow-ties, and nothing caught his attention. Whenever he tried something on he either felt too restricted, too casual, or worst of all too dorky looking. He felt his frown deepen and his chest tighten when he groaned and tossed the sweater to the floor again and shook his head.

Panda glanced to the clock again and frowned. He had exactly one hour before Grizz got home, and he was pretty positive that in that span of time he was going to run himself into a complete and utter panic attack. He had asked, pleaded, and eventually bargained with his polar bear brother a week's worth of dishwashing to get Grizz out of the house until seven and then stay out until midnight himself. Panda had been planning this all week, going behind Grizz's back to shop for supplies and dodging questions. Already it was six, and the twilight sky was fast approaching to the dark.

A million things that Panda still had to do raced through his mind and in that moment he felt panic arise in him again. He had to pick out an outfit, get the music ready, set up all the candles he had purchased in Grizz's favorite scent (maple), and make positive that the two separate dishes their brother had made at Panda's request got out of the oven on time. An hour felt like so little time, and as he looked around his room he realized that he still needed to clean up.

"Arugh!" Panda whined when he put both paws on either side of his head.

"Gee gee gee gee baby baby!"

Panda jumped, suddenly realizing that the ringtone of his phone went off in a loud K-Pop song. He looked down at the caller and saw that it was unknown, but was so caught up in suddenly snatching up from his floor that he just put it to his ear and answered it.

"Hello?" Panda asked.

"Pan Pan?"

It was Grizz's voice. The sound of it sent panic down Panda's spine.

"A-Ah, Grizz!" Panda replied back as he stuffed everything back into his closet and forced the doors shut by slamming against them. "Where the heck are you calling from?"

"Dude, we found this payphone thing in a back alley. Cool, huh? Hey, you're sounding way better!" Grizz said in a tone that sounded relieved. Panda then remembered that he had in fact lied about the reason he couldn't go out. He knew that if he just said he didn't want to go out Grizz would take it as him still being nervous about being in public, or worse opt to stay home with him. Panda had pretended to be sick, and realized now that he was sounding far more frantic and panicked over exhausted and raspy. He suddenly forced out a cough.

"P-Pan Pan?" Grizz asked. "You okay, buddy? Do I gotta come home? I got that cough syrup you wanted. I-I know you hate taking it so I got some of that cranberry juice you like to mix it in and maybe that'll make it better, huh?"

Grizz was starting to sound like a worried mother. If Panda was actually sick and not a tiny bit guilty for making him waste money he might have been touched.

"Ice Bear still needs you," A voice said that was faint and hard to make out.

"N-No!" Panda said, trying to sound as sickly as he could muster over the phone will walking out of his room. He could smell a hint of meat cooking in the oven from the air as well as his own dinner, vegetarian of course, drifting all around the cave in a pleasant smell. He began to walk down the hall, thinking to check on it so not to waste time.

"Grizz, really, I'm gonna be fine, I just need some re… AHHH! WHAT THE HECK?"

Panda dropped his sickly tone in a second when he realized he wasn't alone. Standing in his kitchen a tall and desaturated green looking creature peering into the oven that he had cracked open as if to see what was inside. Charlie turned to him and smiled, waving happily when Panda couldn't do much more than sit there dumbfounded. In that moment time seemed to freeze and Panda's anxiety rose from a ten to a ten-thousand.

"P-Pan Pan, what's wrong?"

"Nothing there's a spider gotta kill it buy!" Panda shouted into his phone before hanging up after saying the first thing to come to mind.

"Well if it ain't Panda!" Charlie said happily. Charlie, the person Panda wanted to see least of all today especially right now of all times. He closed the oven, thankfully, and went up to Panda. "I was starting to think you fellows weren't home! I saw the oven was on and wanted to make sure your cave didn't burn down."

"Charlie, that's nice but…" Panda held up both of his paws to Charlie as though surrendering something. He didn't have time to deal with this right now and in the moment he felt more panic come up in his system. "But please, you gotta go like right now, okay? I-I have a lot to do before Grizz gets back. How did you even get in here?"

"You keep the key under the matt, right?" Charlie asked. "I mean since we're all friends and all I thought I'd come by and see if you guys wanted to hang out, but…"

"C'mon man I don't have time to mess around!" Panda whined and grabbed Charlie by the hand. "I've been planning this big date with Grizz all week now and if I don't get everything done before he's back then it'll all be ruined!"

"A date?" Charlie asked while he was being led by Panda directly to the front door. "You two are still at that?"

"YES, Charlie," Panda tried his best not to sound offended, but it came off like that.

"Well shoot, I could help with all of that! What do you need?" Charlie asked. He seemed a bit skippy with childlike excitement at the idea of that.

Panda resisted the urge to groan with all of his might at that suggestion. He really, REALLY couldn't afford to sort this out right now. He already had his paw on the door when he turned to Charlie and tried to look as stern as possible.

"L-Look, Charlie, I don't wanna be mean but this is something I wanna do for him alone, okay? Can you just leave and I PROMISE me you and my bros can hang out later?"

Suddenly the doorbell went off and both Panda and Charlie yelped in excitement. Charlie squirmed out of Panda's grasp instantly and dove away behind the couch where he curled up so small that despite his size Panda could no longer see him. Panda felt his heart pound as he looked back and then to the door, opening it.

There was a woman in the doorway holding a bouquet of flowers. Panda took the time to think that if this were three months ago he would have fallen in love on sight, but he could only feel relieved right now.

"Happy Flower Emporium Delivery!" The woman said in a chippy tone with an accent in which Panda thought was southern. She was holding flowers with bright red petals and yellow insides that Panda smiled at. "Is this the bear residence?"

"Y-Yeah!" Panda said happily as he reached out his paws and was given the small vase of flowers. "O-Oh thank you, I thought these were gonna be late!"

Panda signed off quickly on the pad given to him and thanked the woman again before closing the door and pressing his back against it in a sigh. He hugged the vase in his arms and let his nose bury itself in the sweet smelling flowers. The softness of the petals tickled his nose.

"I-Is she gone?" Charlie asked, his head peeking up from the opposite side of the couch.

"Yeah," Panda nodded his head. "Look can you just go out the back way? I promise I'm not trying to blow you off but this is super important to me, okay?"

"Shoot Panda I swear I can help!" Charlie said when he stood up fully and walked towards Panda. "I interrupted your date last time, right? Least I can do is help you set up this one to make up for it!"

"Charlie, it's fine, really," Panda said. He tried his best not to sound as though he were pleading. "But look, I just… I…"

Panda trailed off. He suddenly realized his eyes were watering. He didn't feel upset, though, so this was his first red flag. His second red flag was the fact that the inside of his nose tickled horribly, horribly so. He felt his shoulders tremble just before a sneeze forced itself out of his nose. It was a gross kind, not cute despite the sound of it. It was snotty and disgusting and his nose began to run in seconds as his vision blurred.

"P-Panda?" Charlie asked nervously. "Your face is looking awfully red."

"T-These aren't asters!" Panda said loudly and forced the vase out at arm's length as he sneezed again. He suddenly felt disgustingly covered in his own watering eyes and runny nose. Charlie took the vase from his hands without Panda asking him too as he stumbled forward, very nearly losing his grip, and tried his best to run to the bathroom without falling over himself despite his eyes watering so much that his vision was a mess. He sneezed three more times before he got to the bathroom and slapped his paws all around the sink, knocking down his toothbrush and toothpaste, before finding the faucet. He splashed water against his face but his eyes were so blurry he could hardly focus. He put his claws against his eyes to remove his contacts and hoped in vain that he could at the very least wash them out.

He sneezed again. The contacts fell out of his paws and Panda let out another yelp of panic when he tried to slap his hand down to find them. He felt one slip out of his paw and run down the drain while the other shattered against the intensity of his slap.

"N-No no no c'mon!" Panda cried out.

"Pan Man?" Charlie's voice came from somewhere Panda couldn't see due to his poor eyesight. "You okay, buddy?"

"G-Get those flowers away!" Panda shouted. "They sent the wrong ones! M-My allergies are kicking in with those just toss them outside!"

"R-Right," Charlie said.

Panda could hear footsteps stomp away when he groped around more trying to find his contact case. When he finally found it he realized that those were his last pair. He felt panic settle in when he shut his eyes and ran water against his face to at the very least get rid of the snot and tears. He grabbed a towel awkwardly and dried himself, but still couldn't see when he opened up his eyes.

"C-Charlie?" Panda called out.

"I'm here!" Charlie's voice came from down the hall but was already rushing towards him.

"I can't see anything," Panda whined. "D-Dude, how am I supposed to do anything without my contacts?"

"W-Well, uh… Hey, how about these!"

Panda could very hazily make out a figure move near him and reach above him above the cabinet over the toilet. Something was pushed into Panda's chest and he realized they were thick circular glasses. They were from the time he and Charlie had tried to make it to Chicken and Waffles on time for his brother's reservations. It felt like a long time ago, and Panda had thrown his glasses up above the cabinet thinking he'd never use them again.

Panda put them on slowly and the world became clearer. Not as perfect as it was with his contacts, but enough to see what was around him. He looked into the mirror at his red face with snot still running from his nose and saw his face only redden with blush.

"Man," Panda whined. "These make my eyes look super big! N-Nothing I can wear will go with this!"

"Well I think you look fine," Charlie said. He reached out a hand and touched Panda's shoulder. It calmed Panda's growing anxiety by the tiniest amount when he looked back to Charlie. Charlie was smiling at him.

"Mmm," Panda whined when he crossed his arms, not fully convinced.

"Do you need help with anything else?" Charlie asked.

"I'm really fine, I just… need to get everything done," Panda said. He tried to hide his growing stress under his words, but he knew he was doing a bad job. He sniffled up his runny nose and shook his head trying to dispel any negative emotions he felt.

"Well then let me help!" Charlie said excitedly. "C'mon, can't hurt none?"

Panda let that stew over in his thoughts for a few minutes before eventually sighing. He knew that he still had a lot to do, and it was more likely that he had forty minutes left now instead of an hour. He gingerly nodded his head.

"Okay, just a little alright?" Panda asked. "There's an old boom box that plays CD's in my room. The CD I want should already be in it, can you just get it while I try to set up the table?"

"Yes sir!" Charlie said excitedly.

Charlie ran off, and Panda took a moment to adjust his new glasses. They felt big and awkward on his face, and to be honest he felt pretty dorky wearing them. It had been years since he had worn glasses after countless films of being told they were unattractive had finally got to him. At first contacts had been scary at the thought he might poke his eye, but he had grown used to them.

Panda went to the kitchen, which still thankfully smelled like Grizz's favorite dinner, and got on his knees under the sink to begin pulling out the assortment of candles he had both purchased and hidden. He set them up around the kitchen one by one in various locations and realized about halfway through he had gone a bit overboard. He had thought that it would look romantic for the lighting to be dim and only lit by candles, but when he realized he had spent a good thirty dollars on cheap maple-scented ones he thought that perhaps it was overkill.

"This one?" Charlie's voice came from behind Panda. He was carrying the boom box and Panda nodded with a bit of a smile when it was set onto the table.

Panda hit the play button and lowered the volume slightly. A gentle hum of K-Pop poured out of it with a string of words relating to bubblegum and dreams and other things that Panda had to admit he didn't really know the meaning of aside from the random bursts of english.

"What's that?" Charlie asked when scratching his head.

"It's just a CD that Grizz got me for my birthday," Panda said.

Panda thought it best to leave out that it was the first time in years the two had slept in the same bed together cuddling the night had been given the CD. The song had soothed his anxiety about the thunderstorm though nothing quite like Grizz beside him had been able to calm him down so much. He felt warm thinking about it and smiled lightly.

Then that happiness went away. Fast. Panda realized that something sounded wrong with the CD, as a sudden scratching sound came out and occasionally the song would jump around.

"W-Wait did you mess with it?" Panda asked frantically.

"What? No way!" Charlie replied.

Panda popped open the CD player and turned it over to the side he could see a glimmer of his own reflection. The CD had a large scratch across it that he couldn't remember it having. Then he recalled suddenly that when the two had been walking everything back from their picnic date Grizz had accidently dropped the boom box when gathering things up. At the time they thought nothing of it, but the CD must have gotten damaged.

"W-Wait, I know!" Panda said as he set the CD aside and ran past Charlie to his room and the laptop on his desk.

Panda opened the laptop quickly and slapped his claw on the power button. He knew he had that exact same soundtrack on his laptop downloaded. A glimmer of hope arose within him, and then was dashed a moment later when he saw a bar in front of his eyes.

His computer was updating. Panda looked to his clock beside his bed and realized that he had less than thirty minutes before Grizz was set to get home.

"Oh come on!" Panda shouted as he grabbed his laptop screen and shook it.

"Pan Man!" Charlie called from the doorway. "Hey c'mon it ain't that bad!"

"Ugh!" Panda shouted. "I still have to shower and make sure the dinner gets out on time, I don't have time for this!"

"Well hey, I can do that second part," Charlie responded with a bit of a laugh. "If you shower now I promise I'll watch over the oven for you. I'm sure it'll be ready when you're done."

"Ugh…" Panda whined as he turned his head away. He had to admit Charlie's plan made sense.

Eventually Panda agreed. He snatched up the first bowtie that he had forgotten to pick up earlier off of the floor and took it to the bathroom with him. Charlie gave him a thumbs up from the kitchen that told him he was fine. Panda frowned still when he closed the door and turned on the air vent.

The shower was nice, and honestly what Panda had needed. He hadn't realized it until the water had begun to soak his fur but he had been sweaty and gross for the majority of the day. To let his stink wash away with his favorite lavender shampoo and vanilla scented conditioner was the first positive thing to happen that evening. While he would have loved to stay under the warm water making sure to scrub every inch of himself twice as he normally did, he had to settle for a quick once over with both shampoo and conditioner. He felt a little better, his anxiety relieving at the relief of finally getting something out of the way cleanly.

"Mmm, mmm mmm," Panda hummed to himself when he shut the water off and reached for one of the towels. He put on his glasses again and smiled when he caught himself in the mirror. The redness from the flowers had gone down, and he hadn't sniffled in quite a while now. He kept expecting something new to go wrong and felt himself on the tips of his toes, but nothing did. He dried himself, brushed his teeth, and was just plugging in his blow drier for some final finishing touches (and to soften himself up like Grizz enjoyed) just when he heard a hard knock on the door.

"Yeah?" Panda called over the blow of his appliance. It smelled like burning so he turned the setting to cool.

"U-Uh, Pan Man! You might wanna hurry up!" Charlie sounded frantic, and it was enough for Panda to turn off the blow drier. He still smelled that burning sensation in the air. "We got a huge problem!"

Panic hit.

Panda went to the door and opened it up only for a putrid stench of smoke to fill his nose. The entire cave had gone from the scent of meat to vile burning.

"Dude, what the heck?" Panda shouted as he pushed past charlie with a towel still around his waist. His fur was dripping when he got to the kitchen and saw the oven cracked open with smoke pouring out and hurting his eyes. Panda began to cough as he reached for a pot holder and threw the oven open. He was caught up coughing when he grabbed for the burning pot and yanked it out.

"H-Here, I'll get a window!" Charlie shouted as he reached over Panda and threw his hand at the screen which popped open. Panda felt a leg hit his side and forced him to lose his balance. Instinctively Panda reached out to try and grab something but one of his paws then slipped from the dish and shattered to the floor. Charlie grabbed him to keep from falling on top of it but already burnt food and glass was on the floor. Bits of burnt bacon and beans and gravy were everywhere in a mess of blackened food. Panda cried out and reached into the oven before grabbing the other smoking dish and slapping it onto the tabletop. It was beyond edible.

"I told you to watch it!" Panda shouted.

"I-I did!" Charlie said. "It was fine! It was on four seventy-five and…"

"W-Wait…" Panda stuttered. "It was supposed to be a hundred degrees less!"

Realization hit that this wasn't Charlie's fault at all, but his. He had put the food into the oven too hot. No music, no flowers, no food, and to top it all off Panda remained dripping wet with his towel still on his body. He looked down at himself and then stumbled backward. He watched Charlie close the over and try to fan smoke out the window but Panda went to the hallway and fell down to a seating position with his back against the wall.

Everything was ruined.

Panda's phone began to vibrate, and he glanced at it to see that a reminder was going off saying Grizz was supposed to be coming home any minute. He looked to Charlie again who was still trying to clear the air of smoke, but Panda knew that nothing would mask that horrible burnt scent for quite a while.

Panda felt his eyes water. His shoulders trembled first but he didn't try to stop it until his eyes hurt. He closed them and forced a paw under his glasses. His chest felt tight and once again his nose began to run, but this time not from his allergies.

"Hey, Pan Man! I think the window's helping but maybe we should open the door and… Panda?" Charlie's voice came just when Panda pulled up his knees. His face felt stuffy when he tried to hold back tears but even cracking open his eyes made a few spill. He now felt gross again despite his shower due to the snot and tears returning.

"I-I ruined everything!" Panda whined. He didn't mean for it to come out so loud, but the only way he could manage to talk at all was by spitting it out as quickly as he could.

"Hey, what, no!" Charlie said. "Hey, we can fix this! I'll just run outside and pick some flowers and I'm sure your laptop's done updating by now and…"

"It doesn't matter!" Panda snapped. He really, really wished he wasn't crying. He wished he could be alone right now more than anything so Charlie wouldn't see him so defeated. "E-Everything about the date Grizz did for me was perfect and I just screwed everything up when I tried to do it for him!"

Panda covered both of his eyes now when he felt Charlie touch his shoulder.

"I… I just wanted to do something nice," Panda nearly whimpered.

"Hey," Charlie began. "We can just…"

Charlie was interrupted very suddenly and startlingly by the sudden burst of the door at the front of the cave. Panda could just barely see from the hallway Grizz kick open the door with his paws full of groceries in either arm.

"Pan Pan!" Grizz shouted as he ran in. "Oh man tell me you're not puking or coughing up blood or anything? Buddy? O-Oh, wow, what's that smell?"

Charlie was the first to stand up when all Panda could do was cover his face more in shame.

"Hey, Grizz, you might wanna cool it," Charlie said with both arms outstretched. Panda sniffled and tried to rub at his face but that only made it worse. The emotions wouldn't stop overflowing.

"Charlie?" Grizz asked. "Dude what are you doing here? Panda's sick he's gotta rest? He's… H-Hey!"

Panda jumped when he realized Grizz noticed him. He went past Charlie and up to Panda but stopped just short, looking around the kitchen and noticing the shattered food dish on the floor along with the open window and general haze of whatever smoke was left in the air.

"G-Grizz!" Panda said when he got up to his feet. "I-I'm sorry, t-the flowers were wrong and then the food burned and the cd you gave me got scratched and…"

Panda felt his face scrunch. He couldn't bare to look at Grizz and covered his face again when his shoulders shook.

"Hey, Pan Pan, what the heck are you doing out of bed?" Grizz asked when he dropped the groceries and went forward to hug Panda. "What the heck happened here?"

"I-I just wanted t-to surprise you," Panda whimpered out. "I-I lied about being sick and… e-everything just…"

"Hey, buddy, it's alright," Grizz said. He was clearly at least partially lost on what was going on but nevertheless he pushed Panda off of him and held him at arm's length to look at his face. "Are you wearing glasses?"

"M-My contacts broke," Panda said.

"Uh, hey," Charlie said from behind Panda as he tapped Grizz's shoulder. "I think Pan Man here tried to make a date for you two and things went a little wonky. I think I'm at least a little to blame for that."

Panda felt embarrassed that he needed somebody else to clear all of that up and instead closed his eyes to try and stop the flow of tears from his eyes. Too many things had gone wrong so fast.

"Really?" Grizz asked. He sounded a bit surprised.

"But I screwed up," Panda whimpered. He felt Grizz touch his cheek and wipe at his eyes. "When we went star gazing everything was perfect and you were great and nothing was wrong like this."

Panda looked around to the mess that was made, but was interrupted when Grizz hugged him again and buried his muzzle into Panda's neck.

"Dude that's totally sweet," Grizz said. It wasn't forced, but actually genuine. He sounded excited in the way that only Grizz could. Panda's eyes hurt more so he hugged Grizz back tightly to try and hide how much his chest pounded. "Dude, I had no idea."

"Y-You're not mad?" Panda asked. "I... I had music and flowers, but they both went wrong… W-We were supposed to eat with candlelight like they do in those romantic movies. I have to wear these glasses and…"

"It's alright, this is still really cool," Grizz said with a smile when he backed off. Panda rubbed at his eye and Grizz grinned. "Dude I got like, ten different cans of soup for you. I still love all of this, okay? We can make how it was supposed to look like together, alright? I'll even go outside and come back in and pretend to be really surprised if you want! Oh, we could totally order pizza and watch something while we wait for it!"

Grizz was squirming excitedly, getting pumped up by his own ideas.

"Mmm," Panda made a noise, but then Grizz kissed him on his nose and it forced a giggle from Panda. "T-Thanks, Grizz."

"Err…" Charlie made a noise from behind the two. "I think I should just mosey away for now. You two look like you need a bit of private time."

Panda sniffled and wiped at his eyes.

"T-Thanks for helping, Charlie. We'll hang out later, okay?" Panda said. Charlie smiled back and nodded his head before going to the door and closing it behind him. He was quick to leave, which Panda was grateful for.

"Y-You really don't think this is a giant mess?" Panda asked once the two were finally alone.

"No way," Grizz said when he shook his head. He lifted his paws and touched Panda's glasses to adjust them before smiling. "We can light up all the candles together, right? And we could just find some music on your phone or something."

Panda smiled, starting to finally feel better. He should have known that Grizz would be happy no matter what. Grizz was always overly optimistic, but it was what Panda needed right now. They kissed again, his glasses bumping against Grizz's nose and forcing the two to split off of the new way they had to kiss.

"I-I should take these off if we kiss," Panda said with a giggle when he touched the rim. Suddenly Grizz's paw grabbed his own and held it in place. Grizz stared back at him with… and oddly blank expression.

"Grizz?"

"Keep them on, alright?" Grizz asked.

"Huh?" Panda replied.

"Your eyes just look really big and… I uh…" Grizz trailed off. If Panda wasn't losing him mind he was pretty sure Grizz was blushing pretty intensely under his dark fur by now. "They look… Good is all."

"You really like them?" Panda asked with a bit of a sniffling giggle. Grizz kissed him then and Panda smiled back. Grizz for the first time looked bashful. "They're kinda lame though."

"You look really, really adorable, dude," Grizz said with wide eyes.

This was perhaps the first time Panda had ever seen Grizz act downright shy about asking for anything from Panda. However right now it seemed like Grizz was caught up in whatever he was feeling seeing Panda in his glasses right now.

"You're not teasing me are you?" Panda asked, touching his glasses.

Grizz shook his head so fast that Panda thought he might hurt himself.

"H-Hey," Grizz said when he touched both of Panda's shoulders. "We should… D-Do stuff, before we call the pizza guy. Maybe kiss or… f-fool around. In those glasses, I mean. M-Maybe a little bowtie, too, I dunno."

"I-I mean, if that's cool. Cool if you don't, I mean. Just, you look cute… a lot…"

"You said that," Panda said.

Grizz laughed nervously and ended up covering his face to hide his blush. It was… really, really weird. Somehow Panda felt his heart rate increase as though he was being given a huge compliment, though.

"You're acting really weird, Grizz."


	26. Viral

"Photobomb!"

Grizz's body hit roughly against Panda's side in a sort of hug-tackle that he usually did when he wasn't watching just how strong he was. Panda's claw slipped and hit the photo button on the screen of his phone just as a bright flash went off and momentarily blinded the two of them. It probably didn't help that Grizz also forcibly mashed his lips into Panda's cheek, causing him to both cry out from surprise and the fact that his sunglasses fell right off his face.

"Dude c'mon I'm just trying to make a status!" Panda whined when Grizz squeezed the grip around his arm. It was clear he wanted to come off annoyed, but the end of his words couldn't hide the start of his giggling. In this tiny part of the back of the bus where the windows didn't properly reach Panda was fine with Grizz being cuddly and kissing him because it was unlikely anybody would see. Grizz took advantage of this. Mostly since it was going to be difficult to keep himself off Panda. He would do it, of course, but he wasn't going to enjoy it as much as he enjoyed this.

"You just look really cute all concentrated on filters and lighting and all that," Grizz said with a wiggle of his paws against the rumbling floor of the bus.

"Man, it's all blurry," Panda mumbled when he looked at the picture. It was slightly unfocused and with his glasses half falling off. Grizz's face was mostly a blur of color he had swooped in so fast. "I just wanted to post my new scarf."

Panda's paw went down to the orange and red scarf around his neck to tug lightly at the tassels.

"It looks totally great on you, bro," Grizz said when he gave the scarf a bit of a tug and pulled Panda's paw away. "Now quit messing around with it you look awesome. Totally cute enough to brag to everybody that I'm dating you… N-Not that I'd do that anymore unless you said it was cool, Pan Pan!"

Grizz made sure to add that last part quickly, and it resulted in Panda giggling with managed to loosen how tight his chest felt from letting that desire slip.

"How about I just post this and we can brag online?" Panda asked.

Grizz smiled and nodded his head, burying his muzzle into Panda's neck and kissing until he got a giggle and squirm in payment. Even then, he wanted to stay there and just take in Panda's warmth.

Today was a big day for not just Panda, but the two of them. It was their second attempt at going out in public together and working on Panda's anxiety. This time he wore a bright and flashy scarf which Grizz was glad of, because last time he had said at least a hundred times getting ready he didn't want to stand out. Panda decided today that he wanted to try holding Grizz's paw when they walked through the mall and checked out some of the local clothing stores having autumn sales. Grizz was determined not to push him, and the few times Panda had let his guard down and showed how nervous he was Grizz reassured him. He was getting good at saying the right things to make Panda feel better, and it made him happy. Just in case of emergency he had made sure to have everything set for an emergency romantic comedy movie night when they got back home. In case of double emergency, he had bribed their brother with washing the dishes to make Panda's favorite dish that night.

"Hey, it's got a like already," Panda giggled when scrolling through his phone. Grizz kissed his cheek and he blushed along with that laugh.

When the bus began to roll to a stop the muscles in Panda's arm clearly tightened. He was still smiling, but he stared at his phone without really looking at what was on the screen. He glanced out the window to the sight of the front entrance to the mall and let out a long sigh.

"It's busy today," Panda mumbled.

"Hey, we can totally still just go look at stuff. I'll keep like three whole feet between us if that'll make you happy," Grizz said with a smile. Panda looked to him and then gave him a quick kiss.

"I-I think I can do it," Panda said nervously but with conviction. Grizz felt his chest swell with a sense of pride somewhere between his inner big brother and just Panda's boyfriend in general.

When they got off the bus Panda was already latching himself onto Grizz's arm. It was clear he was nervous by the way he was squeezing and staring more at the crowd around them over anything else.

"It's really busy today," Panda mumbled. "Do you think the sale is that popular?"

"Dude, c'mon," Grizz said when he hooked his arm around Panda's own and pulled their bodies together. "Hey uh, I could like totally talk about this game I was playing last night. Orrrr you could talk about the sale and what you wanna buy. Just focus on that, alright?"

"O… Okay," Panda nodded slowly. "Uh, I saw a lot of sales for this one sweater that…"

The two of them went forward together. Grizz could feel the uncertainty and nerves flow through Panda with each step they took. Sometimes he trailed off from whatever he was rambling about when somebody who stared at them got to close, and other times he stopped talking all together for long periods of time whenever he got distracted. Grizz tried to squeeze his paw to reassure him, it usually worked for a while for at least getting him talking again, but by the time they were five feet into the entrance it was clear Panda was a little shaken by the vast size of the crowd.

"You feel nervous?" Grizz asked when he tugged gently on Panda.

"A little," Panda nodded. It was a clear understatement. He pushed himself against Grizz when a larger man and woman passed them and stared at them. Grizz felt his own chest tighten realizing today might have been a bad day. The place was clearly crowded more than usual. Last time they had gone during the evening when it was desolated. If this were another situation Grizz would have tried to kiss him and calm him down, but of course that would have the kneejerk opposing reaction here.

Instead of letting go of Grizz, Panda wrapped both arms around one of Grizz's own. While it was clear he was still a bit nervous and staring down at his paws to avoid eye contact with any of the crowd he was at least going to Grizz instead of away. He kept putting his paw over his chest to feel his heartbeat.

"Hey uh, which store was it?" Grizz questioned, having to speak up to be heard over the crowd's collective noise.

"Wool and Cotton Emporium," Panda said, raising his paw to point in a direction before stopping short. "It's the… wait is that a line?"

At first Grizz didn't get what Panda meant until he looked up and saw very clearly at the store across the mall Grizz was pointing at had a massive line. It didn't look to be heading into the store itself, which is what made it seem so odd. Grizz frowned and tugged Panda along past the fountain near the center to attempt to get a better look at it.

"Oh, are you kidding me!" Panda snapped, and loudly.

"Huh?" Grizz looked over to Panda who had pulled out his phone with a disgusted kind of look on his face.

"Dude, this sucks," Panda grumbled when handing over the phone to Grizz. "Nom Nom's here doing signings. He's drawing crowds to the stupid store."

"Oh, really?" Grizz asked when he saw Nom Nom's picture on the screen of the phone. It made his chest feel warm just how cute the koala looked. "That's awesome!"

"No, not awesome!" Panda snapped when he took back his phone. "That guy's a total jerk! If he sees us he'll probably just make fun of us and get angry or something stupid."

"Pffft, c'mon Pan Pan," Grizz said with another insistent tug towards the line. "We know the guy! He's not ALL bad. I mean, look how cute he is!"

"Maybe we should just leave," Panda mumbled. "Go to a market or something and hold hands there."

"No, you really wanted to look at that stuff, right?" Grizz asked. "C'mon let's at least go inside. I'm sure Nom Nom wouldn't mind if we just said hi, right? I mean, I could totally get his autograph."

"Gross, why would you want that?" Panda grumbled, but began to follow Grizz without much hesitation.

When they approached the store, it was clear now many people in the line were clutching things for Nom Nom to sign. From books to toys to just papers they all looked excited. Grizz felt a bit of thrill in his chest as he went closer and closer, spotting a table just outside the entrance of the store with two men in suits standing on either side of it. He spotted the Koala at the table currently signing somebody's t-shirt and handing them a button.

"Hey Nom Nom! Buddy!" Grizz shouted when they got closer. He stood on the tips of his toes and waves excitedly. He could feel Panda shake slightly still clinging to him.

"Grizz, what are you…?"

One of the bodyguards suddenly stood out in front of them and put his hand on top of Grizz's head. Grizz cried out in shock but was pushed back a good foot.

"H-Hey, what the heck?" Grizz cried out.

"Oh, are you kidding me?" Grizz could clearly hear Nom Nom grumble when he looked over the side of the guard and saw Nom Nom catch light of him. "Let him go, Travis."

The guard suddenly let go of Grizz and let him through. There was a slight tug from Panda as the other guard stood in front of the next patron and body blocked them so Grizz could walk up to the table.

"Hey man!" Grizz said.

"Please don't get too chummy with me," Nom Nom said with a roll of his eyes as he lifted a button and put it into Grizz's paw. It read 'A dollar for a paw' on the front, and then the logo of the store sign above them. "I wanna know why you two niche bears are here."

"Grizz we should just go," Panda mumbled when he shook Grizz's arm and glanced behind them. "The people are annoyed we cut."

"What, we like totally didn't cut!" Grizz snapped. "We're just Nom Nom's buddy!"

"Never call me that," Nom Nom said when he shook his head slowly. "I would have had Travis escort you away SO fast if I knew what was good for me. But no, my agent says look nicer in public! Stop harassing people you don't like! Talk it out! Ugh!"

"Grizz," Panda mumbled into his ear with another tug. "This guy's a dingle, let's go."

"Look I booked this signing months ago, alright?" Nom Nom snapped when he hit his paw to the table. "You guys barely scratch the surface of the viral chart and you think you can just come here and upstage me? Bit of publicity, is that it? Quit mumbling there, dark eyes. Y'know I have some cream for those dark circles. If I actually liked, you I'd give you some."

"Dude, what is your deal?" Panda asked. "What are you even talking about?"

Grizz's first instinct was to open his mouth and settle the feud growing between the two, but even he had to admit that something was… off about Nom Nom. He seemed mean. Meaner than usual, even. He was putting in too much effort of engaging them just to insult them and poke random jabs. This wasn't like him, as usually he just tried to shove Grizz and his brothers off and move on.

"Don't play dumb with me," Nom Nom said. "Look just because you had a cute little sneeze video everybody talked about for a week doesn't mean you can just make a comeback, bear! What's this thing you have now, cute little progressive stunt?"

"H-Hey, that's kinda mean," Grizz said, holding up his paws to Nom Nom in defense. "Seriously, we have no idea what you're talking about."

"Ugh, Travis!" Nom Nom shouted.

The guard who grabbed Grizz turned around and suddenly pulled a large tablet from his suit pocket and handed it to Nom Nom. The koala grumbled as he typed something out quickly and then slapped it down right in front of the two on the table. It was… Panda's social media page. The site which he used mostly to post pictures on.

"W-What the heck?" Panda snapped.

"This!" Nom Nom grumbled. "Look just because you sometimes get a hundred likes on your cute little niche kissy market doesn't mean you can come here and play with the big leagues, bears! You can't just go from cute sneezing to cute romance it doesn't work like that!"

Nom Nom hit both of his paws down onto the table hard enough for the buttons to rumble. Travis, his guard, walked over and rubbed at his brow with a cloth while the Koala breathed in to recover.

"Um," Grizz said, touching the screen just as Nom Nom snatched the tablet away from under him.

"I've had my agents track you ever since that stupid competition!" Nom Nom said when he pointed to Panda. "You fell right back to being irrelevant like you were supposed to. Internet moves on unless you keep doing cute stuff. But now this past month you've been posting all that stuff with him!"

Nom Nom's claw pointed to Grizz.

"Now you're CONSTANTLY hitting a hundred likes each picture! Haven't you noticed your increase in likes? Followers? Anything? C'mon this is simple!" Nom Nom said angrily.

"Dude, we haven't been doing anything like that," Grizz said when he felt Panda's arm squeeze around him. "Pan Pan just posts that stuff cause…"

Grizz trailed off. He wasn't about to go and say that it was Panda's way of showing off the two of them as a couple. Even now he could think of lying in bed cuddling Panda as he went through all the photos of the day asking Grizz what his favorites were and posting them. He always looked happy whenever they got attention.

"Cute romance stuff is totally in right now," Nom Nom said. "Especially two guys? Public eats that up! It's progressive, and for some reason they still think you two bears are cute. I mean look at this you posted a video of Grizz in the shower singing while you giggled off camera! Quality couple stuff."

Panda took a slight step back and seemed to almost shield himself with Grizz's body as he squeezed the arm of the other. Grizz could tell his face was growing flushed when he looked over his shoulder.

"Hey, man, c'mon," Grizz said. "Pan Pan isn't here to rip on you or upstage you or anything."

"What is it with you two anyway?" Nom Nom asked. "What, Panda couldn't find a girlfriend so he finally lowered his standards and started dating you? What, all that talk and rambling about not having a girlfriend and falling in love with girls and just suddenly he's over it and dating you? Psssh! If you ask me he lowered his standards just cause he was desperate."

"T-That's… not…!" Grizz trailed off, his chest suddenly tightening horribly, horribly so. Panda squeezed his arm so tight it was beginning to hurt.

"Grizz…" Panda mumbled. Grizz looked over his shoulder. So many people were staring right now that Panda seemed to almost be trembling. After a few seconds of squeezing his arms suddenly loosened and he split from Grizz.

"Pan Pan!" Grizz called when Panda went past the crowd and into the store with little warning. He looked back to Nom Nom. "Dude, what the heck?"

"Look, just when you decide to step up your game and play with the high leagues maybe then you can have a signing of your own," Nom Nom said as he picked up a pen and pointed it at the two. "I bet you anything he's gonna leave you if a pretty girl gets interested in him, so learn the game quick."

Nom Nom picked up a button and tossed it at Grizz.

"Here, donate to charity. Travis get him away."

The guard was back for Grizz and grabbed him by the arm, but Grizz went the rest of the way himself and slipped out of his grip to go into the store. It was busy and bustling, but he didn't catch a sight of Panda. His chest was… hurting… Nom Nom's words were stuck in his head and spiraling quickly. He didn't know why he didn't just listen to Panda and avoid him. Right now, his heart was pounding. He feared of where Panda went and the fact that he had just let him slip away like that.

"Pan Pan?" Grizz called, accidently bumping shoulders with at least five people when he went through the store. He checked the men's clothing first, then autumn wear, then women's clothing. He didn't find Panda anywhere which made his heart pound even faster. It was a small store, and he was positive he had seen Panda run inside. He called out his boyfriend's name again and this time felt his own shoulders tremble. His breath came out heavily, and shook slightly.

When he looked up he saw the changing rooms. Several doors all with open spaces under then where he could see the shoes of patrons. He saw a pair of black paws under one of them, and he rushed over to it. He felt his forehead touch the outside as he settled slightly and knocked.

"S-Still changing!" Panda stuttered. It was clear from the tone of his voice he was already crying. When Grizz focused, and listened under the crowd he could hear sniffling on the other end of the door. It made his chest somehow twist more than before. It became hard to breathe.

Grizz should have been more worried about Panda. He kept telling himself this again and again. The thought of Panda crying in there alone without him really did hurt his chest more than he could stand but it was outweighed heavily by a pressure on him that was difficult to forcibly let up. He didn't realize it until now, but he was scared. His body was trembling a little, even. When he blinked, his eyes stung. He wanted to turn the knob and enter to comfort Panda, but it was almost as though a wall not a door separated them and he couldn't find the strength to turn the knob. One single question consumed his every thought. A question he knew Panda was in no state to answer.

"It's not true, is it?" Grizz mumbled, so quiet that only he could hear. "What Nom Nom said isn't true, right?"


	27. Worry

Humiliation was all Panda could feel. Being led out of the mall holding back his tears too scared to touch Grizz was one of the hardest things Panda had ever forced himself to do. He felt like everybody was watching him like he was a spectacle. He found himself holding his breath when they passed Nom Nom's booth again on the outside of the store, and by the time he had worked up the courage to leave the changing room and mutter an apology to Grizz thirty minutes had passed.

"It's okay," Grizz had said.

That was all Grizz had said. He had tried only once to touch Panda's arm, but Panda flinched like he feared being hit and shied away. On the long walk out of the mall, and even on the bus home, Grizz didn't talk. Panda was glad for it at first, as it meant he didn't have to fear letting something embarrassing like a crying shake of words or sniffle out when he spoke. But as the bus ride grew to an end and Panda's desire to cry was replaced with just a deep-rooted sorrow he began to feel something was wrong.

He had done something wrong.

All and all, their trip was a failure for multiple reasons. Panda didn't have so much as a scarf to show. Only a failed endeavor to be more open in public and humiliation from people knowing he had cried over something. He tried to distract himself by looking at his phone when he and Grizz were off the bus and wandering in silence back to the cave, but every picture of him and Grizz getting likes or any attention at all reminded him of Nom Nom's words. He began to feel sick, and instead closed his phone.

"Grizz?" Panda asked. He looked up to see the back of Grizz that he had been trailing behind for some time now. Normally Grizz was excited and giggly and liked to touch and cuddle him now that they were out of the public eye. But now he was walking alone and in silence. Panda felt his chest hurt.

"You okay, Pan Pan?" Grizz asked. He looked over his shoulder and paused momentarily to let Panda catch up until they were walking side by side. Grizz was smiling, but Panda had known him long enough to know when he was feigning happiness. This wasn't a comforting sort of smile either. This was a smile that said he was hurt.

Panda wanted to say he was sorry, but didn't. He wanted to say it again and apologize in every way he knew how but he just didn't. He kept him mouth shut and crossed his arms as he shook his head slowly. Grizz bumped into him lightly, still faking that smile. Panda felt worse and worse by the second as they approached the cave.

"Hey, uh…" Grizz said once it was clear Panda wasn't going to talk. "Our bro's gonna be out a bit. I asked if we could have some alone time after the mall and all. We could order pizza or Chinese or something."

"I'm not that hungry," Panda said when they went up to the door. Grizz opened it for him and Panda walked in, not bothering to flip the switch until Grizz was inside with the door shut.

Panda sighed and walked to the couch to plop himself down. He could see Grizz out of the corner of his eye just stand there and stare at him. Panda bit the inside of his cheek and wished he would stop. Thankfully this only lasted about ten more seconds before Grizz drew closer and sat down on the couch as well, albeit the opposite end.

"Wanna… Take a shower or something? Cool off, I dunno?" Grizz asked.

Panda shrugged slowly before crossing his arms and pulling his feet up onto the couch so he could sit with his knees to his chest. It was quiet in the living room without some movie on the television or Grizz playing a game, so it made Panda overly self-conscious about his breathing or any noises he might make trying to think of what to say.

"Why won't you do what you normally do?" Panda asked hesitantly.

"What do you mean?" Grizz asked. For the first time his voice showed emotion that wasn't just flat and monotone. He looked worried instead of faking that smile that hurt Panda like a knife. It was so… unauthentic.

"I… I'm sorry," Panda mumbled. "I'm just… Nom Nom just…"

"I get it," Grizz said with a nod. "Look Nom Nom was…"

Grizz trailed off. Panda knew that deep down Grizz had a hard time holding any sort of blame to Nom Nom for any extended period. Panda had given him a few chances, but even he had learned that guy wasn't meant to be trusted. Grizz however for better or worse liked to see a good side in him that Panda just couldn't understand. Yet again, like always, it seemed to bite them back.

"I'm sorry," Panda repeated himself. "For what I did… I..."

"What are you talking about?" Grizz asked.

"T-That's why you aren't acting normally, right?" Panda asked nervously. "You're upset with me cause I… I…"

"I'm not upset," Grizz said as he stood up and walked over to Panda. Panda got up before Grizz could corner him and walked away with his back turned. When Grizz touched his shoulder, Panda shrugged him off and hunched slightly. "Why do you think I'm upset?"

I humiliated you!" Panda snapped suddenly when he threw up his arms. He looked to Grizz with wide and wild eyes. "I'm just a giant jerk and I cried in there for so long like some big stupid baby while everybody was watching and knew and… augh!"

Panda hit both paws over either side of his head and squeezed until it hurt. He whined and trembled slightly but didn't let up the pressure. He squeezed his eyes shut.

"Pan Pan," Grizz said, touching Panda's arms and giving them both a slight pull.

"No!" Panda snapped as he stepped away. He felt a fire suddenly. That emotion he had been storing since he left the changing room flared up again and his eyes began to water. "I said I could handle it and I couldn't a-and you always try to comfort me and cuddle me and whatever but you aren't and I don't know how to fix it! I screwed up but I… I'm just an idiot!"

"Panda!" Grizz said loudly. Loud enough for Panda to jump and snap open his teary eyes. Grizz went up to him and put both paws on either side of Panda's face. Panda tried to pull away but Grizz had already wrapped them around in such away that he didn't have the energy to fight it and just shut his eyes again. Grizz pulled his face forward and kissed him. It was a hard kiss for Panda to accept through the start of his sobs. When they broke apart Panda fell forward into Grizz's arms and felt the other bear hug him. He was trembling so much his legs began to feel weak until they slowly went to the floor at the back end of the couch. Panda was too afraid to lift his head from Grizz's chest because he knew he was making it disgusting in snot and tears and felt shame override his feelings.

"C'mon Pan Pan you know I don't stay mad at you," Grizz said. "I mean… I'm not mad at you. I just…"

Panda pushed himself off Grizz's chest and wiped his face. He felt gross, and didn't like that Grizz was seeing him like this. He was glad they were both on the floor or else he'd feel small on top of everything.

"W-What?" Panda asked.

"Nom Nom said that…"

"Why would you listen to him?" Panda snapped, trying to keep his voice steady. He wiped at his eyes again. Grizz shut his eyes and then shrugged very slowly. Panda bit his lip and stared, knowing he was sniffling still.

"You didn't like guys," Grizz said when he crossed his arms. "You didn't show interest in them or talk about crushes on them until me and… I know how badly you wanted to have a first date and kiss and girlfriend and… You got all that with me. What if a girl who you dreamed about came by and totally loved you like… like I love you?"

Grizz seemed to be struggling to say the words.

"We have to do all this stuff like take it slow and we had to hide liking each other at first and all I think is you might not have done that with a girl," Grizz said when he shook his head. He put both paws on either side of his head and groaned. "Ugh, it sounds so stupid when I say it!"

"Grizz, I…" Panda tried to speak, but Grizz talked again fast enough to interrupt him.

"Nom Nom just said that… that you'd leave me if a girl pretty enough came along." Grizz said while clearly looking pained. "I don't… I don't look like the kinda girls you liked, Pan Pan. We get all that attention online and I know it makes you happy."

"I do that for me," Panda interrupted. "I don't care if I get a hundred likes on it or not I just like people knowing I'm dating you!"

"I know," Grizz said when he shook his head. "It's just… I'm me, Pan Pan. I'm not like all those girls you used to talk about I'm loud and kinda pushy and…"

"You're stupid," Panda said.

"Huh?" Grizz asked when he looked up. Panda was staring at him as they met each other's eyes. Panda could still feel all those twisting feelings inside him telling him how nervous and anxious he felt, but the words he was thinking came pouring out.

"I like you, Grizz!" Panda said. "I keep saying that again and again but you don't get it! I love you more than I've loved any girl I've had a crush on, okay? I love that you're loud and pushy cause you're really sweet and like to cuddle and I'm always scared you want to break up with me."

"Why would you be scared of that?" Grizz asked. He looked surprised at that.

"Because I make you go slow and am nervous and don't like kissing you when people are around," Panda said. "If any girl dated me and I acted like I did today she'd totally leave me and never talk to me again! I thought you… you were avoiding me because you wanted to leave me."

"That's nuts!" Grizz said. "I don't wanna leave you!"

"You're nuts!" Panda snapped back. "Why would I ever like a girl more than you?"

It seemed to finally dawn on Panda just exactly what he was saying. He could feel his face grow hot as he groaned and covered his face in both paws. Instantly his paws grew wet and gross with all the crying he had done.

A few seconds passed before Grizz reached up his paws and tentatively grabbed Panda's own. Panda sniffled and cast his head away before Grizz scooched forward. He took Panda's head in both paws and kissed him gently.

"I'm sorry," Grizz mumbled. "I believe you, okay?"

"You're still stupid," Panda muttered as he reached forward and hugged Grizz. Grizz froze before hugging him back slowly. Panda shuddered on a breath in when Grizz squeezed tighter. "I love you, Grizz, okay? I'd never… Never leave you like that."

Grizz squeezed Panda. Panda could hear his brother's heartbeat quicken. He was squeezed tighter and tighter until Panda began to ache slightly from just how strong Grizz's hug was. He loosened only when he seemed as though he couldn't squeeze his boyfriend any tighter than he already was.

"You're right," Grizz chuckled. "I am a little stupid, Pan Pan."


	28. Fort

"Today sucked," Grizz said.

It was the first thing Grizz had said in thirty minutes. It was quite possibly a new record in the amount of time Grizz had gone without talking. To be fair, Panda hadn't been talking either. They were laying side by side in Panda's bed intertwined by a few twisted bodies and muzzles planted into one another. It had been a long time since Panda had felt so safe and protected in Grizz's arms. He hadn't checked his phone in forty five minutes, which was also a record for himself.

"Yeah," Panda mumbled. "It really did."

The mall. Nom Nom. The changing room. Crying. Fighting. Grizz upset.

These memories and the emotions that came with them felt like a blur. Panda ran his claw down Grizz's chest and settled right where his belly began to protrude before settling his paw flat. He hugged Grizz tighter as the wave of memories acted up again. Guilt came up with him, as well as humiliation and shame. The lingering effects of a day hadn't hurt quite like this since the last time him and Grizz had fought. He didn't even know if he could call today a fight that happened. It was too sad to be a fight. Too… emotional in all the wrong ways.

It was one in the morning. Panda wasn't tired in the slightest, and judging by the way Grizz's foot kept shaking with just a hint of his usual Grizz-like squirminess he knew his boyfriend wasn't either. A lot of emotions were in his chest right now on top of the memories and fading scars of the ones this afternoon. Relief, guilt, love and shame all bundled together awkwardly near his heart. He wanted to kiss Grizz, he wanted to cry on Grizz, he wanted to tell Grizz he was sorry, and he wanted to make Grizz feel better.

"Grizz?" Panda asked.

"Yeah, Pan Pan?" Grizz replied. His voice was softer than usual. "What's up, buddy?"

"Do you think this is what normal couples do?" Panda buried his face against Grizz's chest to hide the flush appearing on his cheeks. "Have… arguments or whatever it was like we did earlier? Or are we just weird."

"I dunno," Grizz said with a shrug. "I never really paid attention to what was normal."

"Rom Coms aren't like this," Panda said. "They usually make up really fast and don't think about it after… I think they make it way more simple. Like problems are just easy to solve and go away instantly."

"Pan Pan?"

Panda realized he was gripping Grizz abnormally tight and loosened his grip before sitting up. He hunched over and stared at his bedspread and wiped at his eyes which were wet, but had yet to spill with tears. Grizz was up behind him and touched his shoulder, pressing lips to it and nuzzling gently.

"You okay?" Grizz asked.

"Do I not tell you I love you enough?" Panda asked.

"Huh?"

"Or… Or do I not do enough in public?"

"Pan Pan…"

"I don't want you to feel like you did," Panda said with a sniffle he couldn't control. "I… I wanted to date somebody for so long and now I'm not doing it right and making you feel like I'll just leave you out of nowhere and I…"

"Pan Pan!" Grizz snapped. "C'mon, cool it!"

Panda brought his knees up and sniffled again. "I'm sorry," He said. "I know it's not about me, it's…"

"It's okay," Grizz said. "It's a bad day. You aren't wrong, Pan Pan."

"I don't… I don't get why, then," Panda said. "Why you were scared I'd… get bored of us."

Grizz was silent for a long time. He wrapped his arms around Panda and held him close and pampered his neck and shoulder with light pecs and kisses for the next several minutes. Panda thought he wasn't going to get an answer at all. He thought he might live on just not understanding why and having to work through it alone in the dark.

"Remember the storm?" Grizz asked. "Where we slept in the same bed?"

"Y-Yeah," Panda said.

"When I see you like that… Like you just need somebody to make you happy and cheer you up I want to dive in and make it all better," Grizz said. He took Panda's paw and squeezed it. "I think… I saw you in the dark scared and I thought you needed me. You NEEDED me and I wasn't… just…"

"Just what?" Panda asked.

"Replaceable," Grizz mumbled. "I wanted to make you happy. Nobody else."

"Grizz," Panda said, turning to his boyfriend. "Nobody else makes me happy like you do. Nobody!"

"I know, but… what if… What if a girl makes you happier?"

"No!" Panda snapped, sliding away from Grizz and getting on his knees to turn to him. "Grizz! No girl is you! They can't make me happier because it isn't YOU!"

Grizz blinked at him. Sometimes he could look like such a puppy dog to Panda that he wondered why it was him that always seemed to need to be cuddled and reassured of whatever anxiety he was feeling. Panda groaned and crashed onto his side atop a pillow at the top of the bed and laid on his back. Grizz got down slowly next to him with that same worried look on his face and reached out a claw hesitantly to touch Panda's chest and shake him gently.

Panda sighed and turned his body to properly face Grizz. He rested a paw on the center of Grizz's chest and rubbed slowly.

"Just cause I liked girls and didn't know I liked you for so long doesn't mean I'm gonna leave you for one. No girl is… they don't…"

"Don't what?" Grizz asked. He sounded genuinely curious and Panda felt his face heat up. "Pan Pan?"

"I… I uh…" Panda pursed his lips and glanced down. He swallowed a lump forming in his throat and took in a breath. "I wake up and you're cuddling me behind from little spoon sometimes. I was really embarrassed at first but I think I really like it now. Girls don't laugh like you do… it's really loud and like you can't control it. Y-You bother me when we're brushing our teeth and act like a needy dog waiting for a morning kiss once your morning breath is gone. You're really… like really really soft to lay on at night. You snore and that's annoying but sometimes you talk in your sleep and it's really cute. You still giggle when I tell you I love you like we're not used to it. You… you…"

Panda's face was red. He didn't know if it was from embarrassment or the fact that he had talked so fast he was legitimately out of breath. Grizz was staring at him wide eyed and a bit shocked. It was clear from the look on his face he had no trouble keeping up.

"That's all you," Panda mumbled. "A girl isn't any of that. I wouldn't leave you if some super beautiful super model walked by and asked me on a date cause it's not… it's not you."

"I… I didn't think that…"

"That's right," Panda said, a little defensive as he sat up. "You didn't think! You're being dumb about this because I love you more than I loved cashier girl, food stand girl, laundromat girl, movie store girl, any of them! I love you so much I'm shouting like an idiot I'm so angry you don't get it!"

He was shouting now.

"Ugh you're so dumb!" Panda cried out and crashed onto his back with both paws covering his eyes because he was blushing so hard.

"I'm dumb," Grizz repeated, his voice a bit quiet and somehow distant as though dumbfounded by the words Panda was speaking. The bed creaked slightly and when Panda finally removed his paws from over his eyes Grizz was leaning above him. They stared into each other's eyes for a moment, and then Grizz leaned down for a kiss.

It started slow, slow enough for Panda to think it was just a peck, but then Grizz wrapped his arms around Panda. Panda followed suit and hugged Grizz back as the kiss became deeper. It was a sort of silent passion with bits of gasps thrown in. Somehow Panda ended up rolling over and was laying on Grizz by the time they broke. His muzzle instantly went down to Grizz's neck fur where he properly buried himself and hugged tighter. He kissed Grizz's neck and then his chin. He got slower, less passionate by the moment, and eventually just laid one finally kiss on Grizz's lips.

"I'm sorry, Pan Pan," Grizz said. "I'm sorry I'm… I'm totally a moron."

"Idiot," Panda corrected.

"Stupid," Grizz replied.

"Dumb."

"Thick."

Grizz smiled. It was one of Grizz's usual goofy and a little too toothy sort of Grins. He kissed Panda right on his nose and to his own shock he let out a burst of giggles and felt his face flush. They collapsed into a mess of each other and laid like that for a while.

"Let's stay in tomorrow," Grizz mumbled. "We can totally order out like a dozen pizza's and eat all of them."

"Six veggie and six meat lovers," Panda mumbled. "Do we have to get up from this bed or can he just throw it through the window and we'll figure it out from there?"

"I'm strong enough to carry you on my back," Grizz chuckled.

Panda closed his eyes. He wanted to just be here in this moment for longer.

"I don't want to sleep," Panda said. "I'm not tired, like, at all."

"Me neither," Grizz sighed with a huff and sunk back down. "Today was too exhausting to sleep."

Things were quiet for a bit. Their feelings were finally starting to feel normal again. Finally things were starting to fall right back into place. Grizz was warm and cozy in all the right ways and whatever anxiety or stress Panda was feeling sunk to the back of his mind where it was a hum in the otherwise peaceful night.

"FORT!" Grizz shouted.

He sat up so suddenly that Panda was forced off of his chest and Panda's face landed right onto the mattress. He whined when he sat up, but Grizz was already jumping off the bed. Panda stared in him at awe as his older brother twirled around on one paw and pointed at him near threateningly. Just where had this energy come from? Hadn't it just been a quiet, happy moment just seconds before? This was… this was…

This was Grizz.

"Huh?" Panda asked.

"Who cares if we stay up all night and do dumb stuff?" Grizz asked. "Let's make a fort and eat snacks and watch internet videos in it! We can cuddle and kiss and did I mention make the COOLEST fort, like, ever?"

"Grizz, are we five?"

"Doesn't it sound AWESOME though?"

"… A little," Panda admitted.

"Hehehe!" Grizz started giggling uncontrollably as he jumped forward and kissed Panda so forcefully the two of them ended up toppling back onto the bed. Grizz jumped up, pinning Panda down with his front paws and grinning wildly. "I'm gonna go grab more blankets!"

Yep. Grizz was feeling better. Normally Panda would have rolled his eyes or scowled or did something to whine and protest, but right now he realized he loved this Grizz more than anything. The Grizz who could drop sad emotions in an instant and think of something fun. The Grizz who was loud and in his face.

The Grizz who loved him back and wanted to have fun.

It took exactly thirty seconds for Grizz to come back into Panda's room literally tumbling in the five blankets he had drug from every other corner of the house. He tripped and landed on his bundle of cloth so he was undamaged, rolling over and lifting his loot in the air with an unnecessary "WOO-HOO!" added on.

"Shhh! Bro's still asleep!" Panda whined as he slunk off the bed and took some of the blankets from Grizz. "Where the heck are we gonna put this thing?"

Grizz was too busy chanting "Fort fort fort fort fort" to answer Panda's question. Clearly the concept was far more exciting to him than the execution. Panda groaned and took the lightest of the blankets he could find and stole his computer chair from the desk for more room to work with. It took a good ten minutes of directing Grizz and messing around with shelves before the roof of their fort was complete. Grizz grabbed Panda's tablelamp and shoved it under so the whole thing lit up. Panda made sure his air conditioner was blowing cool air directly inside so it didn't get overheated. They worked together giggling and occasionally kissing to throw in a bundle of blankets and pillows underneath until they made something comfy to lay on, and finally drug Panda's laptop charging chord and all underneath. By the time Grizz and Panda crawled inside, it really was an interesting fort.

"Oh my gosh this is so cool," Grizz nearly squealed. There was no sign of the mood he had been in earlier in his expression and tone. The roof was tall enough where they could sit on their knees, but they both decided to lay down side by side.

"C'mon!" Panda hissed playfully back to Grizz's excitement. "You're so dorky."

Grizz didn't stop giggling. It was infectious. Panda started doing the same and eventually they began to cuddle in the mess of blankets. He didn't know where Grizz got these ideas that seemed to make everything right again, but he was really having fun. Their lips found each other a dozen times in a dozen different places in their fun. Grizz didn't stop giggling until Panda kissed his chest, and then he laughed.

"You're seriously gonna wake up bro if you keep laughing," Panda whispered.

"He's not gonna check in on us," Grizz said, rubbing their noses together teasingly. "Maybe if you kiss me some more I'll quiet down. Mouth occupied and all."

"Or I clamp my paw over your mouth," Panda said. "Maybe it'll suffocate you and I'll be free."

"Free of what?" Grizz asked.

"Of how much I wanna kiss you."

Panda meant it to be a dorky line. Grizz took it seriously and made a loud 'awwwwwww' noise which Panda instantly turned red at. He buried his face in his paws and Grizz hugged him and started saying how cute his boyfriend was.

Eventually they turned to Panda laptop and cuddled up close, sticking to their promise of switching through videos and often getting distracted by each other's bodies. Panda stared a lot at Grizz's face, and thought of all he said to convince his boyfriend he loved him. He meant every word of it, but still it hadn't explained enough. He touched Grizz's face, opening his mouth to say more. Grizz looked to him and smiled wide and showed off all his teeth, and Panda realized he didn't need to say more. Grizz knew. Grizz just knew that he meant it and so much more.

Things were normal.

Things were happy.


	29. Fountains and Pizza

“Ow! Grizz!” Panda yelped. For the third time that evening alone, Grizz had kicked his paws against the backs of Panda’s heels. “Knock it off!”

“Sorry!” Grizz said. To say he even attempted to mask his giggle would have been a complete lie. He felt an excitement stir up in his belly that had been brewing for the past several hours. Both of his paws were on Panda’s shoulders as he blindly followed his boyfriend through…

Actually, Grizz had no clue where he was. It didn’t help that he was wearing a blindfold.

“Caaaaaaan I have a hint?” Grizz asked, bouncing on his toes and laying his chin on Panda’s shoulder. He accidently kicked Panda’s heels again, but this time Panda merely groaned and didn’t snap at him.

“It’s a date,” Panda said.

“I knooooow!” Grizz whined, shaking Panda’s body. “But what kind? Dinner? Movie? Picnic?”

“Who has a picnic at seven at night?” Panda asked.

“We did!” Grizz shouted.

“Ugh, quiet down, alright?” Panda mumbled.

“Oh. Hehe. Sorry, Pan Pan.”

Grizz forgot yet again that they were in public. Occasionally Panda made strange noises of discomfort, more than likely from the people staring at the two of them walking down the streets of the city. Grizz had been made on the bus ride to put on a blindfold, and ever since then he couldn’t stop giggling in excited glee. Panda was taking him on a date. Panda was taking him OUT for a date.

When Grizz had been asked out earlier this morning, it was the first time he had ever seen Panda truly try to go all out. With the exception of their night in where Panda had tried to make him dinner, this was their first time going out just the two of them into the city as a couple. Well, for a proper date at the very least. He remembered Panda waking up earlier then him, and when he had stepped out of the shower Panda was waiting for him.

He had never seen Panda look more adorable in his life than at that moment. He had been holding a rose out to Grizz with trembling paws and staring at the screen of his phone, clearly reading off with stuttering words the speech he had written out before in order to ask Grizz to come out with him tonight. All Grizz remembered was interrupting Panda before he finished with a hug so grand he spun his lover around off his feet and Panda whining at him for not letting him finish before Grizz said ‘YES YES YES YES!’ about a hundred times.

It took everything in Grizz’s power not to bounce and whisper to himself “Date date date date” again and again. He wanted to take Panda into his arms and kiss every inch of his body like he had this morning.

“Um… okay, I think we’re here,” Panda said. He stopped, and Grizz pressed his body to Panda’s back and placed a subtle but meaningful peck to the back of his head. He squirmed a bit either out of embarrassment or, what Grizz hoped, joy.

Grizz heard people. Not too much, but clearly enough to be considered a crowd. He felt an uneven cobblestone pavement under the soles of his feet. The air was chilled, but not to the point where he wouldn’t feel comfortably warm snuggling with Panda when they got to a place to be alone. Panda turned and finally let Grizz go. Both his paws went to either side of Grizz’s head and began to undo the blindfold. When it fell Grizz stared first at Panda’s face and put on his biggest smile.

“So… what do you think?” Panda asked.

Grizz looked around.

This was possibly the fanciest part of the city Grizz had seen in his entire life. The sun had set, but it was almost as bright as it was in the daytime. Large, circular lights hung in the air and glowed brightly to illuminate the streets clearly. They were in a massive circle of cobblestone road clearly made by hand. The air smelled of foods fancier than Grizz had ever tasted. Everybody was dressed fancy. Too fancy for the meager, old necktie Panda had insisted Grizz wear. What caught his attention the most was a massive fountain in the center with lions surrounding it. Water came from their mouths. Grizz couldn’t stop staring at the lights.

“Grizz?” Panda asked, grabbing Grizz’s arm and hugging it with the slightest hint of hesitation. “Do… Do you like it? Is it too much? We can go someplace else.”

“No way,” Grizz said, shaking his head. “Dude, this is like… the coolest thing.”

“Really?” Panda asked.

Panda instantly lunged himself forward and fully hugged Grizz. In the middle of all these people. Grizz stood stunned. It was so rare for Panda to just suddenly show so much affection in a single moment.

“I wanted you to know,” Panda mumbled through a mouthful of Grizz’s arm fur. “That I… I’m really trying not to be embarrassed in public anymore. Or feel weird…”

Panda hesitated and tightened the muscles in his arms.

“Are people looking?”

Grizz looked around. Nobody gave more than a passing glance to the two of them, and it was only in order to walk around them. He looked to Panda in his arms who had his eyes shut. He was clearly still nervous staying in the hug this long. Grizz wanted to kiss him so badly.

“No way, Pan Pan,” Grizz said, hugging Panda and with great effort pushed him off and held him at arm’s length. “This is awesome.”

Panda smiled through his flushed face and stared down at the space between them. Possibly to avoid looking at all the people he had just hugged Grizz so sweetly in front of, but also possibly to hide just how embarrassed he was.

Panda took Grizz by the paw and began to lead him to the fountain in the center of all the old cobblestone. He sat down on the ledge right beside the water and Grizz sat next to him. They sat a few inches apart, but Panda didn’t let go of his paw.

“I used to think about bringing girls here,” Panda said. He didn’t look at Grizz’s face as he crossed one leg under himself. His voice was soft as he looked into the water brimming with coins people had tossed in. “When all these lights were up, I mean. Take her someplace fancy in the city and have a big dinner with her. Pay for it myself. We’d go for a walk and maybe kiss by the river.”

“Only girls?” Grizz asked.

Panda looked up and then away again. His paw tightened around Grizz’s own.

“H-Hey, I didn’t mean it in a bad way,” Grizz said, shaking his paw as well as his head. “Just asking.”

“I mean… ever since that thing in the mall with Nom Nom…”

“That doesn’t matter anymore,” Grizz said. He leaned forward and put the paw Panda wasn’t holding onto Panda’s cheek and lifted his eyes. “We got past it, right? I was being dumb.”

“Grizz I’ve been confused since then,” Panda said. He turned his body fully to Grizz and finally met his eye. “About why doing that stuff I thought I wanted scares me now that I’m with you. It’s… scary. I don’t know if it’s because I didn’t actually want them or because it’s you. You’re… Grizz, not some fantasy girl.”

Grizz frowned at that.

“That’s why I love you, though,” Panda said. “I don’t feel like I have to impress you like I thought I had to do when I was looking for a girlfriend. When we lay on the couch and watch movies and play games and don’t talk for hours I don’t feel weird about it.”

Grizz could feel the blush under Panda’s furry cheek already forming against his paw. He couldn’t help but smile. It turned into a big, goofy sort of smile where it was difficult to hold it back.

“I like doing that too, Pan Pan,” Grizz said.

Panda smiled, but it turned to a frown as he looked down between them. His paw was squeezing at one of his toes as he clawed in small circles on the cobblestone ledge they sat on.

“I… I really wanted to bring you here,” Panda said. “This was seriously a big dream of mine to bring a girlfriend here. Now I wanted to bring my boyfriend and… I… I want to kiss you.”

“Huh?” Grizz asked.

“But I’m scared and it’s dumb,” Panda mumbled. “I didn’t want to just talk like this I wanted to just do it and surprise you. Prove Nom Nom wrong, that I could just do it and you wouldn’t be something I’m ashamed of or… I don’t know.”

“You’re not dumb,” Grizz said. He sounded more defensive about it than he thought he had intended to be. “Pan Pan, you don’t have to do something like this to prove you want me. I get it, okay, I was being dumb too…. Ugh, I’m not good at this stuff. Look, I know you get anxious in public. You’re doing good so far but you don’t have to do something like kiss me to prove you can get better. I want you to kiss me because you want to, not because you have too.”

Panda nodded.

The incident with Nom Nom happened over a week ago. Grizz kept telling himself that things were better, and that he and Panda were back on track with wherever their relationship was heading. Grizz believed Panda now that he wouldn’t leave him for a girl. He really, really believed it. Yet still Panda was looking at him as though he were ashamed of something. Ashamed that he was still scared. Ashamed that he wasn’t better. Grizz too began to feel ashamed. He felt as though he were the one making Panda feel like this.

Panda lifted both of his paws now, placing them on either side of Grizz’s head.

“I want to,” Panda said. “My… My fantasies now are all about you, Grizz. They’ve been about you since the first time you kissed me.”

Grizz’s face felt hot. That was possibly the most romantic thing Panda had ever said to him, and he himself didn’t feel as though he possessed the vocabulary to express it. He knew what he should say. That it was okay if Panda didn’t want to kiss him right now, that they could do it all they wanted later. But the truth was he wanted it too. He wanted it more than anything. He felt selfish, but only a little.

Panda hesitated only a moment, but then leaned forward and pressed his muzzle to Grizz’s own. He was tense. Tenser than he had been since possibly their first week of kissing. It lasted a second before the touch lightened and Grizz feared he might pull away. Panda pushed again. Grizz counted to ten before they parted and Panda buried his entire face under Grizz’s chin against his chest and hugged him.

“Nobody’s looking,” Grizz said without even glancing around to confirm.

“I… I don’t care,” Panda said in a tone which meant he probably didn’t mean what he was saying. “I don’t care if they look.”

“It’s okay if you do, Pan Pan,” Grizz said as he hugged Panda and began to rub his paw up and down his back. “You’re still mine.”

That’s right. His Pan Pan. His boyfriend.

For some reason Grizz began giggling. He wasn’t sure why, but after the tension between them began to settle down the realization seemed to hit him that Panda had just kissed him in front of dozens of people. He couldn’t stop once he started, and it grew louder and louder.

Panda looked up at him confused.

“What is it?” He asked.

“You just… you’re so adorable, Panda,” Grizz said, hugging Panda back.

“Weirdo,” Panda mumbled.

“Mmm,” Grizz replied as he buried his muzzle against Panda’s neck and kissed it. Panda tensed then softened. “So where in your fantasy do we go to eat?”

“Oh…. Um…” Panda pulled away from the hug and was still blushing. “Well… There’s this nice French place nearby. Also Italian. But I uh… I thought that wasn’t really like us. There’s a pizza place really close by, if you wanted.”

“Dude,” Grizz said.

“W-What?” Panda stuttered. “Is that weird?”

“No, just… You’re totally awesome.”

“Really?” Panda asked. He was beginning to smile. “That’s okay that I didn’t fantasize about it before? I mean, I just thought we weren’t really a super fancy kind of couple and we could just…”

“I’m going to eat until I vomit,” Grizz said.

“Gross,” Panda replied, starting to laugh. “Why are you my boyfriend?”

“Because you loooooove me,” Grizz said, wiggling in place. “And I love you!”

He tapped his claw on Panda’s nose. Panda smiled and tried to hide it, but failed and looked away.

“Shut up,” Panda said while giggling.

The two of them stood up, Grizz taking Panda by the paw and dragging him away from the fountain. They went to the nearest pizza parlor and ordered the largest pizza split right down the middle. Every kind of meat for Grizz, and vegetarian for Panda. They sat outside under lights similar to ones by the fountain and waited.

“This really isn’t a downgrade, is it?” Panda asked. “From French or whatever.”

“Dude, in no way are we a French restaurant kind of couple,” Grizz said. “We’re an eat pizza till we can’t move and cuddle on the couch kind of couple.”

Panda giggled at that.

“Yeah, we totally are.”  
“We should totally get ice cream after this,” Grizz said. “OH OH!”

He was hitting the top of the table.

“Or a milkshake! We can do that thing in movies where we both drink it from a straw!”

Grizz was bouncing and bubbling with excitement now. Panda stared at him but he couldn’t help it.

“I don’t think we could ever agree on a flavor for that,” Panda chuckled.

“Easy!” Grizz said. “Double chocolate.”

“I like strawberry,” Panda replied.

“Grooooosssss!” Grizz whined.

Their pizza came within the next ten minutes of them arguing on the logistics of Grizz trying a coffee flavored milkshake. Grizz gave him a look that seemed a little like he thought Panda was joking.

“Unnnnnfffff,” Grizz made a noise of pleasure. As he bit into his pizza. The then proceeded to immediately open his mouth and pant. “Ow! Hot hot hot!”

Somehow the conversation went as it normally did between the two of them. It felt natural, happy, and none of the sad talk from before was hinted at between them. Under the table, Panda was casually running his toes against the top of Grizz’s foot and above it was holding his paw. They were smiling; Grizz to the point where his face hurt from it. They talked about things they were going to forget the moment dinner was over, but it involved a lot of laughing.

“So,” Grizz began when they were nearing the end of their pizza. “Can we still be a hold paws and walk by a river sort of couple?” 

“How about a walk by the river and swing by a comic store for manga kind of couple?” Panda giggled.

“Sounds awesome,” Grizz replied.

He never wanted to forget the way Panda smiled.


	30. Reasons

Something was different about tonight, and Grizz had no idea how to describe it. The way Panda laughed made him want to laugh, and when their lips pressed together in the back of the bus Panda wrapped his arms around him and hugged tightly. It was not out of fear or nerves that they might be spotted, but just a need for affection. Grizz held himself back, trying not to let his emotions overflow to the point he drew unnecessary attention to themselves and make Panda want to pull away.

"Tonight was great, Grizz," Panda said in a way that made Grizz think he was the luckiest bear in the entire world. Panda's warmth was like cuddling by a warm fire and long, restful naps all at once. It was the jitters he got when he drank too much soda and the thrill of beating the final boss in a video game he had been trying to finish for a week. It was all that and so much better.

"Let's take the long way home," Panda said once they were off the bus and on the pathway that would lead them back to the cave. "Maybe look at the stars a little?"

Grizz liked this idea very much, mostly because Panda was holding his paw and was very unlikely to continue doing so once they got home to their older brother. He smiled the biggest, goofiest smile he could muster and was glad to hear Panda giggle sheepishly when his nose was kissed.

"Sounds awesome," Grizz said.

To hear Panda say he actually wanted to continue to spend more time outside instead of back at the cave watching movies or on his laptop was rare. Grizz was aware of this as they went around the woods instead of through them, taking narrow trails and clinging to each other's paws the whole time. It was one of the only times where Grizz didn't feel uncomfortable keeping his mouth shut, because silence was something that said more than his words could right now.

"You chilly?" Grizz asked once they reached the peak of a hill where the trees parted slightly and the sky was visible. The stars were a rare treat in autumn, days that had normally been cloudy and wet.

"A little," Panda admitted with a giggle as he crossed his arms. "I don't wanna go home yet, though."

Grizz didn't want that either.

They found a small forgotten tree stump big enough for the two of them to sit down on top of and together they huddled close. Panda unwound his scarf, and it was a million different feelings of joy running through Grizz at once as he pulled it around Grizz's neck so they could share. Panda leaned his head on Grizz's shoulder, and Grizz tried not to let his chest burst with happiness.

"I can't believe I actually kissed you in front of all those people," Panda said, running his paw down Grizz's leg to his kneecap.

"It was the coolest thing like, ever," Grizz responded as he buried his muzzle to the space just under Panda's ear to kiss it. "I'm really glad we went out tonight, Pan Pan."

"Hehe," Panda giggled as Grizz's breath tickled his ear. Grizz wrapped one arm around Panda's back. He wanted both everything about Panda and to take it slow so not to overwhelm him right now. His giggling was like the sweetest chocolate he had ever tasted and he wanted so much more of it. He touched his other paw to Panda's belly and rubbed in gentle circles. His craving was satisfied as Panda squirmed slightly and giggled some more.

"I love you, Grizz," Panda said. He had said it a hundred times before, and Grizz never quite got over just how shy but confident it sounded each time.

"I love you too, Pan Pan," Grizz said, kissing Panda's cheek and then his muzzle.

Grizz hadn't realized it until it had begun, but it had been a while since him and Panda had simply just kissed for such a long time. Early on when their relationship had still been under wraps and hidden they would sometimes lock themselves away and kiss for hours, satisfied by only the touch of each other. As time went on those passions didn't die, but got shoved to other aspects like dating and cuddling and everything inbetween. Now, they kissed. They kissed and kissed and kissed, and it was everything. Grizz didn't remember Panda climbing on his lap, the scarf they shared falling aside. All he remembered was Panda's smell as he buried his face deep into Panda's neck and drug his muzzle down closer to his lover's armpit.

"J-Jeez," Panda whined, though didn't fight as Grizz tried to squirm his nose closer to it. In fact, Panda lifted his arm simply so Grizz could properly bury his face in there and take in long, lustful breaths of air. "Why do you like that so much? I-I mean, I know I like your… y'know, but..."

"Mmm," Grizz could barely think of a response. "You just smell really amazing, Pan Pan."

It was more than that, but Grizz was unable to put it into words without his meaning getting lost. He loved the smell because it was Panda. It was a constant reminder it was the bear he loved more than anything in the world. It drove him crazy just to remind himself of the scent that was all his. He wrapped his arms around Panda's back and tugged him closer to smell him properly. He was all of Panda's girly shampoo and a hint of musk from walking around town all at once. Grizz felt as though stars were floating around his head from how hypnotized it made him.

"Y-Y'know that kinda tickles," Panda said in a tone that made it clear he was growing shy. Grizz hadn't even noticed his nose had been so buried in his lover's pit that Panda could feel it twitch. Grizz pulled out and giggled, wiping his face.

"Sorry," Grizz said in a tone that he knew sounded like he wasn't very sorry at all. "You just smell REALLY good tonight, Panda."

"You say really weird things," Panda mumbled, but his smile showed his true feelings. They hugged again, Panda wrapping his arms around Grizz's head and Grizz burying his face in Panda's chest fur. They stayed like that, combating the chilly breeze with their own body warmth.

"I don't wanna go home yet," Panda whispered.

"Me neither," Grizz said.

"Grizz?" Panda asked, pulling back from the hug and slipping off of Grizz's chest. He had a tone and look on his face that Grizz knew all too well, which meant a topic was going to come up Panda was nervous about. Grizz tried not to let worry show on his face as he reached out his paw and took Panda's own.

"Yeah, buddy?" Grizz asked.

"What do you think when you think of… loving me?" Panda asked. He hesitated on that last part. He laid his head on Grizz's shoulder and rested his eyes. In the moonlight Grizz could see hints of a blush.

"I uh… I dunno?" Grizz said with a shrug. It caught him off guard. "Guess I just think how much I like you."

"It's a weird question…" Panda muttered, shaking his head. "I was just thinking about how I used to say I fell in love with all these girls. With you I like weird stuff I didn't think I liked only cause you do it. Like how you snore a little bit at night or how you like to just lean on me when we're watching videos on my phone. Whenever you do that stuff I just feel… I feel like I can't live without it again."

Panda hugged Grizz's arm tightly.

"I… I guess I like how you can get really worked up about stuff you like," Grizz said in a tone that made Panda know he was smiling. "I like it when you ask me if I wanna shower with you in the morning and ask me to get your back with your shampoo."

"See?" Panda asked with a giggle. "Little stuff. I just… I think that's love. Like, really real love. When you start looking forward to little things like that instead of big dates like we had tonight."

"Didn't you like the date?" Grizz questioned with a frown.

"I loved it, duh," Panda said with a laugh as he tugged Grizz's arm. "But… I think my favorite part of the night is still just… T-That way you squirm a little when you wanna kiss me."

"But that's like, all the time," Grizz said, wiggling his whole body to prove it. Panda laughed at that just as Grizz kissed his nose.

"You know what I mean," Panda said. "I just… wouldn't be having nearly this much fun if it was some girl. I'd be all nervous and not hug her like this and be too scared to kiss her and worried my paws were all sweaty."

Panda shook his head.

"It's why I've been thinking," Panda started, pulling away a tiny bit from Grizz and looking at him in the eye. Even though it was dark Grizz could see the vague resemblance of a serious expression on Panda's face. "Maybe we should… Go all the way?"

"Go where?" Grizz asked.

Instantly any semblance of Panda trying to be stern or serious popped like a balloon as he shook his head and planted a paw against his face.

"I-I mean like… y'know!" Panda said, grabbing Grizz's paw and shaking his whole arm. "In… Bed, I mean. Y'know, further than we've gone before."

"You mean like…" Grizz paused, trying to think of how to word it correctly. "Butt stuff?"

"Don't call it that!" Panda snapped, instantly scaring off one of the last birds in the trees who had not yet fallen asleep.

"What else do I call it?" Grizz asked.

"I dunno!" Panda said, his voice higher pitched than usual. "Making love?"

"But you do mean butt stuff, right?" Grizz asked.

"Arugh!" Panda whined, burying both of his paws against his face and shaking his head. "Grizz please take this seriously it's really weird already!"

"I-I am!" Grizz argued. "See? Serious face! Totally serious!"

Grizz demonstrated by displaying his best poker face and staring directly at Panda's eyes. Or, at least where his eyes would be if he wasn't still burying his head in his paws. Eventually he came out of his hiding spot and looked at Grizz.

"You look like you're gonna pee your pants or something," Panda mumbled.

Instantly Grizz let out a sigh like a deflated balloon and Panda smiled a little. His eyes still held worry, but it made Grizz feel less worried when Panda smiled.

"I mean, I'm just saying," Grizz said. "If you wanna do that we can try. I just thought you were happy doing what we do."

"I am!" Panda insisted. "I-It's just, I keep looking up this stuff online and other couples, guy couples, do things and… T-They say it hurts so I've been scared to try, but since I know I really, like really really, love you, we should do it, right?"

Panda spoke so quickly Grizz felt as though his head was spinning.

"Is that how it works?" Grizz asked.

"Don't you think we should try?" Panda asked, taking one of Grizz's paws. "I mean… just to see?"

Grizz scooted closer somehow and rested one of his paws on Panda's belly, and the other on his back. He brought his muzzle close to Panda's and kissed him. Panda kissed back, and when they broke Grizz put on one of his smiles and touched Panda's face.

"If it'll make you happy," Grizz said.

"I want it to make us both happy," Panda said, touching Grizz's chest near his pecs. "We can… I can… I need to buy some stuff. Maybe online. I-I don't wanna buy it in a store and have people stare at me."

"That's cool," Grizz said. "Soooo, until then, we could go back to your room. Mess around a little with what we do know."

Panda giggled, and Grizz knew it was because Grizz was using his cheesy seductive tone.

"I'd like that," Panda said just as they touched their noses together.

Grizz could feel it in Panda's movements his underlying sense of anxiety about their plans. He wanted to make Panda forget about them, just for a bit. He wanted to pull Panda close to him and kiss him. He touched his paw to Panda's leg and pulled it closer and closer to what was in between them. Grizz silenced Panda's gasp with a kiss and was reminded of another reason he loved Panda.

The noises he made while they had their fun.


	31. Fear

“How much did you spend on this exactly, Pan Pan?”

Panda felt his chest tighten when that question was asked. He looked to Grizz, who he had been unable to look at for the past three minutes alone due to what exactly he was holding in both of his paws. A long, slender bottle with its contents filled to the brim. Even when he focused on Grizz he couldn’t look at him long enough before he caught sight of the bottle and glanced away again in embarrassment.

“I just got what the reviews said was the best,” Panda said. He stared at the packaging on the coffee table littered in claw marks with signs of Grizz’s claws desperately excited to get at the secret contents. Both of Panda’s own paws were shut tight between his legs. He hadn’t been able to stop squirming since it had arrived. “I’ve never bought… lube before, y’know?”

“It smells weird,” Grizz mumbled as he cracked open the lid and put it directly to his nose.

“D-Don’t smell it!” Panda snapped and then snatched the bottle away from Grizz and hugged it to his chest. “Stop being weird!”

With that silence fell again. Panda could only actually take holding the bottle for about a good ten seconds before his mind began to overwhelm him and he had to set it back down on the table. After that he put his paws on his lap and rubbed them as though he were rubbing off filth. His heart was beating so fast he couldn’t remember the last time he had felt anything but it.

It was all happening too fast. He had just ordered that bottle online a few days ago. He put so, so so so so so so SO much work into researching the right brand and looking at reviews and reading what would happen. He was exhausted. He wasn’t mentally prepared for this right now and…

“Panda?”

“WHAT?” Panda snapped.

Panda whipped his head to Grizz who recoiled at being shouted at. In an instant Panda felt shame wash over him because Grizz looked at him with big sappy puppy dog eyes. Panda put one paw over his chest.

“Sorry…” He mumbled.

Grizz scooted closer. The space that Panda had left between them on the couch was now nothing as his arms wrapped around Panda and lips gently pressed to his cheek. Panda allowed himself a moment where he gave into desire and allowed his weight to press against Grizz.

“You’ve been way too hard on yourself, Pan Pan,” Grizz said as he placed a paw over Panda’s own. “You’ve been acting weird ever since that night in the woods where you told me… told me you wanted to go all the way, y’know?”

Panda kept his mouth shut. It felt like a lifetime ago when he had told Grizz what he wanted. More than anything in that moment it had been what he wanted. To show Grizz how much he cared for him by having the two of them partake in something that they had never done before. The word loomed on his mind, edging closer and closer to his lips but still he wasn’t able to say it confidently. Even alone he couldn’t so much as mumble it out loud.

“It’s not like we have to do it tonight,” Grizz said. “The package came early, right?”

“Three days early,” Panda grumbled. “Lousy postal…”

Another kiss on his cheek, and another reason for him to soften into Grizz’s touch. He wrapped his arms around Grizz and allowed himself one long, shuddering breath in before he pulled away and held Grizz at arm’s length.

“I want this still, Grizz,” He said. He stared right into Grizz’s eyes despite his pink cheeks. “I really, really want this. I-I’m not avoiding it or scared because I think you’re not right for me or…”

“I know!” Grizz said quickly. “Jeez, you don’t have to say that all the time, Pan Pan.”

“D-Do I really say it that much?” Panda asked.

“Like, every day since you kissed me in public,” Grizz said with a roll of his eyes. “Bro, it’s totally gonna be fine. Do I look scared? No! If I’m not scared you shouldn’t be cause it means your big bro’s keeping you safe!”

It was one of the cheesiest things Grizz had said in a while. However, he said it while pointing to himself and grinning like it was something special. Grizz had a way to say things that… made them sound true. Even if they were over the top and silly it was just how Grizz was. Panda realized again that’s why he loved him. That’s why he wanted this.

Panda’s eyes went back to the bottle. The… lube. He reached out to touch it and hesitantly picked it up. He cradled it in his lap and took slow, careful breaths before he spoke.

“All the reviews I read said this worked really well,” He said as he turned the bottle over. “But I read a bunch of stuff that said it might not be enough. Like we have to… d-do things to make it easier.”

“Do things?” Grizz asked. “What else do we gotta do? We’re bears! Mating comes naturally to us!”

“Please don’t call it mating,” Panda mumbled. “I just… there’s a lot of people saying it’ll hurt. Like a lot. The first time, mostly. You can’t get around it and…”

Panda ran his hand slowly up the bottle and squeezed the cap without actually undoing it.

“In movies they never show this stuff. It always cuts to them laying next to each other under sheets or something. Most movies just show the kiss and nothing else, too.”

“It’ll be okay, Pan Pan,” Grizz said with a smile.

“But I…” Panda bit his lip and looked down. “Nevermind.”

“No, tell me,” Grizz pressed. He started bouncing in his seat with a clear sign of impatience. Withholding information from Grizz was dangerous if you didn’t want to hear whining for the next several days. Still Panda let out a long sigh and merely shrugged his shoulders. As he glanced away he caught Grizz frowning out of the corner of his eye.

Panda expected it to either end there or for the topic to change entirely. Instead, Grizz did something he didn’t expect. He grabbed Panda by the paw and yanked at him until he stood. Panda wasn’t expecting the sudden burst of strength so he found himself yelping as he jumped to his feet. The bottle of lube fell to the floor at his feet and he attempted to bend down to reach it, but before he could even process what was happening Grizz was dragging him away from the couch and toward the hall.

“G-Grizz!” Panda shouted. “What are you doing?”

“I’m looking out for my Pan Pan!” Grizz said at the top of his lungs. His voice echoed through every corner of the cave as without much of a word edgewise Panda was led all the way to the bathroom at the end of the hall. Grizz kicked the door open and in one movement forced Panda to sit right at the edge of the tub.

“C’mon Grizz, we can’t just leave that stuff laying out for bro to see,” Panda mumbled. He looked down but already he could see Grizz was running around the bathroom opening cabinets and drawers and pulling out various items. “What the heck are you doing?”

“BUBBLE BATH!” Grizz yelled. His eyes were wide and stern the way they got when Grizz had an idea he was not going to let go until it was seen through completion. “We’re gonna get in the tub together, run some water, make the biggest bubbles you can POSSIBLY imagine, and then kiss for like an hour straight! I’m your boyfriend, and I’m gonna make you feel better if it’s the last thing I do!”

Grizz said it with such conviction and meaning that Panda found himself getting just a touch swept up in the words. He opened his mouth to argue, but then a moment later closed it and gave a slow nod of his head.

“Alright,” He said.

Grizz smiled, and it made Panda forget for just a moment why he felt bad.

“Now get in the tub and let me be super romantic!” Grizz said before giggling.

It took about fifteen minutes for everything to get setup properly. The tub itself, as they had learned before, had just about enough room in it to fit the both of them as long as they could stand putting their legs on each other’s laps. Already Panda was remembering the night that felt like an eternity ago where he told Grizz he loved him for the first time and they bathed together in this very tub. It was the first time he had ever touched Grizz in a way that was beyond playing. He ran his paw slowly along the surface of the water as it filled and steam began to rise. He glanced around the bathroom at the dozen candles Grizz had set up. It smelled strongly of cinnamon and vanilla. Even as Grizz settled into the water and it rose up to Panda’s chest, the bubbles even higher, he couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty.

“You like it?” Grizz said with a grin.

“Y-Yeah,” Panda said with a small voice. “You didn’t have to do all this, though. I’m fine, Grizz. Really.”

Grizz continued to smile and gave a shrug of his shoulders. Both of his paws were on Panda’s lap and gently he prodded his toes into Panda’s belly. Panda giggled in response, and did the same to Grizz’s sides where his own legs were outstretched.

“You wanna talk about… y’know, doing it?” Grizz asked with a shrug. His smile faded for just a second. A touch of sincerity in approaching the delicate topic. “Does it feel weird for you to call it what it is too?”

“A little,” Panda said. It was the biggest understatement of his life. “But… I’ve been thinking a lot about us having… sex.”

Panda’s face felt warm now. He settled his paws on top of Grizz’s feet which were still pressed to his belly and gave a gentle shrug.

“I’m gonna be fine though, Grizz. I can do it.”

“I don’t care if you can do it, Pan Pan,” Grizz said with a nudge with his foot. “I care if you wanna. We already to plenty of fun stuff all the time. Why’s this so important, anyway?”

“Because I…” Panda bit his lip and glanced away. He wasn’t sure how to word it. He wasn’t sure if he could word it at all, actually. All he knew was that his chest felt increasingly tight and all he wanted to do was curl up alone. He ran his paw slowly over the bubbles atop the water and scooped some up. “I want you to know how much I care about you.”

“I know how much you care!” Grizz said. He sat up so suddenly the water swished around. “You don’t have to prove anything to me, Panda!”

“But…” Panda closed his eyes for just a second to collect himself. “You do… this all the time.”

Panda gestured to the candles and then the tub.

“You do everything you can to show me how much you care about me and… I-I never do anything nearly this good. That’s why you’re always worried I’m ashamed of you or that the reason I’m with you is until I find a girl or…”

“Panda,” Grizz said quickly. He leaned forward. His feet removed themselves from Panda’s belly as he drug himself to his knees and then settled his weight on Panda’s chest. Their muzzles were close now, and without warning Grizz laid a kiss on Panda’s lips. He hugged Panda tightly and the water sloshed. Once they parted he grabbed both of Panda’s paws and pressed them to his chest. “I know you love me. I love you too, buddy.”

Panda frowned.

“I… I just want to do something for you like you do for me all the time,” Panda said. “To show you how much you mean to me. Giving you my body like that is… Everything online says it’ll hurt and I’m scared if I don’t like it you’ll think I’m not wanting you again and…”

Panda was trembling now. As it all spilled out of him he could feel tears well in his eyes. He was ashamed now and wished he never opened his big mouth. He wanted this so badly days ago but so much time had build up fear and anxiety that he could not stand.

“You aren’t GIVING me anything!” Grizz said. “This kinda thing is supposed to be for US, not me, right? You aren’t gonna force yourself to like it just because you think it’s what I want. You’re the one who wanted this, right?”

“I can’t think of anything else that’ll be as big as… everything you do for me,” Panda mumbled. “I just want to do something that proves how much I love you.”

“Pan Pan,” Grizz said slowly as he laid his paw on Panda’s cheek. “You’re the best boyfriend on like, the whole planet. It makes me happy to do all this for you because seeing you smile is awesome. If you’re scared it’ll hurt or think you have to force yourself to like it I don’t wanna go through with it.”

“But I… I do want to try,” Panda said softly.

“Then let’s try!” Grizz said with a grin. “Let’s try and if anything hurts or doesn’t work right or it’s super awkward it won’t matter, right? I won’t like it if you don’t like it, and I know that one hundred and twenty five percent!”

Panda giggled, and Grizz bumped his nose against Panda’s own.

“Okay,” Panda said with a slight nod as he bumped Grizz’s nose back. “We’ll do it like that.”

“Seriously, if you’re scared tell me,” Grizz said.

“I will,” Panda replied.

“And Pan Pan?” Grizz asked.

“Yeah?”

“I expect that hour of kissing to start about now.”

Panda giggled at that, but couldn’t help but find his paws going to Grizz’s cheeks and bringing his lips to Grizz’s own.

He had a feeling things were going to be alright.


End file.
